Your funniest school stories

Green Giant

OK I admit I'm sort of piggybacking on the 'unreasonable school rules' thread here but some of them reminded me of a few of the funniest incidents I've seen in my school days.

The 'no jackets in class' rule popped up a few times in the thread I mentioned and it was a policy in our school as well, even in prefabs in the depths of January.

In one of the rooms in the older part of the school, the heating failed on a January morning. Of course we were all shivering like nudists in Norway and, not wanting to catch pneumonia, left our jackets on. Before long the teacher orders us to remove our jackets, only to be met by several complaints. She angrily told us that "There is nothing wrong with the heating in this school."

At which point a radiator came off the wall

Banjo String

There was a cock eyed teacher in our school.

She couldn't control her pupils.

jimgoose

I don't seem to remember anything particularly amusing happening in school per sé. For me, school was generally a dull, tedious affair. Except hanging around behind the bike sheds smoking and chatting up young wans. That bit was good. :cool:

fleet_admiral

I had a teacher that we nicknamed wiggy for obvious rasons. However on the first day in third year the wig was gone but he had grown a beard over the summer. It was like his head had been flipped upside down.
Straight away he was known as wigless

Reedsie

The day we let the dog in.

MRnotlob606

Religion teacher once asked which person got stoned to death
and a pupil replied "Bob Marley".

Banjo String

GerB40 wrote: »

I used to put my eyebrow piercing in before Irish class on wedn

GerB40 wrote: »

I used to put my eyebrow piercing in before Irish class on wednes

How many eyebrows hav...

Oh wait.

irish_goat

Put Mr.Sheen on the floor at the top of the classroom. Teacher walks in, nearly slips, has a chuckle to himself and tells us all about how they used to polish the floors in school back in his day. Few seconds later he spots the Mr.Sheen can sitting on his desk and called us all bastards but obviously knew he couldn't punish us after admitting to doing the same. :pac:

Turtyturd

One of the blokes in our class had an older brother who had the same class teacher we did but 5/6 years earlier. His brother told him about an unused roll up projector screen that his class had covered in insults about the teacher. Cue the bloke coming into class one morning and pulling down the screen only for the teacher to walk in a few seconds behind him.

Fairly sure he got suspended as they didn't believe his story.

FloatingVoter

Teacher turning up drunk and doing an English class that maybe only Peter O' Toole or Richard Harris (at their drunkest) could have delivered.

Another teacher (Irish:rolleyes:) taking off his shoe and beating a student around the head with it. Even the kid was laughing until one of the blows hurt. Then he decked him.

Another ****wit (60 if he was a day) who used to play pocket billiards. Never learned a thing from him. Watching a guy masturbate in front of a roomful of teenagers is a memory I don't cherish.

There were one or two normal ones but they mainly took early retirement or hit the Valium.

GerB40

I used to put my eyebrow piercing in before Irish class on Wednesdays, inevitably get kicked out and go down and get the freshest sausage rolls in the canteen. When I told a few of my friends this they all found a way to be removed from class until there was around 12 of us getting kicked out of class on purpose for the finest canteen cuisine.
We got In some shít when the headmaster found out but for a while we felt like anarchists..

longshanks

The day the class fatty put their hand up and called out Mammy, instead of Sir, Miss etc.

smash

We used to go to the local newsagent every week and he'd let us take any of the old magazines that after he'd ripped off the front cover to send back to the supplier. There were stacks of them in a trolley waiting for us every Friday and being the great man that he was, this included all the top shelf stuff. So off we'd go with a few playboy and penthouse mags back to school. We'd get the most graphic pages, fold them up and slip them into the pockets of various teachers. It never got old to see a stuttering teacher try and control a class after dropping a folded up spread eagle photo on the ground while he rooted for his chalk. Of course, they were always folded perfectly so that you'd see a full on vag when they took them out of their pockets.

GerB40

Banjo String wrote: »

How many eyebrows hav...

Oh wait.

Ya you got me, my new phone has a fùckin mind of its own..

eisenberg1

Class were being very unruly and the teacher (his favoured method of "control" was to swipe everything off a desk with one hand and smack the other hand down on the desk, loudly) was having a hard time with it, so he lets out a load bellow, while at the same time clearing the desk with his left arm, while he is roaring, his top teeth flew out, on to the now cleared desk, and he proceeds to smack his right hand (with considerable force) down on to the teeth. The result being a smashed set of falsers with two or three teeth embedded in his palm.

Immediate and absolute uproar ensued.

Barely There

longshanks wrote: »

The day the class fatty put their hand up and called out Mammy, instead of Sir, Miss etc.

Makes you sound like a horrible bully.

Aglomerado

I had an owld bitch of a teacher in sixth class, who hated me with a passion. I used to write funny poems in class / draw pictures in my books etc. She liked to come to my desk when I was absorbed in non-class work and grab what I was doing and read it out to the class to embarrass me.

One day I saw her coming towards me and I got prepared.

She proceeded to read out to the class:

"I AM A DOPE" :pac:

I don't remember her coming after me again.

takamichinoku

The parish priest used to come down to the infants room once a week when I was there. He'd get all the boys to line up so he could shake their hands, would always squeeze each boys hand until they were crying. Been doing it for years, apparently.
Anyways, I couldn't see the point of it at all so one week I hid my hand up the sleeve of the jumper and held out the sleeve. Priest doesn't notice, goes to squeeze the sleeve, lets out a huge shriek and jumps back.
All the kids laughed their heads off and he hated me for the 8 years. Win-win.


There was a scumbag kid from a rough family who used to throw his weight around and most anyone he challenged would be afraid to do anything. One week this big fella, quiet lad, one of those kids who had older parents and talks like an old man as a result, decides he had enough, pushes scumbag to the ground and sits on him for the whole lunch break lecturing him about how he needed to grow up.

Sunnyisland

I spilled a tin of black paint over a teachers skirt one day,the class thought it was great she went absolutely mad and still hates me till this day,even though she probably died a few years ago...

Boom_Bap

Every day something new and hilarious happened in my school.

The day after Brian McFadden appeared on MegaZone wearing red dungarees and was beaten by a child in the game challenge was a thing of beauty.

The time when someone took a poop in the sink and everyone had to go take a look.

When a teacher threw a duster at a student, and the shocked look on the teachers face when the student threw it back and hit her on the t*t. There was a duster chalk mark on her t*t for the rest of the class.

When a bunch of lads put a moped at the top of the fire escape. The owner trying to get the moped back down was hilarious.

The time we were playing no contact rubgy, and I went full steam into the teacher and left him in a heap.

Did I mention the poop in the sink?

jimgoose

takamichinoku wrote: »

...One week this big fella, quiet lad, one of those kids who had older parents and talks like an old man as a result, decides he had enough, pushes scumbag to the ground and sits on him for the whole lunch break lecturing him about how he needed to grow up.

I title him Yokozuna. :cool:

fleet_admiral

smash wrote: »

We used to go to the local newsagent every week and he'd let us take any of the old magazines that after he'd ripped off the front cover to send back to the supplier. There were stacks of them in a trolley waiting for us every Friday and being the great man that he was, this included all the top shelf stuff. So off we'd go with a few playboy and penthouse mags back to school. We'd get the most graphic pages, fold them up and slip them into the pockets of various teachers. It never got old to see a stuttering teacher try and control a class after dropping a folded up spread eagle photo on the ground while he rooted for his chalk. Of course, they were always folded perfectly so that you'd see a full on vag when they took them out of their pockets.

You are my hero:D

Boom_Bap

There was also the day everyone brought in a bouncy rubber call to class.
At first, one ball was launched and bounced all over the room, the teacher was confused as everyone looked ahead ignoring the ball.
Then when the teacher composed himself and got back to what he was doing on the board, 2 balls went flying. Same reaction from all of us.
When he went back to the board, all balls from 25 -30 lads went bouncing everywhere. It was chaos.
The teacher ended up leaving the room...what we thought was to cry, but looking back, it was probably to laugh his as$ off.

longshanks

Barely There wrote: »

Makes you sound like a horrible bully.

Not really. It's one of those stories that happened in every class, a bit like the day someone managed to sneak a dog in.
But if you want to take offence you go right ahead.

Aglomerado

In secondary school our Science teacher brought the TV and VCR into the lab one day to show us some film about sex or something. She had trouble getting it to work and spent the entire 40 minutes with her back to the class fiddling with the cables.

When she finally turned around and faced us the floor of the science lab was drenched in water - we had been squirting each other with water and there were rubber bungs everywhere, we'd been throwing them at each other too.

She just swore at us. She was a legend!

GerB40

longshanks wrote: »

Not really. It's one of those stories that happened in every class, a bit like the day someone managed to sneak a dog in.
But if you want to take offence you go right ahead.

I called a teacher mam before. She said "yes son?". We all laughed about it, no big deal..

longshanks

GerB40 wrote: »

I called a teacher mam before. She said "yes son?". We all laughed about it, no big deal..

Which is kind of my point. It happened in every class at some stage. Laugh. Move on.

takamichinoku

smash wrote: »

We used to go to the local newsagent every week and he'd let us take any of the old magazines that after he'd ripped off the front cover to send back to the supplier.

Local newsagents used to do that too, but not for the porn magazines... guess I can see why!

One week in final year a friend of mine mixed up the baskets of the old ones and the new ones, took a few Beanos because they had double lollies free with them that week. Shop owner goes up and reports it to the school, is able to identify him and all. Friend gets called out of class and we all laugh our arses off listening in on the apology
"Why'd you even want the Beano?"
"I didn't want the Beano, I wanted the lollipop!"

FloatingVoter

longshanks wrote: »

Which is kind of my point. It happened in every class at some stage. Laugh. Move on.

...especially if its an all boys school with mainly male staff. Then the lone female is bound to get it. Probably happens with grown men in Mountjoy to this day.

miss no stars

Funniest thing that ever happened in my school happened on a Monday morning. One of the 6th years had been out in a local nightclub the previous weekend and a young male teacher didn't recognize her as a student and tried to chat her up. When she asked what he did for a living he responded with "I'm a pilot". He arrived into the car park to see it full of 6th years running around pretending to be airplanes.


Male teachers NEVER lasted in my school unless they were ugly as sin.

Irish Halo

longshanks wrote: »

The day the class fatty put their hand up and called out Mammy, instead of Sir, Miss etc.

longshanks wrote: »

Not really. It's one of those stories that happened in every class.

I think the bit "class fatty" might be what they are taking offence to.

I'll stay out of this topic as I got banned from AH when in a similar topic I pointed out (albeit not very politely) that some of the posters were actually just bullying people (at least one person thought defecating on a teacher's desk was hilarious).

GerB40

We had a substitute teacher before and the poor lad was clueless. Before he came into class we'd put the clock above the blackboard forward 25 minutes. When he came in we would all look stuck into our books for five minutes before someone would 'notice' the time and inform sir that class was over, and he always fell for it..
To think that a man that inept could be in charge of around 25 students is actually scary..

longshanks

Irish Halo wrote: »

I think the bit "class fatty" might be what they are taking offence to.

Ah c'mere, it's a while since I was in primary and back then it was unusual enough for a kid to be fat, and kids being kids the nicknames often reflected the fact.
It seems to be normal for kids to be chunky now, but to mention it a sin.
Anywho, life goes on.

takamichinoku

GerB40 wrote: »

We had a substitute teacher before and the poor lad was clueless. Before he came into class we'd put the clock above the blackboard forward 25 minutes. When he came in we would all look stuck into our books for five minutes before someone would 'notice' the time and inform sir that class was over, and he always fell for it..
To think that a man that inept could be in charge of around 25 students is actually scary..

He was getting 25 minutes off too, y'know

Manzoor14

I've a few decent ones, a good few revolve around science classes/teachers for some reason!
One of our science labs was old enough, with timber desks and ceramic sinks built in. The teacher was filling the sink one day with water, it was almost full then it just completely dropped out of the table, smashed everywhere and water went everywhere!

Another science class we were chopping up sheep's heart or something. One guy was very sensitive to blood or something. Used to faint the odd time during science when we were talking about blood etc. Anyway, one of the other guys somehow managed to sneak a piece of sheep heart into his pants pocket. 5 mins later, while the teacher was reading from the book or something, someone asked him the time, so he reached into his pocket for his phone and came out with a lump of heart. He nearly had a fit. Jumped up, yelled something and ran down the back of class and sat facing out the window. The teacher continued on and never skipped a beat!

Same teacher I planted with a snowball one Winter. Was hundreds of students around, he didn't have a clue who done it, right on the side of the face!

Another teacher was a bit of a clown, used to come to school wearing no socks the odd day, drinking milk from a 2 litre carton as he got out of his car. Was manager of the school hurling team for a while so I knew him fairly well. Anyway, one Irish class I was sitting beside the window on the second floor of the building when I spotted him walking late to another classroom in another separate building opposite. I knocked on the window, got his attention and beckoned him upto our classroom. He turned around (just completely ignoring he'd another class on!) and a few minutes later arrived at the door, knocked and told my Irish teacher that I was looking for him. I flatly denied it and said i'd no idea what he was on about. The Irish teacher basically told him then he must have imagined it! He got fairly embarrassed and flustered and left. Never even acknowledged me ever again!

FloatingVoter

takamichinoku wrote: »

He was getting 25 minutes off too, y'know

The clock trick and the trainee teacher is always reliable. When we pulled the stunt, the trainee was frogmarched back into the class by the principal. He shouted at us for as long as he could keep a straight face. I'm sure he informed the trainee of where he could purchase a watch.

gillymuffins

I have two that stick out.

While in 5th year we were getting a sex and relationship talk from a woman who was fairly religious. She was banging on about how sex before marriage is a sin and that the only way that is 100% effective against pregnancy is abstinence. Cue one of the lads at the back of the class shouting, ''Sure that didn't work for the Virgin Mary did it?''

Another time I was in science just after lunch break and one of the lads didn't look well. The teacher was asking him was he alright only for him to fall over and proclaim that he was dying. Loads of other teachers rushed in, an ambulance was called and he was taken away on a stretcher.
Turns out while on lunch he was smoking a joint and pulled a greener in class. I don't think he'll ever live it down.

blue note

Lots of really funny school memories. The one I'm proudest of is a practical joke we played on our 6th class teacher. We got one of the other teachers to call her out to give her some message. When she came back we had left the door (to outside, not the corridor) and all 30 of us hid in the jacks. We were perfectly quiet and heard her come back. The poor woman was in shock and so relieved (and impressed I suppose) that we didn't get any punishment. I met her in the local a few months back and she said that the practical joke is still being told nearly two decades later!

The other that springs to mind was a geography teacher we had for the leaving. We used to leave page 3 of the sun open for him every day on his desk. He'd ignore it and teach the class as normal, but we all knew it was there. Then one day the principal came into the class for some announcement. He saw it, we knew he saw it, he must have thought the teacher was just looking at nudey pictures of women while telling us about glacial erosion. I still feel sorry for that poor teacher.

smash

gillymuffins wrote: »

Another time I was in science just after lunch break and one of the lads didn't look well.

I loved science class, you reminded me of another one... The woman that supervised the study hall was a bitch, if she caught you passing notes she'd take them and read them out loud so one day while dissecting rats in biology we cut off all the feet and wrapped them up in folded paper, got to the study hall and asked the lad at the back to pass the note to the front. Christ she screamed when she confiscated it and opened it up to read it out loud.

DazMarz

Putting black-cat bangers into plastic tubes of paint and lobbing them out windows. So pretty when they exploded.

Those rubber stopper things with the holes in them from science classes were lethal. Absolutely lethal. Hopping them off a wall or the floor... you had no idea what trajectory they would take. Many's a time it'd ricochet off the wall and come straight back at you and hit you right in the puss.

Phones that could record voices were relatively new back when we were in school, so we abused them like mad. We'd record us calling out the teacher's name and hide them in a locker. Setting the recording as the ringtone and then calling the phone. Used to drive the teachers up the wall. Great laugh was had.

Ninjini

I have no stories, my school wasn't cool

FloatingVoter

Ninjini wrote: »

I have no stories, my school wasn't cool

Were you the girl that burned people alive ? When the debs was looking grim.
True, past is best left behind us.

kevc2

I've got lots of stories, one that sticks out is the day the local radio station came to our school. They came with a van packed with pot noodles. A woman started handing out pot noodles to the students. One of the students hopped into the back of the van and started handing out crates of pot noodles out to all the lads. Apparently the station was meant to head to all the other schools but they were all handed out. During break time and the first class after was a giant food fight of pot noodles. A few of the lads were feeding them to the horses, I don't think any pot noodles were eaten that day.

Aongus Von Bismarck

My school was your typical rural, waiting-room-for-a-crap-apprenticeship, mouldfarm so it wasn't a lot of fun but I do remember one day in particular where I had some laughs.

There was one burgeoning superstar on the Gaelic team who fancied himself as the Padraic Joyce of our school. Rumours were abound that he would be in consideration for the county minor squad in a few years. He tended to throw his weight around a lot. I was very sporty and popular myself, though they were niche-for-our-school sports like canoeing, golf, cycling and track running (county level), so he obviously never tried to hassle me but the grief he gave some of the nerdier, fatter kids was pretty shocking: book thievery, nipple twisting, sandwich grabbing and stomping. The works. Obviously, I had to step in.

It was the day of some massive game for the school Gaelic team. Some final or semi-final or other. A huge deal, everyone from each year was attending and most of the parents were there too. Even some members of the local press. Perfect timing. I spotted him leaving his kitbag in the changing room some time before the game. Making sure the coast was clear, I slashed his socks, jersey, shorts, gloves with a razor blade and even cut open the bottom of his bag so that it would all fall out when he tried to pick it up. For good measure, I also grabbed his boots and threw them into some bushes outside. Waiting for the match to start, a hubbub arose when everyone began to notice that it was already fifteen minutes passed the scheduled time to start. The match went ahead sans-Superstar and a throng gathered around the changing room to see what happened to him.

Imagine my glee when I saw him sobbing in utter frustration as his mother cradled him, his father just looking on with utter disgust through his cigarette at his weeping son. The school didn't have any more gear or boots in his size for his 6'4”, size 11 foot frame and they had to play on without him. Apparently he never played again, even after I pretended to discover his boots and asked in a concerned manner if they were his. I saw him a few years ago when I caught up with a load of lads from school around Christmas. The years had not been kind: he had a decent job as a primary school teacher but he weighed at least 110kgs and he was quite the sloppy drunk. The larger they come, as they say. Normally I'm not so vindictive but was some nasty piece of work to the dweebs in school, somebody had to step in. My only regret is that he never found out it was me. I'll have to remind him when I see him next. In the meantime, I hope you're reading this, Stephen.

Davidth88

Got hauled in front of the Deputy Head ...... he started yelling and telling us off . Then he pulls out his cigarettes ( this was in the 70's ) , pulls one out and lights it , we were trying not to laugh because he had the wrong end of the cigarette in his mouth and lit the filter.

He soon realised , called us all the names under the sun , started to laugh and sent us on our way with no punishment !

Still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.

blue note

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

My school was your typical rural, waiting-room-for-a-crap-apprenticeship, mouldfarm so it wasn't a lot of fun but I do remember one day in particular where I had some laughs.

There was one burgeoning superstar on the Gaelic team who fancied himself as the Padraic Joyce of our school. Rumours were abound that he would be in consideration for the county minor squad in a few years. He tended to throw his weight around a lot. I was very sporty and popular myself, though they were niche-for-our-school sports like canoeing, golf, cycling and track running (county level), so he obviously never tried to hassle me but the grief he gave some of the nerdier, fatter kids was pretty shocking: book thievery, nipple twisting, sandwich grabbing and stomping. The works. Obviously, I had to step in.

It was the day of some massive game for the school Gaelic team. Some final or semi-final or other. A huge deal, everyone from each year was attending and most of the parents were there too. Even some members of the local press. Perfect timing. I spotted him leaving his kitbag in the changing room some time before the game. Making sure the coast was clear, I slashed his socks, jersey, shorts, gloves with a razor blade and even cut open the bottom of his bag so that it would all fall out when he tried to pick it up. For good measure, I also grabbed his boots and threw them into some bushes outside. Waiting for the match to start, a hubbub arose when everyone began to notice that it was already fifteen minutes passed the scheduled time to start. The match went ahead sans-Superstar and a throng gathered around the changing room to see what happened to him.

Imagine my glee when I saw him sobbing in utter frustration as his mother cradled him, his father just looking on with utter disgust through his cigarette at his weeping son. The school didn't have any more gear or boots in his size for his 6'4”, size 11 foot frame and they had to play on without him. Apparently he never played again, even after I pretended to discover his boots and asked in a concerned manner if they were his. I saw him a few years ago when I caught up with a load of lads from school around Christmas. The years had not been kind: he had a decent job as a primary school teacher but he weighed at least 110kgs and he was quite the sloppy drunk. The larger they come, as they say. Normally I'm not so vindictive but was some nasty piece of work to the dweebs in school, somebody had to step in. My only regret is that he never found out it was me. I'll have to remind him when I see him next. In the meantime, I hope you're reading this, Stephen.

The guy in that story sounds like a nasty piece of work in fairness.

eisenberg1

blue note wrote: »

The guy in that story sounds like a nasty piece of work in fairness.

Which one?

blue note

eisenberg1 wrote: »

Which one?

The ultra arrogant one taking delight in Stephens misery.

nelly17

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

My school was your typical rural, waiting-room-for-a-crap-apprenticeship, mouldfarm so it wasn't a lot of fun but I do remember one day in particular where I had some laughs.

There was one burgeoning superstar on the Gaelic team who fancied himself as the Padraic Joyce of our school. Rumours were abound that he would be in consideration for the county minor squad in a few years. He tended to throw his weight around a lot. I was very sporty and popular myself, though they were niche-for-our-school sports like canoeing, golf, cycling and track running (county level), so he obviously never tried to hassle me but the grief he gave some of the nerdier, fatter kids was pretty shocking: book thievery, nipple twisting, sandwich grabbing and stomping. The works. Obviously, I had to step in.

It was the day of some massive game for the school Gaelic team. Some final or semi-final or other. A huge deal, everyone from each year was attending and most of the parents were there too. Even some members of the local press. Perfect timing. I spotted him leaving his kitbag in the changing room some time before the game. Making sure the coast was clear, I slashed his socks, jersey, shorts, gloves with a razor blade and even cut open the bottom of his bag so that it would all fall out when he tried to pick it up. For good measure, I also grabbed his boots and threw them into some bushes outside. Waiting for the match to start, a hubbub arose when everyone began to notice that it was already fifteen minutes passed the scheduled time to start. The match went ahead sans-Superstar and a throng gathered around the changing room to see what happened to him.

Imagine my glee when I saw him sobbing in utter frustration as his mother cradled him, his father just looking on with utter disgust through his cigarette at his weeping son. The school didn't have any more gear or boots in his size for his 6'4”, size 11 foot frame and they had to play on without him. Apparently he never played again, even after I pretended to discover his boots and asked in a concerned manner if they were his. I saw him a few years ago when I caught up with a load of lads from school around Christmas. The years had not been kind: he had a decent job as a primary school teacher but he weighed at least 110kgs and he was quite the sloppy drunk. The larger they come, as they say. Normally I'm not so vindictive but was some nasty piece of work to the dweebs in school, somebody had to step in. My only regret is that he never found out it was me. I'll have to remind him when I see him next. In the meantime, I hope you're reading this, Stephen.

Wan**r

eisenberg1

blue note wrote: »

The guy in that story sounds like a nasty piece of work in fairness.

eisenberg1 wrote: »

Which one?

blue note wrote: »

The ultra arrogant one taking delight in Stephens misery.

And at 6ft 4in, 110 kilos is hardly gone to pot, is it?

Luke92

We used to sneak a bag off someone in class, pass it around to someone on the other side of the room and then they would turn it inside out.

One lad (one of the ADHD type) went out so his bag was turned inside out. He comes back, sees the bag and doesn't realise its his. He then picks the bag up saying haha look at this and proceeds to throw the bag out the window. He didn't even realise until the class finished.

Another time a friend of mine decided to get pigs feet out of the butcher and proceed to shake hands with teachers with the pigs feet.

One teacher always had a bottle of water on his desk. One lad decided to buy a fish in the pet shop and put it in the bottle! Queue teacher drinking from the bottle and everyone having a great laugh!

Another one was when the doors opened into the classroom. We would line all our desks up from the door to the wall so you couldn't open the door!

Another time the teacher went out so we decided it would be a good idea to make a huge pyramid of desks. He wasn't too pleased about that one!

There's actually loads more that I will soon think of. The joys of being in a south inner city school