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Single life as a guy...

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Comments

  • #572
    jobeenfitz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,466 ✭✭✭jobeenfitz


    Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »
    Being single makes you feel sleazy? :confused:
    , especially when I'm peeping in the neighbours window at night.


  • #573
    ZeroThreat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,351 ✭✭✭ZeroThreat


    smurgen wrote: »
    Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.


    At least you have them approaching you though.
    At 5' 7" I'm expect to be single for the rest of me days.


  • #574
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »
    Being single makes you feel sleazy? :confused:

    Yeah,hard to explain how or why but I'll give it a go.I was just really happy to have a nice girlfriend and loved heading out with my friends and have a laugh and not think about anyone but my girlfriend. Now I feel like I'm on the lurk or something half the time.anytime I'm out with my friends I feel like a part of me is or at least should be on the pull.also I'm ****e at relating to half the youngoes my age so connections seem to be on a more superficial level.


  • #575
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    ZeroThreat wrote: »
    At least you have them approaching you though.
    At 5' 7" I'm expect to be single for the rest of me days.

    There's lots of ways to make up for that.one of my friends is about your height and he's no shortage of female attention. He just emphasizes other aspects of his personality.he's also built like a tank too.You smaller guys seem to be well better at packing on the muscle.it's about making the best of what you have really.


  • #576
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    Why should you be on the pull? Can't you just go out and enjoy yourself as just you?

    To the 5ft 7 guy: it's not that small. Where's this notion coming from that under 6ft is small for a man?
    I'm 5ft 4, it's not hard to be taller than me or the same height when I'm in heels.

    People can really inflict hardship on themselves via their own thought processes alone.

    Bizarre.


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  • #577
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »
    Why should you be on the pull? Can't you just go out and enjoy yourself as just you?

    To the 5ft 7 guy: it's not that small. Where's this notion coming from that under 6ft is small for a man?
    I'm 5ft 4, it's not hard to be taller than me or the same height when I'm in heels.

    People can really inflict hardship on themselves via their own thought processes alone.

    Bizarre.

    How is it bizarre? It's unusual for people to feel unhappiness about some aspect of themselves from time to time?we're not living in a utopia and some people feel insecure in themselves.


  • #578
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    smurgen wrote: »
    Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.

    This was me down to a nutshell around 5 years ago, I had major adjustment issues with single life after a really long term relationship. I know it is a horrible cliche but time is a great healer and even though you don't have your memory wiped clean, you can get to a place where you can be at peace and have a lot of fun as a single person.

    Having made the transition, I have to say I would question ever getting into anything really serious again, certainly in the short term. Yeah I can do exclusivity, although I have chosen to not get into anything too serious in the last 2 years (for serious read more than 1 month), partially because I haven't found anyone who I would want to give a bigger commitment to, and also because even if I did, I reckon I would struggle with the expectation and confinement on freedom that comes with being in a LTR, such is the leisure and basically the lack of hassle that you can become accustomed to when single.

    Welcome to the club, when you get used to it, you can have some laughs! :cool:


  • #579
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    But why on earth would someone feel like being single is a reflection on their character?

    Feeling sad at the relationship ending, yeh of course! Surely that is far more of a concern than what people think of you being single?

    And "should be on the prowl" or feeling like you're on the prowl just because you're single... wha? You are/doing what you are/doing, nothing else.


  • #580
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    This was me down to a nutshell around 5 years ago, I had major adjustment issues with single life after a really long term relationship. I know it is a horrible cliche but time is a great healer and even though you don't have your memory wiped clean, you can get to a place where you can be at peace and have a lot of fun as a single person.

    Having made the transition, I have to say I would question ever getting into anything really serious again, certainly in the short term. Yeah I can do exclusivity, although I have chosen to not get into anything too serious in the last 2 years (for serious read more than 1 month), partially because I haven't found anyone who I would want to give a bigger commitment to, and also because even if I did, I reckon I would struggle with the expectation and confinement on freedom that comes with being in a LTR, such is the leisure and basically the lack of hassle that you can become accustomed to when single.

    Welcome to the club, when you get used to it, you can have some laughs! :cool:

    Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.


  • #581
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    Shakespeare's Sister wrote: »
    But why on earth would someone feel like being single is a reflection on their character?

    Feeling sad at the relationship ending, yeh of course! Surely that is far more of a concern than what people think of you being single?

    And "should be on the prowl" or feeling like you're on the prowl just because you're single... wha? You are/doing what you are/doing, nothing else.

    I dont like chatting to or chatting up women in the hope that it would lead to anything more.it makes me feel like a sleaze bag.when I was talking to women and I was hooked up with a gf this was never an issue because I would never cheat so I felt more comfortable.might not be normal but it's just the way I am.


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  • #582
    Shakespeare's Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,412 ✭✭✭Shakespeare's Sister


    Sorry, I get you now.

    I thought the mere state of being single in and of itself (and not actually doing anything) made you feel like a sleaze and that you were on the lurk even when you physically weren't.


  • #583
    Gael23
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,159 ✭✭✭✭Gael23


    smurgen wrote: »
    Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

    Things are raw right now and I sense you're the one that's gotten hurt most. Take some time out to rebuild your confidence and get yourself out there again.


  • #584
    tomthetank
    Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭tomthetank


    smurgen wrote: »
    Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

    Relationships end mate. Every single one of them. The era of 50-year marriages/partnerships seems to be dying out too, I'm 27 and in the last ten years even the couples that seemed to be made for each other have hit the rocks at some stage or another. People I thought would be engaged by now are on different sides of the world and even couples that got married young are separating

    I get that it's heartbreak every time, but I think after you get the 'losing your first love' out of the way, it becomes a bit easier every time. Not pleasant and not without those dark moments, but I think you have the perspective that relationships are a roll of the dice ALWAYS and can end at any time. You just have to learn to see them in that way and not put your entire life/identity into them - otherwise you're just walking round in the dark y'know? A walking target for more pain and heartbreak.


  • #585
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    Tinned Sardines wrote: »
    How about taking a look at what is causing you to be unsuccessful with women and fix it.

    The last girl was going out with a guy who was 11 years her senior for 6 years before me and they were engaged. So he was 12 years older than myself and had his house paid for etc and settled down as such.she just viewed me as immature by comparison and we constantly had fights about me going out with friends and savings and not being mature in general.as a result I distanced myself from my friends and set up a savings account etc but in the end it wasn't good enough and she finished it saying were just not compatible and now I'm just scratching my head.


  • #586
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    smurgen wrote: »
    Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.

    I suffered on an insane level when I was first single with crucifying myself, hated the idea of being with someone else, felt like I was cheating if I was out and about and got chatting to a girl, even though I was doing nothing to feel guilty about, just as you've described, the utter pointless of it all was to the very front in my mind.

    I remember I was seeing this girl very casually for a week, we went out together for a drink one night and I happened to run into a few mates of mien in the pub who we joined for drinks. When the time came to introduce this girl to my friends, I couldn't for the life of me remember her name, such little of a fúck did I give about anything at the time.

    There is that period in between breaking up with someone and finding a bit of peace with being single, where just speaking for myself anyway, my head was very very far up my arse somewhere, I hadn't a clue what I was at or what direction I was going in.

    In the summer of 2013, I finally found some peace (a number of years after being single I might add), I remember being out on a date with a seriously sexy girl who thought I was the bee's knee's and I thought to myself, "you know what, you aren't hurting anyone now and nobody is hurting you"...

    And that is how I've lived my life since then, still single, have not an intention really of changing that anytime soon I think, not in a major way anyway, and happy days!


  • #587
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    I suffered on an insane level when I was first single with crucifying myself, hated the idea of being with someone else, felt like I was cheating if I was out and about and got chatting to a girl, even though I was doing nothing to feel guilty about, just as you've described, the utter pointless of it all was to the very front in my mind.

    I remember I was seeing this girl very casually for a week, we went out together for a drink one night and I happened to run into a few mates of mien in the pub who we joined for drinks. When the time came to introduce this girl to my friends, I couldn't for the life of me remember her name, such little of a fúck did I give about anything at the time.

    There is that period in between breaking up with someone and finding a bit of peace with being single, where just speaking for myself anyway, my head was very very far up my arse somewhere, I hadn't a clue what I was at or what direction I was going in.

    In the summer of 2013, I finally found some peace (a number of years after being single I might add), I remember being out on a date with a seriously sexy girl who thought I was the bee's knee's and I thought to myself, "you know what, you aren't hurting anyone now and nobody is hurting you"...

    And that is how I've lived my life since then, still single, have not an intention really of changing that anytime soon I think, not in a major way anyway, and happy days!

    Well thanks for that. Nice to get someone else's perspective on things. It's just very,very disheartening right now and I hate thinking I won't be able to find someone to rely on because I would think of myself as being loyal in the extreme, even to the detriment of myself.someday maybe.


  • #588
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    smurgen wrote: »
    Well thanks for that. Nice to get someone else's perspective on things. It's just very,very disheartening right now and I hate thinking I won't be able to find someone to rely on because I would think of myself as being loyal in the extreme, even to the detriment of myself.someday maybe.

    I think you are in for an eye opener when you get back into dating, as you've been in a long term thing for some time and a lot has changed in my opinion since you were last single.

    If you are loyal (I was extremely loyal as was my last long term partner), but as a single guy, the casual nature of single life these days might alarm you I think. I've adjusted to it so it isn't a problem for me but I reckon you will think "WTF" when you eventually put your toe back into the water...

    EDIT: I think you may come to understand that the only person you can really rely on these days is yourself and if you have one, your dog, because everyone else is going to let you down at some stage, and some of those closest to you will let you down catastrophically, as appears to be the case here. That profound and hear wrenching sense of disappointment is actually the hardest part of getting over a LTR I think...


  • #589
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    I think you are in for an eye opener when you get back into dating, as you've been in a long term thing for some time and a lot has changed in my opinion since you were last single.

    If you are loyal (I was extremely loyal as was my last long term partner), but as a single guy, the casual nature of single life these days might alarm you I think. I've adjusted to it so it isn't a problem for me but I reckon you will think "WTF" when you eventually put your toe back into the water...

    EDIT: I think you may come to understand that the only person you can really rely on these days is yourself and if you have one, your dog, because everyone else is going to let you down at some stage, and some of those closest to you will let you down catastrophically, as appears to be the case here. That profound and hear wrenching sense of disappointment is actually the hardest part of getting over a LTR I think...

    it hasn't really,it's been less than a year but I had gotten to the point where I did love her and told her that. Don't get me wrong either , I'm no shrinking violet. I've have a fair few flings and probably upset women myself but I'm just not into any of that anymore.I thought I'd evolved beyond it.I think the key for me now is to try be happy on my own.if I have to go for counselling or whatever to try and achieve that then so be it.but I cannot take going through another break up. I'm exhausted by it.Sick of the overthinking and sick of feeling sorry for myself.just want to be okay effortlessly.


  • #590
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    smurgen wrote: »
    it hasn't really,it's been less than a year but I had gotten to the point where I did love her and told her that. Don't get me wrong either , I'm no shrinking violet. I've have a fair few flings and probably upset women myself but I'm just not into any of that anymore.I thought I'd evolved beyond it.I think the key for me now is to try be happy on my own.if I have to go for counselling or whatever to try and achieve that then so be it.but I cannot take going through another break up. I'm exhausted by it.Sick of the overthinking and sick of feeling sorry for myself.just want to be okay effortlessly.

    Same here, I had a vision of my life that involved marriage, kids, basically an interwoven life that would be about stability and commitment and where I would be one part of a bigger picture.

    Fast forward a few years and my life is about none of those things, it is now about going on dates, fúckbuddies, socialising with friends, work, doing my own thing, remaining optimistic for the future with respect to maybe finding a decent romance again. I'm like you I think, only a few years ahead of you, I certainly don't have any of the answers that I wish I had, would love to be going home this evening to a girl I was in love with but I won't be and if I found her at this stage, I'd probably fúck it up royally as I've just adapted too much to single life...


  • #591
    smurgen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,933 ✭✭✭smurgen


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    Same here, I had a vision of my life that involved marriage, kids, basically an interwoven life that would be about stability and commitment and where I would be one part of a bigger picture.

    Fast forward a few years and my life is about none of those things, it is now about going on dates, fúckbuddies, socialising with friends, work, doing my own thing, remaining optimistic for the future with respect to maybe finding a decent romance again. I'm like you I think, only a few years ahead of you, I certainly don't have any of the answers that I wish I had, would love to be going home this evening to a girl I was in love with but I won't be and if I found her at this stage, I'd probably fúck it up royally as I've just adapted too much to single life...

    Well thanks for that. You summed it all up pretty well.suppose it's just best to keep the chin up and keep motoring on. Anyway best of luck,I'm off to grace the jungle that is cork nightlife.


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  • #592
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    smurgen wrote: »
    Well thanks for that. You summed it all up pretty well.suppose it's just best to keep the chin up and keep motoring on. Anyway best of luck,I'm off to grace the jungle that is cork nightlife.

    I love Cork, all the best women are down there!


  • #593
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,051 ✭✭✭Emme


    smurgen wrote: »
    Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.

    I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but there's no reason to feel bad about being single. As you said, girls approach you so being single is entirely your choice. Maybe it's better to stay single for a while so you can discover for yourself what you really want.

    If you were a woman over 35 and didn't like being single you might have good reason to complain but otherwise it's no hassle, you'll find someone when you're good and ready.


  • #594
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    Emme wrote: »
    I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but there's no reason to feel bad about being single. As you said, girls approach you so being single is entirely your choice. Maybe it's better to stay single for a while so you can discover for yourself what you really want.

    If you were a woman over 35 and didn't like being single you might have good reason to complain but otherwise it's no hassle, you'll find someone when you're good and ready.

    Where does his gender come into it??? :confused::confused::confused:


  • #595
    ancapailldorcha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,370 ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    Where does his gender come into it??? :confused::confused::confused:

    A man over 35 will have a much easier time of it than a woman of the same demographic. I don't quite understand it myself but it makes sense. A lot of women prefer older men for one thing. Another is childbearing capacity. Women are judged on their appearance a lot more than men.

    My 2 cents.

    The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.

    Leviticus 19:34



  • #596
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    ancapailldorcha wrote: »
    A man over 35 will have a much easier time of it than a woman of the same demographic. I don't quite understand it myself but it makes sense. A lot of women prefer older men for one thing. Another is childbearing capacity. Women are judged on their appearance a lot more than men.

    My 2 cents.

    I kind of asked in the full knowledge that this was body clock related. The biggest urban myth I think that is out there these days, is that single men are somehow operating under a different set of constraints than a single woman would be at the same age. That is an urban myth that simply isn't true I think. I can't count at this stage now many times I have had it said to me in recent years, "sure you're grand, you can have kids with a 32 year old when you're 50 or 60!"...

    It is seriously insulting I think to say that to a guy these days. Just think about the silliness of it for a second. When is the last time you saw a 60 year old guy dating a 30 year old or a 20 something year old???


  • #597
    ancapailldorcha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,370 ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    I kind of asked in the full knowledge that this was body clock related. The biggest urban myth I think that is out there these days, is that single men are somehow operating under a different set of constraints than a single woman would be at the same age. That is an urban myth that simply isn't true I think. I can't count at this stage now many times I have had it said to me in recent years, "sure you're grand, you can have kids with a 32 year old when you're 50 or 60!"...

    It is seriously insulting I think to say that to a guy these days. Just think about the silliness of it for a second. When is the last time you saw a 60 year old guy dating a 30 year old or a 20 something year old???

    I wouldn't go anywhere near as far as calling it "seriously insulting". It's physiologically possible so long as you can clear the hurdle of attracting a woman that much younger than you.

    The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.

    Leviticus 19:34



  • #598
    LordNorbury
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,143 ✭✭✭LordNorbury


    ancapailldorcha wrote: »
    I wouldn't go anywhere near as far as calling it "seriously insulting". It's physiologically possible so long as you can clear the hurdle of attracting a woman that much younger than you.

    Ok seriously insulting might be a tad overkill, it is like one of those stupid comments that gets directed at single people, that is thought to be harmless as it is spoken, but can be hurtful to hear. I'm in my mid 30's, would have loved to have kids but it didn't happen, the whole thing basically passed me by, due mainly to circumstances over the last number of recent years.

    For someone to say to me that I have no grounds for concern about this right now, apparently on the basis that because I am male, I can technically father children up until I am 80 years of age, is in my opinion an offensive remark to make... I'm not saying that you meant offence on thread but people when they say this to single guys at my age can often not realise that it can be a touchy subject.


  • #599
    ancapailldorcha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,370 ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    LordNorbury wrote: »
    Ok seriously insulting might be a tad overkill, it is like one of those stupid comments that gets directed at single people, that is thought to be harmless as it is spoken, but can be hurtful to hear. I'm in my mid 30's, would have loved to have kids but it didn't happen, the whole thing basically passed me by, due mainly to circumstances over the last number of recent years.

    For someone to say to me that I have no grounds for concern about this right now, apparently on the basis that because I am male, I can technically father children up until I am 80 years of age, is in my opinion an offensive remark to make... I'm not saying that you meant offence on thread but people when they say this to single guys at my age can often not realise that it can be a touchy subject.

    I'm not 100% sure what the problem is. Mid-thirties would be the perfect age to start a family I would have thought. You're old enough that you know what you want, you're presumably settled in one general area. A lot of girls prefer men to be older than them, for maturity I presume. My Da started his family with me when he was roughly your age with my Ma who was 10 years younger than him. There is the obvious difficulty of attracting a like-minded lady and going the distance but barring that there should be no worries!

    The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.

    Leviticus 19:34



  • #600
    micar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,920 ✭✭✭micar


    Well, I'm pissed off being single.

    Been single for about 6.5 years.

    Was knocked back by the last girl I like even though I was convinced she like me.

    I'm on a dating site but have no interest in the girls I've met.


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  • #601
    ancapailldorcha
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,370 ✭✭✭✭ancapailldorcha


    micar wrote: »
    Well, I'm pissed off being single.

    Been single for about 6.5 years.

    Was knocked back by the last girl I like even though I was convinced she like me.

    I'm on a dating site but have no interest in the girls I've met.

    There is a forum dedicated to online dating. You can PM knucklehead6 or miamee for access.

    I've been single for my entire adult life which can get a bit lonely from time to time alright.

    The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the LORD your God.

    Leviticus 19:34



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