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Failed to get lucky.. Bad Breath!

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Comments

  • #62
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Encrustment wrote: »
    Then for some reason (probably drink-induced incontinence) I made an absolutely huge and long fart and tried to cover the sound by shouting random session noises like "WHOO HOO YEAHH PARTY" so nobody would notice, but the lovely German girl was watching me in disgust. It was a really heavy & sweaty Guinness fart.

    The chemistry went stale after that (like my arse) and I stumbled home alone at dawn.

    That was a good 8 years ago and I still kick myself when I think about it. She was "the one" but I blasted her away with a smelly fart.


    Username / post combo, win written all over that one! :D

    Now THAT'S how you tell a story OP! Fcuking brilliant, I'm in tears :pac:


  • #63
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    Sleepy wrote: »
    Shoulda just told her you needed a quick shower before heading out and invited her to join you...

    Would hardly have been the first time the showers in a hostel had been shagged in.

    I'm not saying she wouldn't have shagged me, but but you need to transition to sex. At that point in time I would have felt lucky to get a kiss.

    The comfort of the bed makes sex a lot better


  • #64
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    Evelyn Cusack wrote: »
    Apparently the homeless hostels in Dublin are a really good place to go for sex now, a lot cheaper than escort Ireland and you can get service without a condom.
    I like to have fun with my mouth as well as my dick and with whores that's not possible


  • #65
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    mitosis wrote: »
    Is there a difference?
    Not that indeed is a truly smutty perverted comment. You should be banned


  • #66
    camel jockey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 909 ✭✭✭camel jockey


    Dancing With Myself wrote: »
    a gang of about a dozen(who I'd exchanged with)

    What did you exchange, OP? Bodily fluids?


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  • #67
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    Encrustment wrote: »
    There was one savage German girl who I was getting along with very well. I could tell she liked me and I was sure I was going to get the ride.

    Then for some reason (probably drink-induced incontinence) I made an absolutely huge and long fart and tried to cover the sound by shouting random session noises like "WHOO HOO YEAHH PARTY" so nobody would notice, but the lovely German girl was watching me in disgust. It was a really heavy & sweaty Guinness fart.

    The chemistry went stale after that (like my arse) and I stumbled home alone at dawn.

    That was a good 8 years ago and I still kick myself when I think about it. She was "the one" but I blasted her away with a smelly fart.
    That is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. I presume she didn't smell the fart!!


  • #68
    xploderz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 128 ✭✭xploderz


    Encrustment wrote: »
    I once happened upon a few Germans in Galway city center at about 2am or so, I was after leaving the club. They were playing guitar and drinking in Eyre Square.

    Got chatting to them for some reason or other and they told me to join them for a few drinks.

    I said wait 2 minutes now and I run home to grab a bottle of absinthe.

    I came back with the absinthe and a few plashtic cups and we had a great aul laugh, all sitting around on the grass on a warm summers night or morning or whatever 3am is.

    There was one savage German girl who I was getting along with very well. I could tell she liked me and I was sure I was going to get the ride.

    Then for some reason (probably drink-induced incontinence) I made an absolutely huge and long fart and tried to cover the sound by shouting random session noises like "WHOO HOO YEAHH PARTY" so nobody would notice, but the lovely German girl was watching me in disgust. It was a really heavy & sweaty Guinness fart.

    The chemistry went stale after that (like my arse) and I stumbled home alone at dawn.

    That was a good 8 years ago and I still kick myself when I think about it. She was "the one" but I blasted her away with a smelly fart.

    Lol, that story reminds of the simpsons episode where homer is lying in bed with marge, trying to cover up the exploding alcohol distillery he has in the basement by going "BOOM KABLAMMO BOOOOM, Oh excuse me".


  • #69
    spiralism
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,299 ✭✭✭spiralism


    Dancing With Myself wrote: »
    While staying at a hostel abroad I met this 22 year old Australian girl. I thought I blew my chances with her chances with her after a slightly racist comment about the Chinese

    :rolleyes::pac:


  • #70
    Mr. Guappa
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,317 ✭✭✭Mr. Guappa


    It's always the pyjama-wearing racist with poor personal hygiene who gets the girl.


  • #71
    F1ngers
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 11,608 Mod ✭✭✭✭F1ngers


    brummytom wrote: »
    What did you say about the Chinese?

    Great bunch of lads.


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  • #72
    Encrustment
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 179 ✭✭Encrustment


    Dancing With Myself wrote: »
    That is one of the funniest stories I've ever heard. I presume she didn't smell the fart!!

    Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. But she looked in my eyes as I made it and even though there was a group of people around, she knew it was from me.


  • #73
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    Encrustment wrote: »
    Then for some reason (probably drink-induced incontinence) I made an absolutely huge and long fart and tried to cover the sound by shouting random session noises like "WHOO HOO YEAHH PARTY" so nobody would notice, but the lovely German girl was watching me in disgust. It was a really heavy & sweaty Guinness fart.
    If you had the time to think of saying "WHOO HOO YEAHH PARTY", then how come you weren't to stop the fart? Or is it different holding a fart when you're drunk


  • #74
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    brummytom wrote: »
    What did you say about the Chinese?
    I said they were a very stupid race that tended to believe whatever medieval superstitions passed down to them. I also said that they were no craic


  • #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,046 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Forget romance.. Just go wash. My girlfriend knows I'm horny if I go brush my teeth and clean my cock.


  • #76
    WilyCoyote
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,059 ✭✭✭WilyCoyote


    LordSutch wrote: »
    Bad breath = Halitosis.

    Better than no breath at all


  • #77
    Sinfonia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,854 ✭✭✭Sinfonia


    xploderz wrote: »
    Lol, that story reminds of the simpsons episode where homer is lying in bed with marge, trying to cover up the exploding alcohol distillery he has in the basement by going "BOOM KABLAMMO BOOOOM, Oh excuse me".

    "I think it must've been that bean I had for dinner.."


  • #78
    Dancing With Myself
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 107 ✭✭Dancing With Myself


    WilyCoyote wrote: »
    Better than no breath at all
    How are things over in the US?


  • #79
    LOSTfan57
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 682 ✭✭✭LOSTfan57


    i knew who this OP was going to be somehow........i'm psychic


  • #80
    Bog Standard User
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 847 ✭✭✭Bog Standard User


    BNMC wrote: »
    Can't believe I read all of that, what a shit story.

    i cant believe its not butter


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