How do you get on with your parents

Have a strange relationship with them, it's very distant or superficial and they are not the kind of people I would discuss stuff with or approach for advice, in fact it is the opposite and I am hesitant to tell them stuff...which can be tough but on the other hand teaches you to rely on yourself, but I will miss them when they are gone.

My mam seems to want the deeper relationship with her kids, especially since her own mam died but doesn't understand that 25+ years of a distant relationship can't be undone in less than two years.

My da is like a few already mentioned in here...wouldn't show the slightest bit of emotion until he was drunk and then turn into a blubbering mess. If he had passed away when I was younger I wouldn't have minded but as we got older we got along better (not closer). He is actually better with his grandkids although that may be because he doesn't have to do any actual parenting.

The only thing that really bothers me about my relationship with them is that it impacted on my ability to form close relationships or be open with other people...something that my OH thinks is limited to just her but it has also given me a blue print for how not to have a relationship with your kids.



Fast forward 20 years and cue my kids talking about over involved parents.

Blessed with my auld pair; wise, loving, decent and genuine people with no pretence or malice. Sure they have their faults but they are only human.

i get on fairly well with both of mine, better than I ever have really as they both seem much happier with life now that they are both retired, though i find them a bit thick and marrow minded, overly cautious and conservative so would never ask for advice.

They werent so nice when I was younger though, bad tempered and bullying both of them and they were never massively supportive or affectionate towards us. It's great to see my brother adopting a much different approach towards his kids than my parents did, they are much happier kids as a result.

dark crystal wrote: »

This is pretty much the same as me.

My mother is the classic passive aggressive, always a criticism wrapped up as an opinion. I only talk to her if it's really necessary as we just don't see eye to eye and I always feel a little worse about myself after seeing her.

I also resent the fact she's quite selfish and has very little interest in her grandchildren - she always forgets their birthdays and then will call a week or so later and scold me saying, "Why didn't you remind me?" Like I should have to!

My father is laid back enough, but we were never really close.

Yeah my mum is a lot like that I always end up feeling like I was in the wrong the whole time when I wasn't. And she always plays victim . We actually just had an argument just there . I've learnt how to deal with her arguments I used to argue back now I just let her vent on and I go into my own world and ignore everything and she shuts up soon enough. She is caring in some ways but overly we just don't get along . I just avoid being in the same space as her for a amount of time. We even argue around at my aunties/uncles occasionally usually most see she is overreacting about whatever we argue about. She's just those people who hold grudges.

I'm not too close with my dad either but we get along well but it could be because I've never lived with him growing up even though I do see him.

true-or-false wrote: »

They're good people, but I wont be sad to see them go.

I buried my father last May. Trust me, you'll bawl like a new-born.

My father is sober for thirty years now, he and mother are upstanding members of the community, devout Catholic's. Mum is not happy I have lapsed in my religion and I know there are many candles lit for my return. I know they love us myself, sisters and brothers, I find it hard to love them back, and I am living in fear that one gets ill and I will have to tend them because I honestly don't think I could. I know the others would turn to me as I am very independent and get things done. I was his favourite, siblings resented me for it, they wanted his attention, I would have let them in a heartbeat, mother loved me for it. I was sent in when he was drunk to settle him if he wanted anything, usually it was to grope me and abuse me. I often wondered how she couldn't have known, when he came in to tuck me in at night, how could she not wonder what was keeping him. For my mother it was show, care what neighbours thought. When he had a knife to her throat and my brother went to neighbours up the road for help aged 8 he went out the window, she was cross with him because he didn't go further up the road to her sisters house. Gratitude eh. I am considered a cold person by them and siblings, I don't mind. I do things by myself and would never ask them for a thing. We are civil to one another which I know passes for love to them, but I honestly don't think I would be too upset if they left this world, if I was it would be for what could have been.

Even though I enjoy having the house to myself for a day or two, I get along so well with Mam and Dad that I couldn't properly consider moving out (I'm almost 25, by the way).

I also think that having just one brother who has since got a place of his own makes me want to be around at home that bit more. I have lived elsewhere during college and placement for a couple of years, but still came home pretty much every weekend.

I realise that I'm blessed to have a mother and father who completely spoil me and will love me no matter how much i f__k up in life. They would drop everything to help me regardless of whatever cost it may be to them and without their support I'd probably have lost the will to live a long time ago.

A few of my friends have lost either their mother or father in recent years and, while they have coped remarkably well in the circumstances, it's plain to see that they'll always be affected by it. Put simply, if that were to happen to me, I would be heartbroken to the extent that I couldn't envisage myself functioning properly again for a long time.

My Da gets jarred on Fridays, spends three hours cooking bolognese from a jar and tells the same stories for the millionth time, or delivers a lecture of whatever topic he has read about that day, regardless of your's or anyone's interest.

While my Ma sits there rolling her eyes, and repeatedly asks me the same questions,

still wouldn't change them for the world.