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Help me please,, school principle making my child out to be a liar unfairly

  • 10-12-2013 09:15PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 224 ✭✭


    MODS not sure were to put this so please feel free to put in the right place thanks.

    Ok,

    So my child is in 1st class primary school, very bright honest hard working child who has been recommended for gifted you programs and the like! NEVER been in any kind of trouble what so ever, two weeks ago i collect her from school and she has a swollen eye??? i ask what happened and she tells me this boy who i wont put a name to punched her in the eye? she said she didn't tell the teacher because the other kids will call her a rat!!!! doing the right thing i myself went to the teacher who infomed me that it would not be left this boy be dealt with! happy enough i left at that even though it took three days for the eye to go back to normal...

    Less than a week later this same boy punched her the mouth, outraged i went back the teacher and was told well there is two boys with the same 1st name that they dont know who it is because my child doesn't know there 2nd name? so i told the teacher in front of my child that she has to be taken to this class to point the boy out all 3 of agreed.

    right enough the next morning i reminded the teacher that she was to point the boy out today and he in turn said yes the principle is going to deal with it, happy again i go off.

    but later that day when i pick her up she tells that she was called down to the office and the principle told her it was an accident??? WTF

    Obviously i went to the principal who told me that my child said it was an accident and that she took the boy sown to my daughters class apologise and that we should just keep our daughter away from this boy full stop when i told the principal that twice in one week is NOT an accident she said she knew nothing about the 1st one as the teacher told her it was a hoola hoop??? when i asked my daughter did this boy come down the principal to say sorry? she said no and is addiment to come to the office with me in the morning to tell me in front of the principal that she did not take her out of her class for the boy to say sorry,, and as i said earlier the school had no idea witch one the two boys it was and never got my daughter to point him out??? CLEARLY the school is telling lies???? What the hell can i do about this please help as best you can guys, thanks

    PS sorry about the long read.:mad:


«13

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Moved from After Hours, the Parenting charter now applies.

    Mod.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 224 ✭✭burgermasters


    Thank you Ruubot 2


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,593 ✭✭✭DoozerT6


    OP, there is a parenting forum here (click the 'Soc' tab at the top of the page) which might be more useful :) you will get lots of 'kill it with fire!!' comment here in After Hours.

    Having said that, I'm sure more than one person here can come up with some real advice....

    Edit: ha, in before the move!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 830 ✭✭✭Eoin247


    I found a lot of that very hard to read unfortunately (You might want to recheck the post). From what i understand though I think you're over reacting a bit. If this hitting continues then keep at the staff. Stay calm with them though, as you want the school on your side


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 224 ✭✭burgermasters


    Im not very good with this i know,, and maybe some might think i am over reacting but at the end of the day there is nothing worse than having your child come home from school with a swollen eye or a fat lip at the age of 7,, and then to have the staff and the principal lie to your face?? my job as a father is to protect my kids and that is what i will do! if i wait it out what happens next stitches???


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭2xj3hplqgsbkym


    This is very difficult to read and understand, perhaps because you are ranting as you are so upset and angry.

    I would recommend writing down everything that happened in your side and what your daughter told you (when you calm down) and give a copy of this to the school. Then ask the school to give you a written report also.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 54,202 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    Im not very good with this i know,, and maybe some might think i am over reacting but at the end of the day there is nothing worse than having your child come home from school with a swollen eye or a fat lip at the age of 7,, and then to have the staff and the principal lie to your face?? my job as a father is to protect my kids and that is what i will do! if i wait it out what happens next stitches???

    Its always better to put your complaint on paper and also keep a copy.
    They will act if its on paper and also threaten that if there's a further instance of violence against your child that you will write to the Board of Management.

    That will make them take action.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 130 ✭✭jelenka


    No advise here, but I am sorry that this happened to your little girl and I really hope something will be done to punish that kid . I am also shocked that a 7 year old is worried about being scared of complaining about it in order not to be called a rat ! That shouldn't be happening ...


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,615 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Your child needs to learn that it is ok to tell someone. If she could point out the child in the yard immediately when something like this happens, then it would cut out a lot of the unnecessary, bringing children's to each others classes etc.

    Has your child any friends in school, who witnessed either incident? Could they help identify the boy?

    I agree your post was quite difficult to follow with a lot of "he said/she said".Go to the school, calmly, and make an appointment to see the principal and your daughter's teacher together. Keep calm in the meeting and listen to what they both say. Put your side across as your daughter has told you.. maybe bring in a written list of dates/times etc.

    This sounds like miscommunication on all sides rather than the principal and teacher conspiring against your daughter & you deliberately. If you can sit down with both of them and find out exactly what each person thinks has happened, you'll be more likely to find out what ACTUALLY happened, and how to resolve any issues that need to be resolved.

    Your daughter should point the boy out to her teacher in the yard.. not be brought to his classroom for an identity parade.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    Folks this isn't the Spell Czechs forum. I'm a grammar nazi and I could still understand everything the op was saying so let's respond to that rather than how it's written.

    /mod

    burgermasters:
    Get a copy of your school's Complaints policy, Health and Safety policy and Anti-Bullying policy. I would be careful about calling anyone a liar - everything is open to interpretation and it may well be that your daughter told the principal that it was an accident rather than point out her bully in class. If everything is as you describe you need to stay calm and write everything down rather than go in emotional and take it to the teacher or principal. Recurring physical abuse is serious and must be dealt with. This is where the policies come in - if the principal refuses to adhere to allegations of bullying or physical abuse that is serious and you will have grounds to take it further in a manner dictated by the complaints policy. Stick to your guns but be calm and rational when dealing with the staff - it will go much better than way.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 334 ✭✭HomelessMidge


    I reckon your best off going to the school board. Write them a letter and outline everything that happened, between this boy hitting your daughter twice to the teacher and principles response. The board should be able to deal with it for you.

    When writing the letter take your time and outline every detail so they get the full picture.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    Not without reading the complaints policy. There are rules that must be followed or the board can do nothing. You have to follow the process exactly.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,035 ✭✭✭goz83


    Everything recorded is better. This way, you have something to fall back on. Email the Principal and cc the email to the board of management. Have your email checked over to make sure its clear. While i could understand mostly what you were saying, it was a bit difficult to follow. Your kid shouldn't have the mind frame that if she reports things to a teacher, she is a rat. It's necessary to prevent bullying and might have been nipped in the bud if she told the teacher the first time it happened. Unfortunately, kids will be kids, but your daughter should be able to report bullying if and when it happens to her, or anyone else. Ignoring bullying has had some tragic circumstances. Best of luck OP.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 334 ✭✭HomelessMidge


    Orion wrote: »
    Not without reading the complaints policy. There are rules that must be followed or the board can do nothing. You have to follow the process exactly.

    Surely if she believes her child is telling the truth and the principle is lying she has the right to go to the board!

    Sounds as if the principle is trying to just brush this off and not properly deal with it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    There are some serious protocol failures here.

    1. Why were you not notified immediately when your child had been injured? Because this is sloppy protocol bear in mind the principals and the oars are now in cover their ass mode. Did take a photo? Go to the doctor? Have any documentation of these injuries.

    So this is breach number one.

    2. Follow up. Why was your child not brought into to identify the boy who attacked her twice?

    3. A meeting with the parents? Why wasn't one called?

    4. Consequences?

    5. Who was out in the yard at the time?

    6. It's important your daughter knows she can tell, but now that she has told and nothing has happened, what message does that send? Not a great one. He should also know she has a right to self defense. At this point Id give her permission to strike back. I'd even send her to martial arts to teach her.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,280 ✭✭✭paperclip2


    Get a copy of the incident report sheets if you can. That should show in writing what line the school is taking with this. If they don't exist then that's an issue in itself.

    Along with what the other posters have said document everything, what your daughter said happened, who she spoke to, who you spoke to, content of conversations, decisions made. Include the time and date and as much detail as possible. YOu will need this info if things need to be progressed. Keep on firmly but politely to the school until the issue is resolved. It might take time and hell of a lot of patience, perseverance and at times biting your tongue but let them know you aren't going away on this.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,035 ✭✭✭goz83


    Surely if she believes her child is telling the truth and the principle is lying she has the right to go to the board!

    Sounds as if the principle is trying to just brush this off and not properly deal with it.

    Going from other posts, I'm sure the OP is a man and not a woman.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 738 ✭✭✭Gaillimh1976


    Write to the principal and tell them your solicitor wants copies of all paperwork in relation to both incidents.

    Watch the ''cover my ass" reflex kick in !!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 480 ✭✭saltyjack silverblade


    I think far too many people here are reading psychology bull and need to look at the practical. A child was hit and then the incident repeated. The school didn't handle it well. Address the issue and keep a level head. If you go in declaring solicitor this and incident report that you are not going to do your daughter any favours in regards to her future. You will be seen as "that mother" and every problem that may arise in the future they will treat you as if you are nuts.

    Best to maintain a rational head about this and explain to the school that you have a problem with what was done. You don't want your daughter being brought to other classes as you feel this is inappropriate and ask them how they are dealing with the issue. Remember the other child probably has a mother who is saying that her little angel is being accused of bullying by someone and how traumatic it is on her darling.

    Talk to the school, calmly, explaining your side- without blame if possible- and what outcome there is from it. Keep a note of the dates and the conversation (don't let the school know this) and if the incident happens again you can go in and point to specific issues on paper. My advice, for whatever outcome good or bad from this, move on and tell your daughter to stay away from him if possible. Kids get into things in school, as a parent try and maintain your dignity and not follow suit.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,344 ✭✭✭✭MadYaker


    There are some serious protocol failures here.

    1. Why were you not notified immediately when your child had been injured? Because this is sloppy protocol bear in mind the principals and the oars are now in cover their ass mode. Did take a photo? Go to the doctor? Have any documentation of these injuries.

    So this is breach number one.

    2. Follow up. Why was your child not brought into to identify the boy who attacked her twice?

    3. A meeting with the parents? Why wasn't one called?

    4. Consequences?

    5. Who was out in the yard at the time?

    6. It's important your daughter knows she can tell, but now that she has told and nothing has happened, what message does that send? Not a great one. He should also know she has a right to self defense. At this point Id give her permission to strike back. I'd even send her to martial arts to teach her.

    Are you having a laugh? Honest question.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,280 ✭✭✭paperclip2


    I think far too many people here are reading psychology bull and need to look at the practical. A child was hit and then the incident repeated. The school didn't handle it well. Address the issue and keep a level head. If you go in declaring solicitor this and incident report that you are not going to do your daughter any favours in regards to her future. You will be seen as "that mother" and every problem that may arise in the future they will treat you as if you are nuts.
    .

    The incident report is there to show what happened. It should also outline the schools response. An incidence of repeated behaviour where one child was hit by another warrants an incident report.

    For example my son was tripped deliberately in the playground yesterday and had to be brought to the doctor to have the wound stitched. An incident report sheet simply states exactly what the school thinks happened and the action arising from it. Its a statement of their position in relation to any incident where an injury is caused to a child on the premises.

    In my case although the school handled the incident very well I still wanted to have a copy of the report in case its needed in future, e.g. if there is a repetition of the behavior. Its not an unreasonable request and would be standard practice in my sons school. Requesting a copy of the form is not a big deal but can be useful down the line to document issues as they arise.

    A lassie-faire attitude to pupil safety in any school is not a tolerable policy and if the OP's daughter is coming home with injuries then he is within his rights to make sure all reasonable steps are taken to make it stop.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,390 ✭✭✭clairefontaine


    MadYaker wrote: »
    Are you having a laugh? Honest question.

    Why the hell would I be having a laugh? Do you think this is some kind of joke?

    Is it funny that a kid in first class comes home being assaulted with s swollen eye? You think I am making fun of this!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 480 ✭✭saltyjack silverblade


    Why the hell would I be having a laugh? Do you think this is some kind of joke?

    Is it funny that a kid in first class comes home being assaulted with s swollen eye? You think I am making fun of this!

    Ok now I can't tell if this is indignation or high level sarcasm. :confused:


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 602 ✭✭✭hotbabe1992


    The schools attitude is not okay,and you need to take action and take more initiative on this.

    As you say yourself sitting and waiting it out is not good enough whats next stitches or even worse.

    Kids can be very cruel,and something needs to be done about this,where are the consequences for the young boys involved to send out the message this is not okay.?


    If this charade continues and the school principal doesnt clean up the act,threaten legal action,you can always go down a civil route,and incur the expenses of the letter on them also for your trouble.You can discuss how you would go about this in a legal letter with a solicitor.

    In certain situations you can do this,and i think this is one,as you were clearly wronged,so i would avail of it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,035 ✭✭✭goz83


    The schools attitude is not okay,and you need to take action and take more initiative on this.

    As you say yourself sitting and waiting it out is not good enough whats next stitches or even worse.

    Kids can be very cruel,and something needs to be done about this,where are the consequences for the young boys involved to send out the message this is not okay.?


    If this charade continues and the school principal doesnt clean up the act,threaten legal action,you can always go down a civil route,and incur the expenses of the letter on them also for your trouble.You can discuss how you would go about this in a legal letter with a solicitor.

    In certain situations you can do this,and i think this is one,as you were clearly wronged,so i would avail of it.

    The schools handling would indeed appear to be poor according to what we have been told, but bringing in solicitors for what is (let's be honest) a relatively minor situation is a terrible idea. What are we? America? You can't fart over there without being dragged into the cop shop.

    The OP simply needs to be calm and have a chat with the principal. Requesting the incident report wouldn't be a bad idea.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 602 ✭✭✭hotbabe1992


    The school principal didnt call a parent meeting over this,i would say that is a bad move on their part.

    No consequences enforced for the children who deliberately punched her and physically bullied her.

    If they dont get any satisfactory response i think a legal letter with costs incurred to them might not be a bad idea.

    I wouldnt be suprised if they have some excuse for not producing an incident form.

    Its just not on.


    Im not saying sue them in particular, im saying maybe look for a legal remedy(which can be taken in civil cases) for the courts maybe to compel them(the school and the parents of the bullies) to take a certain action favourable for the child who is being bullied.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,546 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    A number of things strike me. Firstly I would be most concerned that your child felt they could not tell an adult what happened. It's that culture that left all kinds of abuse go on for years.
    Did your child identify which child it was to the teacher by name?
    Are you certain it was not an accident?
    Was the incident investigated whereby eye witnesses were sought?
    Can you say for certain that the parent/s of whichever child it was were not contacted?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,421 ✭✭✭pooch90


    My God, has common sense gone out the window completely?
    Legal action? Cop on to yourselves.

    A kid hit another kid twice.
    It happens.
    I'm not saying it's right.
    This doesn't constitute bullying.
    God only knows the other kid may be acting out as something is seriously wrong in their own life.
    None of us know.

    Yes, it may have been dealt with $rseways.
    Talk calmly to the staff again.
    The Board of Management won't entertain you at this point anyway. As has been said before, there is a procedure to be followed and each step must be followed before going to BOM.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 602 ✭✭✭hotbabe1992


    Yes, it may have been dealt with $rseways.

    That is the understatement of the year,yes a child hit another child,2 children were involved in this physical bullying episode.

    None of the parents were informed. No meetings initiated etc.

    I think going down a legal route,just a suggestion you dont have to take it on board or anything,but i thought legal action by way of remedy to compel the school to take a certain action may very well be the way forward,considering the level of the lack of co-operation the parent of this bullied child is dealing with.


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  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,546 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    Hotbabe, we do not know if parents of the other child were contacted or not. I take it you have never done yard duty where kids bang into each other all the time, by accident. The child did not tell the teacher on duty or the class teacher at the time. Give the school a chance before you send in the barristers.


This discussion has been closed.
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