Funny moments at funeral's!

DazMarz · 24-07-2014 01:11AM

Witnessed the priest falling into the grave at a funeral. Not once, but twice. At the same funeral. Needless to say, I had to pretend I was suddenly stricken with grief... it's amazing how giggling and laughing can be turned into "crying"...

Sir Arthur Daley · 24-07-2014 01:58AM

Was at the rosary of a close relative in another town, the prayers were said the public left and it was just the families who were talking catching up. In walks the undertaker and out loud shouts have ye any home to go to?
One of my cousins shouted back been thrown out of plenty pubs and nightclubs but never thrown out of a funeral home before.

harry Bailey esq · 24-07-2014 02:16AM

Sulla Felix wrote: »

My fathers funeral, group of his oldest best friends assigned to do the carry (my brothers and cousins did it from church to hearse). So, whatever way they manage it we all hear the funeral director furiously whispering "no, no, you've got it backwards, get it turned around!" to which the wisecrack Ken replies "No, we've got it right, we're heading back to the pub!" that we'd passed on the way.
Few hundred people roaring laughing. Dad would have loved it. :pac:

That's actually quite nice,a bit of humour,correctly delivered, softens the blow. When my da died his youngest brother,the black sheep of the family and a notorious boozehound insisted on doing a reading.My da was fond of a game of poker.Anyways he starts off talking about the fun he and me da used to have on there monthly poker nights,very coherent and well thought out.15 minutes later he was still up on the altar,preaching to the flock about how to con online bookmakers,eventually the priest had to cut him off,although it was cringeworthy to watch at the time,11years later we all still remember his 'eulogy' and have a good giggle.and like yourself id say pops was looking down(or up) on us pissin himself laughing

ohohseven · 24-07-2014 02:19AM

A couple of years ago my grandfather died so my family had the " brilliant" idea of having my newborn cousins christening on the same day as my grandfather's funeral. It was the same priest , same mass. However the quite elderly priest muddled up the sacraments and effectively buried my cousin and christened my grandfather.

Sir Arthur Daley · 24-07-2014 02:21AM

ohohseven wrote: »

A couple of years ago my grandfather died so my family had the " brilliant" idea of having my newborn cousins christening on the same day as my grandfather's funeral. It was the same priest , same mass. However the quite elderly priest muddled up the sacraments and effectively buried my cousin and christened my grandfather.

One mass where a funeral and baptism happened it did of course :rolleyes:

harry Bailey esq · 24-07-2014 02:26AM

ballsymchugh wrote: »

this thread brings home how the irish people are so much better at dealing with death than where i am in the UK. over here it's a stiff upper lip thing, you wait a couple of weeks for your slot at the crematorium and then it's done in a few minutes. all very sterile.

anyway, at a funeral of a relatively young neighbour a few years ago, an older neighbour was sympathising with the family saying how shocking it was. the poor lad died from electrocution!

brilliant!

ohohseven · 24-07-2014 02:33AM

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

One mass where a funeral and baptism happened it did of course :rolleyes:

No I made it up so everyone would want to be my friend and by me pretty things. It's a thread about funny funeral stories so I had my input, so kindly bugger off

Sir Arthur Daley · 24-07-2014 02:35AM

ohohseven wrote: »

No I made it up so everyone would want to be my friend and by me pretty things. It's a thread about funny funeral stories so I had my input, so kindly bugger off

Join facebook if you want to make friends, you will get a better result in accumulating friends and your facebook friends believing it. :pac:

ohohseven · 24-07-2014 02:40AM

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Join facebook if you want to make friends, you will get a better result in accumulating friends and your facebook friends believing it. :pac:

I am on facebook and I don't care if you believe it or not. Now if you don't mind Vicarius filii dei go bother someone else.

Sir Arthur Daley · 24-07-2014 02:45AM

ohohseven wrote: »

I am on facebook and I don't care if you believe it or not. Now if you don't mind Vicarius filii dei go bother someone else.

Ok, can we be facebook friends at least?

ardle1 · 24-07-2014 02:47AM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

A couple of years ago when my grandmother was alive. She went to a 'friends' funeral, in the graveyard she was paying respects to the family. She asked one woman ''How your mother?'' The woman replied ''She's just being buried there''.
Do you have any funny funeral moments?

The Master wrote: »

when are you when heat legend dies

was sat at home drinking brain fluid when fred ring

'heat is die'

'Noooooooooo'

What is appenin innit:cool:

ardle1 · 24-07-2014 02:55AM

RoadhouseBlues wrote: »

Years ago at my fathers funeral. You can imagine its a horrible time and your head is all over the place. Near the end when people were coming up shaking hands, this old man came over. To this day I don't know who he was, and I've asked the family and they don't know either. But he had the biggest nose I have ever seen in my life. When he leaned forward to shake hands, I had to lean back in case it hit me. I didn't laugh, but I know if I had to look around at the rest of them I would have been in convulsions. Can you imagine that.

Someone I know was at another funeral, and the person in front of them shook hands with one of the family. Instead of saying, "Sorry for your troubles*, they said "Congratulations"

I was kinda laughing at your post, but when I read the last bit I bursted

Poxyshamrock · 24-07-2014 02:55AM

I know of one funeral where the priest was blessing the coffin by sprinkling the water on it with that water sprinkling tool and bowl thing when the stick flew out of his hand and got one of the relatives in the face.

Also, this happened at Joe Duffy's relative's funeral last year!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2405341/Prepare-doors-landing-Funeral-interrupted-air-stewardess-message-radio-signals-passing-plane-picked-churchs-speakers.html

ohohseven · 24-07-2014 02:55AM

Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »

Ok, can we be facebook friends at least?

Could atleast buy me dinner first.

Kerplunk124 · 24-07-2014 03:08AM

These stories are brilliant, keep them up.

TGJD · 24-07-2014 05:08AM

At my grandmother's funeral a couple of years ago my extended family and I were standing in the funeral parlour shaking hands with sympathisers as you do. It had been a long night and toward the end one of my cousins had become confused in the monotonous routine and instead of the usual thank you for coming response to the usual sorry for your loss, he was greeting people with " I'm sorry"
My brother and I were standing near him trying not to laugh. It brightened up a sad day a bit anyway.

mickydoomsux · 24-07-2014 07:24AM

I was at a funeral once and someone farted on the corpses balls.

Oh, how we all laffed and laffed.

ToddyDoody · 24-07-2014 07:57AM

At a great aunt's funeral while prayers were being said at the graveside, some fcuker from a nearby group let it rip during two consecutive moments of silence... "we now take a moment to remember in our own way our dear departed sister".........*squeak*....*squeak*....*BOOM*.....*sniiggering*...."and we ask the lord that he may..."

blinding · 24-07-2014 08:33AM

TGJD wrote: »

At my grandmother's funeral a couple of years ago my extended family and I were standing in the funeral parlour shaking hands with sympathisers as you do. It had been a long night and toward the end one of my cousins had become confused in the monotonous routine and instead of the usual thank you for coming response to the usual sorry for your loss, he was greeting people with " I'm sorry"
My brother and I were standing near him trying not to laugh. It brightened up a sad day a bit anyway.

Same happened to me. Ending up saying "Sorry For your Troubles" to the sympathisers. I'd say it happens a lot because of the situation.

recyclops · 24-07-2014 09:55AM

at my mothers funeral we needed to go round the church twice as the funeral director didnt want us getting out of the car laughing due a joke my bro told just as we were driving in the church gates

the flowers on the altar gradually went on fire and nobody decided to speak up until they start smoking and set off the fire alarms, then when tossing muck onto the grave as is tradition a lose rock was in my bros and it sounded like a knock on the coffin twice, shocked a fair few people.

all in all the fact all this happened has given me a much better memory of my mums funeral

Samhain · 24-07-2014 11:00AM

In the West, we have the "Death notices" on local radio. My father was listening and a notice was read for out for an old friend of his called Pat Dixon. He decided to go and pay his respects. He sympathised with the mourners and made his way back down the church to stand at the back in true ould man style.
As the funeral was proceeding out of the church he was tapped on the shoulder, turned around and was met face to face with Pat Dixon. He nearly had a heart attack with the shock of seeing a dead man standing in front of him.
It turned out the Pat Dixon he thought was in the coffin, was attending the funeral of a different man called Pat Dixon who lived in the same town. After the initial shock, he told Pat of his gaffe and the two of them had to go out to the side of the church to break down in hysterics!

Maphisto · 24-07-2014 11:37AM

Samhain wrote: »

In the West, we have the "Death notices" on local radio. My father was listening and a notice was read for out for an old friend of his called Pat Dixon. He decided to go and pay his respects. He sympathised with the mourners and made his way back down the church to stand at the back in true ould man style.
As the funeral was proceeding out of the church he was tapped on the shoulder, turned around and was met face to face with Pat Dixon. He nearly had a heart attack with the shock of seeing a dead man standing in front of him.
It turned out the Pat Dixon he thought was in the coffin, was attending the funeral of a different man called Pat Dixon who lived in the same town. After the initial shock, he told Pat of his gaffe and the two of them had to go out to the side of the church to break down in hysterics!

That is just so typical, I know a couple of people like your Dad;)

Jagdtiger · 24-07-2014 11:40AM

My ma told me that while at her uncles burial in Donegal she saw the sextons exhuming an old nearby grave for a new burial.
Just as she passed the sexton in the grave held out a skull with perfect teeth, bar one that was missing from the front and calling out to the other auld lads with him said 'look, this must have been where he hung his pipe'

Stone Deaf 4evr · 24-07-2014 12:40PM

When my grandmother on my mothers side passed away, i took a few days off work to help with arrangements. An older lad I worked with thought it was my fathers mother who had died, and expressed a lot of sympathy as they would have known each other well when they were younger. I corrected him on his mistake, and told my Fathers mother that my work colleague was asking for her.

Fast forward to the removal, we're all sitting along the line, and my grandmother is sitting beside me, when in walks my work colleague. he shakes hands with me, and is just about to go for my grandmothers hand when she loudly exclaims "HA HA!, you thought it was me that was gone!" - cue the rest of the line cracking up and my buddy heading out through the crowd with a big red head on him.

Bog Standard User · 24-07-2014 01:03PM

whirlpool wrote: »

Towards the end of my grandad's funeral, the church's fire alarm started going off. Things got awkward. Nobody budged though, some of us started to giggle uncontrollably (me included.) After a few minutes the alarm stopped. Within thirty seconds a car alarm started going off in the car park. That took us through to the end of the mass.

Ah ye had to be there! :pac:

was your grandad a burglar or an alarm installer before he died?

failinis · 24-07-2014 01:04PM

My Grandfather insisted that my Grandmothers coffin would be carried from the church to the grave yard which was not that far away to be fair - but it was icy and you needed to go up/down hills.
I am glad to say they never dropped her coffin, but they were all over the shop like deer on ice!

whitewave · 24-07-2014 01:09PM

Went to my grandaunt's funeral when I was about 8 or 9, hadn't really known her but had to go sit in the funeral parlour with my parents anyway before the removal. Walked in and saw my cousin, decided I'd sit with her so a little old lady sitting on the bench moved up to make room for me. Except the bench wasn't as long as she thought, so she took an absolute hopper off the bench onto the floor, hitting the door which slammed shut so everyone turned to look at this tiny crumpled up auld one on the floor, and me red-faced looking like I'd pushed her.

galvo_clare · 24-07-2014 01:21PM

Typical country funeral in West Clare, about half way through Mass.
Well-known politician comes in the back door and looks for a familiar face. He sidles up to my friend who's sitting a few rows back from the front.

"C'mere (name), who's dead?"

"My grandmother."

RoadhouseBlues · 24-07-2014 01:29PM

ardle1 wrote: »

I was kinda laughing at your post, but when I read the last bit I bursted

Its all true I'm afraid. It was an older woman so I hear. I don't know what was in her head but yeah. She congratulated them:-)

banie01 · 24-07-2014 01:43PM

I posted this story here before and on a blog I contribute to aswell, but I'll roll it out again here

It was a laugh I had at one of the lowest points in my life, and a memory that showed me in even in our darkest moments that there is always a glimmer of light and hope.

My son was 3 at the time of his Mam's funeral and in my arms, being 3 he was fascinated by the pageantry of “the mass”.
He was asking questions to beat the band, and I’m a firm believer in being as honest and open as I can be with him (always age appropriately, of course!)- so I was doing my best to answer him. I explained the priest and mass to Josh, along the lines of;
‘Well some people feel like they need to gather together to celebrate what they believe and to give thanks to their God, and often the priest leads them in prayer’.
‘Which I think is a bit silly, really’, I told him, ‘Because if God is everywhere surely you can talk to him wherever ya like and you don't someone in the middle to place the call'
Next up came Communion.
How do you explain transubstantiation and all the associated mumbo jumbo to a child?!
Well I gave it a stab! I told my son that the priest, and Catholics in general, believe that during the Eucharist the bread and wine are miraculously transformed into the actual real body and blood of a bloke called Jesus……
He looks at me while trying to make sense of this new information, and asks the incisive question.
‘Like a magic trick, Dad?’
Smiling to myself at his common sense view of the ritual,I answered, ‘Yes, monkey! Just like a magic trick’.
Later, as the mass ended and the priest was returning his paraphernalia to the sacristy, he turned to me and said ‘Dad, I don’t want to come here anymore!’
Knowing that I never wanted to see the inside of that church again; knowing that it was another step towards burying his Mam and saying goodbye to what was our little family’s planned future, I wasn’t surprised by our son’s firm statement.
But also, knowing that he was as confused and scared as I was, and that he clearly needed answers and surety that was my job to provide to him… I asked, ‘Why?’
He looked up at me with an unexpected bright smile and said ‘Because that’s the stupidest magic show I have ever seen!!’
I won’t lie, it was the most inopportune moment I’ve ever chosen to laugh in my entire life but I did. And in that laugh, I was joined by my family and friends who’d heard the little exchange. I don’t regret it at all, in fact I’m glad it happened and I’m even happier that those who heard it, shared it!

Funny moments at funeral's!

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