Home Defence

chopper6 · 07-12-2013 01:02PM

I have a kukri knife, a machete,several bali son knives,baseball bats, truncheons, a bayonet, a butchers knife,a snooker ball in a sock, a pickaxe handle, a squeeze bottle of ammonia,a side by side shotgun and a .22rifle....then in the other bedroom I have..:)

Frosty McSnowballs · 07-12-2013 01:08PM

Local-womanizer wrote: »

You would think, but get the wrong theif and you'll be experiencing a different kind of invasion...

Oh yeah, and I also wear a butt plug, the type that the handle is a big spike.....

Halp me!

07-12-2013 01:14PM

chopper6 wrote: »

I have a kukri knife, a machete,several bali son knives,baseball bats, truncheons, a bayonet, a butchers knife,a snooker all in a sock, a pickaxe handle, a squeeze bottle of ammonia,a side by side shotgun and a .22rifle....then in the other bedroom I have..:)

Squeeze bottle of ammonia, thats a good one.

keithsfleet · 07-12-2013 01:16PM

I'm really cranky if I'm woken up.

I feel sorry for anyone that wakes me.

chopper6 · 07-12-2013 01:16PM

Jake1 wrote: »

Squeeze bottle of ammonia, thats a good one.

A jiff lemon or a small washing up liquid bottle does the trick.

Vincent Vega · 07-12-2013 01:29PM

Is an axe a step too far?

Considered getting one, if only to be able to try psych the thief out by screaming down the stairs
"Hello there! I've got an axe!! Come on up, and I'll split your fúckin head in two!"
I'd probably be brickin it, but with the adrenaline pumping, who knows.

Right now I have a selection of weights at the top of the stairs, which I could probably lob at anyone on their way up.

Being higher up is always an advantage.

YellowFeather · 07-12-2013 01:32PM

I'm pretty optimistic. I like to think that that my positive thoughts keep me safe.

dd972 · 07-12-2013 01:36PM

Thread title made me think a Welsh invasion was imminent :pac:

Healy Rae Permit Holder · 07-12-2013 01:43PM

I have a chainsaw by the bed, two pulls and she is off, the burglar better bring a spare pair of Primarks with him, also baseball bat and .22 rifle

Mint Aero · 07-12-2013 01:48PM

Quick and easy access to the fuse box from my bedroom. Break in? Cut the power :cool: You're on my turf now kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. Weapon of choice, industrial strength steel chain.

Sir Osis of Liver. · 07-12-2013 01:51PM

minidazzler wrote: »

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

For the record,I love my pets(Benson and Hedges) and they"re a part of the family.
But yes, they are another form of defence and a potential weapon.Have them trained to do hourly patrols of the moat.

Mahogany Gaspipe · 07-12-2013 02:02PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

Quick and easy access to the fuse box from my bedroom. Break in? Cut the power :cool: You're on my turf now kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. Weapon of choice, industrial strength steel chain.

Cutting the power, yeah that'll teach them because if anything deters burglars its darkness and not being able to plug in appliances.

moxin · 07-12-2013 02:07PM

All those baseball bats, do any of ye actually play baseball?

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2013 02:07PM

A Dogo Argentino (soon to be 2) I don't need no weapons.

3 darts stuck to a dart board in the room ill throw them at his head.

Mint Aero · 07-12-2013 02:08PM

Mahogany Gaspipe wrote: »

Cutting the power, yeah that'll teach them because if anything deters burglars its darkness and not being able to plug in appliances.

It's strategy innit, I can prance around my gaff in total darkness no bothers, they can't :P and i'll be swinging a steel chain in their face

Unless they've a torch

Stone Deaf 4evr · 07-12-2013 02:08PM

Mahogany Gaspipe wrote: »

Cutting the power, yeah that'll teach them because if anything deters burglars its darkness and not being able to plug in appliances.

No no, that's when he puts on the night vision goggles and repeats 'it puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again'. Intruders be outta there stat.

smurgen · 07-12-2013 02:09PM

Healy Rae Permit Holder wrote: »

I have a chainsaw by the bed, two pulls and she is off,

burglar could smash your face in in the length of time it takes to start it. best keep it ticking over beside the bed and wake up every hour or so to top up the petrol tank. rev it every now and again too.

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2013 02:10PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

Quick and easy access to the fuse box from my bedroom. Break in? Cut the power :cool: You're on my turf now kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. Weapon of choice, industrial strength steel chain.

Cut the power? Sure he'll hear and see you first. He had the advantage and unless you have superpowers you cant see in the dark either.What's your address? Kiiiiiiiiiiid.

Mint Aero · 07-12-2013 02:14PM

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Cut the power? Sure he'll hear and see you first.

How? Did you see how they got into the house in Tipperary few weeks ago? Couldn't break down the front door so smashed a window. I could have a cup a tae made before I cut the power

Healy Rae Permit Holder · 07-12-2013 02:18PM

smurgen wrote: »

burglar could smash your face in in the length of time it takes to start it. best keep it ticking over beside the bed and wake up every hour or so to top up the petrol tank. rev it every now and again too.

Even as a stationary object with a 40 inch bar it is a mighty weapon.

ericl · 07-12-2013 02:22PM

chopper6 wrote: »

I have a kukri knife, a machete,several bali son knives,baseball bats, truncheons, a bayonet, a butchers knife,a snooker all in a sock

Thats a big sock.

kwestfan08 · 07-12-2013 02:24PM

Home defence? Living in rural Cavan seems to be working a treat at detering any thieves.

Seachmall · 07-12-2013 02:25PM

My name is URL wrote: »

I don't consider my dog to be a 'weapon' but I sleep easy at night knowing that if someone tries to break in there's a good chance they'll be leaving in an ambulance after getting mauled.

It's in most dogs nature to protect their territory and master.

Pet dogs might bark when they hear, or smell, something they don't recognise but unless they're specifically trained in protection they won't attack a burglar when they see them.

If they do respond aggressively to somebody invading their territory they need to be better socialised and are dangerous dogs.

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2013 02:33PM

Mint Aero wrote: »

How? Did you see how they got into the house in Tipperary few weeks ago? Couldn't break down the front door so smashed a window. I could have a cup a tae made before I cut the power

Because you're wandering around looking for him in the dark, he'll hear you first he's hiding behind a wall waiting for you to approach and boom! He's hit you with his willy!

Mint Aero · 07-12-2013 02:41PM

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Because you're wandering around looking for him in the dark, he'll hear you first he's hiding behind a wall waiting for you to approach and boom! He's hit you with his willy!

Sounds hot. Jaysis Billy, you don't think much of my prowess do you? I'm the one in familiar territory, I'm the one with super hearing. He's the one caught off guard in my seedy environment

My name is URL · 07-12-2013 02:43PM

Seachmall wrote: »

Pet dogs might bark when they hear, or smell, something they don't recognise but unless they're specifically trained in protection they won't attack a burglar when they see them.

If they do respond aggressively to somebody invading their territory they need to be better socialised and are dangerous dogs.

Bollox.. someone smashes a window or kicks a door in, and if my dog reacts and attacks them it means it hasn't been properly socialised and is generally dangerous? Basically you're saying that if my dog were to attack someone breaking into my home with the possible intent of harming me, that I am the one in the wrong and should have better trained my dog? lol

BillyMitchel · 07-12-2013 02:47PM

My name is URL wrote: »

Bollox.. someone smashes a window or kicks a door in, and if my dog reacts and attacks them it means it hasn't been properly socialised and is generally dangerous? Basically you're saying that if my dog were to attack someone breaking into my home with the possible intent of harming me, that I am the one in the wrong and should have better trained my dog? lol

My dog is highly trained and well socialised and will attack any person that is not welcomed into my house without hesitation. If welcomed he becomes a big loveable white bear again!!

LordSutch · 07-12-2013 02:48PM

Cricket bat by the bed + two hockey sticks in the hallway.

Waiting for either Aldi or Lidl to do a cheap TASER on their specials day

)

kowloon · 07-12-2013 02:49PM

I have a really unpleasant, high pitched scream.

Seachmall · 07-12-2013 02:51PM

My name is URL wrote: »

Bollox.. someone smashes a window or kicks a door in, and if my dog reacts and attacks them it means it hasn't been properly socialised and is generally dangerous? Basically you're saying that if my dog were to attack someone breaking into my home with the possible intent of harming me, that I am the one in the wrong and should have better trained my dog? lol

Your dog isn't a psychic. It can't tell the intent of someone entering your house, nor does it have a checklist of acceptable ways to enter your house.

If it attacks a burglar it's just a likely to attack a neighbour.

If your dog isn't attacking everyone who sets foot in your house your dog isn't going to maul a burglar. Simple as.

There's a reason people charge a fortune to teach dogs how to react accordingly to unwanted guests: dogs can't differentiate between friend and foe instinctively ("burglar" is a human concept we've yet to explain to dogs). They need to be taught when to respond and when not to respond (and how to respond for that matter).

Home Defence

Comments