Being Shouted at in the Street

danslevent

Ladies, how often do groups of men shout at you or pass comments at you in the street? Contrary to what my username suggests, I am in fact a woman and I was nearly brought to tears by two separate encounters in the street yesterday.

I was on my lunch break eating an ice-cream, passed three men and one said "Can I have a lick?" while they all jeered and laughed. As I was walking home from work, I passed a mini bus that had more than 11 men in it. They were pulling up outside a hostel so I assume a stag or something. They looked to be over thirty years of age, probably some of them have young daughters, they all began wolf-whistling, shouting things like "Hello gorgeous" or "Give us a smile". I know this attention is not because I am so stunningly beautiful, but merely because I am female and was walking alone. It would have happened to any woman that happened to be passing them....I walked away with tears in my eyes. I felt so degraded and embarrassed.

This happens to me a lot, and I know my friends too. When I pass a group of guys I know that 30 percent of the time they are going to make some sort of comment towards me. I feel so objectified just because I am a woman. It should be so unacceptable to do this to a human being but it seems when some guys (not all now, of course not) are in a group they get a pack mentality and feel free to shout comments concerning appearance.

When I am walking alone and see a group of young men ahead of me I can actually feel my stomach tightening because if they are of a certain social class or drunk or just acting boisterous, I know they are going to say something...or shout something...that makes me feel so embarrassed.

Why does this exist? I feel so angry and upset about it, especially knowing that if I had a man with me, it wouldn't happen.

B0jangles

All I can say is that is really does fecking piss me off when this happens - It's as if you're being to be made to be the punchline of someone else's crappy joke when all you actually want is to go about your business without being bothered.

It's like they are a gang of chimps trying desperately to impress each other and the only way they can do so is to annoy whatever women pass in front of them.

Lia_lia

Happens to me a lot too. Very, very annoying. I usually just take no notice these days.

What annoys me the most is men don't seem to understand that this is wrong and how awful it makes us feel.

anewme

Your mini bus incident takes me back to when I was about 16!

Myself and my friend were walking into town and this mini bus (again gang stag or golf people) pulled in and it looked like they were going to ask directions.

Passenger rolls down the window and says, can you tell me the way to Pr*** Lane? I hear it's beside P***y Valley?:rolleyes::rolleyes: What a load of rubbish!

Myself and my friend told them to eff off!

Back in the boom, I was working in a small office and on the way in and out of work or to and from lunch had to pass a building site. The comments were constant and stupid. The give us a smile darling, type comments. Fancy a drink? As if!!!!

Knowing they would be there years, I eventually rang the head office of the construction firm and complained. I told them I would take it to the media. They took it very seriously and must have said something to the workers because it stopped.

I'm now over 40 and men (albeit now ones nearer my own age) STILL think they have the right to pass comment! I got a nice tits comment the other day (from someone who had to be at least 55) and I just responded with, nice beer belly, fatso.

These people annoy me and make me angry but would never let them upset me. Life's too short.

Agree with the pack mentality. Dodo's!

woodchuck

I can't say that this has ever happened to me... I'm obviously just not attractive enough :rolleyes: I'm half joking, but these guys may actually think what they're doing should be taken as a compliment!? It's obviously not on though and I'm sad to think of it still going on in this day and age.

danslevent

I am not sure about the compliment aspect because they're all usually laughing so like an above poster said, they're just making you the punchline to their stupid joke.

Sometimes if you just ignore them they turn it around to make you seem like you're a prude or up tight, shouting "we're just being friendly" or whatever, but why should we play along and smile to their verbal harassment? It makes me so uncomfortable.

Once, I got revenge though! My friend moved into a new house and was sharing with three guys. I was waiting outside for her to come home because I wanted to see her new house. The three guys started shouting down the window to me, one of them shouted "I want to eat your ass". They didn't know I was waiting for my friend to come back so once she did, I walked straight upstairs to the room and asked "so who is it that wants to eat my ass?". The guy was absolutely mortified and pretty much ran out of the house.

I think next time someone shouts at me I will approach them, pretend I am doing a course on gender inequality and ask serious questions like "so how often do you sexually verbally harass women on the streets? " "is it mainly sober or drunk? " "would you ever do it alone or only in the comfort of groups?".

I think it should be illegal, the warm weather seems to make it worse....

bee06

woodchuck wrote: »

I can't say that this has ever happened to me... I'm obviously just not attractive enough :rolleyes: I'm half joking, but these guys may actually think what they're doing should be taken as a compliment!? It's obviously not on though and I'm sad to think of it still going on in this day and age.

It's never happened to me either in Ireland. Happened the very odd time in NY but I just take no notice.

danslevent

bee06 wrote: »

It's never happened to me either in Ireland. Happened the very odd time in NY but I just take no notice.

Maybe I just come off as a meek, easy target but it happens me quite a lot. Guys in cars are the worst for it, once a car drove by and it was about two on a Sunday and they just shouted "PALE BITCH! ". Funny, I suppose...but when you're the one walking along alone, it can get your anxiety levels up.

alleystar

danslevent wrote: »

When I am walking alone and see a group of young men ahead of me I can actually feel my stomach tightening because if they are of a certain social class or drunk or just acting boisterous, I know they are going to say something...or shout makes me feel so embarrassed.
.

This pretty much sums up how I feel. I actually dread walking past groups of lads and I hate that I'm made feel that way too. Intimidation at it's finest, dread any cars slowing down too...I've been getting those awful comments thrown in my direction since I was 13. It actually makes me feel queasy even thinking about it. It's an absolute sickener too when someone old enough to be your father makes a comment..Ugh.

YumCha

I'd say the majority of the street harassment I encountered was when I was under 18 - which is utterly depressing.

YumCha

YumCha wrote: »

I'd say the majority of the street harassment I encountered was when I was under 18 - which is utterly depressing.

Ditto

danslevent

alleystar wrote: »

This pretty much sums up how I feel. I actually dread walking past groups of lads and I hate that I'm made feel that way too. Intimidation at it's finest, dread any cars slowing down too...I've been getting those awful comments thrown in my direction since I was 13. It actually makes me feel queasy even thinking about it. It's an absolute sickener too when someone old enough to be your father makes a comment..Ugh.

I know it's hard to know how to react though because they're always in groups. I think confronting them could make the situation potentially worse because, as I said before, they're good at making you seem like the uptight prude that is ruining their fun. I always wish as I walk on that a 6,2 man would just appear out of nowhere, pretend to be my boyfriend and tell them off.

I don't know what we can do about it but being publicly humiliated and sickened on a weekly basis makes me weary walking through town. I am so sick of it and so disgusted.

danslevent

YumCha wrote: »

I'd say the majority of the street harassment I encountered was when I was under 18 - which is utterly depressing.

I am twenty two but have quite a baby face so yeah, it must be that younger is the easy target. Next time a car harasses me I am going to try and get their registration plate and report them.

Tasden

I personally don't really mind the silly "complimentary" comments.

One night I was walking home from a friend's house and a group of guys were out walking too, I'm guessing they were drunk but they started saying loudly "brave girl walking out this late", obviously for me to hear but not directly to me if that makes sense. Then when I crossed the road to the same side they were on they started saying stuff like "woah she's actually coming closer to us, girl that looks like her should know better than to be near a group of guys like us on her own, never know what we could do to a girl with a body like that", etc etc. Their intention was purely to make me feel uncomfortable being alone around them, it wasn't jokes just among themselves- it was all deliberately said loud enough for me to hear, which was ****ed up, they thought it was funny to basically jokingly threaten a woman on her own. But I know that incidents like that (more deliberately threatening than a "smile love" comment) are in the minority. At least I'd hope so.

Lia_lia

Actually a few years ago I was walking home from work on the night of the junior cert results. There was a group of what I suppose would be 15 year old lads who were celebrating their results.

One fella pointed at his friend and shouted at me "will you give my friend a blowjob?" and then the friend was like "shut up man she's about 30". I was only about 23 Them thinking I was older angered me more!

Not the same really but it was kinda funny!

danslevent

It's just the fact that some men feel they have the right to make any comment they want towards a woman because all we can really do is ignore it because they can be so intimidating in groups. We shouldn't have to put up with all this crap

Conor Bourke

Jaysus. I walk alone all the time and nothing like that has ever happened to me. Maybe I give off an air of "don't fook with me"? Or maybe I'm just too unattractive/unremarkable to catch the eye of the kinda guy(s) who would do this? Anyway, as a result it has never cost me a second thought to walk by a group of fellas because I would never expect intimidation/harassment. I can't believe men in cars actually slow down to shout out at girls, I'm horrified!

The closest I've come to anything like that was when a friend and I were walking down the Main Street of a small midlands town (landlocked county, whereas we come from a coastal town famous for its beaches, surfing etc). We were wearing "surfie" looking clothes (patterned shorts, board shoes) and some guys sitting in traffic started shouting "Cowabunga duuuudes, surfs up maaaaaan" and other similar rubbish at us. Dopes :rolleyes: don't think that was gender related though, I've no doubt they'd have shouted the same at guys in similar gear.

SusieBlue

I work in a night club, I finished work at about half 4am last night. I was standing on the main road waiting for my boyfriend to collect me, which is uncomfortable enough in itself because I was obviously stone cold sober and everyone else was plastered. I actually find town scarier at night when I'm sober than when I'm drunk.

Anyway, I'm standing there minding my own business and a group of men, easily in their 40's (I'm in my early 20's) are standing across from me. They start walking towards me and I instinctively moved away. One of them started shouting at me "Aw look at this one trying to walk away from us, your not that special at all love!". Then his buddy asked me how much I charge and how he could make an appointment with me, insinuating I'm a prostitute. Bearing in mind, I was wearing jeans, converse and my work t-shirt, hardly dressed like that was my purpose.

Another asked me what a pretty girl like me was doing on my own in town alone at that hour. Another was walking past and decided it would be hilarious to smack my ass and run away. In all, in the 10 minutes or so I was waiting, about 5-6 men made smart comments at me.

I wasn't afraid because I made sure I was standing in line of my employers security camera, something we've all been taught to do when waiting for lifts, but some of them were very intimidating. Just made me sick that because I was there alone they thought it was okay to make comments at me. I know they were all drunk and that probably had something to do with their behaviour but their attitudes were appalling. In their drunken state, they thought that it was ME with the problem, that I was being odd, and that I had no banter, when they were the one's bothering me and invading my personal space.

Tasden

WhiteRoses wrote: »

I wasn't afraid because I made sure I was standing in line of my employers security camera, something we've all been taught to do when waiting for lifts, but some of them were very intimidating. Just made me sick that because I was there alone they thought it was okay to make comments at me. I know they were all drunk and that probably had something to do with their behaviour but their attitudes were appalling. In their drunken state, they thought that it was ME with the problem, that I was being odd, and that I had no banter, when they were the one's bothering me and invading my personal space.

Its the intimidation that annoys me, I don't really care about the wolf whistles or whatever because while it may be annoying or degrading its not done in a threatening way the majority of the time, but when they make comments alluding to rape or comments that they know are beyond harmless banter its sickening because they don't seem to realise the genuine fear we feel even before they start all that ****.

The very fact that you feel you need to stay in view of cctv just in case (and have been told to do so) just illustrates how ingrained that fear is in us, and for good reason too if people think they can just slap your ass as long as they think its all in good fun.

Dolbert

The next time someone denies that male privilege exists I'm going to show them this thread.

bee06

There is currently a thread in the gentleman's lounge where men are posting incidents of sexual harassment again them showing that unfortunately women can be guilty of disgusting behaviour as well as victims. That being said there is always going to be that imbalance of strength for the most part that makes this kind of behaviour more threatening for women. No one should have to be afraid to walk down the street by themselves.

Dolbert

Dolbert wrote: »

The next time someone denies that male privilege exists I'm going to show them this thread.

This one time a woman looked at me and I didn't care so it doesn't exist

YumCha

If you're on twitter check out #NotJustHello

Daisy78

Mordun wrote: »

At least they were brave enough to ask for something they want. Many others would ask for a coffee.

Yeah totally brave. And totally disrespectful.

SusieBlue

Tasden wrote: »

Its the intimidation that annoys me, I don't really care about the wolf whistles or whatever because while it may be annoying or degrading its not done in a threatening way the majority of the time, but when they make comments alluding to rape or comments that they know are beyond harmless banter its sickening because they don't seem to realise the genuine fear we feel even before they start all that ****.

The very fact that you feel you need to stay in view of cctv just in case (and have been told to do so) just illustrates how ingrained that fear is in us, and for good reason too if people think they can just slap your ass as long as they think its all in good fun.

Its more annoying than anything, but it baffles me as to why men think its appropriate. There's a 24 hour McDonalds near where I work, and in the past, we'd often go in for a burger on the way home. But after months of being inundated with would be casanovas thinking their Gods gift to women inviting themselves to sit with us, and persisting in conversation when we've made it clear we're not up for a chat, we don't bother any more.

I spend my whole night at work smiling and laughing at customers jokes, being polite and courteous, but as soon as I'm off the clock I have zero interest in entertaining the "hilarious" whims of drunken idiots.

More often than not, when they took a seat at our table and butted into our conversations, we'd politely explain that we'd just finished work and we're not feeling very chatty and could we please be left alone, but the response was usually along the lines of "Eff the lot of ye, ye aren't that good looking anyway".

As a PP said, we don't get this attention because we're particularly beautiful or eye catching, its because some men don't respect social boundaries and they see women who don't engage in their "banter" as wet blankets.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant Its just something that's been on my mind a lot lately!

danslevent

Yeah it is a catch-22, if you ignore them they call you stuck up and if you correspond then you're leading them on.

About the thread in the gentleman's club, a woman sexually harassing a man happens but is not common, so it gets a thread. Most women are so conditioned into being heckled that it is just not really out of the ordinary. Like I said earlier, I expect it when I approach a group of guys, it isn't some crazy out of the ordinary incident, but an expectation.

danslevent

Oh and was talking to my friend about this earlier and she put it so accurately "and it's always the rotters too"...made me laugh it does always seem to be the guys in tracksuits or the ones with a beer baby

username123

This has happened me but over time my radar has become refined to the point that it automatically blanks out noise that comes from such undesirables, I don't notice it anymore than I would the yapping of an annoying dog.

As a result, comments could well be directed at me but I am oblivious. Since there is no reaction, which is what these types are looking for, they presumably quickly give up with me.

I am responsive to good natured banter, but I'm probably getting on a bit to attract it now.

Morag

I don't react but I don't blank it out, I will cross to the other side of the street if I have to pass a group which starts calling out to me or if they are coming towards me. Been grabbed and groped too often to risk not doing it.

Stepping Stone

I have never experienced anything like this either. I find it really odd that some people seem to experience it on a regular basis and others, like me have never experienced or witnessed it from a male to female.

I suppose that I must be horrendously ugly.

I have seen plenty of women shouting stuff at men though. Really vulgar stuff too. Perhaps I am just more aware of the terrible stuff that I hear from females.

meeeeh

Most comments I've got were building site type locations which are pretty harmless and not that annoying. At night I am rarely alone or in a female only company (I often drive so no waiting for cabs and my group of friends is mixed gender) so mostly I avoid drunken idiots. Not that it is an excuse but sometimes I think a lot of the problems could be avoided if drinking culture would be better.

Malari

I regularly get this kind of crap, and it's not always drink-related either. It doesn't upset me but it can get uncomfortable for sure. I have a few smart remarks to throw back if they are rude, but usually I just ignore it. They are just looking for any reaction, positive or negative, which they can have a laugh about if they are in a group.

Morag

I have friends who have never experienced, it we recon boob size plays a factor.
Those who have never experienced it tend to be less then a 36 C size and those of us over that have experienced it.

Lia_lia

Morag wrote: »

I have friends who have never experienced, it we recon boob size plays a factor.
Those who have never experienced it tend to be less then a 36 C size and those of us over that have experienced it.

Lol, I'm an A!

Malari

Morag wrote: »

I have friends who have never experienced, it we recon boob size plays a factor.
Those who have never experienced it tend to be less then a 36 C size and those of us over that have experienced it.

LOL! I'm not that big and it doesn't matter if I'm covered up or exposing cleavage, either.

Yeah I don't think it's that either or I'd be harassed all the time

metaoblivia

I get this almost every day. I live in Oakland, CA and take the BART train into San Francisco for work Monday-Friday. It's about a half mile walk from my house to the station and then from the station to work. Once in a while, when I'm in SF doing the trek to work, someone will say something, but literally every day when I make the walk to and from home in Oakland, I get harassed. 9 times out of 10 if I pass a group of guys, they'll say something. Guys in cars yell things out, some will even slow down and follow me as I walk down the street yelling things. I had to change my route at one point because one man would wait for me and follow me all the way home a few steps behind trying to talk to me the entire way.

And mostly, this is because I'm a woman walking alone. It's really annoying, and I hate it when they ask if I have a boyfriend (I don't). I always say that I do though, and usually this gets them to leave me alone, but even that is crap because the only reason they're leaving me alone is out of respect for some imaginary dude and not because I'm a woman who just has no interest in talking to them. But even then, some persist. It's not complimentary, and it can feel very threatening, especially in my area which is known for sex trafficking and kidnapping young women.

czechlin

@metaoblivia That's horrendous, my blood is boiling only reading that! I'm sorry you have to go through that on regular basis.

Da Shins Kelly

I've experienced this too. It's usually the "why don't ya smile?" sh*te. Mind your own business. It's not any if your concern if I'm smiling or not.

Just last week I got a taxi home from the pub with some friends, and it was a bus taxi, so there were other people in the taxi. Sitting in the back were a bunch of lads in their mid 30s, so a good 10 years older than me and too old to be behaving like teenagers. I also know that a couple of them are married men and one if them has a child, so they are at a point where they shouldn't be so immature. But the whole journey home they kept making comments towards me, singling me out in a taxi full of people, they kept touching my hair and one of them grabbed my arm to get my attention when I was trying to ignore them. I eventually turned around and just shouted at them to fcuk off, and then one of them eventually told the others to leave me alone. It didnt feel intimidating as such, but I did feel very harassed and like I was being ganged up on. Wasn't nice at all, and I don't think a lot of men, especially when they're in groups, realize how humiliating that kind if behaviour can be.

Shakespeare's Sister

Stepping Stone wrote: »

I have never experienced anything like this either. I find it really odd that some people seem to experience it on a regular basis and others, like me have never experienced or witnessed it from a male to female.

Are you implying people are lying?

I have seen plenty of women shouting stuff at men though. Really vulgar stuff too. Perhaps I am just more aware of the terrible stuff that I hear from females.

Yeh, confirmation bias maybe.

Larry Wildman

danslevent wrote: »

they all began wolf-whistling, shouting things like "Hello gorgeous" or "Give us a smile"

My God...it seems like you were subjected to particularly vile and disgusting abuse...

eviltwin

It only happened to me once, a group of drunk lads and I told them to grow up and then one followed it up with a rape threat. I was terrified because things can get out of hand and you just don't know do you? It took a long time to feel okay after and I avoided that park for months in case I saw them again. It hasn't happened since but now groups of lads spark that fear and I HATE that.

meeeeh

Magaggie wrote: »

Are you implying people are lying?

I think it depends a lot where you live, if you are walking a lot and alone, how often you use public transport, what places you go to... if you sit in the car in the morning, drive to work and park in company car park you get very little hassle. Similarly if you go home from pub or club at midnight it's usually a lot quieter than at two, three... if you jog in the woods you can avoid hassle, on the road there is a lot more trouble. ..

woodchuck

Morag wrote: »

I have friends who have never experienced, it we recon boob size plays a factor.
Those who have never experienced it tend to be less then a 36 C size and those of us over that have experienced it.

I'm a 38C and it never happens to me.

I terms of the where's and whens, I take public transport every day and walk on my own a lot (Dublin city centre and surrounding areas), but not in the wee hours of the morning or anything.

Thinking back I did get a bit of this at the end of drunken nights out in college... but it seemed like pretty harmless stuff at the time.

Da Shins Kelly

I just think it's fcuking rude to start shouting at a stranger in the street, especially if they're on their own. I would never dream of saying something to some random person walking down the street by themselves.

SusieBlue

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I just think it's fcuking rude to start shouting at a stranger in the street, especially if they're on their own. I would never dream of saying something to some random person walking down the street by themselves.

That's just the crux of it, I think. Any time its happened to me, or any time I've seen it happen to someone else, the woman's body language couldn't possibly be more reserved..Not making eye contact, crossed arms, etc. Why would anyone think approaching someone who so clearly doesn't want to be approached is acceptable?

danslevent

meeeeh wrote: »

I think it depends a lot where you live, if you are walking a lot and alone, how often you use public transport, what places you go to... if you sit in the car in the morning, drive to work and park in company car park you get very little hassle. Similarly if you go home from pub or club at midnight it's usually a lot quieter than at two, three... if you jog in the woods you can avoid hassle, on the road there is a lot more trouble. ..

Thats true, but it is so sad that walking alone in broad daylight as a woman carries the potential to be harassed. We shouldn't have to take any precautions just because some men can't help but act like primates when they see a woman in the street.

danslevent

Larry Wildman wrote: »

My God...it seems like you were subjected to particularly vile and disgusting abuse...

Anyone shouting anything at someone they don't know in the street is unacceptable. Are you actually trying to defend the behaviour of the men mentioned in the incidents in this thread?

beks101

Doesn't really bother me most of the time, or maybe I've gotten used to the fact that there are scumbag men everywhere who think it's their god-given right to pass comment on women's appearance, clothes, bodies etc.

I find it worse in some cultures. Any time I've been in the States I've been taunted or whistled at or commented upon daily - New York was always particularly bad I found. Just men with no filter and no shame whatsoever in following you down the street.

In Ireland it's far far less socially acceptable I find, unless the culprits are absolutely tanked, then all filters go out the window.

Latin countries again it's ramped up and walking down the street in summer clothes can be nothing short of terrifying.

TBH it's not particularly a war I'd be interested in waging, as it's so rampant and so ingrained into the minds of masses of men that it's perfectly normal and acceptable to cross a woman's boundaries like so. Personally I've mastered the art of either ignoring it or staring down the guy in question. I find anytime I've not just slinked away in embarrassment and actually changed my body language to be more aggressive - staring them down, raised eyebrows in a "what the fcuk is your problem?" kind of way - it's been far more effective at killing it than just pretending it isn't happening.

tomaussie

danslevent wrote: »

I am not sure about the compliment aspect because they're all usually laughing so like an above poster said, they're just making you the punchline to their stupid joke.

Sometimes if you just ignore them they turn it around to make you seem like you're a prude or up tight, shouting "we're just being friendly" or whatever, but why should we play along and smile to their verbal harassment? It makes me so uncomfortable.

Once, I got revenge though! My friend moved into a new house and was sharing with three guys. I was waiting outside for her to come home because I wanted to see her new house. The three guys started shouting down the window to me, one of them shouted "I want to eat your ass". They didn't know I was waiting for my friend to come back so once she did, I walked straight upstairs to the room and asked "so who is it that wants to eat my ass?". The guy was absolutely mortified and pretty much ran out of the house.

I think next time someone shouts at me I will approach them, pretend I am doing a course on gender inequality and ask serious questions like "so how often do you sexually verbally harass women on the streets? " "is it mainly sober or drunk? " "would you ever do it alone or only in the comfort of groups?".

I think it should be illegal, the warm weather seems to make it worse....

Quality. Best comeback I've read yet. Everybody who hears this type of BS in public should be obligated to ask these questions in quite a confrontational manner, if it's safe to do so, regardless of their sex.

I'd say its a very safe bet that such nonsense it uttered by people in groups of 2 or more. Lesson ? Sheep are cowards.

username123

Women are just as likely to drunkenly shout at others (both male and female) in an aggressive manner.

Last Xmas I drove into Dublin City centre to meet friends and as I was driving into Temple Bar carpark a group of hens came down the street towards where I was turning. They were festooned with head bands and feather boas etc and I smiled in their general direction, more in fond memory of such nights out myself. The one in the front of the group caught my smile and screamed "WHAT ARE YOU ****ING LOOKING AT YOU ****ING LESBIAN!!!!!".

As I drove on I mused how strange this world is that an innocent smile can draw such a reaction. I felt sorry for whoever they encountered later that night. It's not the first or last time women have screamed at me on the street. It's less likely to be sexually suggestive but just as likely to be threatening.