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Obese person gets called obese, claims she's being bullied

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  • #32
    dark crystal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,962 ✭✭✭✭dark crystal


    Never fails to amaze me how rude people dress up their bad manners and unwanted opinions as 'telling it like it is'.

    She didn't ask for his opinion on her weight, so he would have been better off keeping his 'concern' for her to himself and concentrated on keeping his own body like a temple. Causing people to feel badly about their self image is not something one should be proud of. Ever.


  • #33
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 22,371 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    I am actually sorry for posting something earlier...i have a family member that is obese and i was actually brainwashed as a kid with excuses for it, when in fact he/she should have eaten less and moved more...they are really paying for it now in their 70's as we are.


  • #34
    carraig2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭carraig2


    mitosis wrote: »
    So, if someone is judgmental it is OK to call them judgmental, but if they are obese................

    Re the OP, bullying is dependant upon intent - it was not the persons intent to hurt, but to advise.

    Bullying is not dependant on intent. Not according to Dept of Ed guidelines on bullying. Been through this with local Primary School when my child was bullied.


  • #35
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    mitosis wrote: »
    So, if someone is judgmental it is OK to call them judgmental, but if they are obese................

    Re the OP, bullying is dependant upon intent - it was not the persons intent to hurt, but to advise.
    Is it okay for me to walk up to obese strangers on the street and say "Hey, you're obese, sort it out will ya". That's okay because they actually are obese so I'm technically not doing anything wrong? Seriously? You don't think there's a problem with that? And you can't see a difference between that and the callous gobshítes that are saying it being called judgemental?


  • #36
    WilyCoyote
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,059 ✭✭✭WilyCoyote


    Ash.J.Williams wrote: »
    fats fine until you're in your 50's...then stop being fat or you will die horribly.

    You're not being invited to my funeral Ash.J.Williams.Esq., (if you're still around).
    I'm obese (according to my BMI) ........ 99 kgs and 176 cms. Quite fit and do a physical job. I eat and drink plenty and have no notion of changing my lifestyle.

    All my uncles were (according to BMI) obese, drank plenty alcohol, smoked until their late 60s/early 70s, and died in their very late 80s.

    Show me the figures/graph linking BMI of 28+ with early death

    http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/04/14/a-number-that-may-not-add-up/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0


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  • #37
    mitosis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,996 ✭✭✭mitosis


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Is it okay for me to walk up to obese strangers on the street and say "Hey, you're obese, sort it out will ya". That's okay because they actually are obese so I'm technically not doing anything wrong? Seriously? You don't think there's a problem with that? And you can't see a difference between that and those people being called judgemental?

    You are not comparing like with like. Obviously the scenario you outline is unacceptable, but it's not the one in question


  • #38
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    mitosis wrote: »
    You are not comparing like with like. Obviously the scenario you outline is unacceptable, but it's not the one in question
    So it's not okay for me to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them they're obese and that they're a bad role model, but if I send an email then that's grand?


  • #39
    WilyCoyote
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,059 ✭✭✭WilyCoyote


    Ash.J.Williams wrote: »
    I am actually sorry for posting something earlier...i have a family member that is obese and i was actually brainwashed as a kid with excuses for it, when in fact he/she should have eaten less and moved more...they are really paying for it now in their 70's as we are.

    OK, Ash.J. you can now come ......... but as a ghost ........ as I intend to outlive you - just for spite! :D


  • #40
    Ash.J.Williams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 22,371 ✭✭✭✭Ash.J.Williams


    WilyCoyote wrote: »
    OK, Ash.J. you can now come ......... but as a ghost ........ as I intend to outlive you - just for spite! :D
    ha now that you mention it.....a lady cornered me about this very topic ....giving me grief about how this family member of mine ate a lot of cake .....She only bloody died the following week


  • #41
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Relevance? A fat person cannot be a good roll model now, is that it?

    Quick, someone tell Oprah.


    Oprah has for years proclaimed how people should better themselves, judges people on a daily basis, in fact, made her fortune from judging and ridiculing people on her Jerry Springer style early shows before she realised Sally Jesse Raphael and her human interest stories with a healthy dose of sentiment thrown in, were actually the way to go!

    For decades she's been obsessive and judgemental about other people's lifestyle choices, so while she is a billionaire, she's still a piss poor role model for anyone when she kicks up a media frenzy about a security guard telling her step away from a $40k handbag. How far removed from reality do you have to be for that to happen?


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  • #42
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    mathie wrote: »
    Nope. They used the word "obese" which isn't a derogartory word.
    All the examples you use are derogatory.

    They are only derogatory because someone was offended by them at some point. Originally they were all in common usage.


  • #43
    Cantremember
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭Cantremember


    longhalloween wrote: »
    Obesity is medically defined.

    So if she meets the definition, then she is obese. No two ways about it.



    Saw a girl no older than 16 buying 6 easter eggs in Tesco. I'd say she was easily 15 stone. Something seriously wrong there.

    Damn right. Much better value in Lidl.


  • #44
    Caliden
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,981 ✭✭✭Caliden


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    So it's not okay for me to walk up to a stranger on the street and tell them they're obese and that they're a bad role model, but if I send an email then that's grand?

    One is in the public domain the other is private.

    Also the letter the guy sent may have lacked some empathy but it certainly wasn't "HERE FATTY SORT YOURSELF OUT YA MESS WILL YA".

    She's in the public eye, she's expected to deal with that. I guarantee you someone like Joe Duffy gets letters every day telling him to go kill himself and the like, do we hear about those?

    Look at Shatter last week, he got white powder and nazi material sent to his house and he later came out and said he has a binder full of similar material that's been sent to him over the years.


  • #45
    Artful_Badger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,339 ✭✭✭Artful_Badger


    I'm pretty sure I've seen this exact thread on that 2 year old video in AH before.


    Edit. Here it is


  • #46
    Pumpkinseeds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,635 ✭✭✭Pumpkinseeds


    What did the person who complained about her actually want as a role model for young girls? Young people already have plenty of 'role models' with bodies, that for most of us, are unattainable, without developing an eating disorder and or having a personal trainer. Some people need to get a life.


  • #47
    mathie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭mathie


    Artful_Badger wrote: »
    I'm pretty sure I've seen this exact thread on that 2 year old story in AH before.

    Set your alarm clock for two years time.
    I'll create another then.


  • #48
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    Let's be clear about something - I am not in favour of all this politically correct BS that is popular nowadays. In many cases it's a form of bullying - a way to shut someone up that you disagree with. One example being the recent payout to the IONA institute about the homophobia word used during a debate.

    Bullying is when a person or more often a group of people systematically target certain individuals with the sole purpose of making them miserable. You can dress that up any way you want or call it "plain speaking" or whatever, but in my experience if you stand up to people like this they run a mile.


  • #49
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    Bubbaclaus wrote: »
    I really don't understand how obese people let themselves go like that. It's not that hard to put down the mars bar

    Some folks have medical conditions that make it super easy to gain weight. I'm one of those people. I've got poly-cystic ovarian syndrome and my weight gain started when I hit 11 years old. Anything that turns to sugar becomes fat in my body. A low carb diet helps but I'm a turtle when it comes to weight loss. I'm lucky if I can lose a half pound a week.

    And I don't eat junk.


  • #50
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    professore wrote: »
    Why not befriend the obese person and make them feel better about themselves, and in time they might have enough self esteem to actually eat less?

    Disclaimer : I'm not even fat.


    I'm not fat but... :D

    Ah no, honestly, I understand the intention of your post, but it just comes across as incredibly patronising and righteous that you would suggest anyone befriend anyone who they see as being inferior to them and assume they have self esteem issues, that by being friendly with them you can sneak in your hidden agenda to 'fix' them and make them what you want them to be. You're ignoring the person and focussing on what you see as their issue, when really it's your issue with them.

    Maybe I'm picking you up wrong?


  • #51
    20Cent
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,940 ✭✭✭20Cent


    What's this about bullying being systematic? Never heard that before. It only needs this to happen to once to be bullying.


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  • #52
    mathie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,103 ✭✭✭mathie


    mathie wrote:
    Nope. They used the word "obese" which isn't a derogartory word.
    All the examples you use are derogatory.
    professore wrote: »
    They are only derogatory because someone was offended by them at some point. Originally they were all in common usage.

    Yes but they're derogatory now. That's the point.

    By your logic I can just go up to a black person and call him every offensive name under the sun and go "Oh it's ok. Back in 1820 those words weren't offensive".


  • #53
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    I'm not fat but... :D

    Ah no, honestly, I understand the intention of your post, but it just comes across as incredibly patronising and righteous that you would suggest anyone befriend anyone who they see as being inferior to them and assume they have self esteem issues, that by being friendly with them you can sneak in your hidden agenda to 'fix' them and make them what you want them to be. You're ignoring the person and focussing on what you see as their issue, when really it's your issue with them.

    Maybe I'm picking you up wrong?

    You are. My point was that if you genuinely befriended them - not some kind of patronising ah the poor wretch kind of friendship (assuming they're not an asshole) they would be less likely to get bullied. It's much harder to bully a group of people than a single individual.


  • #54
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,219 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Since when is giving unsolicited advice about anything ok?

    Is it okay if I stop girls on a night out and tell them exactly what their high heels are doing to their ligaments? Can I stop smokers in the street and tell them about the tar in their lungs? Can I knock on drivers windows and tell them they'd be healthier if they walked? What about going into a pub in Ireland on a friday night and giving them a lecture about drinking?

    Like hell I can, but it's okay to tell a fat person they're fat (like they don't know), because fat is ugly in a way the other things aren't, and THAT'S what the hate dressed up as calling a spade a spade, or telling it like it is is really all about.


  • #55
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    mathie wrote: »
    Yes but they're derogatory now. That's the point.

    By your logic I can just go up to a black person and call him every offensive name under the sun and go "Oh it's ok. Back in 1820 those words weren't offensive".

    I think most people would think it's pretty offensive to call someone obese outside perhaps a doctor's surgery.


  • #56
    onemorechance
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,078 ✭✭✭onemorechance


    14 April 2014 Last updated at 04:39 BST

    A judge in Ohio has ordered a man to appear in public, holding a sign that reads: "I am a bully".

    Edmond Aviv was convicted of harassing his neighbours and their disabled children for 15 years.

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-27017750


  • #57
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    What about someone on steroids for a serious medical condition such as cancer? Is it OK to call them obese and say they should lose a few pounds? If it's OK to tell strangers they're fat there's a good chance this will happen sooner or later.


  • #58
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    20Cent wrote: »
    What's this about bullying being systematic? Never heard that before. It only needs this to happen to once to be bullying.

    Have you ever seen it only happen once? Now that you mention it it happened to a friend of mine once as a teenager, he decked the guy and that was the end of it. If it only happens once it's not an issue.


  • #59
    dark crystal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,962 ✭✭✭✭dark crystal


    Caliden wrote: »
    One is in the public domain the other is private.

    She's in the public domain for reading the news; she's not fronting a show where her weight is an issue, where she's giving people advice on their image or where she's inviting comment on her image.

    This guy's 'concern' was nothing of the sort. It was designed not to make her feel inspired to change herself, as she had never expressed any desire to do so, but rather it was designed to insult. What right did he have to make her feel shitty about herself, just because she happens to appear on his tv screen reading the news?


  • #60
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,849 ✭✭✭professore


    dark crystal wrote: »
    She's in the public domain for reading the news; she's not fronting a show where her weight is an issue, where she's giving people advice on their image or where she's inviting comment on her image.

    This guy's 'concern' was nothing of the sort. It was designed not to make her feel inspired to change herself, as she had never expressed any desire to do so, but rather it was designed to insult. What right did he have to make her feel shitty about herself, just because she happens to appear on his tv screen reading the news?

    I would argue (read my previous posts before responding) that he has the right to say that to a public figure, however it says more about him than it does about her.


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  • #61
    Red Nissan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,055 ✭✭✭Red Nissan


    MagicMarker wrote: »
    Her weight is her own business and no one else's.

    If someone came into/contacted my place of business to comment on my weight I'd tell them to fúck off. It IS a form of bullying.

    Are you on air and a possible role model to a vulnerable audience?


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