Inviting friend to a wedding

HappyBalance wrote:

So I have pretty big crush on my friend. She knows about it, she takes it as a compliment but hasn't acted on it. Any advice on how to convince her I'm the right man for her - she actually has a bf at the moment too!

Ok, if she didn't know and was totally unaware of your feelings towards her, there might have been a chance that it was her boyfriend who kicked up a bit of a fuss and had to put a bit of reality in her mind about the whole wedding thing - i.e. that it isn't just an innocent invitation for a day's craic with a harmless, platonic work buddy.

But since she knows full well of your feelings, there is a good chance that the boyfriend himself never heard a thing about the wedding i.e. she's made this decision entirely by herself knowing that the wedding would be your 'end game' of sorts, where you would make your move. Sure why wouldn't you? Weddings are notoriously a day of happy vibes drenched in alcohol, you would have this girl with you who doesn't know anyone else there. Win for you. If she does gel with some people over the day, it will be your family and no doubt as she would be there as your date, there would be a spotlight on her and everyone wold want to meet her. Also win for you. Actually just thinking about it now, what would you be telling her family about the girls current relationship status?? In choosing not to go, she's doing what she can to harness the situation and your romantic pursuit of her.

I reckon that since she is aware of your feelings, she's just being far too nice about the whole thing in the way she's letting you down. She's blaming the boyfriend who you never talk to, so therefore in theory it was an easier situation for her to deal with than the alternative; tell you that she's already in a relationship and doesn't have those feelings for you that would make her take a jump to the other side.

HappyBalance wrote: »

That is my point exactly. If she didn't want to go I would have said fair enough, it can be an awkward situation. I got annoyed with her because she is only 24 and she shouldn't be told what to do. What kind of future is that?

So instead she should be told what to do by you? Yes, I'm now fully sure she made this decision by herself. She thought that once she mentioned the boyfriend you would back off and respectfully accept her decline to the wedding invite. This was not a crazy thing for her to assume, as you can see from the majority of replies in this thread. Still, you went and 'got annoyed with her' anyway. I understand why she wouldn't want to hit the wall of carnage that is dealing with your feelings for her, that sounds like it wouldn't be an easy conversation/ordeal for her, and I can't really blame her for taking the 'OH made me do it' defense with you.

-Has this girl said that she is unhappy in her relationship with her current boyfriend?
-Is she coming into work with mysterious bruises and a bashed demeanor to suggest that her bf is a complete c**t and that she's in need of rescue?
-Has she expressed any form of a romantic interest in you?

Actually maybe the whole point here is that you are struggling to tell the difference between romantic and non-romantic gestures i.e. She smiles, talks, is polite, respectful and listens to me =/= She wants to be my girlfriend. These are fundamental things that friends do anyway.

-Have you been in a serious relationship before yourself? Honest question and not a dig, but that would explain your aloofness at why her boyfriend would make such a big deal of your wedding invite.

If your answers to the above few questions are 'No' then you should leave this girl alone and accept the fact that the guy she loves and makes her bed with is not you. I would then say to focus on your friendship with her and know and respect her boundaries, but from the bit I've read about your feelings for this girl I don't think you will settle for her friendship.

When a person has a 'crush' on somebody, it is hard to see beyond her/him and look at the bigger picture which is filled with many other colourful characters. You should apply the same focus to a girl who is available, and not one who by the sounds of it is in a loving relationship and just wants to get through her day's work with ease.