The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Anyone hear June Rogers on Joe Duffy today? Pretty much a certainty that she is subscribed to this thread. Try making up your own material June, like a real comedian.

A guy goes for job in a hardware store that sold everything. In the interview with the boss he was told to act like this, if a customer comes into the shop looking to buy a lawnmower, sell it to him, then get him to buy grass seed, if he complains tell him there is no point having a mower if you have no grass. He gets the hint, first day on the job a woman comes in and asks for a packet of tampons, he supplies them and asks her does she want to buy a lawnmower, she fumes at him and says what the fook do I want a lawnmower for. He replies since you will be out of action for a couple of days, I thought you would like to cut the grass.

So an older couple is discussing the inevitable matter of death. The wife asks her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so yes." The wife then asks, "What about the house? Will you live in the same house?" And the husband says, "Well, I suppose, I mean, it's already paid for." The wife, getting a little protective, asks, "And what about my car? Will she drive my car?" The husband says again, "Well, it's already paid for..." The wife, annoyed at this point, shoots, "What about my golf clubs?!?" And the husband says, "Oh, no. She's left handed."

My First Condom.

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at Parchen's pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, not really.' So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it.

She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her. Then she beat the sh!t out of me.

Women have always been hard for me to figure out !!

tippspur wrote: »

That's the most PC joke I ever heard:)tell us who were the ethnic minority?

A redhead, I bet.

Banjo String wrote: »

So I was telling a woman in work today about my amazing ability to determine a woman's date of birth, just by feeling their boobs.

She didn't believe me, and asked me to try it out on her.

After about 30 seconds of me fondling and squeezing her she began to get fed up.

"go on then she said, What day was I born "???

I just smiled, looked at her and said....... YESTERDAY!!!!!

Good joke. Posted yesterday #5572. I laughed again though so fair play.