Waiting until Marriage.

The_Valeyard · 04-08-2014 04:31PM

mickydoomsux wrote: »

See, i think that's actually a positive thing.

The sooner religion becomes entirely and utterly a subject of ridicule the better.

This is not the place for that.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 04:31PM

mickydoomsux wrote: »

See, i think that's actually a positive thing.

The sooner religion becomes entirely and utterly a subject of ridicule the better.

Come on. Are you serious? Why do you feel the need to attack my beliefs? I don't attack your beliefs.

uck51js9zml2yt · 04-08-2014 04:33PM

Op, it's your right to be celibate. until you're married.
I really don't understand why you need to get approval from this shower.
If that's what you want to do and I'd support you in doing it, then do it. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

partyguinness · 04-08-2014 04:34PM

OP,

For what it's worth, my now wife used to have flatmate she rented a room to. From a deeply conservative US type cult (can't remember the name). No way could you have sex before marriage and you were expected to 'hook up' with people from the same 'Church'.

Funnily enough she was 20 when she moved in and all her sisters were in the same 'Church'. Now let's ignore the sending money to the US part (which is what it was all about really)

After a few years of this, she and sisters went off the rails. Now they all have kids outside marriage and all the usual drama that goes with it. Now I am not entirely sure what my point is but I guess it is dangerous to blindly listen to a 'Church'....make intelligent choices

Save yourself for marriage- fair play and good luck to you but please do not do it out of some misguided faith in a Church.

JayRoc · 04-08-2014 04:35PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

. Fair Play

Yeah because I think they aren't much different intercourse. Just my opinion.

But you could say your opinion doesn't count because you've nothing to base it on; no experience.
You could say it's like trying to explain the difference between blue and red to a blind man.

catallus · 04-08-2014 04:36PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Come on. Are you serious? Why do you feel the need to attack my beliefs? I don't attack your beliefs.

People like this just like to attack culture generally and there's no juicier target than that epitome of all that is good and noble about the human soul, religion.

They are lepers without a bell, inviting the pit of nescience and the chasm of ignorance onto our civilization.

Taltos · 04-08-2014 04:36PM

See OP I see one potentially big flaw in all of this. - Fantasy vs Reality.

You can talk till the cows come home to your future wife about sex after marriage. But until you both do the deed how will you really know if you are compatible with each other and actually enjoy sex.

You say you will do whatever she wants - what if she decides that it was just meh and cannot be bothered to do it again. Is your belief above still sound? Will you with your now proven high sex drive (which I have to say I doubt) be happy in a sexless marriage for another 40 or 50 years? Me? I think my love over a few years would turn to self-loathing, hate of my OH and eventually to seeking sex outside of marriage.

It is great you have these beliefs and want to wait, but I think you need to be realistic and weigh up what happens if your utopian idea of sex and marriage don't measure up to real messy life...

Best of luck though, hope it works out for you.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 04:47PM

Leland Delicious Hall wrote: »

Op, it's your right to be celibate. until you're married.
I really don't understand why you need to get approval from this shower.
If that's what you want to do and I'd support you in doing it, then do it. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

Thanks

partyguinness wrote: »

OP,

For what it's worth, my now wife used to have flatmate she rented a room to. From a deeply conservative US type cult (can't remember the name). No way could you have sex before marriage and you were expected to 'hook up' with people from the same 'Church'.

Funnily enough she was 20 when she moved in and all her sisters were in the same 'Church'. Now let's ignore the sending money to the US part (which is what it was all about really)

After a few years of this, she and sisters went off the rails. Now they all have kids outside marriage and all the usual drama that goes with it. Now I am not entirely sure what my point is but I guess it is dangerous to blindly listen to a 'Church'....make intelligent choices

Save yourself for marriage- fair play and good luck to you but please do not do it out of some misguided faith in a Church.

I agree with the Church's teaching on it even though it is difficult (raging hormones etc) On people's wedding days do they not wish they had waited?

Taltos wrote: »

See OP I see one potentially big flaw in all of this. - Fantasy vs Reality.

You can talk till the cows come home to your future wife about sex after marriage. But until you both do the deed how will you really know if you are compatible with each other and actually enjoy sex.

You say you will do whatever she wants - what if she decides that it was just meh and cannot be bothered to do it again. Is your belief above still sound? Will you with your now proven high sex drive (which I have to say I doubt) be happy in a sexless marriage for another 40 or 50 years? Me? I think my love over a few years would turn to self-loathing, hate of my OH and eventually to seeking sex outside of marriage.

It is great you have these beliefs and want to wait, but I think you need to be realistic and weigh up what happens if your utopian idea of sex and marriage don't measure up to real messy life...

Best of luck though, hope it works out for you.

I see your point but I have said that I would
1) Have a high sex drive
2) Do anything for my future wife.

Surely if I met a woman similar to me then there would be no sexless marriage. Also if we loved each other the sex couldn't be bad.

Little Acorn · 04-08-2014 04:55PM

I agree with Wibbs earlier post. Haven't read the entire thread but don't think the OP deserves insults over his choices.

Maybe you could find a woman with a similar viewpoint on some type of online dating site for people who want the same thing as you OP?
There definitely are women who believe the same as you but they might be hard to come across in usual dating scenes.

If I had a friend who felt the same as you I wouldn't slag them over it or try to tell them how "wrong" they are just because I don't share the same ideas. (This is mainly because you seem fairly respectful of others choices so I think you deserve the same courtesy in return.)

partyguinness · 04-08-2014 04:56PM

OP, have you ever questioned why the Church does not want you to have sex before marriage?

Also, do you know why the Church introduced celibacy for priests? Maybe you do, but I'll say it anyway. Celibacy was brought in during the 11/12th century because the Church was losing property under inheritance rules. Basically, when a priest died, his wife and family got the property. So the Church put a stop to this by banning marriage for priests and forced to them to take a vow of celibacy just to be extra sure no illiigitimate kids came on the scene. Of course it was dressed up (and still is) as 'to be closer to God' nonsense.

Now what does that tell you about the Church and it's motives?

Berserker · 04-08-2014 04:56PM

Dalary High Relaxation wrote: »

I wouldn't be too pessimistic about your chances of finding a similarly minded girl either, though you are limiting your options and a girl you might otherwise be mad about could see this as a deal-breaker and you'll have to respect that. Surely there's Christian dating sites though? If you're in college there's probably Christian societies too. Good luck with it anyways

I highly doubt there are such sites in Ireland. You might find one in the UK. I used to live in the USA, Texas and there are plenty of events, churches (the mega-church movement in particular) there which cater for the OP and his beliefs. I wish you well on your journey OP and hope you find the partner you are looking for.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 04:58PM

Little Acorn wrote: »

I agree with Wibbs earlier post. Haven't read the entire thread but don't think the OP deserves insults over his choices.

Maybe you could find a woman with a similar viewpoint on some type of online dating site for people who want the same thing as you OP?
There definitely are women who believe the same as you but they might be hard to come across in usual dating scenes.

If I had a friend who felt the same as you I wouldn't slag them over it or try to tell them how "wrong" they are just because I don't share the same ideas. (This is mainly because you seem fairly respectful of others choices so I think you deserve the same courtesy in return.)

Thank you

04-08-2014 04:59PM

mickydoomsux wrote: »

See, i think that's actually a positive thing.

The sooner religion becomes entirely and utterly a subject of ridicule the better.

Yes, I agree. The religions of the world have told people what to do for far too long at this stage. It's time people realised that it's the turn of people like you to tell everyone what to do.

I'm more in favour of tolerance and openness from all sides.

Silverman11 wrote: »

Come on. Are you serious? Why do you feel the need to attack my beliefs? I don't attack your beliefs.

As an atheist, the constant battering that people with faith get is embarrassing to me. Especially the sort of supercillious incredulity on display in AH lately. It's a shame some athiests don't have the tolerance they claim to have a monopoly on.

Good luck with your choices. Choice works in every direction and if you're comfortable with yours I'd support them as I would any one elses, regardless of what they are. If no one is being hurt and you feel strongly about it, then the opinions of people who despise your convictions are meaningless.

Do whatever makes you happy.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 04-08-2014 04:59PM

Berserker wrote: »

I highly doubt there are such sites in Ireland. You might find one in the UK. I used to live in the USA, Texas and there are plenty of events, churches (the mega-church movement in particular) there which cater for the OP and his beliefs. I wish you well on your journey OP and hope you find the partner you are looking for.

http://www.christiandatingireland.com/ :P

But yeah, Ireland is probably not the best environment for this kind of thing.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 05:01PM

I know that some people within the Church disagree about it's teaching on sex before marriage and I don't have all the facts so it is only one part that is stopping me from doing it.
Throughout my 20 years I have never planned on sex before marriage which means I find it hard to think about doing it. I also feel that I would regret it and feel bad not waiting until I was married.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 05:03PM

Candie wrote: »

As an atheist, the constant battering that people with faith get is embarrassing to me. Especially the sort of supercillious incredulity on display in AH lately. It's a shame some athiests don't have the tolerance they claim to have a monopoly on.

Good luck with your choices. Choice works in every direction and if you're comfortable with yours I'd support them as I would any one elses, regardless of what they are. If no one is being hurt and you feel strongly about it, then the opinions of people who despise your convictions are meaningless.

Do whatever makes you happy.

Thank you. I don't attack Atheists for their beliefs which is why it bugs me when they do it to me. Nothing to do with you obviously.

Galwayguy35 · 04-08-2014 05:18PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

I know that some people within the Church disagree about it's teaching on sex before marriage and I don't have all the facts so it is only one part that is stopping me from doing it.
Throughout my 20 years I have never planned on sex before marriage which means I find it hard to think about doing it. I also feel that I would regret it and feel bad not waiting until I was married.

What age do you plan on getting married at?

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 05:23PM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

What age do you plan on getting married at?

Haven't a clue, whenever I find the one

Galwayguy35 · 04-08-2014 05:26PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

Haven't a clue, whenever I find the one

So you could be 35 and still not have had sex, I'm not having a go at you but that's a long time to go without sex.

takamichinoku · 04-08-2014 05:27PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

the one

If that's the "the one" I think it is, I've far bigger issues with it than I do with any of the no sexy stuff aspect...

04-08-2014 05:28PM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

So you could be 35 and still not have had sex, I'm not having a go at you but that's a long time to go without sex.

He's free to revise his decision at any time though. We're not going to sign him up to a contract.

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 05:30PM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

So you could be 35 and still not have had sex, I'm not having a go at you but that's a long time to go without sex.

I know what ya mean but I've gotta just wait and see.

takamichinoku wrote: »

If that's the "the one" I think it is, I've far bigger issues with it than I do with any of the no sexy stuff aspect...

What's wrong?

DazMarz · 04-08-2014 05:32PM

I wonder how often it actually happens nowadays where one, or both, of the people getting married are actually virgins? I doubt it happens all that often, to be honest.

osarusan · 04-08-2014 05:36PM

Candie wrote: »

He's free to revise his decision at any time though. We're not going to sign him up to a contract.

Oh I don't know, "Ireland's got virginity" could be quite a show to be part of.

04-08-2014 05:41PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

What's wrong?

I assume that poster means there isn't just one 'one' for someone, there are many out there with whom you could find happiness. Believing in 'one' true love is idealistic - and charming! - but not realistic!

I assume you meant 'the one' you're going to marry.

takamichinoku · 04-08-2014 05:42PM

Silverman11 wrote: »

What's wrong?

"the one", as in it being a predestined thing and no one else could possibly be as perfect of a fit for you as this person and yadda yadda yadda, is an insane amount of pressure to both put on yourself in the search and on the other person whom you decide is the one. They're not going to be that the one; because it's impossible to verify or quantify, that the one can't exist.

There's going to be some kind of leap of faith involved that you trust you and this other person are a good match as life partners. It's much healthier to acknowledge that that may not be the case than deny it and strain the whole thing with that level of pressure.

EDIT: Candie's put it heaps better!

04-08-2014 05:43PM

takamichinoku wrote: »

EDIT: Candie's put it heaps better!

No, just shorter

Silverman11 · 04-08-2014 05:45PM

Candie wrote: »

I assume that poster means there isn't just one 'one' for someone, there are many out there with whom you could find happiness. Believing in 'one' true love is idealistic - and charming! - but not realistic!

I assume you meant 'the one' you're going to marry.

takamichinoku wrote: »

"the one", as in it being a predestined thing and no one else could possibly be as perfect of a fit for you as this person and yadda yadda yadda, is an insane amount of pressure to both put on yourself in the search and on the other person whom you decide is the one. They're not going to be that the one; because it's impossible to verify or quantify, that the one can't exist.

There's going to be some kind of leap of faith involved that you trust you and this other person are a good match as life partners. It's much healthier to acknowledge that that may not be the case than deny it and strain the whole thing with that level of pressure.

EDIT: Candie's put it heaps better!

I put it as 'The One' but I was only joking haha

DazMarz · 04-08-2014 05:48PM

"The One" is Neo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wdKlWXyUkc

Autonomous Cowherd · 04-08-2014 05:50PM

Closes eyes...holds nose...dives in (against better judgement)

Well, from personal experience, i was never ''saving'' myself for marriage; plus I am not religious in that way; but i happened to meet the love of my life quite young and before Ireland was shagging everything that moved as a matter of course (hehe).
It is pretty easy to tell if people are sexually compatible without sex.....the whole all over body magic every time you see them, touch them, smell them, think of them, the whole crazy love thing (ya know, that old-fashioned stuff). So, for various reasons, including my being young and a bit of an innocent, we did not have ''full'' sex for a good while and just before marriage as it happens. (But there's a lot of fun things to do between kissing and screwing, as an old lady once told me.)
Yeah, in the beginning it was a learning curve but mad mad love and enthusiasm makes up for lack of experience. He was also a first timer. But yeah, there is something special about figuring that stuff out with someone who is the love of your life.
So 27 years later I will say that we are very lucky and are actually constantly learning, surprising each other. Sex wise I mean. Yeah, life is never a bed of roses all the time, but if you are mad about someone you will know that at the beginning and work through it.
I am not saying it is for everyone and it was completely circumstantial and unplanned on my part, but just writing this to dispel the notion that one has to have had many partners or even more than one to know a hot sex life.
He's been away for a few days with the kids. CANNOT wait till he gets home

Waiting until Marriage.

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