Inappropriate thoughts at funerals

I generally don't feel much emotion at funerals. I act sad as its the thing to do but i am more interested in it hurrying up so i can get home. Same can be said for weddings. I like when it rains at such events as it speeds things along, cant be having all that arsing about that goes on.

At my Gran's brother's funeral years ago. He'd emigrated to London and he'd wanted to be buried back in the homeland. At the graveside All the English relations at one side; his kids, grandkids etc all very sad. On the other side it was all of the irish family. Some guy steps up beside the grave and launches into a very poignant but very very badly performed aucoustic version of danny boy as the coffin is being lowered.
The English contingent all bow their heads as their dad/grandad gets committed to the earth.
Our half of the family on the other hand; unable to deal with the wailing of the singer , break down into laughter. My parent's, aunts, uncles , cousins, family friends all of us roaring with laughter. 30 paddies in black crying with laughter.

Can't imagine what the Tan cousins thought of us. First time over meeting the family for most of them and here we are laughing at their dads funeral.

At my wife's funeral mass....
My son was 3 at the time and in my arms, and was fascinated by the pageantry of “the mass”.
He was asking questions to beat the band, and I’m a firm believer in being as honest and open as I can be with him (always age appropriately, of course!) so I was doing my best to answer him.
I explained the priest and mass to Josh, along the lines of; ‘Well some people feel like they need to gather together to celebrate what they believe and to give thanks to their God, and often the priest leads them in prayer’.
‘Which I think is a bit silly, really’, I told him, ‘Because if there is a God and he is everywhere surely you can talk to him wherever ya like? You don't need an operator to place the call for ya''
Next up came Communion.
How do you explain transubstantiation and all the associated mumbo jumbo to a child?! Well I gave it a stab! I told him that the priest, and Catholics in general, believe that during the Eucharist the bread and wine are miraculously transformed into the actual real body and blood of a bloke called Jesus……
My son looks at me while trying to make sense of this new information, and asks the incisive question.
‘Like a magic trick, Dad?’
Smiling to myself at his common sense view of the ritual,I answered, ‘Yes, monkey! Just like a magic trick’.
Later, as the mass ended and the priest was returning his paraphernalia to the sacristy, Josh turned to me and said ‘Dad, I don’t want to come here anymore!’
Knowing that I never wanted to see the inside of that church again; knowing that it was another step towards burying his Mam and saying goodbye to what was our little family’s planned future.
I wasn’t surprised by my Son's firm statement, but!
Knowing that he was as confused and scared as I was, and that he clearly needed answers and surety and that it was my job to provide to him… I asked, ‘Why?’
He looked up at me with an unexpected bright smile and said
‘Because that’s the stupidest magic show I have ever seen!!’

I know the timing may have seemed inappropriate but everyone who heard that exchange had a giggle, and it lifted our moods on a dark day

Aside from that, I'm usually the fecker sitting in a church making the jokes at wrong time and spotting the best dressed sexy mourners :P

At my Granda's funeral it came to the Communion and the priest announced that they had 'bread' for coeliacs as well. Turned to my brother and said "Ah, they have gluten free Jesus now?" Giggles galore :pac:

Wasn't at this particular funeral but I got a good one...

About 10 years ago my Dad's uncle died suddenly, my dad hadn't spoke to him in years but was devastated over it, he and my mam went to the funeral which was in another county, in the back of beyonds in the wesht.

They and the rest of my extended family stayed in the village where the funeral was.

The grief felt by the close family of my dad's uncle was immense due to the suddeness of the death naturally.

Cutting to the chase...all the family and friends piled into their cars and drove 30 miles down to road to where the church was. Everyone was in the church and the service about to start.

Next thing this whispering begins to start and spreads all around the church, with some confusion on peoples faces.

What was being said was "Where's Aunty Mary?" Followed by "I thought she was in your car!" "Nooo I thought she was in his car!" "No s**te I thought she was in her car!" and they were standing up trying to see was she there.

Aunty Mary was the elder sister of the deceased and she wasn't in sight.

The deceased's son was in the front row and all my dad could see where his shoulders shaking, he believed he was crying then he turns around and he's pissing on himself laughing! Followed by the rest of the church erupting with laughter.

They forgot her and left her locked into the house 30 miles down the road, her son then boots it out of the church, jumps into his car and skids out the gate to go get her. When they got into the house, the poor woman was in there saying the rosary after missing her brothers funeral. She managed to make the burial. She believed it to be his last prank as the deceased was a well known joker/prankster.

My dad says he never laughed so much that weekend. It's one funeral I'd have loved to have been at!

Was at a funeral of an ex girlfriends mother many years ago. Standing around with a group of mates outside the church waiting to go to the graveyard and the ex comes over, wasn't really looking forward to the conversation as we hadn't spoken in about 2 years, mate inadvertently saved the day as he extended his hand and came out with "Ah how's it going, haven't seen ye in ages, any craic?"...There was a moment of stunned silence as we looked at him and she considered how to respond before moving off...

Was at a funeral recently it was very formal as the woman was a dignified type of a lady. I am not religious but at communion time I thought that I better go up. But I have just been diagnosed celiac and just happened to be beside by friend who is also celiac she grabbed my and said you can't take the bread there's gluten in it. So I turned to her a few minutes later and said.... you know that girl in the exorcist she probably wasn't possessed she was just gluten intolerant or maybe she was allergic to god....Wasn't much of a joke but we nearly got sick laughing.