Shakespeare's Sister wrote: » Being single makes you feel sleazy?
smurgen wrote: » Gonna be single now for the first time in nearly a year and I'm dreading it.I'm a good enough looking guy and even get women approaching me but I just do not like being single.I just feel sleezy or something. The ending of my relationship is after being fairly bad too so the confidence when interacting with women is not good at the moment.I think I just have to keep my head down for the next few years and keep to myself and try and be happy alone.
ZeroThreat wrote: » At least you have them approaching you though. At 5' 7" I'm expect to be single for the rest of me days.
Shakespeare's Sister wrote: » Why should you be on the pull? Can't you just go out and enjoy yourself as just you? To the 5ft 7 guy: it's not that small. Where's this notion coming from that under 6ft is small for a man? I'm 5ft 4, it's not hard to be taller than me or the same height when I'm in heels. People can really inflict hardship on themselves via their own thought processes alone. Bizarre.
LordNorbury wrote: » This was me down to a nutshell around 5 years ago, I had major adjustment issues with single life after a really long term relationship. I know it is a horrible cliche but time is a great healer and even though you don't have your memory wiped clean, you can get to a place where you can be at peace and have a lot of fun as a single person. Having made the transition, I have to say I would question ever getting into anything really serious again, certainly in the short term. Yeah I can do exclusivity, although I have chosen to not get into anything too serious in the last 2 years (for serious read more than 1 month), partially because I haven't found anyone who I would want to give a bigger commitment to, and also because even if I did, I reckon I would struggle with the expectation and confinement on freedom that comes with being in a LTR, such is the leisure and basically the lack of hassle that you can become accustomed to when single. Welcome to the club, when you get used to it, you can have some laughs! :cool:
Shakespeare's Sister wrote: » But why on earth would someone feel like being single is a reflection on their character? Feeling sad at the relationship ending, yeh of course! Surely that is far more of a concern than what people think of you being single? And "should be on the prowl" or feeling like you're on the prowl just because you're single... wha? You are/doing what you are/doing, nothing else.
smurgen wrote: » Well another problem is I was single for three years before this and afraid to get into another relationship before my now ex girlfriend came along.I took a chance again and it hasn't worked out.I think I'm just going to give up now.it's just not for me obviously.I just take rejection to heart to much and I'm sick of the fallout afterwards.
Tinned Sardines wrote: » How about taking a look at what is causing you to be unsuccessful with women and fix it.
LordNorbury wrote: » I suffered on an insane level when I was first single with crucifying myself, hated the idea of being with someone else, felt like I was cheating if I was out and about and got chatting to a girl, even though I was doing nothing to feel guilty about, just as you've described, the utter pointless of it all was to the very front in my mind. I remember I was seeing this girl very casually for a week, we went out together for a drink one night and I happened to run into a few mates of mien in the pub who we joined for drinks. When the time came to introduce this girl to my friends, I couldn't for the life of me remember her name, such little of a fúck did I give about anything at the time. There is that period in between breaking up with someone and finding a bit of peace with being single, where just speaking for myself anyway, my head was very very far up my arse somewhere, I hadn't a clue what I was at or what direction I was going in. In the summer of 2013, I finally found some peace (a number of years after being single I might add), I remember being out on a date with a seriously sexy girl who thought I was the bee's knee's and I thought to myself, "you know what, you aren't hurting anyone now and nobody is hurting you"... And that is how I've lived my life since then, still single, have not an intention really of changing that anytime soon I think, not in a major way anyway, and happy days!
smurgen wrote: » Well thanks for that. Nice to get someone else's perspective on things. It's just very,very disheartening right now and I hate thinking I won't be able to find someone to rely on because I would think of myself as being loyal in the extreme, even to the detriment of myself.someday maybe.
LordNorbury wrote: » I think you are in for an eye opener when you get back into dating, as you've been in a long term thing for some time and a lot has changed in my opinion since you were last single. If you are loyal (I was extremely loyal as was my last long term partner), but as a single guy, the casual nature of single life these days might alarm you I think. I've adjusted to it so it isn't a problem for me but I reckon you will think "WTF" when you eventually put your toe back into the water... EDIT: I think you may come to understand that the only person you can really rely on these days is yourself and if you have one, your dog, because everyone else is going to let you down at some stage, and some of those closest to you will let you down catastrophically, as appears to be the case here. That profound and hear wrenching sense of disappointment is actually the hardest part of getting over a LTR I think...
smurgen wrote: » it hasn't really,it's been less than a year but I had gotten to the point where I did love her and told her that. Don't get me wrong either , I'm no shrinking violet. I've have a fair few flings and probably upset women myself but I'm just not into any of that anymore.I thought I'd evolved beyond it.I think the key for me now is to try be happy on my own.if I have to go for counselling or whatever to try and achieve that then so be it.but I cannot take going through another break up. I'm exhausted by it.Sick of the overthinking and sick of feeling sorry for myself.just want to be okay effortlessly.
LordNorbury wrote: » Same here, I had a vision of my life that involved marriage, kids, basically an interwoven life that would be about stability and commitment and where I would be one part of a bigger picture. Fast forward a few years and my life is about none of those things, it is now about going on dates, fúckbuddies, socialising with friends, work, doing my own thing, remaining optimistic for the future with respect to maybe finding a decent romance again. I'm like you I think, only a few years ahead of you, I certainly don't have any of the answers that I wish I had, would love to be going home this evening to a girl I was in love with but I won't be and if I found her at this stage, I'd probably fúck it up royally as I've just adapted too much to single life...
smurgen wrote: » Well thanks for that. You summed it all up pretty well.suppose it's just best to keep the chin up and keep motoring on. Anyway best of luck,I'm off to grace the jungle that is cork nightlife.
Emme wrote: » I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out but there's no reason to feel bad about being single. As you said, girls approach you so being single is entirely your choice. Maybe it's better to stay single for a while so you can discover for yourself what you really want. If you were a woman over 35 and didn't like being single you might have good reason to complain but otherwise it's no hassle, you'll find someone when you're good and ready.
LordNorbury wrote: » Where does his gender come into it???
ancapailldorcha wrote: » A man over 35 will have a much easier time of it than a woman of the same demographic. I don't quite understand it myself but it makes sense. A lot of women prefer older men for one thing. Another is childbearing capacity. Women are judged on their appearance a lot more than men. My 2 cents.
LordNorbury wrote: » I kind of asked in the full knowledge that this was body clock related. The biggest urban myth I think that is out there these days, is that single men are somehow operating under a different set of constraints than a single woman would be at the same age. That is an urban myth that simply isn't true I think. I can't count at this stage now many times I have had it said to me in recent years, "sure you're grand, you can have kids with a 32 year old when you're 50 or 60!"... It is seriously insulting I think to say that to a guy these days. Just think about the silliness of it for a second. When is the last time you saw a 60 year old guy dating a 30 year old or a 20 something year old???
ancapailldorcha wrote: » I wouldn't go anywhere near as far as calling it "seriously insulting". It's physiologically possible so long as you can clear the hurdle of attracting a woman that much younger than you.
LordNorbury wrote: » Ok seriously insulting might be a tad overkill, it is like one of those stupid comments that gets directed at single people, that is thought to be harmless as it is spoken, but can be hurtful to hear. I'm in my mid 30's, would have loved to have kids but it didn't happen, the whole thing basically passed me by, due mainly to circumstances over the last number of recent years. For someone to say to me that I have no grounds for concern about this right now, apparently on the basis that because I am male, I can technically father children up until I am 80 years of age, is in my opinion an offensive remark to make... I'm not saying that you meant offence on thread but people when they say this to single guys at my age can often not realise that it can be a touchy subject.
micar wrote: » Well, I'm pissed off being single. Been single for about 6.5 years. Was knocked back by the last girl I like even though I was convinced she like me. I'm on a dating site but have no interest in the girls I've met.
