Being Shouted at in the Street

24-06-2014 07:27PM

I think it was an innocent enough comment, some people do experience it and some don't. Nobody bothers me and when I was on hols in the USA they didn't.
It's insane that it happened to other posters here so regularly in the states. I suppose they are right, it must be connected to their culture of never walking anywhere, among other things

Da Shins Kelly · 24-06-2014 07:33PM

I remember walking down the street in San Diego with my cousin a couple of summers ago when this car came careering around the corner at high speed and an old woman stuck her head out the window and screamed "WHORES!" at us. It was so bizarre that the two of us just pissed ourselves laughing. It was just that kind of American weirdness that you rarely see anywhere else.

LittleFox · 24-06-2014 11:53PM

I've been yelled at for years generally due to being very chesty it becomes a staring and talking point. Groups of lads pointing and shouting" look at the size of those on it."Not even her, I become nothing more than a pair of tits to them. On two seperate occasions I've had guys grab them as I walked down the street, in the middle of the day completely sober. I know all guys aren't like this, I have amazing male mates but I still get nervous and anxious if I'm out on my own and walking past a group of lads.

mrsdewinter · 25-06-2014 12:29AM

kylith wrote: »

I haven't experienced a lot of this since my teens, but I do tend to dress in t-shirts and am very aware that, being busty, I can attract a lot of attention if I wear something 'nice'.

If you find yourself getting a lot of it a pair of headphones can be a lifesaver - you can't get upset at what they're saying if you can't hear them.

I left my headphones at home yesterday. Lo, and behold, I was on the receiving end of a particularly lovely 'woof!' from some brave soul driving past me as I cycled home from the shops. (Er, I know most of the comments mentioned so far have focused on women's attractiveness but some of us plain girls have to put up with harassment too...) I wondered if I've unknowingly been the subject of that abuse for years, but simply never noticed it because I've been drowning it out with choons.
It also brings out the angry feminist in me: why is it that men can walk/cycle the roads without comment but women need to put on their invisible armour and close their ears if they want to incorporate some exercise into their day? It upset me to the point where I re-organised my entire schedule, getting up before 7 to go for my run rather than chancing meeting other morons by going at a later time.

danslevent · 25-06-2014 01:16AM

I'm an A bra size too but I have had random guys smack my ass so hard on nights out that for a few minutes afterwards it has felt a strong sting, almost like a hand is still resting there.

I think I will probably remain single for a long time, I find myself just so exhausted from all this crap.

danslevent · 25-06-2014 01:24AM

LittleFox wrote: »

I've been yelled at for years generally due to being very chesty it becomes a staring and talking point. Groups of lads pointing and shouting" look at the size of those on it."Not even her, I become nothing more than a pair of tits to them. On two seperate occasions I've had guys grab them as I walked down the street, in the middle of the day completely sober. I know all guys aren't like this, I have amazing male mates but I still get
nervous and anxious if I'm out on my own and
walking past a group of lads.

yeah, it is horrible the anxiety it induces. Like I said before, my stomach literally tightens. If they yell, my heart pounds for a few minutes afterwards.

This may sound dramatic, but sometimes I think I will feel so sad if I have a daughter in the future, knowing what she has ahead of her in society. Magazines making her feel terrible body and look wise...men shouting on the street. It is so hard being a woman. I think in all girls school we should have a class on women's empowerment, we need to band together.

username123 · 25-06-2014 11:42AM

mrsdewinter wrote: »

It also brings out the angry feminist in me: why is it that men can walk/cycle the roads without comment but women need to put on their invisible armour and close their ears if they want to incorporate some exercise into their day?

Actually, it happens to men too. My husband has always been a magnet for comments because (a) he is very tall, (b) wears glasses and (c) has a beard.

He cycles to and from work and is frequently the subject of comments like:
"Shoulda gone to spec savers!"
"Allah Allah Allah" (the beard attracts a lot of Muslim/racist abuse).

He has also been physically attacked by a group of lads.

LenaClaire · 25-06-2014 11:57AM

danslevent wrote: »

I think in all girls school we should have a class on women's empowerment, we need to band together.

I think in all schools, there should be classes on this history of gender issues, for children both male and female. If people understand the historical bias from a young age, and are taught to think critically about it and discuss it together, without vitriol and blame I think we could see a lot of positive change.

strobe · 25-06-2014 02:07PM

I think like others in the thread I'd differentiate between the 'lighthearted complimenty stuff' and the deliberately intimidating stuff.

In terms if the latter I really don't think it has anything to do with looks or breast size (as some people have suggested) or even style of dress or anything like that. Guys that do this would be guys that would tend to shout abuse at or try to intimidate other guys too (different abuse obviously) and I think it's to do with whether they think they can get away with it or how big an impact it will have on the person. It's bullying basically, and they're looking out for what they think are 'easy targets', so if you're on your own, or are younger or seem nervous or insecure etc then it's probably going to be more likely to happen.

So it's quite unfortunate that if this has happened to someone a couple of times then they are naturally going to be more nervous in possible situations and it's probably going to be more likely to happen again then.

Telling someone not to be nervous or insecure is kinda useless advice as it's involuntary... but maybe doing some self defense training might help? If you feel a little more confident that you could defend yourself to a greater degree if things went beyond words then maybe it'd show through in the general vibe you have and put more people off doing this.*

I remember talking about this with an ex of mine before, she was very pretty, had an amazing body and dressed quite provocatively most of the time, but she was also surprised to hear this happened so frequently to others, as it never did to her.
I put it down to her having a certain air of assuredness about her. She was an absolute sweetheart but had a look that could chill the flesh off your bones when she was unimpressed by someone and yeah, just a general vibe about her that gave the impression that she wouldn't hesitate for a heartbeat to turn and approach someone to tear them down if they made an unwelcome remark towards her.

My current girlfriend is extremely pretty too and walks around on her own in and around the city all the time day and night and also said she doesn't get this much. She describes herself as 'having a bitch face' :pac: though so again I think it must be the impression that she'd scream the head off of anyone that made comments towards her (she's in reality the sweetest girl you could meet) that must mean she doesn't get it as much as some.

*obviously the ideal is that this **** simply wouldn't happen to begin with and people would keep their comments to themselves.

bringupthebook · 25-06-2014 03:03PM

This used to happen when I was younger and probably less confident. I think it’s easy to pick off a target or at least someone less likely to retaliate. The last thing these lads are able for is someone who will shout back at them. I don’t think it’s anything to do with how you look, it’s more to do with how they think you will react. I guess it’s a form of random bullying. (might be too harsh a word but I guess if it happens to you often enough its bound to knock your confidence as much).

LegacyUser · 25-06-2014 03:20PM

Sadly, I join the list of many ladies that have suffered the same verbal abuse/harrassment. All my life! What REALLY irritates me, is when I'm clearly walking down the road with my OH holding hands, and they have the absolute gall to shout their usual bullcrap at me.

I would say if they were in our position they would probably be fuming. It's just so disrespectful and I dont care what anyone says it is not "flattering". It's downright rude, obnoxious and abusive.

I suffer every single day with this crap. I'm the only female in a company of around 25 men and it goes on EVERY SINGLE DAY. I brought it up with management before and was told "ah would ya relax sure it's only lads banter". So I literally spend 40 hours a week with men who think it's okay to speak to me like a pack of hungry wolves with perverted tendencies, but if it was one of their daughters/wives/gf I'm sure they would change their opinion. It makes me sick, but it's up to me to find work elsewhere which I will do! It's disheartening to say that I honestly have no faith in any other workplace being much different, especially since I specialise in construction, it's usually the worst kind of workplace for that juvenile carry on.

Most of my colleagues these days run from me or are afraid to approach me, they've caught me on REALLY bad days where I was similar to the exorcist and nearly tore their heads off so I'm kind of isolated in here. They cant just have a normal chat, it's all sexual innuendos that I've heard MILLIONS of times and they are not funny in the slightest!! For any men out there reading this who are guilty of the above - please use the brain you were given and realise that not every female finds these things as hilarious as you do. It's boring, childish and lacks intelligence imo.

So basically to be out on the street and going through the same crap with random blokes, I've mastered my dagger eyes and they seem to work

I agree - earphones are a blessing! There's only so much ignoring you can do, I just honestly feel that I should be able to walk down the road, wearing a nice summer top, without feeling my skin crawl at dirty men leering at anything with a pulse! What a wonderful world that would be!

Tasden · 25-06-2014 04:22PM

Tbh I don’t think there's any specific reason as to why some people have experienced it and others haven't, more a case of wrong place and wrong time. If guys are gonna do it I don't think they wait for a particular target (maybe women alone but other than that) stupidity just takes over at that point in time and you either happen to be on the receiving end of it or you don't. I guess a pretty looking girl or a girl dressed in revealing clothes may bring out the stupidity in them but I wouldn't say its saved for them particularly.

Neyite · 25-06-2014 04:42PM

Tasden wrote: »

Tbh I don’t think there's any specific reason as to why some people have experienced it and others haven't, more a case of wrong place and wrong time. If guys are gonna do it I don't think they wait for a particular target (maybe women alone but other than that) stupidity just takes over at that point in time and you either happen to be on the receiving end of it or you don't. I guess a pretty looking girl or a girl dressed in revealing clothes may bring out the stupidity in them but I wouldn't say its saved for them particularly.

It could also be dependant on the contractor running the site. I know the building contractor my partner subcontracted for had that kind of behaviour forbidden as sitewide policy. Anyone who was stupid enough to get caught wolf-whistling or catcalling at passerby's got a royal bollocking from the foreman to the amusement of all the other workers and were lucky to have a job at the end of it.

Delirium · 25-06-2014 05:24PM

Never happened to me as not female but do remember one night where I did get an eye-opener as to what can be thrown at women.

Was walking a female relative home from a house party. Was about 2/3am on weekend night. Streets were pretty much empty. Having a bit of a chat and a laugh as we make our way back home.

Then a 4x4 comes down the road towards us. We've arrived at a roundabout and the 4x4 starts circling the roundabout but not leaving it. A guy pops out the passenger window and shouts "Hey luv, why don't you ditch the fa**ot and we'll show you what real men can do!".

Another ones pops out the rear passenger window. The two of them start shouting all manner of sexual things they'll do to her.

It lasted for another 90 seconds before they got bored and f*cked off down the road as neither of us made no response towards them.

Relative just mutter "f*cking idiots" but didn't seem that shook up by it. She just said they were being drunken a$$es. Meanwhile there's me thinking me + relative would be lucky to not end up in hospital. Very weird seeing such "sure, what can you do?" attitude to something that seemed to me to be so threatening.

The_Minister · 26-06-2014 10:14AM

I remember when I was about 16, walking through Stephen's Green with a girl and passing a girl.

One of them shouted "Hey-Hey-Honeycakes" at her as we passed.

It was....odd.

simonsays1 · 26-06-2014 10:20AM

Re original post, this happens to me often also.

I was running on my own in Ph Park and met 3 guys running against me. Just before we were passing each other, one said something, the others laughed while looking at me.

Rather surprised- runners tend not to be like that,

but then again everyone is running these days!

Fluorescence · 26-06-2014 01:12PM

It used to happen to me a lot when I walked/took public transport everywhere, and I certainly wouldn't be the most attractive person around (aside from being a big ol' fatty). My life has been much quieter since getting a car :P

I remember reading an article on Cracked of all places, that really drove home this idea to me: some men still don't see women as fully human. They've been conditioned from a young age to believe they are each entitled to a sexy young woman and if they don't "get" one, there's anger there for being denied their due. Think back to most films you've ever seen - the hero almost always gets the girl. Even if the girl hated him at the start. Even if the girl can't stand him. Hero saves the day, and his reward is a beautiful woman. And aren't we all the heroes in our own personal narrative..? The article explains it all better than I could

So I wonder if catcalling and verbal abuse is an extension of that - the type of men who are conditioned to think of us as possessions or ornaments rather than people are merely exercising their entitlement to any female.

Another example: anyone who's ever worked in retail, hospitality or any customer facing role will attest to the fact that some customers don't see you as a human being. They'll talk to you like you're utterly beneath them when they deign to acknowledge you at all. Or they'll touch you, invade your personal space, assume you'll drop everything you're doing to serve their needs instantaneously. To them, they're the only person that matters and everyone else exists to be backdrop to their life. They lay claim to you whether they actually want anything from you or not. Now, extend that into a wider society where we get hassle on the streets just going about our daily lives. The men catcalling probably don't want anything from you. They may be in relationships themselves. They're staking their claim to you like a dog pissing on a tree, and that's why there's always laughter at the "victim's" expense. Because you've just been pissed on by a dog.

Idk, I may be way off, but I think that may be it. Thankfully this attitude is dying out and often young fellas will grow out of it. It also makes me thankful for all the decent men in my life.

LenaClaire · 26-06-2014 01:20PM

Fluorescence wrote: »

Another example: anyone who's ever worked in retail, hospitality or any customer facing role will attest to the fact that some customers don't see you as a human being. They'll talk to you like you're utterly beneath them when they deign to acknowledge you at all. Or they'll touch you, invade your personal space, assume you'll drop everything you're doing to serve their needs instantaneously. To them, they're the only person that matters and everyone else exists to be backdrop to their life.

Idk, I may be way off, but I think that may be it. Thankfully this attitude is dying out and often young fellas will grow out of it. It also makes me thankful for all the decent men in my life.

I worked in hospitality when I was younger in catering and in hotels. I remember getting my butt grabbed by drunk wedding guests when I was 16. In the hotel I would have people thinking they were charming by calling me "legs" or something similar. You are no longer a person with a name, just a collection of body parts to be ogled and grabbed.

Most of the men I interacted with were perfectly lovely, but the ones who weren't were so aggressive, it made me very wary in general, you just never knew which men were going to behave in which manner.

Being young, I sort of just accepted it as a part of life, but I would be livid if it happened now.

EvanCornwallis · 26-06-2014 02:06PM

It's always been a case of groups acting the Idiot kind of thing. Although some of these stories are shown some instances to be disturbingly aggressive. I would have been in groups when I was younger, were people did this and shouted comments myself. I would say most men wouldn't do it, if they knew it was having such an effect on certain people.

MissFlitworth · 26-06-2014 02:20PM

I go hiking on occasion with a very, very good looking friend. Think Barbie, she's stunning and the things that some men think it's ok to shout at her is unbelievable. Around the time of that robin thicke song we were walking from one wilderness area to another, across a road and by the entrance to a large family attraction, and a man (holding the hand of a toddler) told her he'd like to bend her over and rip her in two. Later on we passed a group of early 20s guys who were fishing in the middle of nowhere and they thought it was absolutely ok to shout after us to tell her what a ride she was and to ask her to come back to talk to them. It can be so intimidating, especially when you're out somewhere isolated, to have to deal with that. I don't know what they think is going to happen? She's not exactly going to be flattered and go back to talk to them. None of us would consider ourselves to be timid but I've yet to build up the courage to swing back and ask the shouters what they hope to achieve. Probably tell me I'm only jealous they don't want to rip me in two :rolleyes:

What really gets me is that these are people who have mothers and sisters and girlfriends and wives, and they don't seem to be able to see things from a woman's point of view at all, just zero empathy or understanding.

Jenneke87 · 26-06-2014 02:52PM

Before moving, I lived two streets behind The Hagues red light district. At one point my sister and kept score of who got asked most frequently how much we'd cost per hour, the " winner" would have to buy a drink :P It was scary sometimes walking home, drunk people and other unpleasant types walking up, not believing us if we told them we weren't whores and to please f*ck off. Being shouted at from cars, asking either of us if we wanted to come with them, etc. Not pleasant at all.

eviltwin · 26-06-2014 02:58PM

EvanCornwallis wrote: »

It's always been a case of groups acting the Idiot kind of thing. Although some of these stories are shown some instances to be disturbingly aggressive. I would have been in groups when I was younger, were people did this and shouted comments myself. I would say most men wouldn't do it, if they knew it was having such an effect on certain people.

I think most men don't see anything wrong with it and don't mean any harm but you have to wonder at where their brains are sometimes. Friend of mine works late nights and walks home and tells me she often has cars slow down and follow her, imagine how that makes a woman feel out on her own at night with few people around. I often wonder are these men just stupid or is it their intent actually to intimidate and cause fear?

sashafierce · 26-06-2014 03:12PM

This post has been deleted.

eviltwin · 26-06-2014 03:14PM

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

jesus :eek:

curlzy · 26-06-2014 03:52PM

I usually just call them sad and give them the **** you sign with both hands. I can put up with wolf whistles etc, it's the ****ing gropers in pubs or clubs that upset me. I had one guy almost insert a finger through my pants when I was walking upstairs in the pub a while ago, I was in shock but I didn't see his face (because I accelerated to get away from his hand) so couldn't complain to the bouncers. Horrible it was. Another time had a smelly 70 year old grab my arse and really felt me up, told a bouncer and he was escorted out but could hear both him and the bouncer laughing once out of sight : ( How's that ok?

EvanCornwallis · 26-06-2014 03:55PM

eviltwin wrote: »

I think most men don't see anything wrong with it and don't mean any harm but you have to wonder at where their brains are sometimes. Friend of mine works late nights and walks home and tells me she often has cars slow down and follow her, imagine how that makes a woman feel out on her own at night with few people around. I often wonder are these men just stupid or is it their intent actually to intimidate and cause fear?

Most times it's just acting stupid when out in a group and walking past. Like I said, I think the majority wouldn't do it if they knew a person was going to be hurt/upset by it. I think the slowing down in a car is a different matter. That is clearly intimidating as you're following the person, so anyone doing it is out of order and a bit sad. As for the question are they doing it to intimidate ? I would say most times it's more stupidity than that.

yermandan · 26-06-2014 03:56PM

WhiteRoses wrote: »

I work in a night club, I finished work at about half 4am last night. I was standing on the main road waiting for my boyfriend to collect me, which is uncomfortable enough in itself because I was obviously stone cold sober and everyone else was plastered. I actually find town scarier at night when I'm sober than when I'm drunk.

Anyway, I'm standing there minding my own business and a group of men, easily in their 40's (I'm in my early 20's) are standing across from me. They start walking towards me and I instinctively moved away. One of them started shouting at me "Aw look at this one trying to walk away from us, your not that special at all love!". Then his buddy asked me how much I charge and how he could make an appointment with me, insinuating I'm a prostitute. Bearing in mind, I was wearing jeans, converse and my work t-shirt, hardly dressed like that was my purpose.

Another asked me what a pretty girl like me was doing on my own in town alone at that hour. Another was walking past and decided it would be hilarious to smack my ass and run away. In all, in the 10 minutes or so I was waiting, about 5-6 men made smart comments at me.

I wasn't afraid because I made sure I was standing in line of my employers security camera, something we've all been taught to do when waiting for lifts, but some of them were very intimidating. Just made me sick that because I was there alone they thought it was okay to make comments at me. I know they were all drunk and that probably had something to do with their behaviour but their attitudes were appalling. In their drunken state, they thought that it was ME with the problem, that I was being odd, and that I had no banter, when they were the one's bothering me and invading my personal space.

I've been very drunk on many occasions and never behaved like this. Its atrocious and drink aint an excuse

26-06-2014 03:57PM

curlzy wrote: »

but could hear both him and the bouncer laughing once out of sight : ( How's that ok?

I would hope the bouncer was just engaging in damage limitation at that stage and humouring the guy as long as he gtfo and didn't start a fight

fits · 26-06-2014 05:04PM

I was roared at last weekend by two young lads on a scrambler on a bicycle path (they are not supposed to be on it)

I have no idea what they said though as it was in Finnish (like wearing earphones). Water off a ducks back I guess. But yep it seems to just be a normal part of life for women.

sam34 · 26-06-2014 06:38PM

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I was quite overweight up until a few years ago, and I often got comments on it from groups of lads. I remember being at a match and wearing the county jersey, when a group of passing lads jeered and one shouted "here's our biggest supporter". Another time, I walked past some lads sitting outside a pub, one of them ran after me, grabbed an ass cheek in each hand and shouted "that's some arse on you".

They are only two examples, I have countless more. One thing I noticed was that it was always lads in groups, never a guy on his own, * and their hilarious comments/actions were met with cheers and laughter by their friends.

*apart from one day when I was having lunch in a pub, a drunk elderly man walked past and said something along the lines of "a girl your size needs her grub".

Being Shouted at in the Street

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