Home Defence

Sir Osis of Liver. · 07-12-2013 11:11AM #1

Do you have weapons at hand around the house?

I sport a baseball bat on my headboard,a golfclub in the umbrella stand,two dogs and a couple of random hammers.

Im ready.

07-12-2013 11:12AM

Do you have them strategically placed around the house?

Like, every 15 inches, just in case the baddies come out of the woodwork.

MonstaMash · 07-12-2013 11:15AM

Aluminium baseball bat, machete, Remington 12 gauge pump-action (legally licensed firearm)

FTA69 · 07-12-2013 11:16AM

When I'm at home I'm too busy relaxing watching TV to worry about a very doubtful home invasion.

meat cleaver by the bed

Matt_Trakker · 07-12-2013 11:16AM

Angry dog, hungry wife or the other way round, I never remember.

MonstaMash · 07-12-2013 11:16AM

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

Do you have weapons at hand around the house?

I sport a baseball bat on my headboard,a golfclub in the umbrella stand,two dogs and a couple of random hammers.

Im ready.

Ballpeen hammers are the tool for the job, I've found...after extensive research

DEFTLEFTHAND · 07-12-2013 11:17AM

A gun would be much more efficient. What are you going do? hit the guy over the head with a hammer when you're suddenly awoken, can you imagine your nerves, the dogs can be easily bypassed by any pro thief.

You need a glock pistol and an AR15 for backup. Put em down.

KTRIC · 07-12-2013 11:18AM

Metal bar under the bed, thankfully haven't used it yet.

MonstaMash · 07-12-2013 11:20AM

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

You need a glock pistol and an AR15 for backup..

Sig Sauer P226 & a Micro Tavor Tar21 X95S for CQB would be my weapons of choice

Karl Stein · 07-12-2013 11:21AM

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

minidazzler · 07-12-2013 11:21AM

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

dmc17 · 07-12-2013 11:22AM

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

You'd get some funny looks in the Middle East!

pharmaton · 07-12-2013 11:23AM

I surround myself with pillows to lessen the incoming blows

07-12-2013 11:23AM

minidazzler wrote: »

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

You've obviously never swung a dog around by its leg to ward off unwanted guests. Lethal.

MonstaMash · 07-12-2013 11:23AM

dmc17 wrote: »

You'd get some funny looks in the Middle East!

Fit right in, in certain countries of that region

Sir Osis of Liver. · 07-12-2013 11:23AM

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

That's the spirit.

07-12-2013 11:25AM

KTRIC wrote: »

Metal bar under the bed, thankfully haven't used it yet.

Thats absolutely ridiculous. What if it's dark and you cant find it?

Must be left somewhere easily reachable.

Cello-taped to your forehead, for example.

Karl Stein · 07-12-2013 11:26AM

Sir Osis of Liver. wrote: »

That's the spirit.

If some fuck tries to break in to steal my collection of World Cup 1990 stickers I'm taking him and the rest of the house with me.

worded · 07-12-2013 11:26AM

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

Think before you explode

Think_then_talk · 07-12-2013 11:34AM

Weapon of Choice -V- Weapon of Convenience,

Attachment not found.

MonstaMash · 07-12-2013 11:42AM

Think_then_talk wrote: »

Weapon of Choice -V- Weapon of Convenience,

Attachment not found.

Not great for stealth though

Fukuyama · 07-12-2013 11:46AM

I keep a hurl beside my bed. I've never played hurling in my life but somehow I've come to be in possession of a hurl. It's one of the oldies with the metal strip at the end.

One day I decided to lean it in the corner next to my bed, just in case. It's gathering dust - hopefully I'll never need it.

stoneill · 07-12-2013 11:47AM

I have Liam Neeson living under the stairs for just such an eventuality.

smurgen · 07-12-2013 11:47AM

Carlos Roca wrote: »

I wear an explosive belt at all times.

very hard to make me laugh but I burst out laughing at this. Just had an image of a dude doing really mundane things like brushing his teeth with c4 all strapped to him, well done sir!

Boaty · 07-12-2013 12:02PM

They don't get near my house there's a sentry gun on the lawn.

Karl Stein · 07-12-2013 12:03PM

smurgen wrote: »

Just had an image of a dude doing really mundane things like brushing his teeth with c4 all strapped to him

My explosive belt is a little uncomfortable when hoovering but you can never be too careful. :pac:

crockholm · 07-12-2013 12:06PM

We bought the house in Springfield that runs away from danger to keep us safe

My name is URL · 07-12-2013 12:19PM

minidazzler wrote: »

You consider your dogs to be weapons? You shouldn't have dogs.

Given the context of this thread, that's the silliest thing I've read so far this morning.

I don't consider my dog to be a 'weapon' but I sleep easy at night knowing that if someone tries to break in there's a good chance they'll be leaving in an ambulance after getting mauled.

It's in most dogs nature to protect their territory and master.

Riddle101 · 07-12-2013 12:22PM

Well I have a wooden bat behind my bed, really thick as well. But I don't know if it'd be able to swing it properly without hitting the ceiling or a wall, so I reckon i'd have to shove the thing into the person's face or stomach in order to hurt them.

Frosty McSnowballs · 07-12-2013 12:44PM

I sleep in the coal bunker with a video link to the dummy in my bed. If anyone creeps in, I bail and leave the mrs and the dummy to take the hit.

Sometimes if I do sleep in the bed,il wear an ultra gimp suit. The ones with spikes and a 12 inch serrated coq on the crotch....with a laser beam coming out of the tip for accuracy.

No one wants to grapple with the guy that wears that.

Local-womanizer · 07-12-2013 01:00PM

Senor Jingle Balls wrote: »

No one wants to grapple with the guy that wears that.

You would think, but get the wrong theif and you'll be experiencing a different kind of invasion...

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