moving into my boyfriends farm...

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 9:03pm #1

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

moonshadow · 14-10-2014 9:07pm

Tell your boyfriend to move in with you !!

whelan2 · 14-10-2014 9:07pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

what is the 40k for?

st1979 · 14-10-2014 9:10pm

run

AP2014 · 14-10-2014 9:10pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

[mod] That's a completely distasteful comment and absolutely no credit to you. [/mod]

14-10-2014 9:13pm

Told by a few people but not your boyfriend or his family?

I've never heard of it.

Sam Kade · 14-10-2014 9:16pm

I've never heard of this 40k before, what happens if you split up with him after a while do you wave goodbye to your 40k :eek: Wouldn't it be a great way to boost farm income keep bringing in different women charge them 40k get rid and shout next

Username John · 14-10-2014 9:17pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

What?

If this 'donation' ever comes up in conversation, tell your boyfriend to sort it out and if he can't, then leave...

curioser · 14-10-2014 9:21pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

It's all to do with "the land". You need to show that you are a person of substance and that any offspring will have good bloodlines. Secondary school teacher sounds OK. Complications arise if, for instance, the heir to a farm falls for a girl from "the terrace" in the town.

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 9:24pm

curioser wrote: »

It's all to do with "the land". You need to show that you are a person of substance and that any offspring will have good bloodlines. Secondary school teacher sounds OK. Complications arise if, for instance, the heir to a farm falls for a girl from "the terrace" in the town.

Im from a nice housing estate near the town,i have my own wages definitely dnt need any land!!!!John yep thats a selection of true stories ive heard

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 9:25pm

Epfff you did right i didnt think that went on looking for money

greysides · 14-10-2014 9:29pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Epfff you did right i didnt think that went on looking for money

I've never heard of that 'custom' in over two decades of working in the countryside in several parts of the country.

Nekarsulm · 14-10-2014 9:34pm

Wind up.
Pure and simple.

(If not a wind up, run like hell.)

smokey-fitz · 14-10-2014 9:35pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Epfff you did right i didnt think that went on looking for money

Em I think, maybe just maybe your friend is taking the p**s

curioser · 14-10-2014 9:40pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Im from a nice housing estate near the town,i have my own wages definitely dnt need any land!!!!John yep thats a selection of true stories ive heard

You miss my point, but the best of luck anyway.

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 9:42pm

smokey-fitz wrote: »

Em I think, maybe just maybe your friend is taking the p**s

Im only quoting what she told me thats what a few people had to do that she knew

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 9:43pm

curioser wrote: »

You miss my point, but the best of luck anyway.

What part am i missing curioser??were you taking the piss

Nekarsulm · 14-10-2014 9:46pm

If you are serious, and his parents are seriously looking 40k (how do you get on with them, by the way?) then either your boyfriend needs a slap upside the head, or you need to find somebody else.
( you haven't been leaving Nursing Home brochures lying around, have you?)

epfff · 14-10-2014 9:47pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

What part am i missing curioser??were you taking the piss

My great granny supposedly paid £300 to get into our family 100 plus yrs ago
It was the tradition at tje time
Bigger the farm the more the father of the bride had to pay to secure her future their/get her into wealth

mf240 · 14-10-2014 9:52pm

Run . Run away quite fast.

smokey-fitz · 14-10-2014 9:52pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Im only quoting what she told me thats what a few people had to do that she knew

I know, I was just been a smart arse so no offence..

I and alot of others never heard anything of the sort, so thats why I'd think she was having a laugh. Also I'm sure your boyfriend would of mentioned this before, so I think you have nothing to worry about

on the river · 14-10-2014 9:52pm

Dowry all the go years ago.
However if you take good care of your partner and help out farming wise I'm sure that will be enough

curioser · 14-10-2014 9:54pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

What part am i missing curioser??were you taking the piss

No urine extraction intended. The point is, if the requirement to pony up is genuine, the purpose is to establish your substance.

darragh_haven · 14-10-2014 10:02pm

on the river wrote: »

Dowry all the go years ago.
However if you take good care of your partner and help out farming wise I'm sure that will be enough

You don't have to life one finger on the farm if you don't want to.

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 10:05pm

darragh_haven wrote: »

You don't have to life one finger on the farm if you don't want to.

I farm with him anytime im there and for calfing etc im up in the night and school during the day

J.O. Farmer · 14-10-2014 10:05pm

curioser wrote: »

No urine extraction intended. The point is, if the requirement to pony up is genuine, the purpose is to establish your substance.

If a dowry is needed to establish substance then perhaps they shouldn't be moving in together.
Things may or may not work out long term but presumably if they're moving in together they should know each other pretty well and therefore know about substance or otherwise.

greysides · 14-10-2014 10:05pm

[mod]I think we've had the entire gambit of possible jokes. The question seems genuine so let's keep the answers helpful please.[/mod]

Nekarsulm · 14-10-2014 10:07pm

Howdoes somebody with 16 posts only have 7 show up?

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 10:09pm

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Howdoes somebody with 16 posts only have 7 show up?

I had this in personal but the mod told me to move it over here lads its an honest question im serious about asking the questions

Carazy · 14-10-2014 10:11pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I had this in personal but the mod told me to move it over here lads its an honest question im serious about asking the questions

Answer; Its not the norm.

/thread

greysides · 14-10-2014 10:11pm

Nekarsulm wrote: »

Howdoes somebody with 16 posts only have 7 show up?

The number of posts is correct, I presume posts in certain other forums don't appear in searches.

Nekarsulm · 14-10-2014 10:11pm

Leave them to it, get your own place for the two of yiz.

tomwaterford · 14-10-2014 10:13pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

no....its not normal....anywhere in the world
why woud they want donation of 40K in all fairness

14-10-2014 10:13pm

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Miname · 14-10-2014 10:17pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Maryanne thats a very feminine sort of perspective. I think more people need to look out for us farmers sons. 40k and the right to look after me. It's very cheap imo.

kilkenny46 · 14-10-2014 10:18pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Id pay rent bills food etc but i would hope a lump sum wouldnt be part of the equation

Sam Kade · 14-10-2014 10:26pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Id pay rent bills food etc but i would hope a lump sum wouldnt be part of the equation

But you're only presuming all this because someone told you. Just move in and see how it goes

What if your boyfriend is a poster or lurker on here

blue5000 · 14-10-2014 10:27pm

Never heard of anything like this recently in rural Ireland, but know of a few cases where a farmer's daughter marrying a farmer got land when they got married, from her parent's farm, and I'm not talking about a site for a house.

OP maybe you could dig in for a few acres.

tomwaterford · 14-10-2014 10:27pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Id pay rent bills food etc but i would hope a lump sum wouldnt be part of the equation

why don't you ask your boyfriend???

*prepare for him to look at you as if you've two heads:pac:

Feckthis · 14-10-2014 10:30pm

It's not the norm OP. I'd say if you mention it to them they will have just as much as a laugh as we have here. Your friends are having you on.
Go back and tell your friends there asking for €60,000 what will I do

sea12 · 14-10-2014 10:31pm

Never heard about this tradition in my area. As mentiond above it's obvious a joke your friend is playing on u. If it was for real id run a mile

momec · 14-10-2014 10:34pm

OP if they DO ask for money then the fact that you will be parting with €40k will be the least of your worries. The life you would lead living under the same roof as these people would not be one I would choose for myself.

Muckit · 14-10-2014 10:39pm

Use the 40000 k as deposit for a house. Just in your name. And tell your bf and family what they can do

5live · 14-10-2014 10:40pm

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

Never heard of it, kk46. Ignore those who told you that, they are either winding you up or trying to plant doubt in your head.

Move in and best of luck to you both.

on the river · 14-10-2014 10:44pm

Miname wrote: »

Maryanne thats a very feminine sort of perspective. I think more people need to look out for us farmers sons. 40k and the right to look after me. It's very cheap imo.

Indeed where is the respectability

Farmer Pudsey · 14-10-2014 11:43pm

Kilkenny 46 I think someone is winding you up or you are winding us up. For your sake I hope it is the latter. It a long time since dowry's were part and parcel of the equation.If he suggests I run a mile no matter how nice he seems or you be living in place where every penny not to mind pound is a prisioner.

Greengrass how much did you collect when the better half moved in

freshpopcorn · 15-10-2014 3:05am

You posted this over in relationship issues.

Household expenses and all yes but my father who doesnt like him told me a story that a girl needed €40,000 to give to the family before she moved in

It just sounds like to me that your dad doesn't want you to move in with him!

Greengrass1 · 15-10-2014 8:36am

Farmer Pudsey wrote: »

Kilkenny 46 I think someone is winding you up or you are winding us up. For your sake I hope it is the latter. It a long time since dowry's were part and parcel of the equation.If he suggests I run a mile no matter how nice he seems or you be living in place where every penny not to mind pound is a prisioner.

Greengrass how much did you collect when the better half moved in

Sure didn't I get a couple hundred thousand litres of quota given to me were busy makin babies now so I have a big work force to milk all the cows.

Ah no seriously. This practice I have never heard of.
I have heard of father in laws buying land or giving land/quota too there new son in law

farmerjj · 15-10-2014 9:07am

Deleted User wrote: »

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Is this the 21st century??? What a stupid phrase.
40k?? Ask them why they want it,its a bit mental.

freedominacup · 15-10-2014 10:06am

£40 or€40k is the least of your problem tbh. Moving in with your boyfriends ma that's where the problems will come regardless of any financial considerations. If ye're not at a point where buying or building is on the cards then find a place to rent somewhere for a while. If he's under pressure at calving time I doubt if there'll be any problem with him kipping down in his old room the odd night. Plenty of us have done it. If he's not willing to do this then I'd be asking myself some serious questions about where it's going.

leg wax · 15-10-2014 10:50am

freedominacup wrote: »

£40 or€40k is the least of your problem tbh. Moving in with your boyfriends ma that's where the problems will come regardless of any financial considerations. If ye're not at a point where buying or building is on the cards then find a place to rent somewhere for a while. If he's under pressure at calving time I doubt if there'll be any problem with him kipping down in his old room the odd night. Plenty of us have done it. If he's not willing to do this then I'd be asking myself some serious questions about where it's going.

slept in the jeep outside the maternity ward for 2 years my now wife brought me out a flask of hot coffee every morn on her way to work,would never think of moving in with parents,fook that,keep away from that crap.

moving into my boyfriends farm...

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