Waiting until Marriage.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:22pm #1

I am a 20 year old male and I am thinking of saving myself until marriage.

The problem is nowadays people don't tend to wait until marriage nowadays.
I wonder if I can find a girl that will wait for me.

I am just looking for people's opinions really. Thanks

I am really sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:22pm

Admit it, you just cant get the ride.

Penny Tration · 04-08-2014 1:24pm

FearDark wrote: »

Admit it, you just cant get the ride.

Based on all of his past posts, you're right.

OP, unless sshe's a strict Christian, she's not going to wait.

Most people do not want to wait until marriage. How could you agree to spend your entire life with somebody without knowing if you'll even enjoy any intimacy with them?

Nodin · 04-08-2014 1:24pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a 20 year old male and I am thinking of saving myself until marriage.

Why?

Kev2Dee · 04-08-2014 1:24pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a 20 year old male and I am thinking of saving myself until marriage.

The problem is nowadays people don't tend to wait until marriage nowadays.
I wonder if I can find a girl that will wait for me.

I am just looking for people's opinions really. Thanks

Fairplay to ya for waiting untill marriage, but i can sense its gonna lead to problems in the future mate. Not many women will understand your commitment. But best of luck

RoyalMarine · 04-08-2014 1:25pm

problem with waiting until marriage, is the sex will be really shít on the honeymoon. Then again, a lot of experienced people are shít at it too..

Potatoeman · 04-08-2014 1:26pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a 20 year old male and I am thinking of saving myself until marriage.

The problem is nowadays people don't tend to wait until marriage nowadays.
I wonder if I can find a girl that will wait for me.

I am just looking for people's opinions really. Thanks

What if your sexually incompatible with your partner.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:26pm

FearDark wrote: »

Admit it, you just cant get the ride.

That's not it.

eviltwin · 04-08-2014 1:27pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a 20 year old male and I am thinking of saving myself until marriage.

The problem is nowadays people don't tend to wait until marriage nowadays.
I wonder if I can find a girl that will wait for me.

I am just looking for people's opinions really. Thanks

If it feels right to wait then go for it, I'm sure there are women out there who feel the same. Why not have sex though just out of interest?

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:27pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a devout Catholic and I am also a Romantic

You're SERIOUSLY deluded.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:28pm

Potatoeman wrote: »

What if your sexually incompatible with your partner.

I honestly think that I can talk through it to find out if me and my future wife would be compatible.

Penny Tration · 04-08-2014 1:29pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I honestly think that I can talk through it to find out if me and my future wife would be compatible.

If you're a virgin, how could you possibly ever know whether you'd be sexually compatible?

lintdrummer · 04-08-2014 1:30pm

Assuming you are as devout as you seem to be, the problem with sex before marriage would be the use of contraception surely.

eviltwin · 04-08-2014 1:31pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a devout Catholic and I am also a Romantic

If you have sex with someone you love and are in a committed relationship with, even if you're not married, then I'm sure God will forgive you.

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:32pm

So what you're telling me OP is that when you're getting down to it with a good looking girl and the horn is busting out through your pants do you just think "Jesus is watching" and stop? That's an awful way to live your life. I have news for you, Jesus is as real as Santa Claus and you're just denying yourself the thing you were put on this planet to do. You get one life - make the most of it, don't live it by following a made up book about made up things.

Sir Arthur Daley · 04-08-2014 1:34pm

The pressure release valve will go eventually.

MagicMarker · 04-08-2014 1:34pm

People who want to wait until after marriage are usually religious nuts and/or have some seriously unhealthy hangups about sex.

I genuinely pitty them.

catallus · 04-08-2014 1:35pm

There are plenty of women out there OP who would be looking for a guy just like you.

Building a relationship based on friendship and trust is something that should happen for everyone. Sex doesn't need to come into it for a lot of people.

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:35pm

MagicMarker wrote: »

People who want to wait until after marriage are usually religious nuts and/or have some seriously unhealthy hangups about sex.

I genuinely pitty them.

And/or daddy issues.

Nodin · 04-08-2014 1:35pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I am a devout Catholic and I am also a Romantic

Consider the problem of compatibility, not getting it out of your system before you settle down, the chance of something happening making sex impossible in the meantime. Romance is neither here nor there. Sex or the lack of it =/="romance".

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:36pm

catallus wrote: »

There are plenty of women out there OP who would be looking for a guy just like you.
.

Yeah but I bet they're land whales with daddy issues.

catallus · 04-08-2014 1:37pm

FearDark wrote: »

Yeah but I bet they're land whales with daddy issues.

Well that's just mean!

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:38pm

catallus wrote: »

Well that's just mean!

I'm a dickhead.

Wibbs · 04-08-2014 1:38pm

It seems that sexual freedom means it's fine, even laudable to shag as many people as possible and that's being true to yourself, but deciding to not to is considered a defect? To me freedom means just that, freedom to make the choices you want to make and if you want to wait then do so.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:38pm

Okay I am going to explain myself further. I am a Catholic and my faith is really important to me (btw I do not judge anyone for having sex before marriage. My motto is to love all

) I do agree with the idea about sex before marriage but I also find it really romantic the thought of saving myself for the woman I love.

I honestly believe that I could talk with my future wife as regards sexual compatibility. I can't see how I couldn't.

And Fear Dark I would appreciate it if you didn't attack my beliefs. I don't attack yours. And all women are beautiful

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:40pm

catallus wrote: »

There are plenty of women out there OP who would be looking for a guy just like you.

Building a relationship based on friendship and trust is something that should happen for everyone. Sex doesn't need to come into it for a lot of people.

Wibbs wrote: »

It seems that sexual freedom means it's fine, even laudable to shag as many people as possible and that's being true to yourself, but deciding to not to is considered a defect? To me freedom means just that, freedom to make the choices you want to make and if you want to wait then do so.

Thank you.

eviltwin · 04-08-2014 1:40pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

Okay I am going to explain myself further. I am a Catholic and my faith is really important to me (btw I do not judge anyone for having sex before marriage. My motto is to love all ) I do agree with the idea about sex before marriage but I also find it really romantic the thought of saving myself for the woman I love.

I honestly believe that I could talk with my future wife as regards sexual compatibility. I can't see how I couldn't.

And Fear Dark I would appreciate it if you didn't attack my beliefs. I don't attack yours. And all women are beautiful

you can still do all that without the marriage thing.

c_man · 04-08-2014 1:40pm

Jeez, what if you never get married? :eek:

Sunnyisland · 04-08-2014 1:42pm

Fair play to you OP, don't see nothing wrong with what your doing,if that's what you want and believe well good for you.

takamichinoku · 04-08-2014 1:43pm

If it's something you feel strongly about, it's probably something your wife would have to feel strongly about too. So feeling strongly about that could qualify as sexual compatibility, maybe?

Good luck with it anyways!

MagicMarker · 04-08-2014 1:45pm

Wibbs wrote: »

It seems that sexual freedom means it's fine, even laudable to shag as many people as possible and that's being true to yourself, but deciding to not to is considered a defect? To me freedom means just that, freedom to make the choices you want to make and if you want to wait then do so.

Well outside of the board-sphere I don't come across many people who think it's fine to shag as many people as you want. Quite the opposite in fact.

Likewise, most would think that suppressing sexual urges in the name of romance or to adhere to a religion is a bit weird, and unhealthy.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:46pm

I would have been of the opinion that women are more likely to wait for a guy then a guy waiting for a girl. People say that sexual compatibility would be a problem but I think if I communicate with the girl then surely it can talked through.

Sir Arthur Daley · 04-08-2014 1:46pm

Waiting till you get married for sex and get married then and get none.

MagicMarker · 04-08-2014 1:47pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I would have been of the opinion that women are more likely to wait for a guy then a guy waiting for a girl. People say that sexual compatibility would be a problem but I think if I communicate with the girl then surely it can talked through.

How are you going to communicate when you don't have a clue what you're talking about?

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:48pm

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Waiting till you get married for sex and get married then and get none.

Is that not usually the case for people who have been having sex before marriage. If I wait then it is a new experience.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 1:49pm

http://waitingtillmarriage.org/top-5-objections-to-waiting-till-marriage-and-how-to-overcome-them/

I found this article interesting.

Sir Arthur Daley · 04-08-2014 1:49pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

Is that not usually the case for people who have been having sex before marriage. If I wait then it is a new experience.

It will of course :rolleyes:

DazMarz · 04-08-2014 1:50pm

The most common root of marital problems is sexual. You can talk about whatever you like, but most marriages break down over problems of some kind in the bedroom.

It would be better to find out BEFORE marriage if you an you fiancée are sexually compatible, because it can be quite hard to change turn ons/turn offs, after a marriage and having lived with said turn-ons/turn-offs for so long.

Add in another little reality; there are very, very few women who would be willing to enter into a relationship if there was no sex until they were married to you. In fact, if you mentioned this very early in the relationship, most would head for the hills. Or they would try and get you into bed. But very few would be willing to give "no sex until marriage" a shot. Especially nowadays.

Sex is a basic human want, need and desire. It is genetically programmed into us. It is a wonderful thing. For sure, it is used by many as just a source of pleasure with no meaning behind it (one night stand, quick shag, etc.), but for two people who are in a relationship, without being married, it is a wonderful opportunity to be properly intimate, to bond, to make each other feel amazing and it is part of the natural urge if you are attracted to each other.

Personally, I think anyone who would knowingly and willingly inflict celibacy on themselves and then attempt to do it to whomever they are going to try and get into a relationship with, is quite naive. Why would you deny yourself one of the greatest pleasures in life? Why would you try to deny that pleasure to someone else? Bad enough you're doing it to yourself (at least you've made your bad choice), but by doing it to someone else, you've eliminated their chance to make a free choice. And you can be damn sure that they will try to get around it some way (by dumping you or by trying to drag you to bed).

Celibacy is an old-fashioned, stupid, silly way of carrying on. I'm not advocating, as Niall Toibín put it, "a good dose of red hot fornication" either, with random orgies springing up all over the kip. But I believe that sex is a crucial part to ANY romantic relationship between two consenting adults. It is the cause of more hassle and problems if sex is bad or if it does not exist.

Basically, the point would be:

Good luck trying to find a woman who would be willing to live like a nun until you decide to marry her. Here, in the 21st Century, sex is no longer the "dirty" act it once was. Time to lose a lot of these hang-ups. Men and women have sex! SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX... get over it.

dar100 · 04-08-2014 1:50pm

There's also physical compatibility, which you cannot talk through, and if that's not right, your sex life will be sihte.

You may have a high sex drive, the oh May have a fairly low sex drive, this will cause lots of problems, especially if you don't practice "self abuse"

:)

athtrasna · 04-08-2014 1:51pm

Silverman11 wrote: »

I honestly believe that I could talk with my future wife as regards sexual compatibility. I can't see how I couldn't.

It's not something that you can just talk about, it's something you won't know until you've had sex, on more than one occasion. Sure you can talk about limits but you will never know if you're sexually compatible through talking alone. I'd never have contemplated sleeping with a virgin much less marrying one!

c_man · 04-08-2014 1:51pm

So for people waiting, well since straight up sex is off... what's ok? Where's the boundary? Does a sneaky hj down the back of the cinema count?

DazMarz · 04-08-2014 1:54pm

c_man wrote: »

So for people waiting, well since straight up sex is off... what's ok? Where's the boundary? Does a sneaky hj down the back of the cinema count?

THE SIN OF ONANISM!!! :eek:

Nope... for most of the celibacy crowd, even "self-abuse" is off the table. Sex is a dirty thing, only meant for procreation and nothing else. :eek:

catallus · 04-08-2014 1:54pm

DazMarz wrote: »

[..]

Good luck trying to find a woman who would be willing to live like a nun until you decide to marry her. Here, in the 21st Century, sex is no longer the "dirty" act it once was. Time to lose a lot of these hang-ups. Men and women have sex! SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX... get over it.

I'm sorry but that whole post, from start to finish, is absolute nonsense.

Marriages hardly ever break down due to bedroom issues. Usually they break down over financial issues.

As for your thinking on sex having being thought of as "dirty" in the past, it is lazy simplistic thinking.

The article the OP linked to just now is a very interesting take on the issue.

Yer Aul One · 04-08-2014 1:55pm

Nodin wrote: »

Why?

I also want to know that?

Why do you want to wait?

FearDark · 04-08-2014 1:56pm

OP so would your future wife also have to be a virgin?

...good luck with that one.

Kopparberg Strawberry and Lime · 04-08-2014 1:56pm

Feck that

Try before you buy

I am pie · 04-08-2014 1:56pm

It's lads like this who on their stag do, which they reluctantly consent to, end up mowing through ladies of europe's red light districts like a hungry dog goes through sausages. All those hormones and booze have them ravaged and loosing the run of themselves!

Que weeks of rocking back and forth hugging himself pre-wedding as he bottles up the shame with self flagellation, a crippling whiskey and porn problem and an itchy helmet.

Good luck young man.

c_man · 04-08-2014 1:58pm

DazMarz wrote: »

THE SIN OF ONANISM!!! :eek:

Nope... for most of the celibacy crowd, even "self-abuse" is off the table. Sex is a dirty thing, only meant for procreation and nothing else. :eek:

I was more thinking that the prospective wife is the one administering the hand shandy!

I am pie · 04-08-2014 1:58pm

catallus wrote: »

I'm sorry but that whole post, from start to finish, is absolute nonsense.

Marriages hardly ever break down due to bedroom issues. Usually they break down over financial issues.

As for your thinking on sex having being thought of as "dirty" in the past, it is lazy simplistic thinking.

The article the OP linked to just now is a very interesting take on the issue.

Financial issues!

What, like spending too much money in the pub and riding some trout after several costly pints?

Those kind of financial issues?

dar100 · 04-08-2014 1:59pm

catallus wrote: »

I'm sorry but that whole post, from start to finish, is absolute nonsense.

Marriages hardly ever break down due to bedroom issues. Usually they break down over financial issues.

As for your thinking on sex having being thought of as "dirty" in the past, it is lazy simplistic thinking.

The article the OP linked to just now is a very interesting take on the issue.

Can't agree with this! Many marriages break down over sex, if not sex with each other, then sex outside of the relationship. I was reading an interesting article that suggests the majority of breakups are due to facebook

catallus · 04-08-2014 2:01pm

I am pie wrote: »

Financial issues!

What, like spending too much money in the pub and riding some trout after several costly pints?

Those kind of financial issues?

Ya wha?!

dar100 wrote: »

Can't agree with this! Many marriages break down over sex, if not sex with each other, then sex outside of the relationship. I was reading an interesting article that suggests the majority of breakups are due to facebook

Well, Facebook is evil.

Waiting until Marriage.

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