Online Dating

Sol.MB

Hi All,

I just wanted to know what are people's experiences on online dating. While first dates have gone perfectly fine, afterwards they text me and the texts are just not appropriate for someone I have just met. At the time of meeting they were courteous, kind, friendly. Then they get home and text me asking what I'm wearing, how they want me in their bed and what are the size of ...you get it. Like we are all human and have urges, I am not a prude. But are there any gentlemen out there. Nowadays it seems that even on their profile and on the first date they tell you they are looking for a relationship and want to settle down but it all ends up that they want to get into your pants and toddle off. No effort, no romance, not even dinner.

I have been in longterm relationships and would enjoy flirting on a date not sexting when they didn't even make a move.

<mod snip>

Tokyo

Hi OP,

general discussion type threads usually aren't allowed in PI. However, seeing as there are personal aspects to your post, I'll allow it for now as long as it doesn't descend into general discussion about dating tips and advice.

Regards,
Mike

DoozerT6

Sol.MB, there is an Online Dating forum here on Boards You have to have (I think) a minimum of 50 posts to get access, and you have to PM one of the moderators of the forum for access also, try PMing Miamee or Knucklehead6. You'll get lots of advice and be able to vent/rant there!

Sol.MB

Okey Doke, thanks all!

Pinkmoon19

Sol.MB I totally feel your pain. I've actually thought of opening a thread about just this problem. Sometimes I'm not even getting to the 1st date and their trying to sext. It is so annoying. I've also had a couple of guys arrange something and then cancel last minute which is infuriating.

Fair enough if they're up front and say at the start that all they want is sex, grand everyone knows where the stand. It annoys me so much when you've been in contact for a couple of days and then BAM they want to know what colour your underwear is and when you're free for a hook up. I treat Snapchat with a code red these days. As soon as that hated word is uttered I know it's Game Over.

Sol.MB

I totally agree! Finally someone who feels my pain! It's not like you're desperate and at the same time it's not like you don't eventually want to go beyond the art of conversation or kissing, but with the right guy!

Advise to guys out there; treat a girl you really like well and everything will fall into place. Don't expect desert before you even go for a meal! lol

Sponge25

OP: Online dating is kinda like real life dating in many ways. There's aholes online just like in real life and there's good guys online just like in real life. It's just an easier way to meet people.

I met my wife online. :P

Be safe, especially if you're female. Always meet in a very public area. Never go anywhere alone with a guy untill you trust him. I'm not saying online dating is dagnerous or anything anymore than normal dating but better safe than sorry is all. Alot of people have met their spouses online.

I was bored once I wanted female company. Like just company, a cute girl to go cinema with so I went on craigslist dublin and a few days later I went cinema with a really sweet girl. Other times, I got msg from gay people saying disgusting things to me which I can't repeat her or else i'd be banned, but if you don't mind the odd dope you'll find someone nice online.

Last time I went on craigslist dublin, I met an American girl (American girls are CRAZY for Irish lads, there's more Americans on craigslist dublin dating than Irish girls, met up with her, been with her ever since. We love each other alot

I hope you meet someone nice. If you need any more advice feel free to PM me. (Mod; I'm not asking anyone to PM me. I'm saying if you should feel the need to, feel free.)

zoobizoo

Have you tried a dating agency?

At least you know that the people who sign up are paying because they want to find a themselves a long term partner.

Pinkmoon19

Sol.MB wrote: »

Don't expect desert before you even go for a meal! lol

Exactly! I went onto POF in the hope of getting a few fun dates, that could lead to intimacy. Why is that soooo hard to find? Do these guys really think that a few dirty messages is going to have you ripping your clothes off and jumping in to bed with them?! It kind of reminds me of the last 20 minutes of Coppers It's like as soon as you tell them you're not going to be a booty call that their like "ooooh she's looking for a serious relationship". There is a middle ground.

Pawwed Rig

Sol.MB wrote: »

But are there any gentlemen out there. Nowadays it seems that even on their profile and on the first date they tell you they are looking for a relationship and want to settle down but it all ends up that they want to get into your pants and toddle off. No effort, no romance, not even dinner.

Yes there are lots of guys that want the exact same thing as you and are as equally frustrated with the dating scene. Are you being proactive yourself? Alot of girls on these sites sit back and wait for messages to come in while never sending any themselves.

miamee

Sol.MB, pay close attention to people's profiles. Some people may say they are looking for long-term dating when they aren't but a lot of the time they will fill in that they are looking for "friends" or "casual dating" or similar, i.e. no commitment but they may not explicitly say they are looking for an intimate encounter - even though they are.

Also be very upfront about what you are looking for in your profile (if you haven't already). If you're not sure, maybe get a friend to have a read over it and see what they think.

Unfortunately, no matter how careful you are there will still be people who say they want one thing because they think it's what you want to hear or else they just change their mind. It happens.

There are lots of genuine people on OD however now that it is a lot more mainstream and popular the percentage of people wasting time, boosting their egos and generally just on it for the laugh instead of to find someone has also increased hugely. You have to kiss a lot more frogs to find your prince(ss) these days

zoobizoo

That;s the good thing about a matchmaking agency - they whittle people out who are chancers and just looking for one thing

Pinkmoon19

The thing with me is that I'm not specifically looking for long term, but not a one night stand either. Is there such a thing as something casual? Maybe I'm the one who is being unrealistic!

ShowMeTheCash

I would like to add some perspective to this.

I tried the online dating thing a few years back, I had been in a relationship 8 years so by the time I was single 2010 - 2011 I was a little dubious about the whole thing as it was not as big in the early Naughtys late ninty's..

I met a variety of different women but I did get a lot of was desperate individuals...

To give one example, I remember meeting a lady for a drink, we met we said hello, we ordered a drink and started chatting usual stuff, but within about an hour I basically had this chick tell me she needs to know if this could go somewhere as she did not want to waste her time......

Too me this was nuts, I only met her a few hours before and I forgot to bring my crystal ball, but she was not the only one that was like this, i met a few that said simialr thing....

Granted I met some really nice cool "normal" people...
Oh and one shoplifter and a Psycho...

I guess the online dating thing has it's flaws, you are metting someone with the pretense of something romantic happening, sometimes that does not work and sometimes you really know nothing about them! Swings and round abouts I guess!

If a guy is trying from the get go to get into your knickers I doubt he see's you as a long term goal more a passing fling, but females sometimes look for the same...

Getting into your kickers is also a long term goal also but if a guy thinks your worth it he will wait...

Love or Lust is usually the category to which guys will put you in.

Just need to figure out which they see you as and also which you wanted to be seen as.

Pinkmoon19

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

To give one example, I remember meeting a lady for a drink, we met we said hello, we ordered a drink and started chatting usual stuff, but within about an hour I basically had this chick tell me she needs to know if this could go somewhere as she did not want to waste her time......
.

:D:D Omg what a looper!!

ShowMeTheCash

wolfen wrote: »

:D:D Omg what a looper!!

She was the shop lifter!

castaway_lady

Here's my two cents worth, having tried it, quit, tried it, quit. tried it etc etc

Definitely go for it.
Don't use it as your only means to meet people
State what you want in your profile
Dont lie or put up outdated or touched up pics on your profile.
Keep your expectations low to moderate
Dont use pay only sites
Dont get overly enthusiastic about anyone short of two months meeting up
Dont abandon your normal standards
Dont get pissed on dates
Apply all the usual safety advice
Treat it as 'another option' not the whole menu!

Plenty of totally normal people on it alongside a multitude of freaks and pervs.

Pinkmoon19

Thought you all would appreciate this. I was supposed to be going on a dinner date with a guy from Pof tonight. He's just messaged me a couple of hours ago saying he was really sorry but he needed to cancel as he's just found out he's got chlamydia ðŸ˜႒ and here was me thinking we where just going for dinner 😜

Meauldsegosha

wolfen wrote: »

Thought you all would appreciate this. I was supposed to be going on a dinner date with a guy from Pof tonight. He's just messaged me a couple of hours ago saying he was really sorry but he needed to cancel as he's just found out he's got chlamydia ðŸ˜႒ and here was me thinking we where just going for dinner 😜

Maybe he is upset about having an STD and doesn't feel like entertaining you at a dinner date.

thebannerboy

wolfen wrote: »

Thought you all would appreciate this. I was supposed to be going on a dinner date with a guy from Pof tonight. He's just messaged me a couple of hours ago saying he was really sorry but he needed to cancel as he's just found out he's got chlamydia ðŸ˜႒ and here was me thinking we where just going for dinner 😜

Oh that's real nice that is!

Sheog

Charming!

I was using POF for a while earlier this year, but got a bit tired of it. My last date on it was going very well until the guy pulled a massive sulk because I refused to go home with him on the first date. It's very clear on my profile that I'm looking for dating/ a relationship so he clearly hadn't bothered to check, or maybe he thought that I'd be desperate enough! Needless to say, there was no further contact from either of us after that unpleasant standoff!

As it turns out, I met a lovely random guy who lives in London at Glastonbury a few weeks ago, and he's planning a little visit to Dublin in a few weeks to see me. Watch this space!

So, I agree with castaway_lady; don't abandon your normal standards, and don't use it as your only method of meeting people... and remember, 'Just keep swimming!'

catallus

I must say I'm having a good run of luck on POF, met 3 women in the past few weeks and they seem to be really easy-going and normal!

J_E

18 months so far with someone I met online - I can happily say it was worth it.

mrty

Sol.MB wrote: »

Hi All,

I just wanted to know what are people's experiences on online dating. While first dates have gone perfectly fine, afterwards they text me and the texts are just not appropriate for someone I have just met. At the time of meeting they were courteous, kind, friendly. Then they get home and text me asking what I'm wearing, how they want me in their bed and what are the size of ...you get it. Like we are all human and have urges, I am not a prude. But are there any gentlemen out there. Nowadays it seems that even on their profile and on the first date they tell you they are looking for a relationship and want to settle down but it all ends up that they want to get into your pants and toddle off. No effort, no romance, not even dinner.

I have been in longterm relationships and would enjoy flirting on a date not sexting when they didn't even make a move.

<mod snip>

I hate hearing that kind of thing it doesn't bode well for all us normal singles. :-) lads like that are single for a reason, oh and yes I know I am too but for very different reasons.

Sol.MB

Another waste of time again. Cut the cord on a potential relationship as the guy was a wierdo, took everything I said as a judgement which was utterly ridiculous. Super sensitive and left without explanation. Got the longest text known to man to say why he left and I just said yeah we are not suited if you are this sensitive. I am actually a very nice girl and known for pulling ppl up not pushing them down. Other events happening in online dating are two booty call requests at 4 o clock on a sunday night. Taking time out for myself for a few weeks at least. This dating is beyond tiring and head wrecking.

Stavro Mueller

The thing about online dating is that you can't screen people in the same way you would in real life. So the risk of going on a date with someone you'd have avoided in a bar or managed to shake off after five minutes of a conversation is always going to be there. It's a numbers game really and if you want to try it, be prepared for the frogs. I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly nice single people on those sites but you've also got to sift through the married ones, the weirdos etc. It's not a bad idea either to get a SIM card with another phone number on it and pop that into a spare handset. It's easy for me to say it from behind a keyboard but try not to become too invested in any of these people. Not that you'd not run the risk of hooking up with them if you met them in a bar either...

Sol.MB

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

I would like to add some perspective to this.

I tried the online dating thing a few years back, I had been in a relationship 8 years so by the time I was single 2010 - 2011 I was a little dubious about the whole thing as it was not as big in the early Naughtys late ninty's..

I met a variety of different women but I did get a lot of was desperate individuals...

To give one example, I remember meeting a lady for a drink, we met we said hello, we ordered a drink and started chatting usual stuff, but within about an hour I basically had this chick tell me she needs to know if this could go somewhere as she did not want to waste her time......

Too me this was nuts, I only met her a few hours before and I forgot to bring my crystal ball, but she was not the only one that was like this, i met a few that said simialr thing....

Granted I met some really nice cool "normal" people...
Oh and one shoplifter and a Psycho...

I guess the online dating thing has it's flaws, you are metting someone with the pretense of something romantic happening, sometimes that does not work and sometimes you really know nothing about them! Swings and round abouts I guess!

If a guy is trying from the get go to get into your knickers I doubt he see's you as a long term goal more a passing fling, but females sometimes look for the same...

Getting into your kickers is also a long term goal also but if a guy thinks your worth it he will wait...

Love or Lust is usually the category to which guys will put you in.

Just need to figure out which they see you as and also which you wanted to be seen as.

I have to say the question of Love or Lust is very good way of seeking out why a particular guy is interested in you.

I had a weekend of it. Guy I was dating came over to stay the night. We both decided this before and because he lives away and we were going to have drink out. Night was going ok, and eventually headed home and all of a sudden he left. Drive home with drink, not much but enough. Left without explanation. He texted back the next day explaining he was annoyed with what I said but it was banter not insults. That's the end of that anyway!

apple_trees

Sol.MB wrote: »

I have to say the question of Love or Lust is very good way of seeking out why a particular guy is interested in you.

I had a weekend of it. Guy I was dating came over to stay the night. We both decided this before and because he lives away and we were going to have drink out. Night was going ok, and eventually headed home and all of a sudden he left. Drive home with drink, not much but enough. Left without explanation. He texted back the next day explaining he was annoyed with what I said but it was banter not insults. That's the end of that anyway!

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

JeffKenna

apple_trees wrote: »

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

I have to agree with this...also that guy left when he was supposed to be staying the night...aka onto a sure thing. Would have taken something major for him to have hopped into a car and run away from that situation?

Meauldsegosha

apple_trees wrote: »

Hmm I'm going to play devils advocate here - one date you say was overly sensitive and took everything you said as a judgement sending you a long text to explain this. Then last nights date left because he felt insulted, while you saw it as banter.

Would there be any chance that you are coming across as a little abrupt/insensitive/insulting without meaning to?

Just putting it out there for a wee think.

I think Sol.MB is talking about the same guy in those two posts as they were posted yesterday and today.

apple_trees

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I think Sol.MB is talking about the same guy in those two posts as they were posted yesterday and today.

Aw I see, my mistake.