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moving into my boyfriends farm...

kilkenny46

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

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Nekarsulm

Leave them to it, get your own place for the two of yiz.

tomwaterford

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

no....its not normal....anywhere in the world
why woud they want donation of 40K in all fairness

[Deleted User]

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Miname

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Maryanne thats a very feminine sort of perspective. I think more people need to look out for us farmers sons. 40k and the right to look after me. It's very cheap imo.

kilkenny46

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Id pay rent bills food etc but i would hope a lump sum wouldnt be part of the equation

Sam Kade

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Id pay rent bills food etc but i would hope a lump sum wouldnt be part of the equation

But you're only presuming all this because someone told you. Just move in and see how it goes

What if your boyfriend is a poster or lurker on here

blue5000

Never heard of anything like this recently in rural Ireland, but know of a few cases where a farmer's daughter marrying a farmer got land when they got married, from her parent's farm, and I'm not talking about a site for a house.

OP maybe you could dig in for a few acres.

tomwaterford

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Id pay rent bills food etc but i would hope a lump sum wouldnt be part of the equation

why don't you ask your boyfriend???

*prepare for him to look at you as if you've two heads:pac:

Feckthis

It's not the norm OP. I'd say if you mention it to them they will have just as much as a laugh as we have here. Your friends are having you on.
Go back and tell your friends there asking for €60,000 what will I do

sea12

Never heard about this tradition in my area. As mentiond above it's obvious a joke your friend is playing on u. If it was for real id run a mile

momec

OP if they DO ask for money then the fact that you will be parting with €40k will be the least of your worries. The life you would lead living under the same roof as these people would not be one I would choose for myself.

Muckit

Use the 40000 k as deposit for a house. Just in your name. And tell your bf and family what they can do

5live

kilkenny46 wrote: »

I am going to move in with my bfriend soon to his farmhouse,his parents live in another section of the house.I am a secondary school teacher and i have been told by a few people in the same situation that their boyfriends parents wanted a donation of €40,000 beforw this happened,is this the norm?Im not from a farm so i dont know thanks in advance for your advice

Never heard of it, kk46. Ignore those who told you that, they are either winding you up or trying to plant doubt in your head.

Move in and best of luck to you both.

on the river

Miname wrote: »

Maryanne thats a very feminine sort of perspective. I think more people need to look out for us farmers sons. 40k and the right to look after me. It's very cheap imo.

Indeed where is the respectability

Farmer Pudsey

Kilkenny 46 I think someone is winding you up or you are winding us up. For your sake I hope it is the latter. It a long time since dowry's were part and parcel of the equation.If he suggests I run a mile no matter how nice he seems or you be living in place where every penny not to mind pound is a prisioner.

Greengrass how much did you collect when the better half moved in

freshpopcorn

You posted this over in relationship issues.

Household expenses and all yes but my father who doesnt like him told me a story that a girl needed €40,000 to give to the family before she moved in

It just sounds like to me that your dad doesn't want you to move in with him!

Greengrass1

Farmer Pudsey wrote: »

Kilkenny 46 I think someone is winding you up or you are winding us up. For your sake I hope it is the latter. It a long time since dowry's were part and parcel of the equation.If he suggests I run a mile no matter how nice he seems or you be living in place where every penny not to mind pound is a prisioner.

Greengrass how much did you collect when the better half moved in

Sure didn't I get a couple hundred thousand litres of quota given to me were busy makin babies now so I have a big work force to milk all the cows.

Ah no seriously. This practice I have never heard of.
I have heard of father in laws buying land or giving land/quota too there new son in law

farmerjj

Deleted User wrote: »

You're moving in as a girlfriend, not a wife. If money is part of the deal, then I'd think again. They're already getting the laying hen (Teacher with wage), they're greedy if they want the golden egg too. It's a bit like a pre nup. Needs serious thought.

Is this the 21st century??? What a stupid phrase.
40k?? Ask them why they want it,its a bit mental.

freedominacup

£40 or€40k is the least of your problem tbh. Moving in with your boyfriends ma that's where the problems will come regardless of any financial considerations. If ye're not at a point where buying or building is on the cards then find a place to rent somewhere for a while. If he's under pressure at calving time I doubt if there'll be any problem with him kipping down in his old room the odd night. Plenty of us have done it. If he's not willing to do this then I'd be asking myself some serious questions about where it's going.

leg wax

freedominacup wrote: »

£40 or€40k is the least of your problem tbh. Moving in with your boyfriends ma that's where the problems will come regardless of any financial considerations. If ye're not at a point where buying or building is on the cards then find a place to rent somewhere for a while. If he's under pressure at calving time I doubt if there'll be any problem with him kipping down in his old room the odd night. Plenty of us have done it. If he's not willing to do this then I'd be asking myself some serious questions about where it's going.

slept in the jeep outside the maternity ward for 2 years my now wife brought me out a flask of hot coffee every morn on her way to work,would never think of moving in with parents,fook that,keep away from that crap.

Greengrass1

leg wax wrote: »

slept in the jeep outside the maternity ward for 2 years my now wife brought me out a flask of hot coffee every morn on her way to work,would never think of moving in with parents,fook that,keep away from that crap.

Dead right alot to be said for having your own home when that time comes. Two stone built houses here and I will do something with them whrn the time comes

on the river

Greengrass1 wrote: »

Dead right alot to be said for having your own home when that time comes. Two stone built houses here and I will do something with them whrn the time comes

totally agree. A house is only special ,when it becomes a home:)

littlevillage

Kilkenny46, this is a hilarious thread,

and is obviously a complete wind-up... but in the current times we live in.... think about this for a scenario...

Lets say you move in, had a kid with the boyfriend... then alleged that they were ill-treating you or the kid. Its the kind of situation where Family law courts with their modern feminist leaning judges will kick everybody out of the farm-house and leave it to you. Judge would grant a barring order so that the boyfriend and/or the parents couldn't come withing a 100 yards of the house and a court order would require them pay for you're upkeep (possibly forever).

This would wreck the farm, as they probably couldn't access sheds, pens etc. and the payments to you would probably bankrupt them anyway. The farm would be sold and because of the court order, nobody would touch it .. so you could buy it yourself on the cheap. There you go .. you would have the whole place for a song...

Suddenly, letting you into the family farm for a mere 40k is starting to look like a bad deal for them.

foxylock

littlevillage wrote: »

Kilkenny46, this is a hilarious thread,

and is obviously a complete wind-up... but in the current times we live in.... think about this for a scenario...

Lets say you move in, had a kid with the boyfriend... then alleged that they were ill-treating you or the kid. Its the kind of situation where Family law courts with their modern feminist leaning judges will kick everybody out of the farm-house and leave it to you. Judge would grant a barring order so that the boyfriend and/or the parents couldn't come withing a 100 yards of the house and a court order would require them pay for you're upkeep (possibly forever).

This would wreck the farm, as they probably couldn't access sheds, pens etc. and the payments to you would probably bankrupt them anyway. The farm would be sold and because of the court order, nobody would touch it .. so you could buy it yourself on the cheap. There you go .. you would have the whole place for a song...

Suddenly, letting you into the family farm for a mere 40k is starting to look like a bad deal for them.

iago lives and breathes

Nettleman

kilkenny46 wrote: »

Im from a nice housing estate near the town,i have my own wages definitely dnt need any land!!!!John yep thats a selection of true stories ive heard

Id never heard of this before I did a "tea-gast" course....taught it was a old hat, but apparently not. beef farms cant sustain families, so if two families come to depend on farm income, everyone looses. If dairy, and profitable, then theres less to go around, as more mouths to feed, so sometimes, new partners have to buy in. Many business partnerships involve a buy in payment, so that profits get redistributed, and if you ultimately marry, you will become entitled to part of the land, so some folk expect anyone who will ultimately take a share of their land to pay for it !! Not my opinion, just what I've picked up

leg wax

on the river wrote: »

totally agree. A house is only special ,when it becomes a home:)

i like that must remember it.

littlevillage

foxylock wrote: »

iago lives and breathes

Good response. Othello is a great play.

and I am ranting and railing a bit... but mark my words .. we are going to see a scenario like this played out yet on the RTE news....and we'll all be aghast :-(

littlevillage

Nettleman wrote: »

Id never heard of this before I did a "tea-gast" course....taught it was a old hat, but apparently not. beef farms cant sustain families, so if two families come to depend on farm income, everyone looses. If dairy, and profitable, then theres less to go around, as more mouths to feed, so sometimes, new partners have to buy in. Many business partnerships involve a buy in payment, so that profits get redistributed, and if you ultimately marry, you will become entitled to part of the land, so some folk expect anyone who will ultimately take a share of their land to pay for it !! Not my opinion, just what I've picked up

Nettleman .. I think you have nailed it there. If Kilkenny46 is hoping to become a partner in this lads farm .. then like any other business she would need to 'buy in'.... that could be in the form of either a cash payment, assets like land or stock or expertee's or in good old work.

Sam Kade

littlevillage wrote: »

Kilkenny46, this is a hilarious thread,

and is obviously a complete wind-up... but in the current times we live in.... think about this for a scenario...

Lets say you move in, had a kid with the boyfriend... then alleged that they were ill-treating you or the kid. Its the kind of situation where Family law courts with their modern feminist leaning judges will kick everybody out of the farm-house and leave it to you. Judge would grant a barring order so that the boyfriend and/or the parents couldn't come withing a 100 yards of the house and a court order would require them pay for you're upkeep (possibly forever).

This would wreck the farm, as they probably couldn't access sheds, pens etc. and the payments to you would probably bankrupt them anyway. The farm would be sold and because of the court order, nobody would touch it .. so you could buy it yourself on the cheap. There you go .. you would have the whole place for a song...

Suddenly, letting you into the family farm for a mere 40k is starting to look like a bad deal for them.

Really, somehow I doubt it

on the river

leg wax wrote: »

i like that must remember it.

A poem by OTR.

Yes remember your ancestors who went before .
Remember the good and bad times for what its worth.
Remember the landscape and the neighbours.
Remember the helpful and the bravest.
Remember what you hold dear.
Remember time is passing ,no time to wait.
Remember .
Leave your mark.