Bullying at school

timthumbni · 14-11-2013 11:32PM #1

Just interested peoples' experience of bullying at school. It was something I rarely experienced personally as I was probably a few years up when it came to size.

The one major incident I had was nothing of my fault, just someone older looking to act the tube. For a few short weeks it was horrific. I was afraid, very afraid. Many years later I still await for him. Like jaws.

I did witness many examples of bullying though. And sometimes it went on for years. I wonder how these people coped with such extended torture. When older in school I stopped a few cases of fellow year mates bullying younger ones as well. I never understood why someone who was 2 or 3 years older trying to act the hard man over a the younger fella. At that age that is a huge gap. Like mike Tyson against a flyweight Ffs.

On the bright side I witnessed personally a few years back one of the wee bullied fellas (who had since grown into a monster) rightfully take apart his bully (who was a good few years older and still counted as a hard man)

The Dom · 14-11-2013 11:37PM

The root cause of the vast majority of bullying that happens in schools is down to how these kids are raised and the standards that their parents hold them to.

Just reading there earlier how some poor kid in the UK was constantly picked on and bullied for having red hair and ended up hanging himself.

A boy of 14 hanged himself from his own bunk bed after being bullied by classmates for being ginger, an inquest heard.

Simon Walters’s distraught father Nigel said his son had been physically attacked and suffered cruel jibes because of his bushy red hair – he had even dyed it brown in an attempt to stop the abuse.

Mr Walters had said he would always text his son from work to tell him he loved him but on the night of Simon’s death he was too busy and never sent the message.

Describing the moment he discovered his son’s death, night-shift warehouse worker Mr Walters said: ‘It was 4.15am when I got home.

‘Simon’s music was blaring and his lights were still on, so I went upstairs to tell him to go to bed.

‘He was hanging from his bed. I ran downstairs screaming – I could not believe it. I was in shock.’

Mr Walters, 42, had contacted teachers at Heath Park School, in Wolverhampton, in May last year, after his son begged him to ‘sort the matter’.

Simon was found dead at the home he shared with father on October 25 last year. Police discovered he had researched suicide techniques on the internet.

‘Simon used to be a jolly lad,’ Mr Walters told an inquest hearing. ‘He was very withdrawn towards the end. He would shut himself in his room.’

Recording a verdict of suicide, Black Country coroner Robin Balmain said there was no evidence of bullying at the school.

‘This is a tragedy for the family and also for Simon’s friends,’ he said.

timthumbni · 14-11-2013 11:45PM

The Dom wrote: »

The root cause of the vast majority of bullying that happens in schools is down to how these kids are raised and the standards that their parents hold them to.

Just reading there earlier how some poor kid in the UK was constantly picked on and bullied for having red hair and ended up hanging himself.

Jaysus. That is horrific. I know how I felt mentally after a few weeks of bullying (albeit more physical than mental)

Kylo Ren · 14-11-2013 11:48PM

I posted this over a year ago.

Keno wrote: »

Haven't told this many times to people.

Mine wasn't the teacher but the principle. I lived with my uncle and aunt most of my life (not going to get into why, for the time being anyway) I moved to a new school shortly after I turned eleven. It was absolute hell. A particular group of lads had it out for me from day one. Started with making fun of me (I was a pretty easy target to be fair, having glasses and all that) then threats and it eventually turned violent in the latter years. I made a couple of friends throughout my time there, still friends to this day, so it wasn't all bad.

Anyway, the principle. He was an absolute god send. I wouldn't of finished school if it wasn't for him. He was an old chap by the time I got there. Big massive beard on him , looked harmless but had a real presence about him. Any problem I ever had he was always there for me.

Thanks Mr. Dumbledore.

Gatling · 14-11-2013 11:48PM

Had it daily for 6 years straight in secondary school ,
Just had to put up with it after making multiple reports to tutors ,year heads and so on nothing was ever done about , I actually got a two week suspension after getting jumped by 5 lads in a class room the teacher claimed i started it ,
Lost all faith in teachers after that ,

Still to this day nearly 20 years later still can't talk to anybody or let people in ,
Got a beautiful partner and 2 amazing kids ,and yet she doesn't understand why I refuse to thrust anybody with problems or general stuff ,

dodderangler · 14-11-2013 11:54PM

Gatling wrote: »

Had it daily for 6 years straight in secondary school ,
Just had to put up with it after making multiple reports to tutors ,year heads and so on nothing was ever done about , I actually got a two week suspension after getting jumped by 5 lads in a class room the teacher claimed i started it ,
Lost all faith in teachers after that ,

Still to this day nearly 20 years later still can't talk to anybody or let people in ,
Got a beautiful partner and 2 amazing kids ,and yet she doesn't understand why I refuse to thrust anybody with problems or general stuff ,

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

endacl · 14-11-2013 11:56PM

dodderangler wrote: »

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

Seriously?

dodderangler · 14-11-2013 11:57PM

endacl wrote: »

Seriously?

Yes seriously!!!

endacl · 15-11-2013 12:02AM

dodderangler wrote: »

Yes seriously!!!

That's the 'advice' you offer to somebody who has related a story of an extended period of physical and psychological abuse, and by his own account has suffered since as a result? And who at no point indicated that his children might be in need of such advice?

Perhaps its you needs to 'grow a pair'. Of hemispheres. That'd be one for each side of your cranium.

Festy · 15-11-2013 12:03AM

dodderangler wrote: »

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

Pure ignorance

cerastes · 15-11-2013 12:04AM

dodderangler wrote: »

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

Could it really be that easy? just like that
wow, just fcuking wow

timthumbni · 15-11-2013 12:05AM

dodderangler wrote: »

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

Listen, it's not as easy as that. As I said I was one of the biggest strongest fellas in my year but I was still bullied albeit not for long by a an older fella. It's easy to say stand up for yourself but not as easy to carry out in real life.

I saw weaker looking fellas being tortured for years. I was a mess after a few weeks bullying. I would say bullying is hard to understand unless you have experienced it.

There's a big difference physically between a 16 yr old and a 12 yr old. Huge. And that's before we go into mental bullying.

Gmol · 15-11-2013 12:05AM

dodderangler wrote: »

No offence mate but grow a pair now and teach your kids to not accept bullying and stand up for themselves.

That advice is patronising for a person suffering from long term effects of bullying

Seachmall · 15-11-2013 12:06AM

I was bullied in 4th class in primary school by a guy in 5th class. It was a bit **** and i didn't go into school for a week or two because of it. Despite having family ties to some teachers and the principal they never did anything about it. Near the end of the year my best friend at the time and myself jumped the guy a knocked him around with hurleys.

A year or two later I met the bully and confronted him on it, he pinned me to the ground, held a fag above my eye and told me he'd blind me if I didn't apologise.

That was over a decade ago and I've moved on, although I still see him around town.

In secondary school I pretty much kept to myself, had a few fights but nothing that would constitute bullying.

Arawn · 15-11-2013 12:08AM

Got bullied from 8- 12. Stopped when I started fighting back, 1 guy jocked me, hit him, picked him up and gave him a legit tombstone, cracked another guy the next week.

Went to secondry school, Grew fast and big in between ending primary and starting secondary, suddenly bullies weren interested in me and the new new ones learned quickly that I'd fight back and viciously. Had 7 fights in secondary school, walked away smiling from them all.

Gmol · 15-11-2013 12:08AM

Gatling wrote: »

Had it daily for 6 years straight in secondary school ,
Just had to put up with it after making multiple reports to tutors ,year heads and so on nothing was ever done about , I actually got a two week suspension after getting jumped by 5 lads in a class room the teacher claimed i started it ,
Lost all faith in teachers after that ,

Still to this day nearly 20 years later still can't talk to anybody or let people in ,
Got a beautiful partner and 2 amazing kids ,and yet she doesn't understand why I refuse to thrust anybody with problems or general stuff ,

Sorry to hear of your experience, have you looked into counseling it might help. Best of luck, I wish you well.

Birneybau · 15-11-2013 12:14AM

Arawn wrote: »

Got bullied from 8- 12. Stopped when I started fighting back, 1 guy jocked me, hit him, picked him up and gave him a legit tombstone, cracked another guy the next week.

Went to secondry school, Grew fast and big in between ending primary and starting secondary, suddenly bullies weren interested in me and the new new ones learned quickly that I'd fight back and viciously. Had 7 fights in secondary school, walked away smiling from them all.

Oh, of course you did.

I actually clothes lined a bully in my school, gave him a Stone Sold Stunner and finished with the people's elbow.

dodderangler · 15-11-2013 12:15AM

Arawn wrote: »

Got bullied from 8- 12. Stopped when I started fighting back, 1 guy jocked me, hit him, picked him up and gave him a legit tombstone, cracked another guy the next week.

Went to secondry school, Grew fast and big in between ending primary and starting secondary, suddenly bullies weren interested in me and the new new ones learned quickly that I'd fight back and viciously. Had 7 fights in secondary school, walked away smiling from them all.

Exactly. Same that happened to me. I was bullied over my ears and that went on for a long time but I grew up. Didn't happen over night but I did it and I certainly don't live in fear or anything like that. Gotta be proud t stand up for yourself and not take sh1t anymore. And I certainly don't want my child or any future children to grow up and go thru what I went through.

dodderangler · 15-11-2013 12:15AM

Birneybau wrote: »

Oh, of course you did.

I actually clothes lined a bully in my school, gave him a Stone Sold Stunner and finished with the people's elbow.

Guess he smelled what you were cooking.

The Dom · 15-11-2013 12:19AM

dodderangler wrote: »

Exactly. Same that happened to me. I was bullied over my ears and that went on for a long time but I grew up. Didn't happen over night but I did it and I certainly don't live in fear or anything like that. Gotta be proud t stand up for yourself and not take sh1t anymore. And I certainly don't want my child or any future children to grow up and go thru what I went through.

So if one of your kids gots jumped by five lads and the teachers and tutors failed to act, what advice precisely would you give him?

Other than "grow a pair" I mean.

dodderangler · 15-11-2013 12:23AM

The Dom wrote: »

So if your kid gets jumped by five lads and the teachers and tutors fail to act, what advice precisely would you give him?

5 lads??
That's not bullying. That's a proper group assault and thus a matter for the Garda. But one on one stand your ground and fight back. Either get beat or beat them. Either way move on.
I stood up to my bullies and didn't win em all but they didn't come near me again.
It's almost as if they'll back off if you stand up. Maybe they respect you I don't know but I don't think I ever fought same bully twice

timthumbni · 15-11-2013 12:24AM

dodderangler wrote: »

Guess he smelled what you were cooking.

Dodderangler - I accept that in certain limited situations standing up physically against a bully or bullies may be possible and in fact advisable. I used it myself the odd time.

Unfortunately in the real world and away from Hollywood films it doesn't quite work out like that. Often a group of big lads bully younger ones and fighting back is rewarded with a beating. That's how bullying works. And that's not even touching on the group bullying you can get amongst kids bullying other kids of the same age just for being ginger etc.

Cupcake_Crisis · 15-11-2013 12:28AM

I was bullied something fierce in primary and early secondary school. I would have been a fairly easy target as I generally just kept myself to myself, never bothered anyone. When I was in senior infants, a group of girls, who would have been in 2nd class, decided I was worth their time and set about making my life miserable. I never said a word about it to anyone under threat. It all ended when one day one girl in particular followed me around the yard, so it looked like she was playing with me, but was actually pinching and hitting me. That night while I was getting ready for bed my mam noticed I was covered in bruises, pretty much from head to toe, I told her what had been happening the best a 5 year old could and she sobbed, literally sobbed. She marched me down to the girls house, showed her mother how badly bruised I was and she just said 'Oh no, my daughter wouldn't do that' without even confronting her and had nothing more of it. Teachers eventually got the truth out one of the girls who apparently felt guilty, but never a whisper of an apology from the woman who basically called a 5 year old a liar.

Said girl now spends her time popping in and out of prison so.... I win.

dodderangler · 15-11-2013 12:30AM

timthumbni wrote: »

Dodderangler - I accept that in certain limited situations standing up physically against a bully or bullies may be possible and in fact advisable. I used it myself the odd time.

Unfortunately in the real world and away from Hollywood films it doesn't quite work out like that. Often a group of big lads bully younger ones and fighting back is rewarded with a beating. That's how bullying works. And that's not even touching on the group bullying you can get amongst kids bullying other kids of the same age just for being ginger etc.

Here's the way I seem it.
Would you rather
1. Have a bully constantly bully you and not do anything bout it and be picked on and maybe take the beatings still doing nothing
Or
2. Stand up for yourself and fight back and either get beaten up or beat him up but know that you done something about it.

HansHolzel · 15-11-2013 12:33AM

In my experience, long ago, if you resist a bully you will normally get a pasting but the key point is to get in at least one good 'impact' first and the bully will remember your capability to do just that. It's usually enough to stop it.

The fag over the eye story by another poster is scary enough but then again, according to the story, the cünt only asked for an apology (!) so something had been achieved with those hurleys!

15-11-2013 12:34AM

I was bullied all through school and it had a severe impact on me. The vast majority of it was verbal but even that is a nightmare. I was very quiet, didn't really talk to anyone, and didn't really have any friends at the time. Also, if someone did start on me I'd give them the reaction they wanted. So I was an easy target.

I don't remember it but my dad told me that I once came home from primary school crying and told him that I wished I was dead. I didn't go to college because of the bullying, out of fear that it would follow me in, and it made me very cautious and afraid of people; especially other males. I get on better with women because for the most part they left me alone. It has only been in the last two years that I've managed to let my guard down a little.

Arawn · 15-11-2013 12:36AM

Birneybau wrote: »

Oh, of course you did.

I actually clothes lined a bully in my school, gave him a Stone Sold Stunner and finished with the people's elbow.

Actually did,I Was quite lucky he was just dazed and that I didn't break his neck

The Dom · 15-11-2013 12:37AM

dodderangler wrote: »

5 lads??

Yeah, 5 lads. Why the question mark?

You act as if that's the first time this has been said but the guy you told to "grow a pair" said it in the very post that you replied to.

That's not bullying. That's a proper group assault and thus a matter for the Garda.

It may also be a group assault but it is still bullying if and when it is carried out as part of an ongoing pattern of physical and mental abuse.

But one on one stand your ground and fight back. Either get beat or beat them. Either way move on.

And if they are bigger and keep on doing it and doing it and get their mates to join in, as was the case with the guy you suggested had no balls?

I stood up to my bullies and didn't win em all but they didn't come near me again.

Good for you, but not everyone is that lucky. Sometimes they don't stop and make people's lives living hell for years.

I got a rock a split open a guy who used to bully me and for the next three years him and his mates waited for me and followed me and as often as they could, would knock the fcuk out of me. Lost count of how many school uniforms I went through from them being ripped apart.

It's almost as if they'll back off if you stand up. Maybe they respect you I don't know but I don't think I ever fought same bully twice

As I said, if someone is lucky, sure - it may work but for some it doesn't.

There are some persistent little cnuts out there and almost nothing works with them no matter how big your testicles might be.

sea_monkey · 15-11-2013 12:38AM

My older brother got bullied pretty much constantly which for some reason meant everyone else thought they could bully me also, i was always quick with my fists so it always stopped pretty quick. People always say just stand up for yourself and sure that does stop it, but it doesnt just magically get rid of the fact that it happened in the first place.

Why do people do it? I have no idea. I would like to see a lot more discipline being allowed by people other than parents. If you are in school then you should be disciplined according to the schools set rules, not whatever you get away with at home.

Arawn · 15-11-2013 12:41AM

dodderangler wrote: »

5 lads??
That's not bullying. That's a proper group assault and thus a matter for the Garda. But one on one stand your ground and fight back. Either get beat or beat them. Either way move on.
I stood up to my bullies and didn't win em all but they didn't come near me again.
It's almost as if they'll back off if you stand up. Maybe they respect you I don't know but I don't think I ever fought same bully twice

It's not respect, it's easier to bully someone who won't fight back than someone who will and possibly beat you.

In secondary school I had a guy punch me at 8 in the morning, between the wtf and earlieness I just stood there going what the ****, **** off you twat, same guy came back to finish the fight after school, beat him up and down the yard till a bus driver pulled me away.

His brothers and father them came into the school the next day to find the person bullying there son

timthumbni · 15-11-2013 12:44AM

dodderangler wrote: »

Here's the way I seem it.
Would you rather
1. Have a bully constantly bully you and not do anything bout it and be picked on and maybe take the beatings still doing nothing
Or
2. Stand up for yourself and fight back and either get beaten up or beat him up but know that you done something about it.

Dodderangler - what would you advise for people who aren't quite as hard as yourself to do? You do realise that a lot of those being bullied aren't fighters or hard men such as yourself. You might refer to them as nerds. This isn't fecking The Karate Kid you know.

Bullying at school

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