Online Dating

Sol.MB · 29-06-2014 4:11pm #1

Hi All,

I just wanted to know what are people's experiences on online dating. While first dates have gone perfectly fine, afterwards they text me and the texts are just not appropriate for someone I have just met. At the time of meeting they were courteous, kind, friendly. Then they get home and text me asking what I'm wearing, how they want me in their bed and what are the size of ...you get it. Like we are all human and have urges, I am not a prude. But are there any gentlemen out there. Nowadays it seems that even on their profile and on the first date they tell you they are looking for a relationship and want to settle down but it all ends up that they want to get into your pants and toddle off. No effort, no romance, not even dinner.

I have been in longterm relationships and would enjoy flirting on a date not sexting when they didn't even make a move.

<mod snip>

Tokyo · 29-06-2014 6:39pm

Hi OP,

general discussion type threads usually aren't allowed in PI. However, seeing as there are personal aspects to your post, I'll allow it for now as long as it doesn't descend into general discussion about dating tips and advice.

Regards,
Mike

DoozerT6 · 29-06-2014 7:26pm

Sol.MB, there is an Online Dating forum here on Boards

You have to have (I think) a minimum of 50 posts to get access, and you have to PM one of the moderators of the forum for access also, try PMing Miamee or Knucklehead6. You'll get lots of advice and be able to vent/rant there!

Sol.MB · 30-06-2014 6:53am

Okey Doke, thanks all!

Pinkmoon19 · 03-07-2014 4:05pm

Sol.MB I totally feel your pain. I've actually thought of opening a thread about just this problem. Sometimes I'm not even getting to the 1st date and their trying to sext. It is so annoying. I've also had a couple of guys arrange something and then cancel last minute which is infuriating.

Fair enough if they're up front and say at the start that all they want is sex, grand everyone knows where the stand. It annoys me so much when you've been in contact for a couple of days and then BAM they want to know what colour your underwear is and when you're free for a hook up. I treat Snapchat with a code red these days. As soon as that hated word is uttered I know it's Game Over.

Sol.MB · 03-07-2014 4:55pm

I totally agree! Finally someone who feels my pain! It's not like you're desperate and at the same time it's not like you don't eventually want to go beyond the art of conversation or kissing, but with the right guy!

Advise to guys out there; treat a girl you really like well and everything will fall into place. Don't expect desert before you even go for a meal! lol

Sponge25 · 03-07-2014 5:30pm

OP: Online dating is kinda like real life dating in many ways. There's aholes online just like in real life and there's good guys online just like in real life. It's just an easier way to meet people.

I met my wife online. :P

Be safe, especially if you're female. Always meet in a very public area. Never go anywhere alone with a guy untill you trust him. I'm not saying online dating is dagnerous or anything anymore than normal dating but better safe than sorry is all. Alot of people have met their spouses online.

I was bored once I wanted female company. Like just company, a cute girl to go cinema with so I went on craigslist dublin and a few days later I went cinema with a really sweet girl. Other times, I got msg from gay people saying disgusting things to me which I can't repeat her or else i'd be banned, but if you don't mind the odd dope you'll find someone nice online.

Last time I went on craigslist dublin, I met an American girl (American girls are CRAZY for Irish lads, there's more Americans on craigslist dublin dating than Irish girls, met up with her, been with her ever since. We love each other alot

I hope you meet someone nice. If you need any more advice feel free to PM me. (Mod; I'm not asking anyone to PM me. I'm saying if you should feel the need to, feel free.)

zoobizoo · 03-07-2014 7:05pm

Have you tried a dating agency?

At least you know that the people who sign up are paying because they want to find a themselves a long term partner.

Pinkmoon19 · 04-07-2014 8:07am

Sol.MB wrote: »

Don't expect desert before you even go for a meal! lol

Exactly! I went onto POF in the hope of getting a few fun dates, that could lead to intimacy. Why is that soooo hard to find? Do these guys really think that a few dirty messages is going to have you ripping your clothes off and jumping in to bed with them?! It kind of reminds me of the last 20 minutes of Coppers

It's like as soon as you tell them you're not going to be a booty call that their like "ooooh she's looking for a serious relationship". There is a middle ground.

Pawwed Rig · 04-07-2014 9:12am

Sol.MB wrote: »

But are there any gentlemen out there. Nowadays it seems that even on their profile and on the first date they tell you they are looking for a relationship and want to settle down but it all ends up that they want to get into your pants and toddle off. No effort, no romance, not even dinner.

Yes there are lots of guys that want the exact same thing as you and are as equally frustrated with the dating scene. Are you being proactive yourself? Alot of girls on these sites sit back and wait for messages to come in while never sending any themselves.

miamee · 04-07-2014 9:39am

Sol.MB, pay close attention to people's profiles. Some people may say they are looking for long-term dating when they aren't but a lot of the time they will fill in that they are looking for "friends" or "casual dating" or similar, i.e. no commitment but they may not explicitly say they are looking for an intimate encounter - even though they are.

Also be very upfront about what you are looking for in your profile (if you haven't already). If you're not sure, maybe get a friend to have a read over it and see what they think.

Unfortunately, no matter how careful you are there will still be people who say they want one thing because they think it's what you want to hear or else they just change their mind. It happens.

There are lots of genuine people on OD however now that it is a lot more mainstream and popular the percentage of people wasting time, boosting their egos and generally just on it for the laugh instead of to find someone has also increased hugely. You have to kiss a lot more frogs to find your prince(ss) these days

zoobizoo · 04-07-2014 10:20am

That;s the good thing about a matchmaking agency - they whittle people out who are chancers and just looking for one thing

Pinkmoon19 · 04-07-2014 10:23am

The thing with me is that I'm not specifically looking for long term, but not a one night stand either. Is there such a thing as something casual? Maybe I'm the one who is being unrealistic!

ShowMeTheCash · 04-07-2014 10:38am

I would like to add some perspective to this.

I tried the online dating thing a few years back, I had been in a relationship 8 years so by the time I was single 2010 - 2011 I was a little dubious about the whole thing as it was not as big in the early Naughtys late ninty's..

I met a variety of different women but I did get a lot of was desperate individuals...

To give one example, I remember meeting a lady for a drink, we met we said hello, we ordered a drink and started chatting usual stuff, but within about an hour I basically had this chick tell me she needs to know if this could go somewhere as she did not want to waste her time......

Too me this was nuts, I only met her a few hours before and I forgot to bring my crystal ball, but she was not the only one that was like this, i met a few that said simialr thing....

Granted I met some really nice cool "normal" people...
Oh and one shoplifter and a Psycho...

I guess the online dating thing has it's flaws, you are metting someone with the pretense of something romantic happening, sometimes that does not work and sometimes you really know nothing about them! Swings and round abouts I guess!

If a guy is trying from the get go to get into your knickers I doubt he see's you as a long term goal more a passing fling, but females sometimes look for the same...

Getting into your kickers is also a long term goal also but if a guy thinks your worth it he will wait...

Love or Lust is usually the category to which guys will put you in.

Just need to figure out which they see you as and also which you wanted to be seen as.

Pinkmoon19 · 04-07-2014 1:25pm

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

To give one example, I remember meeting a lady for a drink, we met we said hello, we ordered a drink and started chatting usual stuff, but within about an hour I basically had this chick tell me she needs to know if this could go somewhere as she did not want to waste her time......
.

:D:D Omg what a looper!!

ShowMeTheCash · 04-07-2014 2:00pm

wolfen wrote: »

:D:D Omg what a looper!!

She was the shop lifter!

castaway_lady · 04-07-2014 4:25pm

Here's my two cents worth, having tried it, quit, tried it, quit. tried it etc etc

Definitely go for it.
Don't use it as your only means to meet people
State what you want in your profile
Dont lie or put up outdated or touched up pics on your profile.
Keep your expectations low to moderate
Dont use pay only sites
Dont get overly enthusiastic about anyone short of two months meeting up
Dont abandon your normal standards
Dont get pissed on dates
Apply all the usual safety advice
Treat it as 'another option' not the whole menu!

Plenty of totally normal people on it alongside a multitude of freaks and pervs.

Pinkmoon19 · 05-07-2014 3:38pm

Thought you all would appreciate this. I was supposed to be going on a dinner date with a guy from Pof tonight. He's just messaged me a couple of hours ago saying he was really sorry but he needed to cancel as he's just found out he's got chlamydia ðŸ˜႒ and here was me thinking we where just going for dinner ðŸ˜œ

Meauldsegosha · 05-07-2014 4:05pm

wolfen wrote: »

Thought you all would appreciate this. I was supposed to be going on a dinner date with a guy from Pof tonight. He's just messaged me a couple of hours ago saying he was really sorry but he needed to cancel as he's just found out he's got chlamydia ðŸ˜႒ and here was me thinking we where just going for dinner ðŸ˜œ

Maybe he is upset about having an STD and doesn't feel like entertaining you at a dinner date.

thebannerboy · 08-07-2014 11:30pm

wolfen wrote: »

Thought you all would appreciate this. I was supposed to be going on a dinner date with a guy from Pof tonight. He's just messaged me a couple of hours ago saying he was really sorry but he needed to cancel as he's just found out he's got chlamydia ðŸ˜႒ and here was me thinking we where just going for dinner ðŸ˜œ

Oh that's real nice that is!

Sheog · 15-07-2014 3:59pm

Charming!

I was using POF for a while earlier this year, but got a bit tired of it. My last date on it was going very well until the guy pulled a massive sulk because I refused to go home with him on the first date. It's very clear on my profile that I'm looking for dating/ a relationship so he clearly hadn't bothered to check, or maybe he thought that I'd be desperate enough! Needless to say, there was no further contact from either of us after that unpleasant standoff!

As it turns out, I met a lovely random guy who lives in London at Glastonbury a few weeks ago, and he's planning a little visit to Dublin in a few weeks to see me. Watch this space!

So, I agree with castaway_lady; don't abandon your normal standards, and don't use it as your only method of meeting people... and remember, 'Just keep swimming!'

catallus · 15-07-2014 4:41pm

I must say I'm having a good run of luck on POF, met 3 women in the past few weeks and they seem to be really easy-going and normal!

J_E · 15-07-2014 11:58pm

18 months so far with someone I met online - I can happily say it was worth it.

mrty · 17-07-2014 6:24pm

Sol.MB wrote: »

Hi All,

I just wanted to know what are people's experiences on online dating. While first dates have gone perfectly fine, afterwards they text me and the texts are just not appropriate for someone I have just met. At the time of meeting they were courteous, kind, friendly. Then they get home and text me asking what I'm wearing, how they want me in their bed and what are the size of ...you get it. Like we are all human and have urges, I am not a prude. But are there any gentlemen out there. Nowadays it seems that even on their profile and on the first date they tell you they are looking for a relationship and want to settle down but it all ends up that they want to get into your pants and toddle off. No effort, no romance, not even dinner.

I have been in longterm relationships and would enjoy flirting on a date not sexting when they didn't even make a move.

<mod snip>

I hate hearing that kind of thing it doesn't bode well for all us normal singles. :-) lads like that are single for a reason, oh and yes I know I am too but for very different reasons.

Sol.MB · 19-07-2014 2:37pm

Another waste of time again. Cut the cord on a potential relationship as the guy was a wierdo, took everything I said as a judgement which was utterly ridiculous. Super sensitive and left without explanation. Got the longest text known to man to say why he left and I just said yeah we are not suited if you are this sensitive. I am actually a very nice girl and known for pulling ppl up not pushing them down. Other events happening in online dating are two booty call requests at 4 o clock on a sunday night. Taking time out for myself for a few weeks at least. This dating is beyond tiring and head wrecking.

Stavro Mueller · 19-07-2014 8:03pm

The thing about online dating is that you can't screen people in the same way you would in real life. So the risk of going on a date with someone you'd have avoided in a bar or managed to shake off after five minutes of a conversation is always going to be there. It's a numbers game really and if you want to try it, be prepared for the frogs. I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly nice single people on those sites but you've also got to sift through the married ones, the weirdos etc. It's not a bad idea either to get a SIM card with another phone number on it and pop that into a spare handset. It's easy for me to say it from behind a keyboard but try not to become too invested in any of these people. Not that you'd not run the risk of hooking up with them if you met them in a bar either...

Sol.MB · 20-07-2014 5:55pm

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

I would like to add some perspective to this.

I tried the online dating thing a few years back, I had been in a relationship 8 years so by the time I was single 2010 - 2011 I was a little dubious about the whole thing as it was not as big in the early Naughtys late ninty's..

I met a variety of different women but I did get a lot of was desperate individuals...

To give one example, I remember meeting a lady for a drink, we met we said hello, we ordered a drink and started chatting usual stuff, but within about an hour I basically had this chick tell me she needs to know if this could go somewhere as she did not want to waste her time......

Too me this was nuts, I only met her a few hours before and I forgot to bring my crystal ball, but she was not the only one that was like this, i met a few that said simialr thing....

Granted I met some really nice cool "normal" people...
Oh and one shoplifter and a Psycho...

I guess the online dating thing has it's flaws, you are metting someone with the pretense of something romantic happening, sometimes that does not work and sometimes you really know nothing about them! Swings and round abouts I guess!

If a guy is trying from the get go to get into your knickers I doubt he see's you as a long term goal more a passing fling, but females sometimes look for the same...

Getting into your kickers is also a long term goal also but if a guy thinks your worth it he will wait...

Love or Lust is usually the category to which guys will put you in.

Just need to figure out which they see you as and also which you wanted to be seen as.

I have to say the question of Love or Lust is very good way of seeking out why a particular guy is interested in you.

I had a weekend of it. Guy I was dating came over to stay the night. We both decided this before and because he lives away and we were going to have drink out. Night was going ok, and eventually headed home and all of a sudden he left. Drive home with drink, not much but enough. Left without explanation. He texted back the next day explaining he was annoyed with what I said but it was banter not insults. That's the end of that anyway!

apple_trees · 20-07-2014 8:57pm

Sol.MB wrote: »

I have to say the question of Love or Lust is very good way of seeking out why a particular guy is interested in you.

I had a weekend of it. Guy I was dating came over to stay the night. We both decided this before and because he lives away and we were going to have drink out. Night was going ok, and eventually headed home and all of a sudden he left. Drive home with drink, not much but enough. Left without explanation. He texted back the next day explaining he was annoyed with what I said but it was banter not insults. That's the end of that anyway!

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

JeffKenna · 20-07-2014 9:05pm

apple_trees wrote: »

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

I have to agree with this...also that guy left when he was supposed to be staying the night...aka onto a sure thing. Would have taken something major for him to have hopped into a car and run away from that situation?

Meauldsegosha · 20-07-2014 9:11pm

apple_trees wrote: »

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

I think Sol.MB is talking about the same guy in those two posts as they were posted yesterday and today.

apple_trees · 20-07-2014 9:27pm

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I think Sol.MB is talking about the same guy in those two posts as they were posted yesterday and today.

Aw I see, my mistake.

secondcap · 21-07-2014 6:07am

Ive been reading these posts with interest, I would have sympathy with some of the girls on here but the problem is it makes it very hard for guys on POF or any of those sites when certain guys behave like that so then girls think we are all the same, I find it hard to get any replies and I defo wouldnt be asking girls about their underwear or any mad stuff like that!!!

ZiabR · 21-07-2014 11:33am

Online dating can and does work, it is about managing expectations and I think being honest up front about what you are looking for. I met my partner on PoF 4 years ago. I don't really drink and nor does she. We do drink but just not alot or often so meeting someone in the pubs and nightclubs was never going to happen.

Roll on to now and we bought a house 2 years ago and are planning our wedding now. Not saying online dating will work for everyone but it worked for us. Also, don't think you will meet someone that you will click with on your first date, it takes many horrible dates to find someone that works for you.

Sol.MB · 21-07-2014 5:05pm

apple_trees wrote: »

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

It was all the one date. Not a different date. I have definitely learned not to try and make something work that doesn't feel right. I am a straight talker, honest but definitely sensitive to people's feelings. If a person feels insulted and they want to carry on meeting they should say it then and there and clear the air. As we are all different and due to not knowing the person well enough to know which way to take it.

Corkgirl210 · 23-07-2014 4:09pm

Ive had different experiences on online dating.. i had 2 online friends for years that ended up as boyfriends funnily enough... so that was dating by accident i spose.. then ive met others on dating websites... emotionally unvailable men... (in relationships, pining over previous relationships, not too bothered, just looking for nsa etc.) no body to write home about... ive given up on the idea of online dating... nothing beats face to face interaction!

JeffKenna · 23-07-2014 6:20pm

Sol.MB wrote: »

It was all the one date. Not a different date. I have definitely learned not to try and make something work that doesn't feel right. I am a straight talker, honest but definitely sensitive to people's feelings. If a person feels insulted and they want to carry on meeting they should say it then and there and clear the air. As we are all different and due to not knowing the person well enough to know which way to take it.

To be honest the one thing I've learned about online dating is that if you have a tendency to be a 'straight talker' then it's best to rein it in when you don't really know someone at the start.

I would consider myself a straight talker like yourself, until I made a girl cry on a date. I felt quite guilty and after some self examination I realised online dating would be an absolutely horrific experience if everyone were 'straight talkers' like ourselves.

catallus · 23-07-2014 7:04pm

What did you say to her to make her cry!??

JeffKenna · 23-07-2014 7:17pm

catallus wrote: »

What did you say to her to make her cry!??

To be honest it's something that I wouldn't discuss on a public forum. She had her own issues and I just happened to hit on one.

In any case the point I was trying to make is that being a 'straight talker' isn't the best way to be when meeting people the first few times. It's grand to say, 'oh that's who I am' or have an attitude like that but in reality meeting people for the first time or so is quite difficult and a certain level of decorum is excepted.

Lone Stone · 24-07-2014 12:50am

Met a lot lovely women of dating websites, met my last girlfrdiend of pof, had plenty of dates. I found a lot seem to have this where are we going ? Mentality one said that to me, sent up warning flares in my over active imagination. A lot seemed to have this dumb founding expectation that you should know and like everything they like instead of like showing the person hay here i love this place yada yada.

and be open and joke a lot i think every one i met had a good laugh, even if you meet some one of a site or where ever and you imediatly get that, not like his or her photo dont be a rude twat you mite not be what they expected either but mite aswell hang out for a few hours unless they are rude or reveal they just wanted you for sex which oddly happened me 3 times which put me rite off. Eww how many did they that with.

greengirl31 · 25-07-2014 11:17am

I've used POF on and off over the years ... I had some OK results - some nice dates but no spark as well as some sleeze bags but nothing long term. But I do think that like everything else, you get out what you put in - IE if you spend a lot of time on the site you will get more interaction ... You can't just sit back and wait for the messages and date requests to come in when you put a profile up

I'm just wondering what the age profile is for the posters on this thread who have used POF - with or without success. I'm 37 now and I think it's getting harder to find anyone 'normal' on it ... Also, I hate the "meet me" function ... People just see the pic and click - I end up getting loads of meet me requests but when you read the profiles you see that we've nothing in common

catallus · 25-07-2014 11:20am

How much can one really tell that they have in common with someone from one of those profiles anyways?

Meauldsegosha · 25-07-2014 11:32am

catallus wrote: »

How much can one really tell that they have in common with someone from one of those profiles anyways?

Not a lot, profiles are only a snap of the person at the time they were writing it. That is why you should never invest too much into messages on line. You need to meet them in person to see what a person is really like.

When I was doing on line dating I chat to someone for a week at most and if they weren't interested in meeting after that time I wouldn't expend anymore energy on them. I was on a dating website not a penpal website.

I've seen it numerous times on this forum, people get over invested in someone they met on line. People can bullsh*t a lot from behind a computer screen so you need to meet them person to get a true sense of them.

Richy06 · 25-07-2014 11:34am

Having used both POF and OKCupid, I noticed that OKCupid is much less of a hunting ground for NSA sex than POF. The way you're matched according to how you answer questions is kinda handy also and takes some of the trial and error out of it. Especially for women, anyway.

greengirl31 · 25-07-2014 11:37am

catallus wrote: »

How much can one really tell that they have in common with someone from one of those profiles anyways?

Oh I know you can't tell a whole lot but you can get some sort of a feel (Pardon the Pun :P) for the person - For example ... If someone's just looking for a hook up, if they took the time to read my profile they've known that that's not what I'm into

Meauldsegosha · 25-07-2014 11:38am

Richy06 wrote: »

Having used both POF and OKCupid, I noticed that OKCupid is much less of a hunting ground for NSA sex than POF. The way you're matched according to how you answer questions is kinda handy also and takes some of the trial and error out of it. Especially for women, anyway.

I wouldn't put too much faith into those questions. Anyone that I was matched highly with I had nothing in common with them after reading their profile or exchanging some messages with them.

catallus · 25-07-2014 11:43am

greengirl31 wrote: »

Oh I know you can't tell a whole lot but you can get some sort of a feel (Pardon the Pun :P) for the person - For example ... If someone's just looking for a hook up, if they took the time to read my profile they've known that that's not what I'm into

I changed mine recently for a number of reasons and now there's no pic and the profile is mostly gobbledygook.

LegacyUser · 27-07-2014 10:12pm

I find girls have very high expectations on these dating websites. I have a friend who is a serious looker and these expectations go out the window when these women see him. Online dating is no different than real life.

Sol.MB · 01-08-2014 11:51pm

Another date that was a waste of time. Guy started the night off asking about how Tinder was going for me and basically tips on how to meet people. Grand I said, this is just conversation, a common ground on how we met. Was a funny guy but bordering on smart ass. Started saying if there is no chemistry on dates then there is no point, it's like talking to your sister.... I said to myself, waste of time. Told him about another date where the guy spend the entire time talking about himself and then nothing at the end of the night, no kiss, hug, just basically ran away lol. And he thought that was weird and he ended up doing the same thing really.
Now everyone reading this probably thinks I pounced or scared them off in someway but I really don't think I did. I was interested in him and now I'm just pissed off with myself. These dates etch away at your confidence whether you like it or not. A first date basically requires you to give a run down of yourself. After doing six"First" dates in two months I wonder what I am doing wrong. Is it my height, weight, hair, teeth, and worst of all my personality. I can;t change who I am! I don't try too hard on these dates where I would seem like I'm bordering on eager.

I just hope there is someone decent out there to share the good times with

LordNorbury · 02-08-2014 11:56am

Sol.MB wrote: »

Another date that was a waste of time. Guy started the night off asking about how Tinder was going for me and basically tips on how to meet people. Grand I said, this is just conversation, a common ground on how we met. Was a funny guy but bordering on smart ass. Started saying if there is no chemistry on dates then there is no point, it's like talking to your sister.... I said to myself, waste of time. Told him about another date where the guy spend the entire time talking about himself and then nothing at the end of the night, no kiss, hug, just basically ran away lol. And he thought that was weird and he ended up doing the same thing really.
Now everyone reading this probably thinks I pounced or scared them off in someway but I really don't think I did. I was interested in him and now I'm just pissed off with myself. These dates etch away at your confidence whether you like it or not. A first date basically requires you to give a run down of yourself. After doing six"First" dates in two months I wonder what I am doing wrong. Is it my height, weight, hair, teeth, and worst of all my personality. I can;t change who I am! I don't try too hard on these dates where I would seem like I'm bordering on eager.

I just hope there is someone decent out there to share the good times with

If you wanted to kiss him, why did you leave it to him to initiate it? You could have made the first move and he would most likely have responded positively.

I'm an online dater in my mid 30's and it amazes me how women keep their cards so close to their chest on these dates, I'm chatty and personable so my dates tend to go well, I've no problem getting dates, although am not looking for anything hugely serious at the mo, but it never fails to amaze me how women I go on dates with these days, and these tend to be proper dinner dates, they're often obviously very nervous, up tight, one huge romance killer I have to say, is that they are often highly suspicious/paranoid/cynical, a lot of this may stem from the sheer number of arséholes and liars that are online these days, people pretending they are single when they are actually married or in a relationship.

If guys are not pursuing a 2nd date with you, then you should step back and examine where the problem might be. If your pics are recent and are clearly a fair and reasonable reflection of what you look like, then the cause of the poor results you are seeing, is unlikely to be anything to do with your appearance, but more to do with how you are presenting on a date. Guys pick up on the tiniest of things, if you are nervous, it's a romance killer on a date, as is cynicism and boring conversation. I'm not saying that you are any of these things, but my best advice to you is don't be afraid to loosen up a bit on a date, don't be afraid to flirt a bit too, guys need signals and when it comes to internet dates, the barriers for some reason are often kept up very high, I've been on dates where it felt more like an interview. Don't forget that it is a date, it is meant to be romantic, flirty, giddy, mischievous and basically it's meant to be fun!

Also, if you don't get a kiss on a first date, if the conversation was good and if you thought the guy treated you respectfully, basically I suppose the best way of putting this is that if you haven't regretted giving him 2-3 hours of your life that evening for a date, don't be afraid to suggest or explore the option of meeting him again, I personally find first date kisses notoriously difficult for all the reasons I set out above, I'm warm and personable and chatty but underneath when it comes to first kisses, I'm a bit shy, women rarely legislate for how difficult it can be to initiate a first kiss, because it is always left to the guy!

Zirconia · 03-08-2014 11:01am

Sol.MB wrote: »

...and then nothing at the end of the night, no kiss, hug....

I guess he possibly might have had the same thoughts about you, don't you think?

miamee · 05-08-2014 2:33pm

Sol.MB wrote: »

Another date that was a waste of time. Guy started the night off asking about how Tinder was going for me and basically tips on how to meet people. Grand I said, this is just conversation, a common ground on how we met. Was a funny guy but bordering on smart ass. Started saying if there is no chemistry on dates then there is no point, it's like talking to your sister.... I said to myself, waste of time. Told him about another date where the guy spend the entire time talking about himself and then nothing at the end of the night, no kiss, hug, just basically ran away lol. And he thought that was weird and he ended up doing the same thing really.
Now everyone reading this probably thinks I pounced or scared them off in someway but I really don't think I did. I was interested in him and now I'm just pissed off with myself. These dates etch away at your confidence whether you like it or not. A first date basically requires you to give a run down of yourself. After doing six"First" dates in two months I wonder what I am doing wrong. Is it my height, weight, hair, teeth, and worst of all my personality. I can;t change who I am! I don't try too hard on these dates where I would seem like I'm bordering on eager.

I just hope there is someone decent out there to share the good times with

I know some people can be nervous on dates but talking about previous dates on a first date is usually not a good idea. A bit like not complaining about your previous employer in a job interview :P

However - if you want kisses, hugs or anything else at the end of a date, you need to either a) initiate it, b) ask for one (usually works :pac:) or c) make it plainly obvious that you are interested so that he might make a move. And I mean VERY obvious. Perhaps your idea of not trying too hard looks to others like you just aren't interested?

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