Asking A Father's Permission

FunLover18 · 01-10-2014 06:33AM #1

When it comes to marriage proposals, do men still ask the OH's father for permission/their blessing?

It strikes me as extremely old fashioned. Is it a respect thing , and if so, who exactly is it respectful to? If for someone reason they say no would it make a difference?

Girls, do you want your OH to ask your dad before you?

Dads, do you care?

Wompa1 · 01-10-2014 06:40AM

FunLover18 wrote: »

When it comes to marriage proposals, do men still ask the OH's father for permission/their blessing?

It strikes me as extremely old fashioned. Is it a respect thing , and if so, who exactly is it respectful to? If for someone reason they say no would it make a difference?

Girls, do you want your OH to ask your dad before you?

Dads, do you care?

Not a dad and also haven't been in that situation yet. If I was, I would ask but I would tell the father beforehand that I was going to do it. I'd say, I wanted to let you know beforehand that I'm going to ask her, I just wanted to let you know out of respect...

I wouldn't ask or care what he said after that.

bearhugs · 01-10-2014 06:41AM

I don't think they do, not that I've ever heard of anyway. I'd say it depends a lot on the woman how she feels, and the family dynamic. To me it's more a respect thing, and maybe a nice gesture before the fact.

FunLover18 · 01-10-2014 06:45AM

Wompa1 wrote: »

Not a dad and also haven't been in that situation yet. If I was, I would ask but I would tell the father beforehand that I was going to do it. I'd say, I wanted to let you know beforehand that I'm going to ask her, I just wanted to let you know out of respect...

I wouldn't ask or care what he said after that.

I'm not in that position either before anyone assumes otherwise, not even close, and don't get me wrong I don't completely disagree with it but I'm just wondering would be seen as disrespectful to not say anything?

Pawwed Rig · 01-10-2014 06:46AM

Very disrespectful to the girl imho. She is not the property of her father and shouldn't be treated as such. She will make her own decisions.

FunLover18 · 01-10-2014 06:47AM

bearhugs wrote: »

I don't think they do, not that I've ever heard of anyway. I'd say it depends a lot on the woman how she feels, and the family dynamic. To me it's more a respect thing, and maybe a nice gesture before the fact.

The reason I ask is because I heard of someone recently who did and I thought it was odd. It turns out the mother then went and told the daughter that her boyfriend was planning to propose but that's a whole other issue

Wompa1 · 01-10-2014 06:50AM

FunLover18 wrote: »

I'm not in that position either before anyone assumes otherwise, not even close, and don't get me wrong I don't completely disagree with it but I'm just wondering would be seen as disrespectful to not say anything?

I don't think so. I think it's just showing respect to the father...but not asking\giving the heads up isn't really disrespect.

CantonasCollar · 01-10-2014 07:02AM

Myself and the wife decided to get engaged, before popping the big question to her I asked her dad for permission. It was akward as hell despite us having a good relationship ( myself and the wife had been together for 8 years at this point). Her dad just typically being himself turns round and says " you will need to ask her mother!" to which she gave him a thump and started crying.

My wife likes to remind me of the fact that her dad never said yes, I offer to drop her off at their house with her things.

Wellyd · 01-10-2014 07:10AM

I had this conversation recently with someone who said they'd be insulted if their husband to be asked her dad for his permission to marry her. Honestly I'd be very disappointed in my boyfriend if he didn't ask my dad. Myself and my dad have an extremely good relationship and I'd love to know that he gave the nod for me to get married. I just think it gives fathers a bit of involvement in the engagement because I know in my family my mother would get so worked up and excited about an engagement that my dad probably wouldn't get a word in edge ways for a while!

iDave · 01-10-2014 07:10AM

Got engaged a few weeks ago. I asked the father beforehand but it was more a formality as I knew he wouldn't say no. The missus appreciated that I did it the traditional way.

lazygal · 01-10-2014 07:10AM

My husband didn't ask and I wouldn't have liked it. I was a grown woman and didn't need my father's approval to marry.

Wompa1 · 01-10-2014 07:12AM

lazygal wrote: »

My husband didn't ask and I wouldn't have liked it. I was a grown woman and didn't need my father's approval to marry.

You get that it's just a formality...the guy asks for the fathers approval...he still does what he wants even if he doesn't get it.

Frigga_92 · 01-10-2014 07:13AM

My dad wasn't at my wedding, let alone asked permission.
I think if it is something that is important to your fiancee then you should but I'd say it's very rare for anyone to insist on it now.
My sister's husband asked my father's permission but he is from a foreign country so it may be that that is part of the tradition where he is from. It's certainly not a family tradition of ours.

01-10-2014 07:13AM

It's up there with putting the ring in a glass of champagne.

Czarcasm · 01-10-2014 07:17AM

FunLover18 wrote: »

When it comes to marriage proposals, do men still ask the OH's father for permission/their blessing?

They do, I did, and I know of many men that did. Some men will ask both parents together, some men in the absence of the father will ask the mother.

It strikes me as extremely old fashioned. Is it a respect thing , and if so, who exactly is it respectful to? If for someone reason they say no would it make a difference?

Well it's hardly old fashioned if men still do it. It is a respect thing though, and it shows respect for the man you hope to be your future father-in-law. If he'd said no, of course it would've made a difference - the man doesn't want me marrying his daughter, it doesn't get any shìttier than that (personally speaking).

Girls, do you want your OH to ask your dad before you?

Can't answer that one, but it'd be interesting to find out alright, I must ask around and I'll come back to you (if I'm still in one piece after they're insulted by thinking I'm proposing to them

).

Dads, do you care?

I can't answer that one either, but I'm sure as hell not going to start asking men would it matter to them if I didn't ask them for their daughters hand in marriage! I'm rather attached to my family jewels :pac:

Honestly though, if I had a daughter, yes, it would matter to me personally that a man would have enough respect for me that he would ask me first. It's one of those little things that's not a big deal, it's merely a courtesy, and not doing it could set you up for a lifetime of being glared at by your father in law across the breakfast table...

I figure better safe than sorry

Akrasia · 01-10-2014 07:17AM

I didn't ask my wife's father for permission... Maybe that's why he never offered to pay for the wedding...

Gone Drinking · 01-10-2014 07:18AM

You'd have to play it by ear I suppose. Depends on the family. Some fathers would really appreciate the gesture of mentioning it to them first. I don't think any would consider it an actual option to refuse, in this day and age.

SEPT 23 1989 · 01-10-2014 07:28AM

Nobody will be good enough for my daughter

dede12 · 01-10-2014 07:30AM

I wouldn't want a guy to ask my father first at all. I think my da would like it because he is rather the old fashioned, strict, & protective type but I'd find it quite disrespectful, as if I was some sort of property who couldn't make up my own mind on it. The way I see it, if I'm agreeing to marry somebody it's between the two of us, not the business of my parents until we tell them. While I don't have problem w/ most wedding traditions like the father walking the bride down the aisle, the asking for permission or blessing just really strikes me a blatantly old fashioned & sexist. After all, I'm not gonna be there asking his mam for permission to marry her son before saying yes!

If parents having input is important to the couple, a much better way to go about it imo would be for the couple to go both of the parents together, announce they'd like to get engaged & ask for their blessing as a couple. That way the parents are appeased because they've been given special consideration yet makes it clear that it is the couples decision & that they don't need parental permission to get married.

Barely There · 01-10-2014 07:34AM

No - it's a ridiculously old fashioned concept which stems from the notion that the daughter was somehow the property of the father.

Miss Lizzie Jones · 01-10-2014 07:38AM

FunLover18 wrote: »

When it comes to marriage proposals, do men still ask the OH's father for permission/their blessing?

It strikes me as extremely old fashioned. Is it a respect thing , and if so, who exactly is it respectful to? If for someone reason they say no would it make a difference?

Girls, do you want your OH to ask your dad before you?

Dads, do you care?

This was 31/32 years ago but my ex-husband asked my father for permission to marry me. I felt soooo embarrassed by it.

Wompa1 · 01-10-2014 07:42AM

Barely There wrote: »

No - it's a ridiculously old fashioned concept which stems from the notion that the daughter was somehow the property of the father.

In fairness, marriage is a ridiculously old fashioned concept.....

TwoShedsJackson · 01-10-2014 07:43AM

I would have needed a ouija board so, no. But had he still been alive I wouldn't have asked first.

01-10-2014 07:43AM

I would hate if my oh did that
My relationship is my business not my family's

MRnotlob606 · 01-10-2014 07:45AM

it's not old fashioned, its courtesy.

Wompa1 · 01-10-2014 07:46AM

Deleted User wrote: »

It's up there with putting the ring in a glass of champagne.

Or standing in a building with images of a man being tortured and killed, being ceremoniously anointed as husband and wife by a man who likely has never had sex before...unless it was with a...you know, prostitute! :pac:

Retrovertigo · 01-10-2014 07:50AM

MRnotlob606 wrote: »

it's not old fashioned, its courtesy.

Did you need to ask the Father before you look for the ride as well?

Being courteous and all that.

01-10-2014 07:51AM

Wompa1 wrote: »

Or standing in a building with images of a man being tortured and killed, being ceremoniously anointed as husband and wife by a man who likely has never had sex before...unless it was with a...you know, prostitute! :pac:

Or a child.

Wompa1 · 01-10-2014 07:54AM

Retrovertigo wrote: »

Did you need to ask the Father before you look for the ride as well?

Being courteous and all that.

But....it's not courteous to ask....Ohhhhhh YOU RASCAL!

Barely There · 01-10-2014 07:54AM

Never cropped up in my case anyway as the OH asked me.

She never asked my Dad's permission first either - very presumptuous these modern-day women.

TwoShedsJackson · 01-10-2014 07:55AM

Barely There wrote: »

Never cropped up in my case anyway as the OH asked me.

She never asked my Dad's permission first either - very presumptuous these modern-day women.

I certainly hope the date was February 29th otherwise that was very un-gentlemanly of your partner!

Asking A Father's Permission

How do you feel about asking the bride's father for permission/blessing? 160 votes

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