How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

Recondite49 · 05-08-2014 08:25AM

Interesting article about adult kids living at home on Forbes:

'Failure to Launch'

http://www.forbes.com/sites/moneywisewomen/2012/06/06/failure-to-launch-adult-children-moving-back-home/

05-08-2014 10:14AM

Magaggie wrote: »

What about bills? My parents' place is my family home and I was always welcome to stay there for as long as needed, and there was none of that "Out the door at 18" stuff, but it's their house.

I wouldn't mind taking on the sky bill or broadband and doing the shopping some of the time etc its the regular handing over of a set amount like rent that I'd be against as one of the main advantages of living at home is to spend much less on accommodation and have more disposable income or ideally make more savings.

Personally in my home place I would have little effect on the bills anymore than I do when not living there full time. The main additional use of electricity would be doing my washing and that's done at home anyway at weekends even when I'm renting. I'd have no effect on heating use. I also do quite a bit of work at home as we have a farm, this increases when I'm around more often so is another reason my parents would never dream of asking me for money if living at home.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 10:20AM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I wouldn't mind taking on the sky bill or broadband and doing the shopping some of the time etc its the regular handing over of a set amount like rent that I'd be against as one of the main advantages of living at home is to spend much less on accommodation.

Personally in my home place I would have little effect on the bills anymore than I do when not living there full time. The main additional use of electricity would be doing my washing and that's done at home anyway at weekends even when I'm renting. I also do quite a bit of work at home as we have a farm, this increases when I'm around more often so is another reason my parents would never dream of asking me for money if living at home.

This is what I don't get, A lot of people see it as totally fine to benefit themselves when at home. Again I will use the sibling staying in your house, How many would let that fly before giving them the boot. Why do The parents have to support a grown adult acting like a child, You pay your way nothing more. If your not covering the cost of you being there to save money that's just disrespectful. I’m talking long term not just a few months btw.

05-08-2014 10:27AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

This is what I don't get, A lot of people see it as totally fine to benefit themselves when at home. Again I will use the sibling staying in your house, How many would let that fly before giving them the boot. Why do The parents have to support a grown adult acting like a child, You pay your way nothing more. If your not covering the cost of you being there to save money that's just disrespectful. I’m talking long term not just a few months btw.

Apart from food the cost of running a family home is not going to change very much if its the parents on their own or if one of their children is living there also. The mortgage wont change, electricity and heating change will be minimal etc.

So in reality there is very little "paying your way" required. To be honest I don't think "paying your way" even enters a most parents heads. Its not some lodger in off the street, its their own children and most parents are just happy to have them around and are happy that they can keep more of their salary to spend on themselves or save for their own place rather than wasting it on rent.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 10:31AM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Apart from food the cost of running a family home is not going to change very much if its the parents on their own or if one of their children is living there also. The mortgage wont change, electricity and heating change will be minimal etc.

So in reality there is very little "paying your way". To be honest I don't think "paying your way" even enters a most parents heads. Its not some lodger in off the street, its their own children and most parents are just happy to have them around and are happy that they can keep more of their salary to spend on themselves or save for their own place rather than wasting it on rent.

You are still benefiting from the services in the home though how do people not see this. Just because you did not turn the TV on you still watch it, same with the light and heat everything. Just because you may not be adding more to the bills of running the house you still use the services there. Again this is talking about full time in the house and working. You should pay for the use of the services.

05-08-2014 10:36AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

You are still benefiting from the services in the home though how do people not see this. Just because you did not turn the TV on you still watch it, same with the light and heat everything. Just because you may not be adding more to the bills of running the house you still use the services there. Again this is talking about full time in the house and working. You should pay for the use of the services.

I never said you weren't benefiting but its your home which you grew up in so I think you should benefit and ideally save more money than you would if renting/sharing. I would struggle to be let pay for food if I was living at home never mind pay rent at home, it would be a totally alien concept, handing over decent sized sums of money regularly to live in your own home.

Awkward Badger · 05-08-2014 10:37AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

This is what I don't get, A lot of people see it as totally fine to benefit themselves when at home. Again I will use the sibling staying in your house, How many would let that fly before giving them the boot. Why do The parents have to support a grown adult acting like a child, You pay your way nothing more. If your not covering the cost of you being there to save money that's just disrespectful. I’m talking long term not just a few months btw.

The point is at home you can cover that cost and still save as you won't be paying for the privileged of simply living there to put money in someone else's pocket. Its also not really like a sibling living with you, its your own children we're talking about living in the family home.

kylith · 05-08-2014 10:39AM

As soon as I started working at 15 my mother expected 33% or £70, whichever was less, for room and board.

Many parents save the money handed up by their working children to give them a lump sum when they get their own place/go to college.

IMO if you are earning a wage and you are expecting to keep it all and not contribute to the running of the household, then you are selfish, especially if you also expect your food to be cooked and your laundry to be done for you. You're a grown person with a job, contribute to your family, ffs.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 10:41AM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

I never said you weren't benefiting but its your home which you grew up in so I think you should be entitled benefit. I would struggle to be let pay for food if I was living at home never mind pay rent at home, it would be a totally alien concept, handing over decent sized sums of money regularly to live in your own home.

Would you let a sibling do the same in your personal home ? Parents very rarely say you have worn out your welcome to your face. Again long term and working not a few months. I think it is yes a very "entitled" attitude thinking one can just go back home live long term and contribute little, Esp if your on a good wage. Think we move in different circles.

Awkward Badger · 05-08-2014 10:43AM

kylith wrote: »

As soon as I started working at 15 my mother expected 33% or £70, whichever was less, for room and board.

Many parents save the money handed up by their working children to give them a lump sum when they get their own place/go to college.

IMO if you are earning a wage and you are expecting to keep it all and not contribute to the running of the household, then you are selfish, especially if you also expect your food to be cooked and your laundry to be done for you. You're a grown person with a job, contribute to your family, ffs.

And yet parents think it appropriate to take more than is necessary and save it for them as if they can't and should't be trusted with their own money ?

The only thing parents should do once their kids are earning is ask them to contribute to their keep. Rent, random percentages, lump sums more than is necessary is either trying to control their income or trying to profit from it.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 10:43AM

Awkward Badger wrote: »

The point is at home you can cover that cost and still save as you won't be paying for the privileged of simply living there to put money in someone else's pocket. Its also not really like a sibling living with you, its your own children we're talking about living in the family home.

Why do people keep using that word as an excuse, To the parents yes you are the children. In reality you are grown adults with responsibilities, that includes paying your way. So that's a no to letting your sibling live it up in your spare room ?

Hotfail.com · 05-08-2014 10:52AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

This is what I don't get, A lot of people see it as totally fine to benefit themselves when at home. Again I will use the sibling staying in your house, How many would let that fly before giving them the boot. Why do The parents have to support a grown adult acting like a child, You pay your way nothing more. If your not covering the cost of you being there to save money that's just disrespectful. I’m talking long term not just a few months btw.

If the parents won't take money they won't take money, I can understand it tbh. Personally though I wouldn't feel comfortable not paying my fair share if I was living at home whilst earning.

Awkward Badger · 05-08-2014 10:53AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Why do people keep using that word as an excuse, To the parents yes you are the children. In reality you are grown adults with responsibilities, that includes paying your way. So that's a no to letting your sibling live it up in your spare room ?

Its not an excuse its a fact. They are your children, offspring, progeny, which word would you like me to use ? And why does paying your way include having to pay your parents to live at home in a room they otherwise wouldn't be renting out ? If they are happy to have you there you pay your own keep and everyone is happy. If they are not happy to have you there you go, if they try to cash in and charge you rent and make extra income from their own child then they are more like greedy landlords than your parents.

Like I said sibling is different, I'd have no problem with them living with me when they need to but not moving in long term. My parents though I'd have no problem living in my house long term rent free. And if it came to be that the family home came to me I wouldn't stop any of the rest of my sibling ever living in it if they needed to. It being the family home.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 10:54AM

Hotfail.com wrote: »

If the parents won't take money they won't take money, I can understand it tbh. Personally though I wouldn't feel comfortable not paying my fair share if I was living at home whilst earning.

If they won't take the money that’s fine. You can't hold them down and make them

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 10:56AM

Awkward Badger wrote: »

Its not an excuse its a fact. They are your children, offspring, progeny, which word would you like me to use ? And why does paying your way include having to pay your parents to live at home in a room they otherwise wouldn't be renting out ? If they are happy to have you there you pay your own keep and everyone is happy. If they are not happy to have you there you go, if they try to cash in and charge you rent and make extra income from their own child then they are more like greedy landlords than your parents.

Like I said sibling is different, I'd have no problem with them living with me when they need to but not moving in long term. My parents though I'd have no problem living in my house long term rent free. And if it came to be that the family home came to me I wouldn't stop any of the rest of my sibling ever living in it if they needed to. It being the family home.

When did I say anything more than paying your way ? Others have said some kind of rent not me.

Awkward Badger · 05-08-2014 11:06AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

When did I say anything more than paying your way ? Others have said some kind of rent not me.

This is the part you emboldened in a post you quoted.

regular handing over of a set amount like rent that I'd be against as one of the main advantages of living at home is to spend much less on accommodation.

You started your post with "This is what I don't get" and talked about people living at home to benefit themselves.

So I took it to be a discussion on lump sums and rent and not simply not paying your own way. My point being you can live at home, benefit yourself, not pay rent and still not take anything away from your parents.

05-08-2014 11:15AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Would you let a sibling do the same in your personal home ? Parents very rarely say you have worn out your welcome to your face. Again long term and working not a few months. I think it is yes a very "entitled" attitude thinking one can just go back home live long term and contribute little, Esp if your on a good wage. Think we move in different circles.

As I said I'd have no problem contributing towards food (but by doing the shopping myself) or taking on a sky bill etc or taking my parents out to dinner now and again and of course giving lots of my free time to work on the farm at home.

But paying large amounts of money similar to what you would pay if renting from a stranger but to stay in your own room which you grew up in I just cant agree with nor would I expect most parents to even consider.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 11:17AM

Awkward Badger wrote: »

This is the part you emboldened in a post you quoted.

You started your post with "This is what I don't get" and talked about people living at home to benefit themselves.

So I took it to be a discussion on lump sums and rent and not simply not paying your own way. My point being you can live at home, benefit yourself, not pay rent and still not take anything away from your parents.

I will clarify, I meant more the attitude to move back home to benefit one's self.

kylith · 05-08-2014 11:24AM

Awkward Badger wrote: »

And yet parents think it appropriate to take more than is necessary and save it for them as if they can't and should't be trusted with their own money ?

The only thing parents should do once their kids are earning is ask them to contribute to their keep. Rent, random percentages, lump sums more than is necessary is either trying to control their income or trying to profit from it.

If the parent decides to give it back that's their own prerogative, it's the act of taking it in the first place that helps to teach about budgeting and responsibility.

The amount that the parents charge is completely up to themselves. Ideally it should be a reasonable percentage of their offspring's earnings.

IMO what's handed up isn't exactly rent, it's showing your appreciation for everything they have done for you by contributing to the household once you have the means. After all, the parents have spent 18 years feeding, clothing, educating, and acting as a taxi service, very probably while scrimping and doing without what they want for themselves.

BeerWolf · 05-08-2014 11:25AM

€50

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 11:31AM

kylith wrote: »

If the parent decides to give it back that's their own prerogative, it's the act of taking it in the first place that helps to teach about budgeting and responsibility.

The amount that the parents charge is completely up to themselves. Ideally it should be a reasonable percentage of their offspring's earnings.

IMO what's handed up isn't exactly rent, it's showing your appreciation for everything they have done for you by contributing to the household once you have the means. After all, the parents have spent 18 years feeding, clothing, educating, and acting as a taxi service, very probably while scrimping and doing without what they want for themselves.

Carful, Judging by some of the attitudes here that's a given and to be expected a part of being a parent. And not to be compensated for when returning home to live cheaper. :pac:

Awkward Badger · 05-08-2014 11:34AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

I will clarify, I meant more the attitude to move back home to benefit one's self.

I'm sure there are some people who take the piss as they will in all walks of life. But the attitude itself of moving home to be able to live cheaper isn't really much of a mystery nor is it inherently wrong to do. Most parents would be happy to have their kids back for a while, if its longer maybe the kids are older, the parents older and they have someone there to look after them.

Moving home because its cheaper than living elsewhere doesn't automatically mean your taking anything away from your parents or that they too do not benefit from it. I guess its dependant on the people and the situation.

dark crystal · 05-08-2014 11:36AM

Kash Noisy Room wrote: »

Apart from food the cost of running a family home is not going to change very much if its the parents on their own or if one of their children is living there also. The mortgage wont change, electricity and heating change will be minimal etc.

So in reality there is very little "paying your way" required. To be honest I don't think "paying your way" even enters a most parents heads. Its not some lodger in off the street, its their own children and most parents are just happy to have them around and are happy that they can keep more of their salary to spend on themselves or save for their own place rather than wasting it on rent.

If my child grew up to be a working adult and didn't believe they should pay their way in life, I'd feel I had failed as a parent quite frankly.

What lesson is any parent teaching their adult children that life is free? That paying bills isn't part of being a responsible independent adult?

Why would any working adult feel they have the right to leach off other working adults, just because they happen to be related to them? Selfishness is not a trait to be admired in anyone and certainly not in one's children. Loving your children and spoiling them are two different things altogether.

KungPao · 05-08-2014 11:36AM

Every last cent.

Medusa22 · 05-08-2014 11:42AM

Well considering that you need the money OP and you are not just looking for a token gesture, then I think you should probably work out how much the bills and food etc cost per person in the family and then ask your child to pay for themselves. My parents asked for a token gesture and to be honest they did not need the money at all (they have several properties) and I felt resentful as I was trying to save as much as possible before I moved out, and I felt that the money they were taking was reducing what I could save. I am very good with money and saving so I did not need to be taught a lesson and so I don't believe it served any purpose with regards to preparing me for the real world.

darkpagandeath · 05-08-2014 11:46AM

Medusa22 wrote: »

Well considering that you need the money OP and you are not just looking for a token gesture, then I think you should probably work out how much the bills and food etc cost per person in the family and then ask your child to pay for themselves. My parents asked for a token gesture and to be honest they did not need the money at all (they have several properties) and I felt resentful as I was trying to save as much as possible before I moved out, and I felt that the money they were taking was reducing what I could save. I am very good with money and saving so I did not need to be taught a lesson and so I don't believe it served any purpose with regards to preparing me for the real world.

Parents not needing the money is irrelevant.

Awkward Badger · 05-08-2014 11:51AM

kylith wrote: »

If the parent decides to give it back that's their own prerogative, it's the act of taking it in the first place that helps to teach about budgeting and responsibility.

I don't follow the logic. If they are to learn about budgeting and responsibility they need money to budget with and be able use it responsibly. Taking it from them and sticking it in an account for them isn't teaching them anything. For all intents and purposes they just get left their pocket money and then get a handout when they move out.

The amount that the parents charge is completely up to themselves. Ideally it should be a reasonable percentage of their offspring's earnings.

Again, this isn't a business transaction and anyone treating it as such is imo deluded and refusing to let go control over their child's life. If they are really an adult and you want to teach them independence them treat them as an independent adult. Don't take a cut of their income just to be in control of their earnings.

IMO what's handed up isn't exactly rent, it's showing your appreciation for everything they have done for you by contributing to the household once you have the means. After all, the parents have spent 18 years feeding, clothing, educating, and acting as a taxi service, very probably while scrimping and doing without what they want for themselves.

Well there's the problem, its not really showing your appreciation when its money that's expected and demanded.

And rent is rent, its not a subjective term. Its paying for the room as a separate cost of living in the house.

Getting a contribution to the household is done by getting them to pay their own way not making financial gain by taking a cut from your child's earnings or in some cases as you said put into savings because the kid isn't trusted with it. That's not a contribution that's taking their money for the sake of taking their money.

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Carful, Judging by some of the attitudes here that's a given and to be expected a part of being a parent. And not to be compensated for when returning home to live cheaper. :pac:

Well having to feed, clothe, educate the children you decide to have and raise is expected is it not ? If you don't want to do those things or take care and be responsible for a child then don't have kids. The job doesn't end when they are 18 either. You can't turn around and kick them out saying "You're an adult you're on your own". There is a concept of family in human society you know.

dark crystal · 05-08-2014 11:57AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Carful, Judging by some of the attitudes here that's a given and to be expected a part of being a parent. And not to be compensated for when returning home to live cheaper. :pac:

Yes, so selfless are we that we should just be eternally grateful our offspring choose to continue gracing us with their very presence well into adulthood. We should be grateful they never want to leave our bosom and should encourage them to spend all their money on themselves, rather than contribute anything towards the household we have worked hard to provide for them their entire lives.

I love my children more than life itself, but my job is to love and support them financially until which time they can support themselves. After that, they are no longer dependents but independents and should begin the steps to take responsibility for their own adult lives.

kylith · 05-08-2014 11:59AM

darkpagandeath wrote: »

Carful, Judging by some of the attitudes here that's a given and to be expected a part of being a parent. And not to be compensated for when returning home to live cheaper. :pac:

It' was a hard one to phrase!

Of course it's a given and expected part of parenting, and no parent I have ever met has said that they expect to be "paid back", but I think that it behoves the child to show appreciation and make what contribution they can when they are able to.

Awkward Badger wrote: »

I'm sure there are some people who take the piss as they will in all walks of life. But the attitude itself of moving home to be able to live cheaper isn't really much of a mystery nor is it inherently wrong to do. Most parents would be happy to have their kids back for a while, if its longer maybe the kids are older, the parents older and they have someone there to look after them.

I have to say, I doubt that most parent would be over the moon about having a grown child move back in. Sure they'd say they were happy to do it, but I doubt if they actually would be, after getting them out of the house and having some peace and quiet, to go back to the days of cooking and cleaning for their children.

Awkward Badger wrote: »

Moving home because its cheaper than living elsewhere doesn't automatically mean your taking anything away from your parents or that they too do not benefit from it. I guess its dependant on the people and the situation.

IMO you are taking something from them - their time for themselves, which they have probably been looking forward to, no more other people's stuff left around the place, no more arguing about what to watch on telly.

I remember my brother moving back home for a while when I was young, those of us working but not moved out handed up 33%, he was expected to hand up 33% plus food and bills because he was a grown adult who had moved out and gotten a job, and had now come back expecting his laundry done and his dinner made so that he could spend his money on going out. IMO even if you have had to move back with your parents because you want to save money to buy a place, go travelling, or whatever, you should be paying fair rent, bills, and food. It's not right to expect other people to shoulder the financial burden of caring for a grown adult with a job, even if they are your child.

Pingi · 05-08-2014 12:11PM

I paid the broadband bill only while working part time in secondary school the rest of my money went on clothes, cds, junk food and fags.

While on a year out working full time and while I was in college (only lived at home summers but was working/on the dole(stamps)) I didnt give anything, parents wanted me to save for college/moving away for work when finished, which I did. €100 - €150 a week

It all depends on the situation IMO.

How much € should parents take off grown-up children towards their keep per week

Comments