Do women fart on nights out?

My advice to a man or woman who has just emitted a high-pitched musing from between one's cheeks is to hold up your hands and admit to your indiscretion. Trying to cover up your crime just isn't going to work, and will mark you out as someone not to be trusted. You can take the heat out of the situation by issuing a pithy response, such as, "that's a confident appeal by the Australians", "My apologies, I appear to have stepped on a duck", "must be last orders at the bar", "an excellent theory, Dr Watson".