Home Defence

Sir Osis of Liver.

Do you have weapons at hand around the house?

I sport a baseball bat on my headboard,a golfclub in the umbrella stand,two dogs and a couple of random hammers.

Im ready.

19543261

Do you have them strategically placed around the house?

Like, every 15 inches, just in case the baddies come out of the woodwork.

MonstaMash

Aluminium baseball bat, machete, Remington 12 gauge pump-action (legally licensed firearm)

FTA69

When I'm at home I'm too busy relaxing watching TV to worry about a very doubtful home invasion.











meat cleaver by the bed

Matt_Trakker

Angry dog, hungry wife or the other way round, I never remember.

MonstaMash

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Do you have weapons at hand around the house?

I sport a baseball bat on my headboard,a golfclub in the umbrella stand,two dogs and a couple of random hammers.

Im ready.

Ballpeen hammers are the tool for the job, I've found...after extensive research

DEFTLEFTHAND

A gun would be much more efficient. What are you going do? hit the guy over the head with a hammer when you're suddenly awoken, can you imagine your nerves, the dogs can be easily bypassed by any pro thief.

You need a glock pistol and an AR15 for backup. Put em down.

KTRIC

Metal bar under the bed, thankfully haven't used it yet.

MonstaMash

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

You need a glock pistol and an AR15 for backup..

Sig Sauer P226 & a Micro Tavor Tar21 X95S for CQB would be my weapons of choice

Karl Stein

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

minidazzler

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

dmc17

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

You'd get some funny looks in the Middle East!

pharmaton

I surround myself with pillows to lessen the incoming blows

19543261

minidazzler wrote: »

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

You've obviously never swung a dog around by its leg to ward off unwanted guests. Lethal.

MonstaMash

dmc17 wrote: »

You'd get some funny looks in the Middle East!

Fit right in, in certain countries of that region

Sir Osis of Liver.

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

That's the spirit.

19543261

KTRIC wrote: »

Metal bar under the bed, thankfully haven't used it yet.

Thats absolutely ridiculous. What if it's dark and you cant find it?

Must be left somewhere easily reachable.

Cello-taped to your forehead, for example.

Karl Stein

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

That's the spirit.

If some fuck tries to break in to steal my collection of World Cup 1990 stickers I'm taking him and the rest of the house with me.

worded

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

Think before you explode

Think_then_talk

Weapon of Choice -V- Weapon of Convenience,

Attachment not found.

MonstaMash

Think_then_talk wrote: »

Weapon of Choice -V- Weapon of Convenience,

Attachment not found.

Not great for stealth though

Fukuyama

I keep a hurl beside my bed. I've never played hurling in my life but somehow I've come to be in possession of a hurl. It's one of the oldies with the metal strip at the end.

One day I decided to lean it in the corner next to my bed, just in case. It's gathering dust - hopefully I'll never need it.

stoneill

I have Liam Neeson living under the stairs for just such an eventuality.

smurgen

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

very hard to make me laugh but I burst out laughing at this. Just had an image of a dude doing really mundane things like brushing his teeth with c4 all strapped to him, well done sir!

Boaty

They don't get near my house there's a sentry gun on the lawn.

Karl Stein

smurgen wrote: »

Just had an image of a dude doing really mundane things like brushing his teeth with c4 all strapped to him

My explosive belt is a little uncomfortable when hoovering but you can never be too careful. :pac:

crockholm

We bought the house in Springfield that runs away from danger to keep us safe

My name is URL

minidazzler wrote: »

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

Given the context of this thread, that's the silliest thing I've read so far this morning.

I don't consider my dog to be a 'weapon' but I sleep easy at night knowing that if someone tries to break in there's a good chance they'll be leaving in an ambulance after getting mauled.

It's in most dogs nature to protect their territory and master.

Riddle101

Well I have a wooden bat behind my bed, really thick as well. But I don't know if it'd be able to swing it properly without hitting the ceiling or a wall, so I reckon i'd have to shove the thing into the person's face or stomach in order to hurt them.

Frosty McSnowballs

I sleep in the coal bunker with a video link to the dummy in my bed. If anyone creeps in, I bail and leave the mrs and the dummy to take the hit.

Sometimes if I do sleep in the bed,il wear an ultra gimp suit. The ones with spikes and a 12 inch serrated coq on the crotch....with a laser beam coming out of the tip for accuracy.

No one wants to grapple with the guy that wears that.

Local-womanizer

Senor Jingle Balls wrote: »

No one wants to grapple with the guy that wears that.

You would think, but get the wrong theif and you'll be experiencing a different kind of invasion...

chopper6

I have a kukri knife, a machete,several bali son knives,baseball bats, truncheons, a bayonet, a butchers knife,a snooker ball in a sock, a pickaxe handle, a squeeze bottle of ammonia,a side by side shotgun and a .22rifle....then in the other bedroom I have..:)

Frosty McSnowballs

Local-womanizer wrote: »

You would think, but get the wrong theif and you'll be experiencing a different kind of invasion...

Oh yeah, and I also wear a butt plug, the type that the handle is a big spike.....

Halp me!

chopper6

chopper6 wrote: »

I have a kukri knife, a machete,several bali son knives,baseball bats, truncheons, a bayonet, a butchers knife,a snooker all in a sock, a pickaxe handle, a squeeze bottle of ammonia,a side by side shotgun and a .22rifle....then in the other bedroom I have..:)

Squeeze bottle of ammonia, thats a good one.

keithsfleet

I'm really cranky if I'm woken up.

I feel sorry for anyone that wakes me.

chopper6

Jake1 wrote: »

Squeeze bottle of ammonia, thats a good one.

A jiff lemon or a small washing up liquid bottle does the trick.

Vincent Vega

Is an axe a step too far?

Considered getting one, if only to be able to try psych the thief out by screaming down the stairs
"Hello there! I've got an axe!! Come on up, and I'll split your fúckin head in two!"
I'd probably be brickin it, but with the adrenaline pumping, who knows.

Right now I have a selection of weights at the top of the stairs, which I could probably lob at anyone on their way up.

Being higher up is always an advantage.

YellowFeather

I'm pretty optimistic. I like to think that that my positive thoughts keep me safe.

dd972

Thread title made me think a Welsh invasion was imminent :pac:

Healy Rae Permit Holder

I have a chainsaw by the bed, two pulls and she is off, the burglar better bring a spare pair of Primarks with him, also baseball bat and .22 rifle

Mint Aero

Quick and easy access to the fuse box from my bedroom. Break in? Cut the power :cool: You're on my turf now kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. Weapon of choice, industrial strength steel chain.

Sir Osis of Liver.

minidazzler wrote: »

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

For the record,I love my pets(Benson and Hedges) and they"re a part of the family.
But yes, they are another form of defence and a potential weapon.Have them trained to do hourly patrols of the moat.

Mahogany Gaspipe

Mint Aero wrote: »

Quick and easy access to the fuse box from my bedroom. Break in? Cut the power :cool: You're on my turf now kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. Weapon of choice, industrial strength steel chain.

Cutting the power, yeah that'll teach them because if anything deters burglars its darkness and not being able to plug in appliances.

moxin

All those baseball bats, do any of ye actually play baseball?

BillyMitchel

A Dogo Argentino (soon to be 2) I don't need no weapons.

3 darts stuck to a dart board in the room ill throw them at his head.

Mint Aero

Mahogany Gaspipe wrote: »

Cutting the power, yeah that'll teach them because if anything deters burglars its darkness and not being able to plug in appliances.

It's strategy innit, I can prance around my gaff in total darkness no bothers, they can't :P and i'll be swinging a steel chain in their face

Unless they've a torch

Stone Deaf 4evr

Mahogany Gaspipe wrote: »

Cutting the power, yeah that'll teach them because if anything deters burglars its darkness and not being able to plug in appliances.

No no, that's when he puts on the night vision goggles and repeats 'it puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again'. Intruders be outta there stat.

smurgen

Healy Rae Permit Holder wrote: »

I have a chainsaw by the bed, two pulls and she is off,

burglar could smash your face in in the length of time it takes to start it. best keep it ticking over beside the bed and wake up every hour or so to top up the petrol tank. rev it every now and again too.

BillyMitchel

Mint Aero wrote: »

Quick and easy access to the fuse box from my bedroom. Break in? Cut the power :cool: You're on my turf now kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid. Weapon of choice, industrial strength steel chain.

Cut the power? Sure he'll hear and see you first. He had the advantage and unless you have superpowers you cant see in the dark either.What's your address? Kiiiiiiiiiiid.

Mint Aero

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Cut the power? Sure he'll hear and see you first.

How? Did you see how they got into the house in Tipperary few weeks ago? Couldn't break down the front door so smashed a window. I could have a cup a tae made before I cut the power

Healy Rae Permit Holder

smurgen wrote: »

burglar could smash your face in in the length of time it takes to start it. best keep it ticking over beside the bed and wake up every hour or so to top up the petrol tank. rev it every now and again too.

Even as a stationary object with a 40 inch bar it is a mighty weapon.