hello friends. quickquestion regarding appropriate eye contact

littlelulu · 01-06-2014 04:37PM

job seeker wrote: »

OP it's eye contact, not a staring contest!!

( o ) ( o ) <
don't do this!

Grow boobs?

job seeker · 01-06-2014 04:39PM

littlelulu wrote: »

Grow boobs?

Exactly...don't grow boobs that look like eyes...

macplato · 01-06-2014 04:44PM

yeahimhere wrote: »

I know the OP is trolling but actually, just thinking about it, a fella I used to work with had major issues with personal space and extreme eye contact at the same time. Every time you took a step back he'd step towards you again - ended up looking like we were dancing. So scary thought, maybe the OP isn't trolling :eek:

Gosh, I once worked with a guy like this as well... He would get so close to me with that wide-eyed stare, it made me nauseous. One day I decided to tackle it once and for all, and so after our "step back, step forward" dance, as politely as I could I said "Sorry Larry, I have a pretty wide personal space and... you are in it. Let me take a step back, I will feel more comfortable."

He got offended

littlelulu · 01-06-2014 04:45PM

job seeker wrote: »

Exactly...don't grow boobs that look like eyes...

They are the worst kind

NZ_2014 · 01-06-2014 05:10PM

OP.. you are evil.

Its no surprise that women aren`t interested in you.

yellow poole water wrote: »

absolutely.

one time I had a pet iguana.
it got really sick, the vet said he wasnt going to make it, so I brought him home, gave him some delicious grubs (his favorite food) and then when skittles the iguana was fast asleep I quickly broke his neck.

another time the neighbors dog was barking alot, I mean like ALOT.
obviously the dog was in pain. it was 6 years old and the owner only took it out for walks like 4 times a week.
sad really.
so when it started barking one night I knew that I had to help this dog.
I put some sedatives in a ball of hamburger, tossed it over the fence, then when the dog was asleep I dragged it into my yard, cut it up into a bunch of pieces with a shovel, then burried it in my garden.
now I get only the sweetest cobs of corn from that corner of the garden.

gods way of thanking me for doing his work for him I guess.

job seeker · 01-06-2014 05:10PM

littlelulu wrote: »

They are the worst kind

They are indeed, tiny orangutan titties... :eek:

mackeire · 01-06-2014 05:11PM

yellow poole water wrote: »

long time reader first time poster here with a quick question I hope you guys can answer for me.

what is the appropriate length of time to maintain eye contact with a lady?

Ive tried everything from no eye contact at all, simply staring at the ground for the entire time we talk, to a solid 30 seconds of intense, unwavering eye contact, and nothing seems to be working for me. the ladys always seem to find me creepy and are not shy about telling me this.

I recently did a little experiment. I spoke to 4 different women giving each of them a different amount of eye contact to see which would respond more favorably to me, and NONE of them felt comfortable around me.
I started with darting eyes, and never meeting their gaze, then increased the direct eye contact in increments of 10 seconds with each new girl I spoke to.
so I spoke to 4 ladys and gave them, 0, 10, 20, and 30 seconds of eye contact.
no positive responses.

what am I doing wrong here?
maintaining silent eye contact for longer than 30 seconds seems a little creepy to me, but everything up to 30 seconds hasent worked for me.

please help, Im 28 years young and really need to learn how to talk to women.

Perhaps the reason that women don't take an interest in you is that you are just too darn ugly and boring!

Sorry for being so mean but it is probably the cold hard trut!

mackeire · 01-06-2014 05:11PM

yellow poole water wrote: »

long time reader first time poster here with a quick question I hope you guys can answer for me.

what is the appropriate length of time to maintain eye contact with a lady?

Ive tried everything from no eye contact at all, simply staring at the ground for the entire time we talk, to a solid 30 seconds of intense, unwavering eye contact, and nothing seems to be working for me. the ladys always seem to find me creepy and are not shy about telling me this.

I recently did a little experiment. I spoke to 4 different women giving each of them a different amount of eye contact to see which would respond more favorably to me, and NONE of them felt comfortable around me.
I started with darting eyes, and never meeting their gaze, then increased the direct eye contact in increments of 10 seconds with each new girl I spoke to.
so I spoke to 4 ladys and gave them, 0, 10, 20, and 30 seconds of eye contact.
no positive responses.

what am I doing wrong here?
maintaining silent eye contact for longer than 30 seconds seems a little creepy to me, but everything up to 30 seconds hasent worked for me.

please help, Im 28 years young and really need to learn how to talk to women.

Perhaps the reason that women don't take an interest in you is that you are just too darn ugly and boring!

Sorry for being so mean but it is probably the cold hard trut!

Tail Docker · 01-06-2014 06:24PM

The trut hurts.

Said the lad in a truss with a lisp.

01-06-2014 07:02PM

macplato wrote: »

Gosh, I once worked with a guy like this as well... He would get so close to me with that wide-eyed stare, it made me nauseous. One day I decided to tackle it once and for all, and so after our "step back, step forward" dance, as politely as I could I said "Sorry Larry, I have a pretty wide personal space and... you are in it. Let me take a step back, I will feel more comfortable."

He got offended

I had the same experience with someone I worked with. I asked him to take a step back as he was too close to focus on and it made me uncomfortable.

He told everyone I had a problem with people being near. He made it sound like I'd a pathological fear of someone being so much as in the same room as me.

Tail Docker · 01-06-2014 07:13PM

Candie wrote: »

I had the same experience with someone I worked with. I asked him to take a step back as he was too close to focus on and it made me uncomfortable.

He told everyone I had a problem with people being near. He made it sound like I'd a pathological fear of someone being so much as in the same room as me.

I had a lad who worked with us do that all the time on a site - boosh - straight into my face every time I had to deal with him. Some sort of "intimidate them to impose your will" schtick. After a day or two of this, next time he did it I dropped the hand and grabbed his balls, hard. Had an amazing effect on his spatial awareness.

macplato · 01-06-2014 07:35PM

Candie wrote: »

I had the same experience with someone I worked with. I asked him to take a step back as he was too close to focus on and it made me uncomfortable.

He told everyone I had a problem with people being near. He made it sound like I'd a pathological fear of someone being so much as in the same room as me.

Incredible, isn't it? I've learned to expect that people who have no concept of (or respect for) other people's personal boundaries will flip if I tell them, however gently, to back off. Though I'm pretty much immune to other people's drama at this stage (I used to be a magnet for creeps, so have had a lot of practice :pac:), it is a bit unsettling to be treated like you are the crazy one, when it's clear that it is them who have serious psychological issues. Ah well...

01-06-2014 07:43PM

macplato wrote: »

Incredible, isn't it? I've learned to expect that people who have no concept of (or respect for) other people's personal boundaries will flip if I tell them, however gently, to back off. Though I'm pretty much immune to other people's drama at this stage (I used to be a magnet for creeps, so have had a lot of practice :pac:), it is a bit unsettling to be treated like you are the crazy one, when it's clear that it is them who have serious psychological issues. Ah well...

The one I had a problem with used to be a priest. I often wondered if people were used to him getting up in their faces in the course of that, and he wound up thinking it was normal.

I was pretty fed up with being characterised as the uptight one with the proximity problem though!

GalwayGuy2 · 01-06-2014 09:27PM

Tail Docker wrote: »

I had a lad who worked with us do that all the time on a site - boosh - straight into my face every time I had to deal with him. Some sort of "intimidate them to impose your will" schtick. After a day or two of this, next time he did it I dropped the hand and grabbed his balls, hard. Had an amazing effect on his spatial awareness.

Funnily enough I imagined you as a big gruff builder. Then you said I grabbed his balls and I was like...oh.

EDIT:

@Candie

What do you think of the above PUA'esque video? I'm asking you because I've read a few of your posts complaining about PUA'ism

Strangely, I thought it made a lot of sense.

Tail Docker · 01-06-2014 10:01PM

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Funnily enough I imagined you as a big gruff builder. Then you said I grabbed his balls and I was like...oh.

.

It was non-affectionate. He wasn't my type.

:pac:

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 10:09PM

GalwayGuy2 wrote: »

Funnily enough I imagined you as a big gruff builder. Then you said I grabbed his balls and I was like...oh.

EDIT:

@Candie

What do you think of the above PUA'esque video? I'm asking you because I've read a few of your posts complaining about PUA'ism

Strangely, I thought it made a lot of sense.

PUA is POO

4.18
It gets a bit...eew

The 'be an asshole' asshole.

These vids have titles like 'no girl is safe' or 'game like a sex addict' , 'How To Use Heavy-Handed Logic To Mind**** A Girl '.

'If a girl hangs out with me for five hours that means she is basically going to have sex with me'

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-27640474

I would never try and get into a conversation about why what they are doing is morally wrong with this type of man because they are controlling master manipulators they will just try and wriggle out of it and it is a waste of time trying to have a normal conversation with them.

I am sure there is a female equivalent out there some where. But whatever gender these people are not good people. And don't feel sorry for them that is just another manipulative trick just to use you.

We all know the psycho bitch / bastard type they feel they have superior rights or have a fake victim mentality when they think no matter what they do they are the good guy/girl. Some girls / guys twist anything around.

They end up alienating themselves from people emotionally.

I think with the Roger Elliot stuff people are scrutinizing this stuff a lot more.

And now there is an off shoot

But the movement has also has spawned an extreme offshoot - the world of anti-"pick-up artists", some of whom blame their lack of success with women on both the PUA industry, and the women themselves.

"And you just see deeper and deeper layers of misogyny that pile up through all the forums."

Does it ever occur to people the more you mistreat and the less you care about human beings the more you alienate them? And by default when you alienate others you alienate yourself from them.

If a guy is young and dabbles in PUA i would not say he is necessarily a jerk ...but it is a slippery slope. Some of them need to be told they should work on their self esteem and feel better about being them and that it is ok to be single. They can have healthy relationships with women. That there is nothing wrong with them as they are and that they are LOVABLE. But that whatever happens you don't have the right to intentionally be a jerk.

Immediately after the shootings some posters to PUAHate distanced themselves from Rodgers, but others sarcastically commented that the shootings could have been prevented if only women had had sex with him. "Again it seems like it's deflecting the blame onto women," says Kearns. "After spending a good amount of time in the forum and reading some of the threads, really nothing surprises you."

Solar Flare · 01-06-2014 10:24PM

There's some fantastic PUA advice out there that can improve people's lives.

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 10:39PM

There is a lack of sexual and emotional honesty in this whole thing.

This is a great article.http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/sexual-honesty-challenging-empowering-journey/

Eros does not go away. My clients tell stories of how they have tried to forget about what they desire sexually, channeled it into eating, drinking, irritability, frigidity, spirituality or pornography. It did not matter! Eros was as strong a part of them as ever.

I don't know how people expect another human to feel comfortable opening up to them sexually when they attempt to demean them or their opinions thoughts and feelings.

The whole thing is an attempt not to be found out. Whether it be hiding from the fact that people are not the love gods and goddesses they feel they should be or from themselves or what they

i am so grateful to be in a position now where I can offer the safety and trust that allows people to open up and speak their desire honestly. They can finally begin the process of learning about and sorting through the difficulties tangled up with their erotic desire. Healing is a process of disengaging the fear, shame, harsh judgments, feelings of not being worthy and other challenges that have gotten embedded in the unconscious and that arise on cue, right along with our Eros.

This whole PUA thing ...it further pushes sex into an area of secrecy and shame.....it is not sex positive. It has a very negative manipulative cynical view of human beings. The language is infantile and demeaning.

It convinces men that sex outside of a long term relationship cannot be handled maturely. It convinces them that if a woman prefers sex within relationships or rejects them she should be punished or manipulated for not complying. This only further alienates people.

It convinces men that they are not men without sex or women. It is VERY damaging.

There are fetish kink sex party groups out there.....the excuse is why organize your sex life ? Well because it is a way of keeping your integrity and not hurting people.

"Sex is shrouded in such mystery and secrecy, that an honest conversation about it is nothing short of miraculous.

This snake oil crap further pushes it into the back ...just for money...because if men realized they could talk openly about it ...they would not need to pay would they?

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 10:40PM

Solar Flare wrote: »

There's some fantastic PUA advice out there that can improve people's lives.

BS.
Stop selling your industry.:D

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 10:53PM

Solar Flare wrote: »

There's some fantastic PUA advice out there that can improve people's lives.

It hurts many more people.

Most PUA vids are boasts about how awful they have been to women. It is almost a competition to see how many women they can hurt and be jerks too.

But of course women are subhuman right???

And of course the AFCs..they stands for average frustrated chump I have found out that it what they call men who choose to love themselves the way they are..they also demean any man who does not buy their product.

Yeah these 'gurus' are practically social workers...

Forgive me if as a lowly female I am slightly skeptical and view it with ambivalence. It seems to think I should be targeted and manipulated and ripped off the 'princess pedestal' i put myself on.

Apparently working on my self esteem and trying to be kind and the bigger person after bad experiences is not what my little self should be doing.

I should be worried about a man's social status and I should not try and bring a positive vibe to the party I should be accepting negging and alienation. I should not love him for who is but all this little tricks he has paid you for. I should not make him feel secure by my loyalty and unconditional love or acceptance he might feel far too confident for your product then!

Yes both men and women should be miserable so you can sell them crap or give yourself better social status because it is actually you who are the problem.

Thank you and good night.

Solar Flare · 01-06-2014 10:56PM

Lou.m wrote: »

There is a lack of sexual and emotional honesty

I don't know how people expect another human to feel comfortable opening up to them sexually when they attempt to demean them or their opinions thoughts and feelings.

The whole thing is an attempt not to be found out. Whether it be hiding from the fact that people are not the love gods and goddesses they feel they should be or from themselves or what they

This whole PUA thing ...it further pushes sex into an area of secrecy and shame.....it is not sex positive. It has a very negative manipulative cynical view of human beings. The language is infantile and demeaning.

It convinces men that sex outside of a long term relationship cannot be handled maturely. It convinces them that if a woman prefers sex within relationships or rejects them she should be punished or manipulated for not complying. This only further alienates people.

It convinces men that they are not men without sex or women. It is VERY damaging.

There are fetish kink sex party groups out there.....the excuse is why organize your sex life ? Well because it is a way of keeping your integrity and not hurting people.

This snake oil crap further pushes it into the back ...just for money...because if men realized they could talk openly about it ...they would not need to pay would they?

How does pua push sex into an area of shame?

Solar Flare · 01-06-2014 10:58PM

Lou.m wrote: »

It hurts many more people.

Most PUA vids are boasts about how awful they have been to women. It is almost a competition to see how many women they can hurt and be jerks too.

But of course women are subhuman right???

And of course the AFCs..they stands for average frustrated chump I have found out that it what they call men who choose to love themselves the way they are..they also demean any man who does not buy their product.

Yeah these 'gurus' are practically social workers...

Forgive me if as a lowly female I am slightly skeptical and view it with ambivalence. It seems to think I should be targeted and manipulated and ripped off the 'princess pedestal' i put myself on.

Apparently working on my self esteem and trying to be kind and the bigger person after bad experiences is not what my little self should be doing.

I should be worried about a man's social status and I should not try and bring a positive vibe to the party I should be accepting negging and alienation. I should not love him for who is but all this little tricks he has paid you for. I should not make him feel secure by my loyalty and unconditional love or acceptance he might feel far too confident for your product then!

Yes both men and women should be miserable so you can sell them crap or give yourself better social status because it is actually you who are the problem.

Thank you and good night.

Some incredible sweeping generalisations you are making there.

Solar Flare · 01-06-2014 11:05PM

OP there's some good pua youtube videos you should take a look at. Look at Tyler Durden's videos, some educational stuff there.

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 11:16PM

Solar Flare wrote: »

Some incredible sweeping generalisations you are making there.

All PUA's make incredible sweeping generalizations about women and men don't they? They do certainly about women.

It is infact a theory.

Individuals should not be generalized. But PUA is not a person it is a thing.

But PUA comes in the form of e books and theory. And you can

And the fallacy of generalization does not apply here I would argue.

An e book is one e book. It does not have many differing forms of itself to produce and exception to a generalization.

There is sufficient sample of material to prove my point.

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 11:17PM

Solar Flare wrote: »

OP there's some good pua youtube videos you should take a look at. Look at Tyler Durden's videos, some educational stuff there.

He is one of the sleaziest in my mind.

I am open minded though and please feel free to show me some.

But I don't entertain thought terminating clichés which I found this stuff is full of.

A lot of their accounts draw on misleading vividness to support their argument for their product and to try to dismiss arguments against the morality of it.

I can give understanding to men who try it and compassion, but don't ask me be to be stupid.

I refuse to be manipulated. I can't stand fallacious thinking.

They tend to describe their sexual encounters in vivid detail, even if it is an exceptional occurrence, they use the vividness and outrageousness to convince others that the way it came about is a sound order of operations. And they use this faulty conclusion argue it is ok.

It works ...'because she was SO hot and there were five of them and each of then had two vaginas and three boobs and they all squirted in unison'

It is morally ok ' because it works'.

Or it is morally ok 'because women are evil or beneath us ..or you have been rejected so many times' ...

Or the the crunch, it is ok because 'you will never get a girl you like without it...you know you won't'.

They use vivid imagery and emotional manipulation on their customers to quell any emotional or mental discomfort in their thoughts about doing this.

They try to quell cognitive dissonance.

When dissonance is present, in addition to trying to reduce it, the person will actively avoid situations and information which would likely increase the dissonance.

Solar Flare · 01-06-2014 11:33PM

Lou.m wrote: »

He is one of the sleaziest in my mind.

What in particluar about his advice or philosophy do you disagree with?

Solar Flare · 01-06-2014 11:36PM

Lou.m wrote: »

He is one of the sleaziest in my mind.

I am open minded though and please feel free to show me some.

But I don't entertain thought terminating clichés which I found this stuff is full of.

A lot of their accounts draw on misleading vividness to support their argument for their product and to try to dismiss arguments against the morality of it.

I can give understanding to men who try it and compassion, but don't ask me be to be stupid.

I refuse to be manipulated. I can't stand fallacious thinking.

They tend to describe their sexual encounters in vivid detail, even if it is an exceptional occurrence, they use the vividness and outrageousness to convince others that the way it came about is a sound order of operations. And they use this faulty conclusion argue it is ok.

It works ...'because she was SO hot and there were five of them and each of then had two vaginas and three boobs and they all squirted in unison'

It is morally ok ' because it works'.

Or it is morally ok 'because women are evil or beneath us ..or you have been rejected so many times' ...

Or the the crunch, it is ok because 'you will never get a girl you like without it...you know you won't'.

They use vivid imagery and emotional manipulation on their customers to quell any emotional or mental discomfort in their thoughts about doing this.

They try to quell cognitive dissonance.

When dissonance is present, in addition to trying to reduce it, the person will actively avoid situations and information which would likely increase the dissonance.

Where are you getting this idea that PUA says women arr evil or beneath men?

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 11:49PM

Solar Flare wrote: »

What in particluar about his advice or philosophy do you disagree with?

The misogyny.

Why do you ask?

Stop mind ****ing me .....you don't wanna go there

..promise.

What is you playing at?

Whatever your agenda is it is not in my best interest.

You give me the bad feels....

I don't want to make you think like me. You are free to disagree.

In fact people should come to their own conclusions.

I shall put it like this.

I wish them /PUA's love ....and joy .that is genuine..and I would never try and manipulate anyone around to my way of thinking. I know of course they wish me the same.

By the way ...why does he take a fake name and not his own?

Why do you have such a low post count?

Lou.m · 01-06-2014 11:50PM

Solar Flare wrote: »

Where are you getting this idea that PUA says women arr evil or beneath men?

...... dinna dinnna dinnnna dinnnna leader...

Keeping going ..I am completely under your spell...:eek:

Alf. A. Male · 02-06-2014 12:31AM

Given the weirdness of the opening post, it's hard to belive the thread could get even weirder, but it did.

hello friends. quickquestion regarding appropriate eye contact

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