Bullying at school

Dub Ste · 15-11-2013 10:32AM

I got picked on/bullied at school.

I grew up in Leeds,but my mam was from Cavan,and there was one dickhead at school who for what ever reason hated Ireland and anyone or anything to do with Ireland,(he was friends with my cousin,and both of his parents were from Cavan,so it could have been just me that he hated !!)

Anyhoo,I was in high school from 77 to 83,and the troubles in the north were quite bad at that time,and often there were incidents in the UK.

Whenever a bomb went off,someone was killed or any kind of trouble happened the knobhead would always say.....I see your mam was busy again,or your mam must be tired doing all that killing,seriously,he wasd a prick of the highest order.

Unfortunately for me,he had a few little hangers on who thought he was gas,so they joined in with him,and made my life hell.

Now this didn't happen everyday,or even every week,but when it did all hell broke loose.I couldn't just stand there and let him say these things about my mam,so we always ended in a fight,him being much harder than me always won,I went home black and blue,mam would ask me what happened.

I couldn't tell her that it was because of who we were and where we came from,so she just thought I was a bowsie,and gave out stink to me.

This went on until I finished school,the last day of school we had a sportsday and we all had to attend.When it was finished,I was walking home when knobhead and one of his little helpers were behind me,the little helper started

Dubste...Dubste.....OI DUBSTE YOU IRISH **********************

I stopped,turned around,and shouted at the top of my voice,

WHAT,WHAT DO YOU WANT,TELL ME FOR F*CKS SAKE WHAT DO YOU WANT???

They stood there,not knowing what to do,and then it happened,I pulled my arm back,it was a proper haymaker,and smashed his little helper square in the nose,it was a perfect shot,he went down like the sack of ****e that he was,and jumped and sat on his chest,I was pummelling his face(I know know),screaming like a mad man,then from nowhere my thumbs were on his eyelids,pressing down as hard as I could.

Knobhead stood there in total shock,then he dragged me off his little helper,called me a f*cking Irish lunatic and ran off..

When I told my missus about this,she just cried told me it must have been awful,but strange as it sounds,it made me what I am now.

I spent all my school years being called Irish this or Irish that,so I thought if that what they think I am,that's what I must be....an Irishman.

Sorry it's a bit rambling,and possibly grammatically incorrect,but hey that's me....

Fanny Brioscaí · 15-11-2013 10:37AM

Gatling wrote: »

Had it daily for 6 years straight in secondary school ,
Just had to put up with it after making multiple reports to tutors ,year heads and so on nothing was ever done about , I actually got a two week suspension after getting jumped by 5 lads in a class room the teacher claimed i started it ,
Lost all faith in teachers after that ,

I was in the same position as you and can relate to all the above. The teachers knew what was going on but never did anything about it. I was constantly up against 5 or more lads. Once i finished i school i made sure this never happened again and it has affected my pass relationships and where ever i have worked.

Gatling wrote: »

Still to this day nearly 20 years later still can't talk to anybody or let people in ,
Got a beautiful partner and 2 amazing kids ,and yet she doesn't understand why I refuse to thrust anybody with problems or general stuff ,

I have never told anyone either although i came close to it in my last relationship because i knew it was having a negative affect with me not letting that person in or them not understanding why i was always so defensive and kept to myself at times.

mojesius · 15-11-2013 11:40AM

Butterface wrote: »

Most of the posters mention physical bullying, but I think in schools verbal and emotional bullying is a more common problem.

My experience of bullying was definitely different to what's been posted here already. I was friends with some of the girls that went on to bully me and their attitude towards me changed dramatically after the Junior Cert. I didn't even identify it as bullying at the time.

I hadn't done anything to provoke this change of attitude, and I believe it was one girl who encouraged the others to ice me out of the group. It's a horrible feeling to be shunned from a group of friends who you'd shared many happy times with. I didn't really have anybody to confide in, and found it deeply embarrassing that I was dropped so quickly. I was bookish and wasn't into going out drinking much at that age, and I was an easy target for these girls who thought they were suddenly grown ups because they were in the senior uniforms. Teenage girls can make the most cutting remarks and my self esteem just plummeted. I had been relatively popular in my year until it all started, and yet nobody in my class ever stuck up for me or called the girls on their behaviour. For a few months, I spent the lunch times sitting by myself because I was literally turned away from people or laughed at for attempting to talk to them.

Eventually, I made the decision to switch schools because I was depressed and couldn't concentrate on my studies. Although I never gave a reason and just slipped away quietly in the middle of term, it was clear everybody knew why I was leaving. A few years ago I bumped into one of the bullies with some other girls from our year while in a pub in Dublin. They brought up the fact that I'd left in 5th year and said that everybody had thought it was so weird. I couldn't even bring myself to tell the other girls the real reason I'd left, because one of my past tormentors was sitting across from me.

The teenage years are hard enough without experiencing bullying. It's easy to tell people to "grow a pair of balls". Not everybody is able to stand up for themselves. I'm a very different person to how I was 12 years ago, even to 5 years ago when I met my bully in that pub in Dublin, yet if I was faced with that situation again I'm not sure what I could have done differently to stop it. God I hate bullies.

Hi Butterface, That sounds quite like what happened to me when I was in secondary school and I'm very sorry you had to go through it.

I went to an all girls' school from that age of 4-18 and psychological bullying was epidemic in every year. I don't have personal experience of a co-ed school (or an all boys' school) but if I have a daughter, there's no way I'd send them to an all-girls school. I'd rather not take the risk.

My so-called friends turned on me when I was about 13-14. They did so many horrible things to me; ignored me, spread fake rumours, called me fat, ugly, annoying. They'd invite me over to their places then tell me at the last minute I wasn't welcome because they'd all decided that they didn't like me. They'd pretend we were meeting up in town on Saturday afternoons and not show up (pre-mobile phone days so I'd be standing at the Molly Malone for hours like an eejit!)

No reasons, no explanation. It was horrible and it was constant. One of them was a particularly nasty c*nt who used to torment me at the lockers between classes (we shared one) and she'd say the most horrible things to me in front of people and no-one ever intervened. I saw that wagon at a school reunion recently. I looked at her as is to say 'don't fcuking come near me with a fake hug or I'll rip your fckuing head off'. It was very uncomfortable to see her.

Back in school, I'd have walked away from them a lot earlier if I had the confidence, but they'd wean me back in, like we were all okay and the bullying would pick up again. One of them was my best friend since the age of 9 and we were like sisters. At the time, I didn't understand what changed or why I had become so miserable, so constantly sad and so silent about it. I faked sickies a lot during my JC year so I wouldn't have to face worrying about who to sit with at lunch or wondering if they were going to say something really nasty that day.

I had no friends, apart from these absolute weapons. After eventually breaking down in front of my Mam, she sent me to my Aunty in London for the summer to help out at this after-school workshop for young kids. Those two months changed my whole outlook on life, being away and meeting new people and younger kids who were so chatty and carefree and fun.

When I returned, my dad got me a job as a lounge girl in his GAA club and it helped me too, it kept my weekends busy and I got to socialise with older, more grounded people.

Eventually in school, I made new friends, some of whom are my best friends to this day.

I found my old diaries a while ago in my mum's attic and the ones from that time were so tough to read, I sounded so lonely and scared in every entry. You know how sometimes, people say you should learn to forgive and forget so you can move on? I'm not so sure. I will never forgive those girls for the pain they caused. Reading over my diaries made me wish I could travel back in time, hug that young girl and just to tell her it would all be okay, that life can be so much better. You just need help to get there.

What amazed me is how teachers are so oblivious to this kind of thing and just mark it as growing pains or some other nonsense. I was always an outgoing child who suddenly shrivelled away in confidence. How did they not notice? Other girls got it a lot worse. Some of the 5th/6th pupils saw the situation getting so bad that they set up an anti-bullying committee, which worked for a few years but the teachers did feck all to support or drive the initiative so it just faded out.

I saw a little clique of 'mean girls' forming on my old team in work recently (all in their 20s ffs :rolleyes:) and they started this bitching, griping nasty stuff with one girl in particular. Some of the blokes would follow suit like littlee pathetic lapdogs and it just brought up too many memories for me. Anytime they'd start their little sly digs and jokes about her at lunchtime or out for drinks, I'd get up straight away and walk away or ask them to stop bítching as I'd left school 12 years ago.

Now, I couldn't give two fúcks about what people say about me - Not everyone will like you in life. But it has taken a lot of inner reflection and learning how to read people quickly for me to reach this point. Plus, I'm lucky to have parents, a best friend and a boyfriend who never take any shít off anyone, and they really inspire me to do the same.

TL DR: There are complete c*nts in all walks of life, of every age. Don't behave like one or condone it, as it's never worth the potential damage you may cause.

Sorry for the essay. This subject is very close to my heart!

Diemos · 15-11-2013 03:07PM

Mojesius, you just reminded me of something, how helpless you feel while at school, how you can't see beyond school and that trapped lonely feeling.
If I could say one thing to my old self, or to any poor soul going through this at the minute I would say that once you are out of that environment everything changes, it's amazing how quickly you move on once you leave.

Galwayguy35 · 15-11-2013 05:26PM

I wa a quiet lad as a kid so was an easy target.

It started in national school, taking my lunch and throwing it away, pushing and shoving, came to a head when they cornered me in the cloakroom and beat me badly.

I never told anyone and some of them still live around here and the rare occassion I would go to the pub I see one of them there, he doesn't look that big anymore and I'm sure he has long forgotton what happened but I haven't.

zcorpian88 · 15-11-2013 05:45PM

Was bullied a bit myself in primary and secondary, primary I can forget about as it wasn't that bad but I got to this joke of a secondary school 11 years ago, it has a reputation as being the worst school in town. It was hell

One day in particular pisses me off to this day, I was in first year, I was sitting down outside class minding my own business when this student from the traveller community comes out of a room, tramples all over my feet, I who was already pissed off very early into my first 3 months in secondary school as I never wanted to go there in the first place because I knew what the place was like and I couldn't go to the school I originally wanted to go to due to some f**ked up rule the CBS had about needing your dad or brothers to be a past pupil in order to get in. My dad didn't go to the CBS so I was s**t out of luck...anyway back to the story. It was just before 9 in the morning this 3rd year traveller trampled on my feet on purpose, I told him to f**k off, then he turned around and gave me 3 solid kicks to the head, while the caretaker watched the whole thing, I called the traveller every insult under the sun I was so angry, he just walked off laughing.

The caretaker reported the whole thing, and guess what happened, Nothing!

He shows up the next day for school not wearing any uniform, different rule for travellers and another rule for the rest of us. He left school after 3rd year anyway, didn't have long looking at the bollocks in the hallway, they believe making it to 3rd year makes them an intellectual. Thought I seen him working as a binman since then, if I ever see him in a vulnerable situation it will be hard to resist giving him a spoon of his own medicine back.

Lots of other stuff happened too, mostly annoying verbal stuff said out of spite if I put my hand up to answer questions and actually expressed any form of intelligence. Word of warning parents: Don't send your kid to a vocational school!

Catherine! · 15-11-2013 09:27PM

There was a girl in Year 7 (age 12) who tried to bully me on and off for the last few months of the year, but I wasn't hurt so I didn't really feel like I was being bullied. Several times she told me I was boring because I didn't watch soaps on TV and was more likely to watch Blue Peter, lol. She also made fun of my hairstyle a couple of times but I think she did have a point there...

Yet at other times she would voluntarily walk home from school with me and chat as though we were friends. She was probably an 'unstable' individual.

I think she was looking for excuses to pick on me because I was much smarter than her! She is the only person who has ever called me boring.

She went on to become pregnant at 17, as did another girl who bullied my friend a couple of years later!

josip · 15-11-2013 10:08PM

Too Long. Don't Read.

No problems in school until when I was in 3rd year in secondary school and one day my friends warned me that about 15 of the 6th years were out to get me. No idea at the time why, but not getting a hiding became the focus of my existence for the next few weeks. Dreaded going into school for about 4 weeks. Break time wasn't too bad as there'd usually be a teacher around the grounds, but lunchtime was bad because the teachers all went away for lunch and the prefects would have turned a blind eye.
After school I'd wait behind for 10 minutes until the school busses had left and it was safe to go home.

Laid low in the computer room at lunch time for a couple of days with a couple of friends until the 6th years found out where I was and kicked in the door to get me. Found out then that I had at least one true friend. 3 of the 6th years grabbed me by the hood of my anorak and started dragging me out the door so they could all get at me. But one of my friends grabbed the tail of my coat, braced his foot against the side of the door and after about half a minute somehow managed to pull me back in the room. I can still remember being horizontally pretty helpless, wondering which way the tug of war was going to go. Don't know why they gave up that particular day, but maybe 15 against 2 wasn't as reassuring for them as 15 against 1.

So for the next few weeks I'd cram my lunch down in 5 minutes and get out of the lunch hall before anyone else. I sat in the church for the remainder of lunch. I could see their outlines through the stained glass windows looking behind the church every 10 minutes as they searched the grounds. I was hoping that even if they'd found me in the church they'd have been too scared to have tried to take me out because of the obvious repurcusions of doing that in a religious school if the priests found out.

After a few weeks things hadn't really improved, so I told my parents and for a few evenings my father finished work early and waited outside the school to collect me. He made a point of standing outside the car as the 6th years went past and eyeballing the lads I pointed out to him. After a few days word filtered through to me that the heat was off.

I only found out a month later why they were after me. The day before they started, someone at our lunch table threw a sandwich they didn't want at the bin, but it missed and landed on the floor. The headmaster came over and belted the offender across the face. Except the headmaster belted the wrong guy. The 6th years thought it was me who'd thrown it and formed their own vigilante group. The guy who did throw it, admitted to me later that he wanted to tell them it was him, but he was too scared of what they would do. Later that year, the same group gave a really bad beating to the guy who'd been belted by the headmaster, just because he had a brother in 6th year.

Years later when I was working in the town chipper, one of the 15 cnuts walked in. I told him who I was and I told him who he was. I asked him if he remembered me from school. He said no. I told him that he made my life hell in 3rd year and said about the sandwicch. He thought for a bit and said "Ah sure that was just a bit of fun a long time ago". I wanted to smack him across the head with the grill scraper but I needed the job and probably wouldn't have had the conviction to actually do it. But ever since, anytime I meet someone from his area, I'll mention how PJ used to beat up the small boys in secondary school if the opportunity presents itself

.

Femme_Fatale · 15-11-2013 10:53PM

Standing up to the bully is the ideal, but not everyone is able for doing so. And it's also risky - could result in the bullied being seriously assaulted, and/or more people ostracising them.

Why people who say "Grow a pair and stand up for yourself" don't bear the above very basic stuff in mind is beyond me. It's also deflecting responsibility onto the bullied - the whole pathetic "Don't let yourself be bullied" bullsh1t.

Standing up doesn't always work.

timthumbni · 16-11-2013 03:45AM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

I wa a quiet lad as a kid so was an easy target.

It started in national school, taking my lunch and throwing it away, pushing and shoving, came to a head when they cornered me in the cloakroom and beat me badly.

I never told anyone and some of them still live around here and the rare occassion I would go to the pub I see one of them there, he doesn't look that big anymore and I'm sure he has long forgotton what happened but I haven't.

You sound similar to me galwayguy. You sound like you are plotting. I haven't forgotten my bully either and I am unsure what will happen when I see him next. There will no longer be a difference in size anyway.

I look forward to the night I meet him. Is that wrong?

shedweller · 16-11-2013 06:00AM

timthumbni wrote: »

I look forward to the night I meet him. Is that wrong?

No. But be careful pouring out your emotions. It could end ugly.

I had an awful time in secondary school and it did affect my leaving cert and therfore, my college application and so on. Life changed basically.
I was always a bit of an outsider due to not being into football etc. Never a smoker either and had geeky tendencies but didnt hang around with too many geeks. Basically ripe for the pickings and boy were there pickings. 12 fights before 2nd year, most of which i won. The few i lost were to some hard ****ers i can tell you. One ended up in jail which was no surprise. The other ended up not too far from where i ended up because i have seen the ****.If he recognises me some day he'll get a frosty reception. The laws of the land will be the only thing keeping me from sending him to hospital.

Galwayguy35 · 16-11-2013 06:38AM

timthumbni wrote: »

You sound similar to me galwayguy. You sound like you are plotting. I haven't forgotten my bully either and I am unsure what will happen when I see him next. There will no longer be a difference in size anyway.

I look forward to the night I meet him. Is that wrong?

No it's not wrong.

I never talk to the guy in my own case and in the pub I keep a good distance away from him, not out of fear, I just want nothing to do with him.

All the others have moved away but would see most of them around the Xmas time.

bnagrrl · 16-11-2013 08:30AM

I was bullied from about 5th class to 3rd year. I was bullied over my name, my looks, the fact I did well at school... anything and everything. I was never really outgoing but I did become more withdrawn. I remember one of my friends commenting to me that I used to walk with my head down so as not to make eye contact with people. Even people that I'd meet outside of school, once they heard my name they'd say "oh you're so and so" and that would be it, they wouldn't want to know me.

I moved away from the area in 5th year, went to a different school, changed my name (yes) and tried to start over. The bullying still affects me to this day, at 30 years of age. I hate going to my hometown in case I bump into my former bullies, hate going to local shops, won't go to the pub. I get palpitations walking past groups of people my own age and even younger in case one of them recognises me. Even typing this now has brought back a lot of old, bad feelings in me. I don't think I will ever get over it.

Corkfeen · 16-11-2013 01:18PM

This may be a slightly tldr post so feel free to skip over it.Getting it out there every once and a while I find to be strangely therapeutic so I'm going with it.

I was bullied throughout primary school for various reasons which I have feck all recollection of at this point. I went into secondary school expecting everything to get better but it got much worse. From first to third year I suffered from an onslaught of psychological abuse that I'm not sure if I'll ever be a hundred percent normal after tbh.

Basically, I used to have really awful skin and I was always somewhat eccentric. The people who bullied me started from very early on in first year. One of them wrote an entire English essay about me that I won't go into detail on. But when he read it out in front of the entire class,everyone knew it was in reference to me.

They found insecurities that only became apparent,even to me, when they attacked me over them.They did so pretty much constantly for those 3 years.I avoided sleeping till very late hours each night on the grounds,I could temporarily avoid being in school. I pretended to be sick on numerous occasions to avoid going to school.

My school work always suffered because of it and by the time it ended, I really struggled in school. In university, I got on fine so that's no particular biggy.

In terms of that poster who claimed standing up for yourself is a guaranteed solution,he's wrong. I stood up for myself however I got ridiculed more because I did so. I physically fought with them once or twice,still had no effect.

As a result of those years of abuse. I'm not great socially although I'm not sure if I ever was. I don't really trust people and always run through the varying low opinions of me that they may have in their heads. I do have some friends but I don't really keep them as I'm just not pushed about it. I suffer from depression on and off.

My life isn't completely awful anyway.I'm relatively intelligent and those that bullied me genuinely haven't and won't go anywhere in life. Personally,I find this fact delightful. Plus I make a point of treating people kindly, I'm a sarcastic bastard but I would never verbally or physically abuse someone.

The solution to bullying in this country is that it should not be tolerated. I'm in favour of quick expulsion if students continue to bully other students. Zero tolerance policies and education on the effects of bullying could be of genuine benefit to preventing it in the future.

zcorpian88 · 16-11-2013 10:49PM

Corkfeen wrote: »

This may be a slightly tldr post so feel free to skip over it.Getting it out there every once and a while I find to be strangely therapeutic so I'm going with it.

I was bullied throughout primary school for various reasons which I have feck all recollection of at this point. I went into secondary school expecting everything to get better but it got much worse. From first to third year I suffered from an onslaught of psychological abuse that I'm not sure if I'll ever be a hundred percent normal after tbh.

Basically, I used to have really awful skin and I was always somewhat eccentric. The people who bullied me started from very early on in first year. One of them wrote an entire English essay about me that I won't go into detail on. But when he read it out in front of the entire class,everyone knew it was in reference to me.

They found insecurities that only became apparent,even to me, when they attacked me over them.They did so pretty much constantly for those 3 years.I avoided sleeping till very late hours each night on the grounds,I could temporarily avoid being in school. I pretended to be sick on numerous occasions to avoid going to school.

My school work always suffered because of it and by the time it ended, I really struggled in school. In university, I got on fine so that's no particular biggy.

In terms of that poster who claimed standing up for yourself is a guaranteed solution,he's wrong. I stood up for myself however I got ridiculed more because I did so. I physically fought with them once or twice,still had no effect.

As a result of those years of abuse. I'm not great socially although I'm not sure if I ever was. I don't really trust people and always run through the varying low opinions of me that they may have in their heads. I do have some friends but I don't really keep them as I'm just not pushed about it. I suffer from depression on and off.

My life isn't completely awful anyway.I'm relatively intelligent and those that bullied me genuinely haven't and won't go anywhere in life. Personally,I find this fact delightful. Plus I make a point of treating people kindly, I'm a sarcastic bastard but I would never verbally or physically abuse someone.

The solution to bullying in this country is that it should not be tolerated. I'm in favour of quick expulsion if students continue to bully other students. Zero tolerance policies and education on the effects of bullying could be of genuine benefit to preventing it in the future.

Christ, someone in your class wrote an essay aimed at you, this person really wasn't right in the head and I can relate to the not sleeping till late thing too, I did the same.

Not saying I was bullied everyday but when they did it was awful but I hated everyone in my class more so for the acting the maggot for the whole of most classes, like it was relentless. It got so bad I just stuck in earphones and read ahead in whatever we were studying as the teachers wouldn't kick anyone out and spent the class shouting at everyone in the room, or taking 5 and 6 students out at a time, or downstairs dragging the principal up (whenever she was in, which was rare)

I got picked on for a lot of things like for not acting the maggot and not making the teachers job a misery and other things like music taste, not skanger drinking or smoking weed at the weekend, not giving details on my personal life, (who I shifted/met and whatnot) wouldn't discuss that with those vultures anyway, as their gossip would spread and wreck it.

All of these discussions would also be brought up in the middle of a class too, which started off a giant argument between teacher and student. It was madness!

I just couldn't and wouldn't try and fit in, in that school, it just went against everything my family and primary school taught me.

I have no contact with anyone from my secondary class, I actually made more friends in the last 6 years since I left school through friends I never went to school with and they are a great bunch, they all live in the same town, I actually do be very envious of them when they tell me about their lives in secondary, and I feel like I lost a lot from it and just felt cheated because I had to go where I went, and they easily fitted in and their school didn't have any real nonsense and they had a comfortable educational environment, when I tell friends what my school was like they look at me wide-eyed.

Femme_Fatale · 17-11-2013 12:55AM

Wow, some awful c*nts out there...

Mr. CooL ICE · 17-11-2013 01:21AM

Secondary school was fine because I was really big, but I got bullied quite a bit in primary school. Mainly because I had a bad stammer. Changing schools twice (my dad got moved around in his job) didn't help matters.

To those saying victims of bullying should grow a pair really have no clue what they're talking about. In my case, the bullying was mostly psychological. Having groups of people taunt you about your stammer and not being able to answer back because, well, you can't talk properly is frustrating, demoralizing and downright heartbreaking.

Being 5-10 years old, it's hard to see the bigger picture when you are trying to deal with being bullied. All the advice others can give you (e.g. "ignore them", "they're only cowards", "don't let them get to you") seems pretty damn useless and irrelevant. Also, not being a violent person and having no idea how to throw a punch means decking the 'head bully' seem completely futile.

The Dom wrote: »

The root cause of the vast majority of bullying that happens in schools is down to how these kids are raised and the standards that their parents hold them to.

Just reading there earlier how some poor kid in the UK was constantly picked on and bullied for having red hair and ended up hanging himself.

Not necessarily true. Looking back at who the bullies were in school, some were children to decent, hard working people who would have raised them as best they could. But sometimes mob mentality gets the better of people, no matter their upbringing.

I have a cousin who is now mid-teens. She was recently suspended for bullying. My uncle and his wife are two of the nicest, hard-working people with hearts of gold and their kids are equally good, but one seemed to slip through the cracks. As my mother bluntly put it, "it's bad enough to have a child being bullied, but I would hate to have a child that is the bully".

McChubbin · 17-11-2013 02:23AM

I was bullied somewhat in primary school. Nothing physical- just being excluded a lot and talked about in hushed whispers that they thought I couldn't hear on account of my two hearing aids. It was hard but no matter how many times I told a teacher, nothing was ever done about it. It didn't help that I was in a group called Rainbows which was for the children of parents going through seperation/divorce so each week I'd be herded into this group to talk about my feelings- it instantly labelled me as a "weirdo".
In 5th class I was friends with two girls in my class and we did everything together until one day, a new girl moved to the class and proceeded to take an instant dislike to me.
She isolated me from my friends, talked smack about me openly and eventually turned my friends against me for no apparent reason.
Things got so bad that I dreaded going to school. I tried telling my teachers and the principal but they did absolutely nothing and only made the situation worse.
Finally, I just couldn't take anymore of the lies and slander this girl was belching out and I ended up cornering her outside the school-gates one day.
I snuck up behind her, tapped her on the shoulder and when she turned around I punched her with every ounce of force in my body. She ended up running home with a bloody nose crying her eyes out.
I know it's not right to condone violence but the bitch had it coming.
I didn't get into trouble for it as it happened outside the school grounds and after school hours but that girl never bothered me again after that. The downside was that pretty much NO-ONE wanted to be my friend after that but I've since learned to cope as a loner. At the end of the day, friends are just people who will give up secrets about you in times of war so apart from a very select circle, I keep my friends at arm's length for my own personal protection.
Not a great way to live but it works. At the end of the day, everyone's an asshole unless proven otherwise. Sad but true.

maxfresh · 17-11-2013 02:31AM

When i was in first year in secondary school a couple of weeks in i started getting bullied a bit by a fellow first year ,one day i just slammed him back first into the lockers suddenly the bullying stopped

A bit later in life (early 20's) a "friend" was being a bit of a bully ,one night i threw a half full can of heineken at his head and the bullying stopped:cool:

zcorpian88 · 17-11-2013 02:46AM

McChubbin wrote: »

I was bullied somewhat in primary school. Nothing physical- just being excluded a lot and talked about in hushed whispers that they thought I couldn't hear on account of my two hearing aids. It was hard but no matter how many times I told a teacher, nothing was ever done about it. It didn't help that I was in a group called Rainbows which was for the children of parents going through seperation/divorce so each week I'd be herded into this group to talk about my feelings- it instantly labelled me as a "weirdo".
In 5th class I was friends with two girls in my class and we did everything together until one day, a new girl moved to the class and proceeded to take an instant dislike to me.
She isolated me from my friends, talked smack about me openly and eventually turned my friends against me for no apparent reason.
Things got so bad that I dreaded going to school. I tried telling my teachers and the principal but they did absolutely nothing and only made the situation worse.
Finally, I just couldn't take anymore of the lies and slander this girl was belching out and I ended up cornering her outside the school-gates one day.
I snuck up behind her, tapped her on the shoulder and when she turned around I punched her with every ounce of force in my body. She ended up running home with a bloody nose crying her eyes out.
I know it's not right to condone violence but the bitch had it coming.
I didn't get into trouble for it as it happened outside the school grounds and after school hours but that girl never bothered me again after that. The downside was that pretty much NO-ONE wanted to be my friend after that but I've since learned to cope as a loner. At the end of the day, friends are just people who will give up secrets about you in times of war so apart from a very select circle, I keep my friends at arm's length for my own personal protection.
Not a great way to live but it works. At the end of the day, everyone's an asshole unless proven otherwise. Sad but true.

That's a very sad story, and I really don't blame you for keeping people at arms length, it can be very hard to trust people after being bullied for a bit and people tend to cocoon themselves and keep at a defense from whoever. I was a loner through my school days also, well I had 4 friends (2 of them were my cousins) as a primary student/secondary student and we were loners too. We lived in an estate that was pretty much the same as what my school was like so we stayed away from the troublemakers because our folks would have killed us.

I have no contact with anyone from my school days, Ive walked by most people that were in my class on the street and wouldn't give them the time of day, they wouldn't for me in school other than trying to make me conform to their bullshyte. They never changed since leaving school considering I've seen them in trouble with the guards enough times, mostly on the walk home after a night out I have seen brawls and it ends with 1 being put into a paddy wagon, I hang my head in shame knowing I had to be educated with such wasters, but also delighted that he won't be going home to his own bed, and there will be a court date in the future :pac:

I wouldn't keep any of my friends I've met since than at arms length, as they are the friends I've always wanted, reasonably intelligent, accepting and good banter in general. Christ I've waited long enough just to get that.

poundapunnet · 17-11-2013 03:06AM

God this thread is upsetting

I was never physically bullied in school but definitely did get subjected to a bit of girl-bullying, in some ways I think that's worse because there is literally no way to defend yourself. It's exclusion and constant "jokes" that actually really fcuking hurt, but if you say anything it makes it worse, because you just add "god relax, learn to take a joke" to the repertoire.

I was a very shy kid (still am shy), tall from an early age, bookish, bad at sports, and frankly very weird. My primary school was too small for it really to be a problem but the transition to secondary school was horrible. I remember during the first week all the girls were hanging out and chatting during lunch break, I was awkward as fcuk anyway and then the leader of the pack stood up to go to the shop "Come on Lisa, come on Sinéad, come on Emma..." through about ten different girls, and not me. I'd literally just met the girl, had barely opened my mouth, she obviously knew how to spot a target. That kind of set the tone for the year. I'm still furious thinking about it 12 years later, and what kills me is I know well she doesn't even remember it

An Riabhach · 17-11-2013 03:34AM

timthumbni wrote: »

Just interested peoples' experience of bullying at school. It was something I rarely experienced personally as I was probably a few years up when it came to size.

The one major incident I had was nothing of my fault, just someone older looking to act the tube. For a few short weeks it was horrific. I was afraid, very afraid. Many years later I still await for him. Like jaws.

I did witness many examples of bullying though. And sometimes it went on for years. I wonder how these people coped with such extended torture. When older in school I stopped a few cases of fellow year mates bullying younger ones as well. I never understood why someone who was 2 or 3 years older trying to act the hard man over a the younger fella. At that age that is a huge gap. Like mike Tyson against a flyweight Ffs.

On the bright side I witnessed personally a few years back one of the wee bullied fellas (who had since grown into a monster) rightfully take apart his bully (who was a good few years older and still counted as a hard man)

My own experience-I was never beaten up,but in both primary and secondary I was always isolated,called names and treated like somebody with a disease and they were people from the same age group as me-maybe I smelled bad or something.In secondary school,whenever older lads from the higher classed picked on me I just acted like I wasn't afraid-while at the same time trying to walk away from them as fast as possible.I don't know if what I've posted above counts as bullying or not.

I think self-defence classes should be brought into every school.All this "talking about it" and getting to the root cause of the bullies actions is a waste of time,and all that psychological crap is not gonna help the victim in the schoolyard.
Bullies need a taste of their own medicine-and whatever sob stories they have are no excuse for doing what they do.

shedweller · 17-11-2013 09:55AM

Seasan wrote: »

My own experience-I was never beaten up,but in both primary and secondary I was always isolated,called names and treated like somebody with a disease and they were people from the same age group as me-maybe I smelled bad or something.In secondary school,whenever older lads from the higher classed picked on me I just acted like I wasn't afraid-while at the same time trying to walk away from them as fast as possible.I don't know if what I've posted above counts as bullying or not.

I think self-defence classes should be brought into every school.All this "talking about it" and getting to the root cause of the bullies actions is a waste of time,and all that psychological crap is not gonna help the victim in the schoolyard.
Bullies need a taste of their own medicine-and whatever sob stories they have are no excuse for doing what they do.

It could never be advertised as being to defend against bullies though.
That would be so not PC!
I'm not sure what the solution is either. It's all well and good having an anti bullying campaign with posters, ads and flyers. But the reality is that the bullies and their lick arses will ignore all that and continue doing what they do best.

But if i find out my kids are being bullied then yes, they will get trained how to "defend" themselves.

An Riabhach · 17-11-2013 10:51AM

shedweller wrote: »

It could never be advertised as being to defend against bullies though.
That would be so not PC!
I'm not sure what the solution is either. It's all well and good having an anti bullying campaign with posters, ads and flyers. But the reality is that the bullies and their lick arses will ignore all that and continue doing what they do best.

But if i find out my kids are being bullied then yes, they will get trained how to "defend" themselves.

Granted-but what it could be advertised as could be "keeping fit while learning a skill"....

Exactly what my little nephew and niece are doing-being trained and learning Taek Won-Do and have been doing so for the last few years,so that no lowlife scumbag bullies will fück with them.

Pity that extra money has to be paid every week just for them to learn how to defend themselves.

An Riabhach · 17-11-2013 01:40PM

timthumbni wrote: »

You sound similar to me galwayguy. You sound like you are plotting. I haven't forgotten my bully either and I am unsure what will happen when I see him next. There will no longer be a difference in size anyway.

I look forward to the night I meet him. Is that wrong?

No it is not wrong-it is completely understandable,and the same for Galwayguy and others.The only people who say tis "wrong" to feel that way are the are the do-gooding arseholes with their heads in the clouds who always say sheit like "love and forgive everybody" and "lifes too short for grudges" blah blah blah..... Of course bullies are gonna make us either hate them,want revenge or be completely or totally indifferent towards them.

Just an example of how I feel is when only a few years ago a former primary school classmate was trying to organize a reunion,and when he asked me I just told him that that there would only be one or two others who I wouldn't mind meeting,including himself.But as for the rest,I couldn't care less if I never saw them again,don't give a flyin fück whats happenin in their lives good or bad,and when they finally snuff it I wouldn't be goin to any of their funerals or even batting an eyelid.
Now THAT is indifference.

As for secondary school,I still see some of them,and when I do I shoot daggers at them with me eyes as I walk past-making sure they remember me.

Corkfeen · 17-11-2013 01:57PM

Seasan wrote: »

My own experience-I was never beaten up,but in both primary and secondary I was always isolated,called names and treated like somebody with a disease and they were people from the same age group as me-maybe I smelled bad or something.In secondary school,whenever older lads from the higher classed picked on me I just acted like I wasn't afraid-while at the same time trying to walk away from them as fast as possible.I don't know if what I've posted above counts as bullying or not.

I think self-defence classes should be brought into every school.All this "talking about it" and getting to the root cause of the bullies actions is a waste of time,and all that psychological crap is not gonna help the victim in the schoolyard.
Bullies need a taste of their own medicine-and whatever sob stories they have are no excuse for doing what they do.

Prevention is what's needed,sometimes physically fighting back against the bully will work. However it can also make a bad situation worse. I say this from experience. Plus you're not taking into consideration that the bullying may be in verbal form. You can't physically fight that even if you try. Also self-defence classes aren't going to be much benefit against a group.

Anti-Bullying campaigns are needed and alongside it, to have zero tolerance policies. When I was in school,the school suspended the individuals a couple of times. If expulsion became an actuality,it'd be of benefit.

In regards to the 'psychological crap', I really wish I had been offered proper counselling after the ****e I went through. In the long run, I would have benefited from coming to terms with all the stuff they'd done to me and to offer it as standard practise might actually stop a few of the suicides that occurs as a result of it.

I also do approve of knowing self defence but I don't think it would be particularly effective at stopping the various forms of bullying that exist.

dd972 · 17-11-2013 02:47PM

There's a weird paradox about having a go back at bullies, which applies to adult and workplace bullying as well, if someone has a go back and stands up for themselves some people think ''yeah, well done, I wish I had the bollix and the thick skin to do that'' and others deride them for ''biting on it'', ''not being thick skinned enough'', ''being too easily upset'', ''man up you wuss'' etc, etc.

It puts the person who perceives themselves as mistreated into a ''what should I do about this ?'' conundrum.

Bananatop · 17-11-2013 04:37PM

This is a story from the other side....I have a child in my class who tells me he is being bullied by the others. His mother thinks the same. But from being in the classroom and watching him interact with the rest of the class, he really isn't helping himself. He continually goads the other children, makes underhanded remarks and then wonders why the others snap and call him names. it is in his nature unfortunately to speak to other children in the way he does. I have spoken to his previous teachers and they have all said he was like this all the way through school. They have told his parents that he needs to learn to get on with the other children. I have also spoken to his parents about his treatment of a girl in class (a girl who wouldn't hurt a fly, and who could easily turn around and say she is being bullied by this boy, but hasn't). All has fallen on deaf ears because his parents think he is being bullied.

In another ten years, I can imagine this boy saying that he told the teachers he was being bullied and nothing was ever done about it. This is my personal experience, and it does not mean that anyone who is/was bullied deserves to be bullied. There are some true bullies out there who just get a kick out of making other peoples' lives miserable and they deserve nothing but swift punishment. But sometimes there are cases where a person who says they are being bullied don't realise the impact they themselves have on other peoples lives.

zcorpian88 · 17-11-2013 06:49PM

Seasan wrote: »

Granted-but what it could be advertised as could be "keeping fit while learning a skill"....

Exactly what my little nephew and niece are doing-being trained and learning Taek Won-Do and have been doing so for the last few years,so that no lowlife scumbag bullies will fück with them.

Pity that extra money has to be paid every week just for them to learn how to defend themselves.

You know bullying has gone to extraordinary lengths if you have to add another extra curricular activity to his list, in my school days anything like that wasn't going to happen, as the money simply wasn't there. Through the 90's and even into the "fantastic times" of the 00's my folks were in and out of jobs, especially my Dad. My parents are from the "Ignore the bullies" pile and would never have paid for any of that in a million years.

The celtic tiger pretty much skipped over my house, apart from Christmas and birthdays. Taek Won-Do don't make me laugh, I haven't much faith in karate, Taek Won Do, Judo etc. Anyway I thought you are forbidden from using techniques from those classes on the grounds of discipline or some shyte??

To be honest I don't think any of this stuff will work in the kids favour if the bully is twice the victims size, especially in secondary school, say from a few classes ahead. I know when I was in school and encountered the bollocks I mentioned in an earlier post, any amount of Taek Won Do, karate, Judo or any of the other stuff wouldn't have saved me, travellers have some form of superhuman strength, you've all seen the documentaries on their fighting skills right? They are hard to knock down, and if a settled person did, they'd have half their family after you by the time the day is over. So really you can't win with some bullies

Femme_Fatale · 17-11-2013 07:28PM

dd972 wrote: »

There's a weird paradox about having a go back at bullies, which applies to adult and workplace bullying as well, if someone has a go back and stands up for themselves some people think ''yeah, well done, I wish I had the bollix and the thick skin to do that'' and others deride them for ''biting on it'', ''not being thick skinned enough'', ''being too easily upset'', ''man up you wuss'' etc, etc.

It puts the person who perceives themselves as mistreated into a ''what should I do about this ?'' conundrum.

Yep, shifting the responsibility - "You should have done something to stop the bullying" etc. People who think along those lines really need to take a long look at themselves.

Bullying at school

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