Waiting until Marriage.

The Corinthian · 05-08-2014 04:41PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Okay well I don't know for definite yet. However what is the difference in oral, mutual masturbation and intercourse really. It all has the same outcome.

Please explain. Apparently not orgasm, as masturbation alone is apparently forgivable, so what is this common outcome?

Silverman11 wrote: »

I also hope God will forgive me because if I felt I didn't have to do it then I wouldn't.

Isn't all temptation that you feel you have to do it, touch it, feel it, taste it?

So some forms of temptation you're willing to give into and others not? I'm afraid that it cherry picking.

Silverman11 wrote: »

I feel that I need to masturbate as i'm sure many people do due to urges but sex with a woman is not needed but wanted.

I'm afraid that's not true. Nobody needs to masturbate any more or less than they need to seek intimate relations - it's just another human urge that may be suppressed, if that is your moral code.

Silverman11 wrote: »

One thing I find interesting though is i know a lot of lads that have been with their first girlfriend for years and they are happy. Which means that sexual compatibility isn't much of a problem or are they just all lucky?

Entirely possible that they are lucky. Depends on what you mean by 'years'. A lifelong commitment is quite a bit longer than you've been around and couples are not always happy in the long term. Sometimes they change. Sometimes they were never really happy, but went with the flow. You'd be surprised how seemingly picture perfect couples are not so picture perfect beneath the surface.

Either way, I suspect you're probably a tad young to be throwing around life experience just yet.

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 04:44PM

ibarelycare wrote: »

Well no, you asked for people's opinions on your situation.
I asked for people's opinions about girls.

Yes but they are still together BECAUSE they are compatible. Whereas if they weren't compatible, they wouldn't have to end a marriage (or stay stuck in an unhappy one), they would just have to end a relationship. I don't know how common or uncommon sexual incompatibility is, but as a 29-year-old woman I know from personal experience, and experiences of my friends, that it is more common than you seem to believe.

They are compatible with their first girlfriend. Is it all a coincidence?

An File wrote: »

That is not what I meant at all. That is not it at all...

Dude, I haven't turned 26 yet. I don't have kids or any real responsibilities. It's fantastic.

I merely presented a flaw in your anecdotal "evidence". My opinion is that young couples who've been together since their teens live in a very different world to older couples with all kinds of other pressures besides what sexy thing they're going to try next.

But I mean that if they are compatibly when they are younger then surely they will be compatible when they are older.

_Redzer_ wrote: »

In seriousness tho, I don't see the difference between your cum in a tissue or in some girl.

Sure isn't it all "wasted seed" and "sinful" when it's not for procreation only, so you're commiting just a big a sin by masturbating. No ifs or buts about it, your bible says so.

I simply mentioned my beliefs was one reason I was waiting because I was asked. You don't know my personal situation. Why do you keep going on about my Religious beliefs when that is not what I asked?

housetypeb · 05-08-2014 04:46PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

That is one thing I think is alright because we need a release. I also hope God will FORGIVE me because if I felt I didn't have to do it then I wouldn't.

You seem to already have a hang-up about sex.

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 04:47PM

The Corinthian wrote: »

Please explain. Apparently not orgasm, as masturbation alone is apparently forgivable, so what is this common outcome?

Isn't all temptation that you feel you have to do it, touch it, feel it, taste it?

So some forms of temptation you're willing to give into and others not? I'm afraid that it cherry picking.

I'm afraid that's not true. Nobody needs to masturbate any more or less than they need to seek intimate relations - it's just another human urge that may be suppressed, if that is your moral code.

Entirely possible that they are lucky. Depends on what you mean by 'years'. A lifelong commitment is quite a bit longer than you've been around and couples are not always happy in the long term. Sometimes they change. Sometimes they were never really happy, but went with the flow. You'd be surprised how seemingly picture perfect couples are not so picture perfect beneath the surface.

Either way, I suspect you're probably a tad young to be throwing around life experience just yet.

I simply asked a question about whether many people thought of women that would wait for a man until marriage and I am now being questioned on my Faith. You don't know my situation. I was not looking for justification to have sex before marriage. Why do people keep changing the topic?

alroley · 05-08-2014 04:47PM

I'm a 22 year old female and I probably wouldn't wait for a guy who only wanted to have sex after marriage. But if I did really really like him then I'm not sure - I wouldn't want to force him out of his beliefs but I wouldn't be happy waiting either so I still don't think it would work

_Redzer_ · 05-08-2014 04:47PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

I simply mentioned my beliefs was one reason I was waiting because I was asked. You don't know my personal situation. Why do you keep going on about my Religious beliefs when that is not what I asked?

Because you're basing all of this on your religious beliefs and you're not even following them properly. It's completely relevant.

If you want to be a good catholic, stop beating one out. You don't get to decide the rules of Christianity, they are there and you follow them -the Pope wouldn't care much for your "personal situation", you're breaking the rules.
That is if you want to be a proper and competent Christian/Catholic or whatever else.

Insect Overlord · 05-08-2014 04:47PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

But I mean that if they are compatibly when they are younger then surely they will be compatible when they are older.

Ah, come on. Nobody is that naïve. There are far too many miserable couples out there who can hardly remember the days when they were still madly in love. Passions very often fade.

ibarelycare · 05-08-2014 04:51PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

They are compatible with their first girlfriend. Is it all a coincidence?

Who's "they"? The vast vast vast majority of people don't marry their first girlfriend. Think about that.

Silverman11 wrote: »

I simply mentioned my beliefs was one reason I was waiting because I was asked. You don't know my personal situation. Why do you keep going on about my Religious beliefs when that is not what I asked?

You keep getting really defensive about your beliefs and using that to tip-toe around the questions being asked, it's quite frustrating to read. How is it ok to commit one "sin" and not another? It's hard not to focus on your religious beliefs since you said that and "you're a romantic" are the reasons that you want to wait until marriage.

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 04:51PM

alroley wrote: »

I'm a 22 year old female and I probably wouldn't wait for a guy who only wanted to have sex after marriage. But if I did really really like him then I'm not sure - I wouldn't want to force him out of his beliefs but I wouldn't be happy waiting either so I still don't think it would work

Thank you. This is the kind of answer I was looking for.

_Redzer_ wrote: »

Because you're basing all of this on your beliefs and you're not even following them properly. It's completely relevant.

If you want to be a good catholic, stop beating one out. You don't get to decide the rules of Christianity, they are there and you follow them -the Pope wouldn't care much for your "personal situation", you're breaking the rules.
That is if you want to be a proper and competent Christian/Catholic or whatever else.

So you are calling me a bad Catholic and you don't even know me. I would appreciate it if ya don't quote me anymore. I'm sure God cares about my personal situation.

An File wrote: »

Ah, come on. Nobody is that naïve. There are far too many miserable couples out there who can hardly remember the days when they were still madly in love. Passions very often fade.

Fair enough. I see your point.

_Redzer_ · 05-08-2014 04:52PM

I'm sure must people have an experience with someone they really like, you click and get on great, but then when you get down to it, or when time drags on a bit you actually don't just click.

It's a crap and awkward situation because although you might get on, you don't have that spark and energy between ye when you have sex, and once you realise that it taints the whole relationship.

Problem is, nearly always you only discover it when you start getting intimate and having sex.

Who's to say that absolutely won't happen to you, OP. You've no way of knowing it at all until you get down to it. Even if you 'think' you do, you actually have no idea and are just taking a chance.

ibarelycare · 05-08-2014 04:53PM

I suspect that you're using the "religion and romance" reasons to hide behind because, as someone else just said, you have huge hang-ups about sex. I reckon if your self-esteem improved and you had better luck with girls your feelings about sex would change.

_Redzer_ · 05-08-2014 04:55PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Thank you. This is the kind of answer I was looking for.

So you are calling me a bad Catholic and you don't even know me. I would appreciate it if ya don't quote me anymore. I'm sure God cares about my personal situation.

Fair enough. I see your point.

Yes. You're making your own rules and choosing what you want to do instead of commiting yourself properly to your religion.

I'm a barman, if I only want to serve what's handiest to me and least amount of fuss, like cutting out cocktails, I'm a bad barman.
Doesn't quite fit in as an analogy, but I'm sure you get the picture.

Shenshen · 05-08-2014 04:57PM

I can't say I would know any girls who would marry someone they haven't been to bed with - they would feel it would be almost an irresponsible thing to do.
I know I wouldn't have waited, and all in all it was a good thing I didn't.

catallus · 05-08-2014 04:58PM

_Redzer_ wrote: »

Yes. You're making your own rules and choosing what you want to do instead of commiting yourself properly to your religion.

There's a whole lot of judgment right there in that one sentence. Such intolerance!

Autonomous Cowherd · 05-08-2014 04:58PM

Jaysis Lads will ye stop beating a dead horse. He was only wondering if there were possibly some girls left out there who would be into waiting for sex after marriage. I reckon there probably are.

I reckon it's not that big of a flipping deal in the end what others want to do. If sexual freedom means that people look down their snouts at people not actually having sex then it does not qualify as very free, now does it. Some people are asexual. Some are happy with long periods of drought and then periods of riding. Some like a platonic relationship...it's what makes them happy. Some want to shag all round them. What are you gonna do? Put them all up against a wall because they are not the same as you?

Do what ever the heck you want Silverman. Don't make too many hard and fast rules for yourself. Go with the flow (man

). Life has its own way of ironing out the creases.

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 04:59PM

ibarelycare wrote: »

I suspect that you're using the "religion and romance" reasons to hide behind because, as someone else just said, you have huge hang-ups about sex. I reckon if your self-esteem improved and you had better luck with girls your feelings about sex would change.

Honestly if I wanted to find a girl to have sex then I would be able to as bad as that sounds. I know some Priests say that masturbation is not all that bad because I have asked them. I didn't ask about sex before marriage but I'm sure they would have a similar answer as long as it is with someone you love.
That is why I got upset when someone called me a bad Catholic.

I suffer from Religious OCD (honestly) which makes it difficult to make decisions. I worry that if I have sex before marriage I will regret it especially on my wedding night.

Shenshen · 05-08-2014 05:01PM

catallus wrote: »

There's a whole lot of judgment right there in that one sentence. Such intolerance!

He's got a point in a way though.
It's fine if you want to take a pick-and-choose approach to your religion and follow some rules but not others. However, when being asked you should really have a better reply than "I don't do that because my religion says so" when there's lots of other things your religion would tell you not to do but which you ignore.

In short, if you pick and choose you'll need to take the trouble and think through what you pick and choose and why, otherwise people might feel you're taking the mick a little.

eyescreamcone · 05-08-2014 05:01PM

Why is sex sinful?

catallus · 05-08-2014 05:02PM

eyescreamcone wrote: »

Why is sex sinful?

Christ, it isn't! :mad:

Shenshen wrote: »

He's got a point in a way though.
It's fine if you want to take a pick-and-choose approach to your religion and follow some rules but not others. However, when being asked you should really have a better reply than "I don't do that because my religion says so" when there's lots of other things your religion would tell you not to do but which you ignore.

In short, if you pick and choose you'll need to take the trouble and think through what you pick and choose and why, otherwise people might feel you're taking the mick a little.

The OP is rising to the challenge of his faith in the best way he can.

_Redzer_ · 05-08-2014 05:03PM

catallus wrote: »

There's a whole lot of judgment right there in that one sentence. Such intolerance!

I am sick to death of Catholics doing what they like and choosing to adhere to the rules they choose.

I met the most ignorant, homophobic asshole when I was working once who was looking for the ride and had two kids with two different women.

All that shít doesn't bother me, but the thing that grinded me was how he was a devout catholic and "us gays" doesn't deserve the same things.

That's why I have such a flag to burn with these so called "Christians". They're not even following their own stupid rules properly.

So if he is breaking the rules, which he plainly is, that's a fact. No intolerance when it's right there in black and white to call out.

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 05:03PM

_Redzer_ wrote: »

Yes. You're making your own rules and choosing what you want to do instead of commiting yourself properly to your religion.

I'm a barman, if I only want to serve what's handiest to me and least amount of fuss, like cutting out cocktails, I'm a bad barman.
Doesn't quite fit in as an analogy, but I'm sure you get the picture.

Just stop it now please. You are the one who keeps going on about Religion. It sounds like you have some bitter problem with Religion.

catallus wrote: »

There's a whole lot of judgment right there in that one sentence. Such intolerance!

Autonomous Cowherd wrote: »

Jaysis Lads will ye stop beating a dead horse. He was only wondering if there were possibly some girls left out there who would be into waiting for sex after marriage. I reckon there probably are.

I reckon it's not that big of a flipping deal in the end what others want to do. If sexual freedom means that people look down their snouts at people not actually having sex then it does not qualify as very free, now does it. Some people are asexual. Some are happy with long periods of drought and then periods of riding. Some like a platonic relationship...it's what makes them happy. Some want to shag all round them. What are you gonna do? Put them all up against a wall because they are not the same as you?

Do what ever the heck you want Silverman. Don't make too many hard and fast rules for yourself. Go with the flow (man ). Life has its own way of ironing out the creases.

Thank you so much. I don't get all the hate from some posters.

catallus · 05-08-2014 05:04PM

_Redzer_ wrote: »

I am sick to death of Catholics doing what they like and choosing to adhere to the rules they choose.

I met the most ignorant, homophobic asshole when I was working once who was looking for the ride and had two kids with two different women.

All that shít doesn't bother me, but the thing that grinded me was how he was a devout catholic and "us gays" doesn't deserve the same things.

That's why I have such a flag to burn with these so called "Christians". They're not even following their own stupid rules properly.

So if he is breaking the rules, which he plainly is, that's a fact. No intolerance when it's right there in black and white to call out.

Ah, I see.

You're a Nazi!

ibarelycare · 05-08-2014 05:06PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Honestly if I wanted to find a girl to have sex then I would be able to as bad as that sounds. I know some Priests say that masturbation is not all that bad because I have asked them. I didn't ask about sex before marriage but I'm sure they would have a similar answer as long as it is with someone you love.
That is why I got upset when someone called me a bad Catholic.

I suffer from Religious OCD (honestly) which makes it difficult to make decisions. I worry that if I have sex before marriage I will regret it especially on my wedding night.

I've never heard of Religious OCD, I didn't even know it was a thing. Are you seeking therapy for it?

You could regret having sex before you get married, or you could regret NOT having sex before you get married if you don't. Who knows what's going to happen in the future, we make decisions every day without knowing what the repercussions will be.

Did you read this article I posted earlier? http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 05:07PM

_Redzer_ wrote: »

I am sick to death of Catholics doing what they like and choosing to adhere to the rules they choose.

I met the most ignorant, homophobic asshole when I was working once who was looking for the ride and had two kids with two different women.

All that shít doesn't bother me, but the thing that grinded me was how he was a devout catholic and "us gays" doesn't deserve the same things.

That's why I have such a flag to burn with these so called "Christians". They're not even following their own stupid rules properly.

So if he is breaking the rules, which he plainly is, that's a fact. No intolerance when it's right there in black and white to call out.

As I have said I know Priests who say masturbation and sex before marriage (as long as it is with someone you love) is alright. I was not going on and on about my Religion but you were bringing it back into it.
So you are gay?
I have no problem with gay people. I say love all and treat them equally.

I am sorry you had a bad experience with some people in my Faith but please don't paint us all with the one brush.

ibarelycare · 05-08-2014 05:09PM

Why are priests allowed to say what's ok and what's not ok when it comes to the rules of Catholicism? That doesn't make any sense.

_Redzer_ · 05-08-2014 05:09PM

catallus wrote: »

Ah, I see.

You're a Nazi!

Nope.

Just follow your own religion properly before preach shíte to other people. If you can pick and choose what suits you, you've very little right to wave a finger at someone else.

I'd have a lot more respect for the OP had he stuck to the rules of his religion because there's no logic to letting yourself masturbate, and that being seemingly ok, but drawing the line at sex for no apparent reason.

If he did have religious OCD he wouldn't be **** at all.

Silverman11 · 05-08-2014 05:09PM

ibarelycare wrote: »

I've never heard of Religious OCD, I didn't even know it was a thing. Are you seeking therapy for it?

You could regret having sex before you get married, or you could regret NOT having sex before you get married if you don't. Who knows what's going to happen in the future, we make decisions every day without knowing what the repercussions will be.

Did you read this article I posted earlier? http://www.xojane.com/sex/true-love-waits-pledge

Yeah I have a therapist for it. Google it. That's why these topics are so hard for me.

_Redzer_ · 05-08-2014 05:12PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

As I have said I know Priests who say masturbation and sex before marriage (as long as it is with someone you love) is alright. I was not going on and on about my Religion but you were bringing it back into it.
So you are gay?
I have no problem with gay people. I say love all and treat them equally.

I am sorry you had a bad experience with some people in my Faith but please don't paint us all with the one brush.

No I don't. I don't hate religious people, I hate your religion though.

I'm not saying you are as bad as that guy was at all, but you both have this pick and choose attitude in common -which I despise because that's always the case with the vocal assholes I come in contact with -again, not a dig at you, just a recurrent characteristic in them.

The "do as I say, not as I do" mentality is extremely irritating to me as a result because there's no consistency there at all.

ibarelycare · 05-08-2014 05:14PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Yeah I have a therapist for it. Google it. That's why these topics are so hard for me.

Yeah I looked it up. Extreme Catholic guilt basically? I think it's really sad that someone so young suffers from that. I genuinely hope that you learn to deal with it, because you will more than likely live a fuller and happier life if you do.

catallus · 05-08-2014 05:14PM

_Redzer_ wrote: »

Nope.

Just follow your own religion properly before preach shíte to other people. If you can pick and choose what suits you, you've very little right to wave a finger at someone else...

I'd love to see your basis for criticising the way someone wants to live their lives.

You might think it hypocritical, but that's part of life too.

You project your resentment and hate onto a person who at least is trying to do right by his own moral/philosophical code and you shít on him cos you have a problem with the big bad church which has so obviously ruined your life (in some non-descript intangible way, of course).

Waiting until Marriage.

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