Stupid problem but really bugging me now!

How Soon Is Now · 30-07-2014 01:07AM

pablo128 wrote: »

Get onto those dating websites. Put up a couple of pictures of yourself. Ask someone you trust to have a look at the pics first.
So, if any girls get in contact, well first of all they are looking for a man. A good start, as you are skipping the nervous initial approach waiting for 'I have a boyfriend/husband'. Secondly, they will have looked at your profile pics and were interested enough to make contact. Take it from there.

I was just like you tbh at your age. I know the feeling. Best of luck.

If your low on confidence and not high on your looks dating website is last place to go believe me! Some of them would only make you feel worse.

The Backwards Man · 30-07-2014 01:09AM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Couldn't have put it better, it's like they can smell fear and just avoid you. I think I need to reinvent myself from the ground up how I approach these things

Go up to someone tomorrow and say to them, 'excuse me, did I see you at the duckdo last week?'

With any luck, they'll reply 'What's a duckdo?'

And you say

QUACK QUACK!!

It's that simple.:)

IR1SH RANG3R · 30-07-2014 01:09AM

How Soon Is Now wrote: »

If your low on confidence and not high on your looks dating website is last place to go believe me! Some of them would only make you feel worse.

Yeah I can't even usually get a reply off any girl I think is good looking. The odd one here and there who aren't really all that interested

Macavity. · 30-07-2014 01:16AM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Yeah I can't even usually get a reply off any girl I think is good looking. The odd one here and there who aren't really all that interested

Online dating is primarily about looks. If you think they are attractive then other men do too. This puts you in competition with numerous others, except unlike the real world any ability you had to impress her with (personality etc..) is taken away.

How Soon Is Now · 30-07-2014 01:17AM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Yeah I can't even usually get a reply off any girl I think is good looking. The odd one here and there who aren't really all that interested

I was on a few of those sites before you need to be sure of yourself or least pretend!

Those sites at times can be as bad as job searching unless you have the skills wanted someone else will get noticed ahead of you.

It's not always even your fault your not getting reply s some people think there better then they actually are and will aim incredibly high! Much higher then they could get away with in person.

Vuustar · 30-07-2014 01:17AM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Hey all,

So I have what may be a stupid problem and I await the inevitable ridicule I'll get with this but it's really getting to me.

The problem is that I'm not attractive to women, or so I'm thinking lately. I was never one to have loads of confidence but I have been with a few lovely girls (when I say with I mean relationship as I'm a relationship kinda guy). I've been single the last 2 and bit years and haven't been with many people in that time (2-3 max I'd say). Thing is, I always struggled with confidence and it goes up and down. I look at myself in the mirror and think 'I can't see what's wrong' but lately I'm thinking there must be something.

Girls don't seem to have any interest in me anymore, be it on nights out or on sites like tinder, pof etc. I'm thinking I must be ugly/not have a good personality and it's getting me really down and affecting my life to the point I can't enjoy social events etc. anymore.

For example I was out with some family and friends on Saturday last and one of my younger cousins (about a year younger) was with me. We've been great friends for years but he's what girls would describe as handsome I suppose. Anyway, I noticed several girls staring at him all night and trying to chat him up while I'm invisible beside him apparently. I found myself resenting him and growing very jealous (childish I know).

Even this evening on facebook, I saw a girl I was chatting to for a long time who I was with before briefly and still really like obviously flirting with my cousin. I asked her out a couple of times a few months back and was politely let down and now she's chatting up my cousin? That's just getting to me and I wish it didn't.

Anyway sorry about the long post and I suppose I don't really have a question as I don't know how you can help but I wanted to vent

It's easy to point to one thing like looks and say that's the reason but it is not that simple. For a man, looks are far more important to determine mating value than for women.... Look at Hugh hefner... Or 50 cent.... Not exactly Calvin Klein models are they? But women are attracted to them like flies to **** because they are successful men.

I think sites like pof are a bad place for the male self esteem because immediately by the nature of the site you are at a disadvantage... An attractive girl on pof probably receives over a hundred messages a day from different guys.... It's not the same as if you approached her on the street, where she might respond positively to the same guy she would ignore on pof...don't let it get to you.

Focus on becoming successful in life and the women will come to you.

pebbles21 · 30-07-2014 01:18AM

OP ..Just be yourself! ..Actually ...Don't!

zetalambda · 30-07-2014 01:19AM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Hey all,

So I have what may be a stupid problem and I await the inevitable ridicule I'll get with this but it's really getting to me.

The problem is that I'm not attractive to women, or so I'm thinking lately. I was never one to have loads of confidence but I have been with a few lovely girls (when I say with I mean relationship as I'm a relationship kinda guy). I've been single the last 2 and bit years and haven't been with many people in that time (2-3 max I'd say). Thing is, I always struggled with confidence and it goes up and down. I look at myself in the mirror and think 'I can't see what's wrong' but lately I'm thinking there must be something.

Girls don't seem to have any interest in me anymore, be it on nights out or on sites like tinder, pof etc. I'm thinking I must be ugly/not have a good personality and it's getting me really down and affecting my life to the point I can't enjoy social events etc. anymore.

For example I was out with some family and friends on Saturday last and one of my younger cousins (about a year younger) was with me. We've been great friends for years but he's what girls would describe as handsome I suppose. Anyway, I noticed several girls staring at him all night and trying to chat him up while I'm invisible beside him apparently. I found myself resenting him and growing very jealous (childish I know).

Even this evening on facebook, I saw a girl I was chatting to for a long time who I was with before briefly and still really like obviously flirting with my cousin. I asked her out a couple of times a few months back and was politely let down and now she's chatting up my cousin? That's just getting to me and I wish it didn't.

Anyway sorry about the long post and I suppose I don't really have a question as I don't know how you can help but I wanted to vent

The trick is to go out with friends that are less attractive looking than you. That way, you get all the attention. Your cousin knows this trick. That's probably why it was his idea to go out?

30-07-2014 01:19AM

El Weirdo wrote: »

I very much doubt that it's your looks, but more (as you say) your confidence.

Get that sorted and I guarantee you'll be a hit with the ladies.

It's amazing how well I project my lack of confidence on online dating sites. :pac:

_Whimsical_ · 30-07-2014 01:21AM

IR1SH RANG3R wrote: »

Yeah I can't even usually get a reply off any girl I think is good looking. The odd one here and there who aren't really all that interested

Hmmm.
Are you only interested in a certain type of girl? I know everybody has their type so to speak but that comment suggests that some women are showing you attention but just not the ones you are into?

I say widen the net.
If you're limiting yourself to the dolly bird types frequenting pubs and clubs who spend evenings batting their eyelids at guys like your cousin you might be making a mistake. You sound like a nice enough guy, not so much like a pub/club guy though. We aren't all born to be lined up like a cattle at a mart waiting for someone to think we are the best of the bunch on the basis of a mere glance. Infact lots of decent , attractive people hate that and steer clear.Maybe you could try volunteering,joining a club or doing a class, something you're interested in where you might forget your looks and be enthused by a subject. In that environment you might find it easier to shine and might find someone like minded you find attractive and get on with.

The Backwards Man · 30-07-2014 01:21AM

Macavity. wrote: »

Online dating is primarily about looks. If you think they are attractive then other men do too. This puts you in competition with numerous others, except unlike the real world any ability you had to impress her with (personality etc..) is taken away.

Balls, I wouldn't agree with that at all. I think you get a much better grasp of a first impression someone's personality online than meeting them in a club or a pub or a bus station or whatever.

It's much easier to weed out the shallow ones online than in real life.:)

Not that I would know much about it, being an awesome stud and all.:pac:

How Soon Is Now · 30-07-2014 01:26AM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Balls, I wouldn't agree with that at all. I think you get a much better grasp of a first impression someone's personality online than meeting them in a club or a pub or a bus station or whatever.

It's much easier to weed out the shallow ones online than in real life.:)

Not that I would know much about it, being an awesome stud and all.:pac:

You need to know how to talk your way threw conversation s on them so personality helps big time but look at it this way in most cases if you have no picture or even a bad one most women will ignore you. They make that fairly clear.

Trebor176 · 30-07-2014 01:41AM

I always thought it was my looks that didn't attract the ladies. Of late, I realise it's probably confidence. Although I am 28, I am a quiet sort, maybe a tad shy, and perhaps not the most confident. Still, I get on well with my friends, colleagues, and can make conversation or get into a conversation with strangers. All well in good. But, I have never been the most confident when it comes to asking a girl out. The above qualities I possess in general are ones I am improving on, though.

Recently, I plucked up the courage to ask a girl I've known for several years out. . .after several years of being interested in her, haha. She was with someone a few years, and being introduced to him while on a night out for my birthday a few years back (she was in the same venue with him and mates), was a killer. Anyway, that ended a good while back, but other obstacles meant I couldn't act. After a good bit of thought, and fearing losing friendship, I risked it and went for it. Told her I was interested and said I'd love to take her for a drink.

Anyway, she took it well, was flattered, so she said, but told me she was "seeing someone," but would go for a drink with me, if things didn't work out. She applauded me for having the courage to ask her out, and that I wasn't the shy person she once knew. I'm glad I went for it, even though that date is unlikely to ever happen, and, although she doesn't seem to be with anyone. That's just one example anyway.

I am trying the online dating route, which isn't going so well. There, I have no idea what it is, but I've rambled on about it in other threads, so I'll refrain from doing so here

A lack of confidence is something that can certainly be overcome with a bit of work put in. Some people can be far too cocky, which doesn't always get them what they want. It is achievable, and just undertaking certain things in order to meet new people can help. Things like being turned down or not getting much attention from theopposite sex can shatter confidence a little, but it's their loss, I guess. I know the right person is out there, but Lord knows when she will appear. Don't let things get you down too much, OP

Macavity. · 30-07-2014 01:44AM

Whenever I read these type of threads the tune of Eleanor Rigby plays in my head.

biketard · 30-07-2014 04:27AM

OP do you have any hobbies?

RoyalCelt · 30-07-2014 04:58AM

Look'em straight in the eye and tell'em you are going to fcuk'em (Johnny Bravo Style)

If that doesn't work buy a gun and repeat step one.

Wishiwasa Littlebitaller · 30-07-2014 06:38AM

Work on your confidence. Desperate isn't attractive, women can sense it.

The two biggest myths in the first two replies.

Maphisto · 30-07-2014 08:00AM

Have you tried Rohypnol?

IR1SH RANG3R · 30-07-2014 09:30PM

biketard wrote: »

OP do you have any hobbies?

Sorry for the long delay, been a busy day. I'm not one with massive hobbies but I am trying lately as I was in a bit of a rut the last year or more. I suppose the only hobbies I used to have were films and TV (the hobbies of a lazy man) but recently joined a gym to try to lose weight (not very overweight or anything, could just stand to drop a few pounds) as this affects my confidence. I am really enjoying it the last 6 weeks or so but don't really see that as a place to meet people. Will probably try to broaden my horizons when I'm in a regular routine with the gym

happywithlife · 30-07-2014 09:41PM

Might sound a bit mad but I'd get your Bgroup vitamins checked out with a blood test at your gps
You come across in some of the posts as being lethargic (not sure why but it's just an impression I get)
It's amazing the effect low B12 levels especially have on us.
If they are low it can lead to depression and lack of energy.
I know it sounds a bit mad but just my thoughts

IR1SH RANG3R · 30-07-2014 09:52PM

happywithlife wrote: »

Might sound a bit mad but I'd get your Bgroup vitamins checked out with a blood test at your gps
You come across in some of the posts as being lethargic (not sure why but it's just an impression I get)
It's amazing the effect low B12 levels especially have on us.
If they are low it can lead to depression and lack of energy.
I know it sounds a bit mad but just my thoughts

I'd say that's an accurate enough description of me. When I was working I put it down to long hours (12-14 hours days with commute) but I'm off for the next few weeks and am finding myself lazy! Cheers, I'll look into it

Tail Docker · 30-07-2014 09:57PM

goz83 wrote: »

Try hypnosis. Find one who specialises in confidence and make sure it's a male hypnotist, as the females just won't have the same impact imo. A couple of sessions should have you feeling right again and not turning to boards for help. Look up the register online to find a local one.

If that fails, try hypnosis - learn how to do it and hypnotise the women. "You want me..You want me.."

pablo128 · 30-07-2014 10:08PM

Here's a thought. I'll be eaten alive for saying this, but let on you have a few bob. If there's one thing women like, it's a man with money. Small subtle things, hints like. you don't have to actually lie. It might get them interested.

monkeysnapper · 30-07-2014 10:24PM

biketard wrote: »

OP do you have any hobbies?

Is there something wrong with me , I read it as do you have any boobies .

I have issues myself I think

thegreatgonzo · 30-07-2014 10:36PM

pablo128 wrote: »

Here's a thought. I'll be eaten alive for saying this, but let on you have a few bob. If there's one thing women like, it's a man with money. Small subtle things, hints like. you don't have to actually lie. It might get them interested.

FFS. Don't listen to this nonsense OP.

Spunge · 30-07-2014 10:37PM

surely you can show off your 360 n0 sc0ping sk1lls

Tail Docker · 30-07-2014 10:37PM

pablo128 wrote: »

Here's a thought. I'll be eaten alive for saying this, but let on you have a few bob. If there's one thing women like, it's a man with money. Small subtle things, hints like. you don't have to actually lie. It might get them interested.

Like glueing a fifty to his forehead?

pablo128 · 30-07-2014 10:48PM

Tail Docker wrote: »

Like glueing a fifty to his forehead?

Or lighting a smoke with one outside the boozer!:pac:

I'm talking more like pulling a wad out at the bar while paying for a drink. It might mean taking a weeks wages out or something. I don't know. I'm probably talking sh1te to be honest, but in the distant faraway past, little snippets dropped into a conversation used to work wonders for me, a gangly specky skinny 18 yr old eejit at the time.

caustic 1 · 30-07-2014 11:02PM

Maybe I am odd but I would take someone who could make me laugh over looks any day. Always found person with looks had time for only one person, himself. The gym not really a place I would associate with meeting potential partners. I think you need to bite the bullet and go for something new that perhaps you wouldn't normally go for, learning something new, first aid, computer classes something that perhaps at tea breaks you could get talking to everyone, not just females but males also to bring you out of yourself. It's very hard to talk when shy but baby steps and it will get easier as you get older.

sleepytrees · 30-07-2014 11:07PM

You don't need to be attractive to 'ladies' just one lady.

Confidence is a must. You need to get more of that stuff.

Also if someone is down on themselves, I immediately start thinking, yeah maybe there is something wrong with them.

There are a lot of women out there, how could you possible read all of their minds and know that NONE of them find you attractive.

Women are the less shallow of the sexes. Make her laugh and she'll find you attractive.

Stupid problem but really bugging me now!

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