Why would anyone want to get married??

Grayson · 02-09-2013 12:34PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Why would anyone start saving for a divorce the minute they got married? Why would they add to their assets only to have them halved in a divorce settlement? I presume you've heard of DIY divorces that can be done on a shoestring? Divorce, just like marriage, is only as expensive as you she makes it.

FYP

Czarcasm · 02-09-2013 01:17PM

Grayson wrote: »

FYP

That depends on who initiates divorce proceedings. Just ask Elizabeth Taylor how much her divorces have cost her

Elmer Blooker · 02-09-2013 01:22PM

StephenHendry wrote: »

sex on tap if you're lucky :P

oh dear! no offence Mr Hendry but you are very naive.

dd972 · 02-09-2013 03:08PM

A lot of people make it a mission to get married before they're 35 as they see themselves as losers if they don't. In most cases I don't really believe there's any real love affair or relationship involved, it just seems too contrived and convenient to believe that all these married people have bumped into some 'soulmate' at a college, pub or through some mutual friend.

These people never admit this publicly but love to make out that their marriage is some sort of proof over their supreme mastery of their fate.

Czarcasm · 02-09-2013 03:08PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

Having a "right" to do something does not mean that people are going to rush out and do it. Thats about equality - not marriage. Don't you get that. Marriage was always geared towards the male - leaving mammy doing all the work for him into a wife who did all the work for him - thankfully with EQUALITY that has now disappeared and the wife will tell him to do his own &*^^*^ laundry - sorry if that offends but it's true.

I'm not saying anyone's going to rush into anything fishy, but it's about marriage equality - LGBT couples having the same rights as married heterosexual couples. I don't know where you get this idea that marriage was always geared towards men and then try and make the point that divorce is skewered in favour of women! Marriage is much more than just the gender roles within the relationship. It doesn't offend at all simply because it's not true!

go to a solicitor and get a contract drawn up - you don't have to marry someone to have "rights". Plenty of people live together and have contracts for "rights". Marriage is not the only solution to legalities

You DO have to marry someone to have marital rights though, and any contract you draw up, will still be superceded by legislation. Marriage is the only solution if you want the same rights as a married couple.

you don't really know how this marriage/divorce thing goes, do you?

I'd say I have a better grasp of how it works than you do tbh given what you've posted so far!

being with someone for the rest of your life is un-natural - you only get one life - go and experience it - don't stick with the same person for the rest of your life if you are not happy. Live a little. It will be worth it. Don't get into a legal contract that you have to get out of later on and that will cost you. Don't endure - live!

Ehh, I'm experiencing plenty of life. Marriage doesn't stop anyone doing just that. I'm perfecly happy to spend the rest of my life married to one person, and at the same time I spend plenty of time with other people too. I really don't know what to say to the rest of that, but tbh it comes off as you projecting your own insecurities about your own quality of life and what you think would be the detrimental effect marriage would have on that. It doesn't have any such effect.

divorce or death - you really are a marriage advocate. lol. I'd rather NOT get into the situation in the first place.

Nope, I'm not advocating that marriage is for everybody either! But what you're doing is advocating that it's for nobody, while thinking you can have the same rights as a married couple. Can you not see how ridiculous that sounds?

backhanders to the registrar - already you are cheating - you are going in to fill out a legal contract and you are giving backhanders at the door - if you can't stay straight on the actual day of your legal contract, then get saving for the divorce.

Ohh geez, please tell me you're not actually serious? It was a token gesture for performing a 15 minute Civil Marriage ceremony. That's all the the ceremony takes. That gesture had no bearing on the actual ceremony. I think there's a bit of winding up going on here tbh, you seem to be under the impression that all marriages are doomed to end in divorce. That kind of thinking is tbh rather juvenile at best, immature at worst.

or as cheap;)

Isn't that my point?

starlit · 02-09-2013 03:12PM

Its true people can change whether its a friendship relationship or marriage but some are lucky they change and grow together as a couple but not change in the sense they grow apart or want different things.

fishy fishy · 02-09-2013 03:19PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

I'm not saying anyone's going to rush into anything fishy, but it's about marriage equality - LGBT couples having the same rights as married heterosexual couples. I don't know where you get this idea that marriage was always geared towards men and then try and make the point that divorce is skewered in favour of women! Marriage is much more than just the gender roles within the relationship. It doesn't offend at all simply because it's not true!

where did I say divorce is in favor of women - you don't need divorce if you don't get married.

You DO have to marry someone to have marital rights though, and any contract you draw up, will still be superceded by legislation. Marriage is the only solution if you want the same rights as a married couple.

why not just leave with somebody until you grow out of them or not - you don't need to get married to care/love somebody - does love have to be a legal document now

I'd say I have a better grasp of how it works than you do tbh given what you've posted so far!

you may have - if you believe in marriage - I however don't so I would say I have a better grasp of how things work without having to draw up a legal document to love somebody.

Ehh, I'm experiencing plenty of life. Marriage doesn't stop anyone doing just that. I'm perfecly happy to spend the rest of my life married to one person, and at the same time I spend plenty of time with other people too. I really don't know what to say to the rest of that, but tbh it comes off as you projecting your own insecurities about your own quality of life and what you think would be the detrimental effect marriage would have on that. It doesn't have any such effect.

good luck to you - if that's what you want. There are people who are perfectly happy to spend the rest of their life with somebody but do not need a priest/solicitor to tell them its okay.

Nope, I'm not advocating that marriage is for everybody either! But what you're doing is advocating that it's for nobody, while thinking you can have the same rights as a married couple. Can you not see how ridiculous that sounds?

think you better read my posts again - you are projecting your own thoughts onto what you Think I am saying.

Ohh geez, please tell me you're not actually serious? It was a token gesture for performing a 15 minute Civil Marriage ceremony. That's all the the ceremony takes. That gesture had no bearing on the actual ceremony. I think there's a bit of winding up going on here tbh, you seem to be under the impression that all marriages are doomed to end in divorce. That kind of thinking is tbh rather juvenile at best, immature at worst.

LOL - ya I was trying to have fun with you - obviously you took it too seriously - if that's what marriage does for ya.......

02-09-2013 03:22PM

The passive aggressive olympics are missing an athlete in FishyFishy.

fishy fishy · 02-09-2013 03:24PM

Candie wrote: »

The passive aggressive olympics are missing an athlete in FishyFishy.

that's a bit personal and off topic - if you don't agree with my opinion here that's fine - no need for posts like this though.

02-09-2013 03:28PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

that's a bit personal and off topic.

True, apologies.

Czarcasm · 02-09-2013 03:30PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

that's a bit personal and off topic - if you don't agree with my opinion here that's fine - no need for posts like this though.

Ahh fishy twas only meant as a joke

Clearly being married hasn't made me lose my sense of humor

fishy fishy · 02-09-2013 03:33PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Ahh fishy twas only meant as a joke

Clearly being married hasn't made me lose my sense of humor

not really - there was no comment relating to the topic on that post - but at least Candi has realized that - so no offense taken.

02-09-2013 03:53PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

If you are intending on being with someone for good though its quite foolish not to marry them as you are missing out on a lot of advantages both legal and financial.

Czarcasm · 02-09-2013 04:26PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

not just leave with somebody until you grow out of them or not - you don't need to get married to care/love somebody - does love have to be a legal document now

Sure, you can do that, but you still won't have the same rights as a married couple. Love doesn't need to have a legal document, but a marriage does. When you get tired of it, you can still walk away, but you need another legal document that ends your rights and responsibilities under the marriage contract.

Now you want to avoid that responsibility, but you want the state to give your relationship equal recognition as a married couple? Pigs will fly before that happens tbh.

'd y have - if you believe in marriage - I however don't so I would say I have a better grasp of how things work without having to draw up a legal document to love somebody.

I was co-habiting with my wife for 7 years before I married her 9 years ago, I have plenty of experience of both sides of the argument, and the decision to marry wasn't one that had any particular bearing on our relationship on a day to day basis, but when I go into hospital, my wife is able to advocate for my treatment as opposed to my brothers who'd sooner just as easily not give a shìt. I also have a say in her treatment and I have a say in how my son is treated. I would have no say whatsoever if we weren't married. There's no contract your solicitor can draw up will get around that one. I also have more of a say in inheritance matters should things not go so well on the operating table. That requires you draw up another contract though- a will. It gives you more control over how your estate is divided than the default afforded to your surviving spouse and any children by the state if you aren't married.

good luck to you - if that's what you want. There are people who are perfectly happy to spend the rest of their life with somebody but do not need a priest/solicitor to tell them its okay.

There was no priest or solicitor involved to tell my wife and I it was ok to get married either. There were my parents referring to my wife as a gold digger, telling me I SHOULDN'T get married to her, but that would've meant that they as my next of kin would have more of a say in what happens to me than my wife. I wasn't particularly excited by that idea either.

think you better read my posts again - you are projecting your own thoughts onto what you Think I am saying.

I think you're saying that marriage ties a person down and stops them living their life, that I should prepare for a divorce because it's somehow an inevitability. Marriage doesn't tie a person down, they do that themselves, and while I recognise that divorce is a possibility, it's by no means a certainty, and it doesn't even show up on the radar if like you and your girlfriend we are both working on the relationship every day to make it work in the long term.

LOL - ya I was trying to have fun with you - obviously you took it too seriously - if that's what marriage does for ya.......

Marriage does a lot more legally speaking for me than the equivalent long term relationship will do for you. Loving and caring for another person has as you quite rightly point out got nothing to do with either a marriage or an LTR from a legal standpoint, but marriage gives you a lot more control over your relationship than you have in an LTR.

fishy fishy · 02-09-2013 04:39PM

Emilia Hallowed Lava wrote: »

If you are intending on being with someone for good though its quite foolish not to marry them as you are missing out on a lot of advantages both legal and financial.

how do you know that you will be with them for good - life changes - people grow apart - people turn into not very nice people - why attached yourself legally to someone on the off chance that everything will be great forever.

fishy fishy · 02-09-2013 04:43PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Sure, you can do that, but you still won't have the same rights as a married couple. Love doesn't need to have a legal document, but a marriage does. When you get tired of it, you can still walk away, but you need another legal document that ends your rights and responsibilities under the marriage contract.

Now you want to avoid that responsibility, but you want the state to give your relationship equal recognition as a married couple? Pigs will fly before that happens tbh.

I was co-habiting with my wife for 7 years before I married her 9 years ago, I have plenty of experience of both sides of the argument, and the decision to marry wasn't one that had any particular bearing on our relationship on a day to day basis, but when I go into hospital, my wife is able to advocate for my treatment as opposed to my brothers who'd sooner just as easily not give a shìt. I also have a say in her treatment and I have a say in how my son is treated. I would have no say whatsoever if we weren't married. There's no contract your solicitor can draw up will get around that one. I also have more of a say in inheritance matters should things not go so well on the operating table. That requires you draw up another contract though- a will. It gives you more control over how your estate is divided than the default afforded to your surviving spouse and any children by the state if you aren't married.

There was no priest or solicitor involved to tell my wife and I it was ok to get married either. There were my parents referring to my wife as a gold digger, telling me I SHOULDN'T get married to her, but that would've meant that they as my next of kin would have more of a say in what happens to me than my wife. I wasn't particularly excited by that idea either.

I think you're saying that marriage ties a person down and stops them living their life, that I should prepare for a divorce because it's somehow an inevitability. Marriage doesn't tie a person down, they do that themselves, and while I recognise that divorce is a possibility, it's by no means a certainty, and it doesn't even show up on the radar if like you and your girlfriend we are both working on the relationship every day to make it work in the long term.

Marriage does a lot more legally speaking for me than the equivalent long term relationship will do for you. Loving and caring for another person has as you quite rightly point out got nothing to do with either a marriage or an LTR from a legal standpoint, but marriage gives you a lot more control over your relationship than you have in an LTR.

agree to disagree - you do not need a legal license to be with somebody for as long as you want to be with them. You can have anybody you want as next of kin. You can have kids and have just as much say in how they are reared depending on what kind of people you are and how you treat your kids. Marriage is nice for some - it gives them security and tax break - for others its a ball and chain and they would rather have the choice of no legal barriers.

We'll agree to disagree here I think.

Caliden · 02-09-2013 04:47PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

how do you know that you will be with them for good - life changes - people grow apart - people turn into not very nice people - why attached yourself legally to someone on the off chance that everything will be great forever.

I genuinely feel sorry for you if you have those thoughts while in a relationship.

That's not an insult, just genuine sympathy.

Czarcasm · 02-09-2013 04:48PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

how do you know that you will be with them for good - life changes - people grow apart - people turn into not very nice people - why attached yourself legally to someone on the off chance that everything will be great forever.

Because that's the chance you take fishy, they're equally taking a chance on you too by agreeing to be legally joined to you. There are legal benefits to being married that don't apply to an LTR. It's up to each individual to decide after weighing up the pros and cons as such whether it's worth it for them to get married or not.

Some people don't see marriage as worth the additional benefits for the responsibilities it entails, some people do, and each couples situation will be different.

Czarcasm · 02-09-2013 05:07PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

agree to disagree - you do not need a legal license to be with somebody for as long as you want to be with them. You can have anybody you want as next of kin. You can have kids and have just as much say in how they are reared depending on what kind of people you are and how you treat your kids. Marriage is nice for some - it gives them security and tax break - for others its a ball and chain and they would rather have the choice of no legal barriers.

We'll agree to disagree here I think.

Fishy you can't just name anybody as your next of kin, well, you can put them down on the form, but if a decision goes to court, their name on the form means nothing, and your actual next of kin will decide what they feel is in your best interests.

You can have kids, but legally only one parent in the relationship (their biological mother) holds sway in legal matters if you aren't married.

Thirdly, I really don't know where these myths about tax breaks comes from. The "tax breaks" aren't worth a fcuk, to put it bluntly, and if you're claiming social welfare, you'll get fcukall if your spouse is employed and earning above a certain threshold (which isn't much more above minimum wage!).

There are undeniably disadvantages to being married, but that's why I said weigh up the pros and cons. You feel that marriage is a ball and chain, but you could say the same about anything in life- kids can be the worst pain in the hole at times, but you chose to have them too without knowing how the future would turn out. You choose to get a mortgage or not without knowing how the future would turn out.

You basically take a risk that has legal implications and responsibilities and you plan to make it work, you don't stay constantly focussed on what if it doesn't work out, you concentrate on making it work.

02-09-2013 06:14PM

fishy fishy wrote: »

how do you know that you will be with them for good - life changes - people grow apart - people turn into not very nice people - why attached yourself legally to someone on the off chance that everything will be great forever.

Because I like the tradition and idea of marriage and I think its the proper way to do things if you plan on being with someone all your life. So what if there is a small tiny risk that it won't work out, everything has some element of risk. I think its an off chance that things won't work out and a massive chance they will for most people.

Also as I said if you have planned and intend to be with someone for good you might as well get all the legal and financial advantages also. You won't be allowed beside your partners bedside in hospital for instance unless you are married as someone pointed out earlier, no matter what you believe you just won't.

You come across as someone who would leave a relationship on a whim and don't want to get married because it would force you to cop on a bit.

anncoates · 04-09-2013 12:26AM

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

and, unless they are myra hindey they are guaranteed custody of the kids in the event of divorce.

Pretty much the case in any situation; married or not.

Marriage gives men automatic guardianship not custody in the event of a split.

mloc123 · 04-09-2013 12:32AM

Who wants to refer to the person they spend their life with as 'my girl/boyfriend'?

feargale · 04-09-2013 12:35AM

nicegirl wrote: »

I do understand that, but if I love someone that doesn't necessarily mean I have to go and get married! It's my choice, I don't understand how you would feel sorry for me about a choice I make!

Why are you making a song and dance of it? Is somebody trying to force you into a marriage? Are you living in Yemen or Pakistan?

pharmaton · 04-09-2013 12:47AM

mloc123 wrote: »

Who wants to refer to the person they spend their life with as 'my girl/boyfriend'?

my partner in time? (or just their given name will suffice)

Grandpa Hassan · 04-09-2013 09:26AM

mloc123 wrote: »

Who wants to refer to the person they spend their life with as 'my girl/boyfriend'?

I would call them by their name

chainsawman · 04-09-2013 09:35AM

Marry is grand, Divorce is 100 grand....I have done once, Lesson Learned.

Frank Lee Midere · 04-09-2013 11:34AM

Sonic13579 wrote: »

We're not built for monogomy for the most part, to say it's a small risk is erroneous. You miss out on so many beautiful relationships with other members of the opposite sex by agreeing and adhering to the terms and conditions of marriage. That's a huge part of your humanity to sacrifice.

I see the future as one where we dispel the myth that monogomy is natural, where we get over our insecurities, one where open relationships are the norm.

I see the future where, because most humans prefer loyalty and sexual fidelity , that that doesn't happen. It would have happened by now.

Of course not all humans are suited to monogamy, but most are.

Why would anyone want to get married??

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