Your funniest school stories

Sadderday · 20-08-2014 02:08PM

I got left behind with three others on a school tour...

With no money... our bags were on the bus.

Took hours to walk home....

_Whimsical_ · 20-08-2014 02:32PM

When I was young there was a student teacher living close by who was working in our school. She was a very cross, buttoned up sort of girl.Everyday she had a huge backpack schoolbag on her back going to school, two shoulder straps on correctly around the arms and also a strap tied around her waist, she looked as if she was going on a long hike everyday. The overall effect was sometimes like an enormous toddler actually.

Anyway she liked to shout random things in Irish at us as she passed us on the road in the morning,"hurry up" somedays "tog go bog e!" other days, and this always struck us as funny, and when she passed we would giggle, not laugh or make comments or anything,just giggle as 11 year olds are wont to do at a teacher wearing a giant school bag.
Her retort of choice for some reason was always

"ignorance should be pitied, not laughed at!!"

Which always made us laugh so much more.:o

miss no stars · 20-08-2014 02:38PM

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

When I was young there was a student teacher living close by who was working in our school. She was a very cross, buttoned up sort of girl.Everyday she had a huge backpack schoolbag on her back going to school, two shoulder straps on correctly around the arms and also a strap tied around her waist, she looked as if she was going on a long hike everyday. The overall effect was sometimes like an enormous toddler actually.

Anyway she liked to shout random things in Irish at us as she passed us on the road in the morning,"hurry up" somedays "tog go bog e!" other days, and this always struck us as funny, and when she passed we would giggle, not laugh or make comments or anything,just giggle as 11 year olds are wont to do at a teacher wearing a giant school bag.
Her retort of choice for some reason was always

"ignorance should be pitied, not laughed at!!"

Which always made us laugh so much more.:o

What a prat. Sounds exactly like the girl from my primary school class who went on to be a primary school teacher :rolleyes: Buttoned up, prim and proper, absolute inability to deviate from doing things exactly by the book in a neat and tidy manner just like her two primary school teachers told her to do .

Dick Turnip · 20-08-2014 03:43PM

blue note wrote: »

Lots of really funny school memories. The one I'm proudest of is a practical joke we played on our 6th class teacher. We got one of the other teachers to call her out to give her some message. When she came back we had left the door (to outside, not the corridor) and all 30 of us hid in the jacks. We were perfectly quiet and heard her come back. The poor woman was in shock and so relieved (and impressed I suppose) that we didn't get any punishment. I met her in the local a few months back and she said that the practical joke is still being told nearly two decades later!

Please explain this story again and better - I can't for the life of me understand the practical joke that happened! Apart from the fact ye all left the room when the teacher was out?

Jogathon · 20-08-2014 04:00PM

Mixed school and I was always a bit of a tomboy so the lads saw me as one of them. They often used to rip the boxers off each other by severe wedgie...horrifically painful I would think! Well, one day they decided to try to do it to me and went for my knickers! However, it was a certain time of the month and the girls knew this because I'd been moaning slightly about it earlier. The girls jumped on and pulled the lads off me, thank God!

About two weeks later the lads were laughing at how the girls completely overreacted to a bit of silly messing until I told them why. They were completely ashen faced and sick looking when they thought about what they might have done!

Birneybau · 20-08-2014 04:12PM

Dick Turnip wrote: »

Please explain this story again and better - I can't for the life of me understand the practical joke that happened! Apart from the fact ye all left the room when the teacher was out?

Beat me to it. The fact that there was no one left in the class is still spoken about decades after? Must be a quiet town.

zcorpian88 · 20-08-2014 04:23PM

Back in primary we used to have a culchie PE teacher that also took people for remedial maths and reading, he tooks us out to play hurling and he was a hurling fanatic, I hated being made to play it but I took great pleasure out of what happened on one ocassion. He used to bring out a box of sliotars and throw them at us in the hope we will puck the ball in whatever direction, he used to fire them in front of him and surprise us in firing them behind him.

One lad in my class got one thrown from behind the teachers back and pucked it back and hit the teacher in the back of the head, resulting in him turning around rubbing the back of his head and shouting "Clowns, CLOWNS!!!" It was so funny!

Chap in my class in secondary decided to light up a fag because we were left in a room on our own during a free class, our religion teacher came up to cover the class out of the blue and seen the lad smoking away, she got so flabergasted in her reaction she didn't think about what she was going to say and she just shouts "TURN THAT OFF!" the whole class fell out of their chairs laughing.

IrishAlice · 20-08-2014 04:25PM

When I was in primary school I went into school one Monday morning and we had a substitute teacher.

I was unpacking my school bag and getting this really bad smell and was thinking to myself jesus this teacher reeks.

Then as I was pulling out my books I looked down and there was a dead mouse in on top of them!!!

My cat had left it there as a present for me

Was definitely not in any way funny at the time but we get a great laugh out of it still years later!

eisenberg1 · 20-08-2014 04:35PM

893bet wrote: »

Vaseline on the door knob.

Simple ones are the best.

I read the above as Vaseline on the poor knob.:eek:

FloatingVoter · 20-08-2014 04:38PM

eisenberg1 wrote: »

I read the above as Vaseline on the poor knob.:eek:

Different school. Christian Brothers stuff. Too dark to bring up here.

20-08-2014 05:40PM

So many.

One teacher would pick up any coins he saw on the floor so obviously people would leave whatever coppers they had on the floor and when he'd bend over to pick them up someone would blow a raspberry.
The same teacher was quite rotund and as he was walking around the class someone noticed that there wasn't much clearance between a desk and a cupboard as he went down a dead-end. Said student gradually moved the desk closer to the cupboard until the teacher couldn't get back out, though the teacher hadn't the nerve to say anything.

Another teacher would often fall asleep during class so there were several good laughs with him
-Stick lollies and post-it notes to his clothes.
-In a class with a concrete floor and no carpet we went completely silent until someone lifted their desk and let it crash on the floor.
-Probably my favorite was when we all just got up and left the class so he woke up in an empty classroom. He never mentioned it again. :P

A great fad was when people would bring in zip-ties and tie bags to the cross-bar under the tables so that the bags had to be cut free. Especially fun after lunchtime with a dozen lads having to get their bags cut free. :P

Also I liked the whole thing of turning bags inside out. :P Take everything out, turn it inside out, put everything back in, leave it somewhere else. As with the above, no harm was actually done to anyone's property. :pac:

Too many other stories to mention tbh, and a lot of them are probably ya-had-to-be-there types :P

languagenerd · 20-08-2014 06:40PM

I think I've posted it here before, but my favourite was in 2nd year when they made us do these class bonding games.

One game basically involved the teacher secretly picking 3 "killers" and then we'd all walk around the room. The killers winked at people & if you were winked at, you had to sit out. The idea was you had to identify em before they got you.

Classmate A: "Mary is one!"
Teacher: "No, I didn't pick Mary"
Classmate B: "But she winked at me!"
Classmate C: "And me!"
Mary: "Shut up, you liars! I ONLY **** ONCE!"

Stinjy · 20-08-2014 06:46PM

Ah school, some interesting memories:

1) A certain teacher that did very little with us spotted that the teacher from across the hall had brought his class down to the computer room and left the door open, so after the whole year of pranks going back and forth we all went in and turned the entire room backwards, teachers desk and all .. (and robbed his clock- for good measure) all while our teacher stood guard at the door and refused to let them in...

2) An older teacher, sub that we had, used to write an awful lot on the board when he wasn't reading, so the front spotted that at either side of the teachers desk was only a small gap and a book shelf so they would push the teachers desk as he was writing on the board and shuffle their desks up to make it look normal eventually leaving no gap.. Felt sorry for him really but it was a lot more interesting than poetry and novels (well at that age anyway).. Still meet him around the area and he always has a cheerful hello.. lovely guy really :P

3) 3 from another class - we used to, on hot days, go sit on the grass behind the prefab until the teacher gave up and came out to teach us there.. and the second one everyone in that class will remember- we sat one day and watched a guy rip out every page of the Argos catalog one by one while timing how fast he could do it.. Just to avoid class work... third one - everyone "bluetoothing" "rock the boat" to each others phones and all started playing them at the same time while the guys got on the floor to do the motions :P That poor teacher, any wonder we always had principals and year heads over to us! Don't think there was even one day that someone wasn't thrown out..

daithi1970 · 20-08-2014 08:02PM

We had a chemistry teacher who nearly blew himself up..twice..theres a little experiment usually used to impress 1st years-it involves putting a tiny piece of sodium metal into a large trough of water-the sodium reacts with the water and basically just fizzes around and around in the water trough. Our teacher had to up the ante by using progressively smaller vessels for the water,which resulted in large amounts of heat and flying sparks being produced. He then hit upon the bright idea of trying to trap the gas produced by the reaction using a test tube..cue the test tube flying straight upwards in a shower of sparks and shattering off the ceiling of the science room. He then proceeded to repeat the experiment , with identical results. To this day, I don't know how someone didn't lose an eye:pac:

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 20-08-2014 08:29PM

One of our teachers was one of those people who's just not suited to teaching. I think at one point she might have had some kind of nervous breakdown, because she came in wearing her skirt backwards and then she was gone for a while. Came back and a speech impediment she'd had was gone, it was all a bit strange. She was a cúnt anyways, real nasty bitch. And my god was she thick.

Anyway, for one of her classes she used to use the class to get the students out to pick up litter around the town when Tidy Towns was coming up. She handed out latex gloves at the start, collected them again at the end (which was a bit weird anyway, they were those disposable gloves like people working at delis would wear) and then went mental. The box said "Contains X amount of gloves", and she thought it said "contains X amount of PAIRS of gloves".

This woman, who taught real subjects mind you, like Business Studies and Geography, and was trusted to supervise and educate teenagers, in her infinite wisdom deduced that the class had somehow stolen exactly half the box of gloves. Started handing out detentions like lollipops, people talked back, parents were called in. It was especially gas because this teacher's party piece was running to the principal if she was "disrespected" in class and getting the student involved to stand up at the start of the next class and apologise in front of everyone, but when it was eventually established that she was wrong (by reading the letters written on the box and I dunno, explaining it to her really slowly) it was just never mentioned again.

takamichinoku · 20-08-2014 09:19PM

!!!

Secondary schools are stuffed with people that are beyond lost in life, never really noticed at the time asides from with the ones I broke but yeah, that gloves thing just reminded me of something, but not really a story, but anyways!

Back there years ago you used to get milk each morning in the school from the milkman and a straw to drink it with. There was always a bit of a soapy vibe to the straws, some looked like the had been bent or bitten so there were these rumours that the principal (old bachelor type, heavily involved in the pioneers, he didn't hit kids anymore but you could tell he missed it; you know the kind! wore a wig! couldn't make porridge so he had ready brek in the mornings and somehow everyone knew this!) would wash the straws and reuse them. A few years back I mentioned this to my mam, who also taught there, and she told me that she went into his room one evening and found the sink stuffed full of cheap straws (super cheap ones, SUPER cheap).
Apparently cost less than a fiver for a years supply of straws in a 60 person school and he shouted it down every year saying he knew somewhere that sold them cheaper.

Toots · 20-08-2014 09:34PM

We had a few funny incidents when I was in school, some of them were pranks others were just random funny stuff that happened.

Our school was an all-girls catholic school which used to be run by nuns, although it was mostly lay teachers by the time I got there, there were 4 nuns left teaching. 3 were sound but one of them was an absolute walking demon. We had her for religion class in 1st year, and when I was in school "sex ed" fell under the remit of the religion teacher. Now we were only 13 so we wouldn't be getting the full on riding instructions until about 3rd year, we'd just be getting stuff about puberty. Anyhoo, our first sex ed with the teacher involved her giving us a poem about an elephant, and we had to spend the class studying it. The next class we were going to be shown a video, so she wheeled in the TV and VCR, stuck the video in, pressed play, and then buggered off. I'm assuming she had objections to what was on the video.

What followed was the most incredibly graphic video on human reproduction. It had everything, boobs, vag, penises (both flaccid and erect) and it even had a moneyshot. It all doesn't sound that bad but when you consider that at that stage the vast majority of us had never even seen a penis, let alone one in a state of arousal or ejaculation, it was pretty shocking. The video just finished up and the nun walked back in and said, "well girls I hope that clears up any misunderstandings you had about that subject" then the bell rang and we all left the class quite dazed and confused. Over lunch we were talking to the girls from the other first year class who had religion at the same time as us, with a different teacher. It transpired that we were shown the completely the wrong video (the one we saw was supposed to be for the 6th year biology class) and the video we were supposed to be shown was "Becoming a Woman" sponsored by Always, which was basically what to expect when you get your first period and how to cope with cramps etc.

Another incident was when our total bitch Irish teacher spent about 15 mins at the start of class roaring at us about how we were completely useless and we'd never pass the junior cert and how all the class weren't going to be able to go to college etc, then she stomps up to her desk and sort of 'flung' herself into her chair in a huff. The chair legs promptly collapsed and the entire class burst out laughing uncontrollably. She stormed out of the classroom and refused to teach us for the rest of the week. She was even more of a bitch after she eventually came back.

Our school building was fairly old and when I was in 4th year we got a donation of money so the building was being revamped. One of the things being replaced was the old windows. They were these massive single panes of glass that would push out at the bottom to open, but they rotated from the centre, so if you pushed the bottom out, the top would push in. There was a catch at the top of them so that you could only push the bottom out a small bit and stop the entire window rotating 360 in the frame. One friday we were in a room where they were getting ready to do the windows over the weekend. They had taken the blinds off the windows, and removed the catches from the top, but had forgotten to tell us not to open the windows. Just as the class got started, one of the girls went to open the window, and gave it a bit of a shove, expecting it to stop when it hit the catch. Of course in the absence of a catch, the thing spun right around and both her and the girl in front of her were knocked out by the window. Teacher nearly has a stroke, ambulance called, two girls carted off and double maths was cancelled.

In transition year we had 'modules' of classes that we wouldn't usually have had in the curriculum. One of them was law studies and there was a guest teacher brought in to teach it. On the very first class he got a massive boner, and it wasn't just that his trousers were a bit tight and he was well endowed, it was a full-on-sticking-out-at-right-angles-to-his-body boner. Of course we were all silently giggling away and the poor fecker was trying to hide it behind a text book, which just wasn't doing the job. The funniest part of the whole thing was his surname was Woods.

One of our best pranks was one day when we bet one of the girls Amy* that she couldn't fit into one of the cupboards at the back of the classroom. She bet she could, and promptly squeezed herself in to the cupboard. Myself and my friend *Sarah grabbed the padlock from my locker and locked Amy in the cupboard. Just then the bell rang, and the next class started coming in and taking their seats, me and Sarah legged it, leaving Amy in the cupboard.

We had a free class next, so we waited until about half an hour in, and went back to the classroom where we'd locked Amy in the cupboard. Listening at the door, everything sounded completely normal, no signs that they'd discovered her there, so I knocked on the door, and said I'd forgotten something in my locker and could I go and get it. Walked down to the cupboard, opened it and dragged Amy out and out of the classroom. There was this stunned silence, and then as we were about half way down the corridor, we just heard screams of laughter erupting from the room.

Stinjy · 20-08-2014 10:02PM

daithi1970 wrote: »

We had a chemistry teacher who nearly blew himself up..twice..theres a little experiment usually used to impress 1st years-it involves putting a tiny piece of sodium metal into a large trough of water-the sodium reacts with the water and basically just fizzes around and around in the water trough. Our teacher had to up the ante by using progressively smaller vessels for the water,which resulted in large amounts of heat and flying sparks being produced. He then hit upon the bright idea of trying to trap the gas produced by the reaction using a test tube..cue the test tube flying straight upwards in a shower of sparks and shattering off the ceiling of the science room. He then proceeded to repeat the experiment , with identical results. To this day, I don't know how someone didn't lose an eye:pac:

And we always wanted he teacher to put in bigger bits - never thought of a smaller vessel! fantastic!

Bafucin · 20-08-2014 10:20PM

I got suspended for stealing a whole frozen chicken out of Dunnes stores.

When I returned I wanted to come back with a bang.

So end of my first day I went and knicked another one. I put on the desk in the home room we would be in for first class the next day and put a jumper on it with a hat and a pair of sunglasses and let it thaw.

Unfortunately the biggest bruiser asshole**** of a 'Sir' walked in instead of the teacher I thought would be taking class.

Yup ....not worth it.

I'm a vegetarian now. The pointlessness of it today baffles me. Oh yeah no wait it was funny, for like 3 seconds. I don't even remember why I stole the first chicken. I was only 14.

calanus · 21-08-2014 02:11AM

two that stick out for me - one might have been mentioned in a previous thread but anyway.

1) 1st year - science class, probably our first week or two. The teacher is going on about something and asking the odd student questions and one of them was "Name a gas on the periodic table?". She asks some guy down the back who was obviously off on another planet and continued to be for the next 3 years. "Ha?"... "Name me a gas?"... "Ehhh, Calor gas?"

2) Physics 4th year - There was one student that was a total messer. Not in the distracting the class kind of way but the one who was always ready for a cheeky comeback when asked a question. One Friday evening the teacher looks like she has finally had it with him screams "WHY DO I PUT UP WITH YOU!" from about 2 feet away from his face. The class goes silent and then as calm as you like he responds with "It's because you love me miss". Sly b*stard totally diffused the situation effortlessly.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 21-08-2014 02:16AM

calanus wrote: »

1) 1st year - science class, probably our first week or two. The teacher is going on about something and asking the odd student questions and one of them was "Name a gas on the periodic table?". She asks some guy down the back who was obviously off on another planet and continued to be for the next 3 years. "Ha?"... "Name me a gas?"... "Ehhh, Calor gas?"

That reminds me, one of my friends in school was called Aideen. Lovely girl, not an attentive student though. Several times over the six years it happened where a teacher would say "turn to page 18/do question 18 for homework tonight" and she'd go "yeah?". One time I think it actually woke her up and she went "I AM listening!!"

zzfh · 21-08-2014 02:26AM

used to sit beside a bit of a chancer in science,we were'nt allowed use any equipment for weeks.

so one day we came in and the teacher had all beakers and tripods with bunsen burners set up on each desk..

so,he begins explaining,i was focusing on what the teacher was showing us,unbeknownst to me the boyo beside me had already started mixing all the stuff together.

just as the teacher had said 'now,make sure not to mix x with y with a bunsen burner turned on,because we all know what will happen'

i turned around and here he was with a lynx can,spraying the flame after mixing the chemicals,as soon as the teacher finished his sentence.....whooosh,the boyo jumps out of his chair,eyebrows singed and his hair on fire,turns over the beaker onto the flame and all the stuff pours out across the table....

i couldnt stop myself from laughing,so seen as i was his lab partner i was sent to the principals office 'as an accomplice' lol

Your funniest school stories

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