Why would anyone want to get married??

nicegirl

I never want to. Any other girls or guys agree with me? The thought of it turns my stomach!

Mena

You'll understand when you're all growd up.

/pat

kneemos

The Communion dress.

mikemac1

Tax credits!

nicegirl

I am all grown up.

bizmark

Cause you love someone if you dont understand that then i feel deeply sorry for you

Rosy Posy

- great party with all our families and friends (we were one of the first of our friends to get married so everyone was still really enthusiastic)

- wanted to have the same last name as our kids- made us feel like a family.

- felt like our relationship changed- we were in it for the long haul- we still have fights but ultimately we know we are going to work on it and make it right.

- legitimised our relationship in the eyes of our more old fashioned family members- my parents in particular were never at ease with us having kids out of wedlock/living in 'sin'

-sounds corny but it really was the happiest day of my life!

Those were my reasons but I can fully understand not being into it... Whatever floats your boat...

zenno

What ever you do, do not sacrifice your life to a contract. Making a deal with the devil you can love a person 100% without having to sell your soul.

nicegirl

bizmark wrote: »

Cause you love someone if you dont understand that then i feel deeply sorry for you

I do understand that, but if I love someone that doesn't necessarily mean I have to go and get married! It's my choice, I don't understand how you would feel sorry for me about a choice I make!

bizmark

you didn't make a choice or at lest didn't word your question as such you asked a question and i answered it with my own view point on it and your seeming lack of understanding of why someone would get married.

Tbh it just speaks volumes of the selfish me me me short sighted crap our so called culture has turned into.

Imho anyway

theteal

Because she says so!

/thread

nicegirl

Rosy Posy wrote: »

- great party with all our families and friends (we were one of the first of our friends to get married so everyone was still really enthusiastic)

- wanted to have the same last name as our kids- made us feel like a family.

- felt like our relationship changed- we were in it for the long haul- we still have fights but ultimately we know we are going to work on it and make it right.

- legitimised our relationship in the eyes of our more old fashioned family members- my parents in particular were never at ease with us having kids out of wedlock/living in 'sin'

-sounds corny but it really was the happiest day of my life!

Those were my reasons but I can fully understand not being into it... Whatever floats your boat...

I appreciate and respect your opinion, and thanks for your contribution. The reasons you stated are of course why many people get married, and all that, which is understandable.

I'm the opposite though. Been stuck with the one person for the rest of your life. If children come along, you are completely stuck with that person - even if you love them.

To me, its a ball and chain for life, effectively signing your life away bound legally, which also puts me off it.

I have seen far too many marriages that are in absolute despair, and many many people cheating to see its the last thing I would do in my life. My opinion anyways.

nicegirl

zenno wrote: »

What ever you do, do not sacrifice your life to a contract. Making a deal with the devil you can love a person 100% without having to sell your soul.

I agree 100%.

kneemos

Some people might feel safer in a marriage in that it's harder to get out of,I suppose.

stoneill

When you love someone and you make a pledge in front of your friends and family, and if you are that way inclined, in front of whatever god you believe in that you love this person so much, that you will spend the rest of your lives together.

That's why.

Caonima

Didn't want to get married, but my GF got pregnant and in this country a baby needs to have married parents or it loses a lot of its entitlements, so I tied the knot. Civil ceremony, though; none of that "By the power vested in me..." garbage.

nicegirl

bizmark wrote: »

you didn't make a choice or at lest didn't word your question as such you asked a question and i answered it with my own view point on it and your seeming lack of understanding of why someone would get married.

Tbh it just speaks volumes of the selfish me me me short sighted crap our so called culture has turned into.

Imho anyway

I understand why people get married. I asked if anyone else would not want to get married, and who agreed with me.

You say our culture, my choice of never wanting to get married doesn't make me selfish however.

DEFTLEFTHAND

For Legal reasons I'd be turned off it. Take USA for eg, up to half your worth:eek:. For eg Tiger Woods wife walked away with 700 million in cash plus assets such as homes cars companies etc. Now take it back a swing, she was an illegal Au Pair working for Jesper Parnevik (A Swedish Golf Pro) when she met him. She wasn't even qualified. Tiger worked all his life to achieve success at his game, their home life was terrible by all accounts, she treated him badly, he went out and got laid elsewhere and then she does that to him.


Money must draw that type of leech.

Caonima

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

For Legal reasons I'd be turned off it. Take USA for eg, up to half your worth:eek:. For eg Tiger Woods wife walked away with 700 million in cash plus assets such as homes cars companies etc. Now take it back a swing, she was an illegal Au Pair working for Jesper Parnevik (A Swedish Golf Pro) when she met him. She wasn't even qualified. Tiger worked all his life to achieve success at his game, their home life was terrible by all accounts, she treated him badly, he went out and got laid elsewhere and then she does that to him.

RachaelVO

Being married aint all that bad ya know.

TBF it doesn't mean that your relationship won't break down, nor does it mean that you will never row again. It's just another step in the relationship ladder that some want to take and some don't. It's a way to formalise everything, you say in front of friends and family, I'm committed to this person, and the family we have or will have.

Besides which it was a fecking great day, such a laugh and I had my friends and family (basically everyone I love) all in the one room, and it's not something that happens too often.

nicegirl

stoneill wrote: »

When you love someone and you make a pledge in front of your friends and family, and if you are that way inclined, in front of whatever god you believe in that you love this person so much, that you will spend the rest of your lives together.

That's why.

People do this on their wedding day, and love the person with all their heart, and want a future together. I'm very put off with the entire the idea of marriage, as there are so many people unhappy in marriages, cheating, separating, then stuck with kids, and are stuck being married to someone who in many years to come, you end up fairly unhappy, - not all marriages, but so very many marriages I have seen.

My point is, why people would want to get married in this day and age with all of the above, and divorce increasing. I have seen more unhappy marriages than I have seen happy marriages.

myshirt

Me: "What's that smell?"
Wife: "I can't smell anything"
Me: "Neither can I, now get that f#cking cooker on"

That's why you married a girl in the past. It rubber stamped your legal, moral and rightful right to that lady.

Nowadays, the whole thing is hampered by the availability of divorce. The sanctity of the institution is ruined.

For example, when a couple get divorced, the man has to pay his ex-wife a share of his future earnings, but the woman doesn't have to do the man's future housework?

Tell me how that is right. Disgraceful.

nicegirl

Caonima wrote: »

Didn't want to get married, but my GF got pregnant and in this country a baby needs to have married parents or it loses a lot of its entitlements, so I tied the knot. Civil ceremony, though; none of that "By the power vested in me..." garbage.

I agree. I don't understand in a couple spending a fortune on one day in their life, inviting people they wouldn't see or speak to that much?

bizmark

myshirt wrote: »

Me: "What's that smell?"
Wife: "I can't smell anything"
Me: "Neither can I, now get that f#cking cooker on"

That's why you married a girl in the past. It rubber stamped your legal, moral and rightful right to that lady.

Nowadays, the whole thing is hampered by the availability of divorce. The sanctity of the institution is ruined.

For example, when a couple get divorced, the man has to pay his ex-wife a share of his future earnings, but the woman doesn't have to do the man's future housework?

Tell me how that is right. Disgraceful.

lol right on bro !

nicegirl

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

For Legal reasons I'd be turned off it. Take USA for eg, up to half your worth:eek:. For eg Tiger Woods wife walked away with 700 million in cash plus assets such as homes cars companies etc. Now take it back a swing, she was an illegal Au Pair working for Jesper Parnevik (A Swedish Golf Pro) when she met him. She wasn't even qualified. Tiger worked all his life to achieve success at his game, their home life was terrible by all accounts, she treated him badly, he went out and got laid elsewhere and then she does that to him.


Money must draw that type of leech.

Excellent point, thanks

Synyster Shadow

I agree with rosy posy.
I see it as you either want to or not. I wanted to and for me it's the right choice. I know plenty that don't want to and they shouldn't.

Iv a little boy and baby on the way and I would hate to have a different name to them also I wanted there dad to have equal rights to me when it came to them. (mother gets biggest say when not married even with dad on birth cert, sad but true iv seen it all)

So each to there own

Edit: kids weren't even conceived before marriage so that's secondary reason I might never of gotten pregnant

Seamus1964

Old man told me once
that
being married or just living together is like keeping backdoor locked or unlocked ..
If you are married you can't just walk away every time when your emotions kicks in

RachaelVO

nicegirl wrote: »

My point is, why people would want to get married in this day and age with all of the above, and divorce increasing. I have seen more unhappy marriages than I have seen happy marriages.

Maybe it's just the unhappy ones that stand out more, due to the drama they usually cause. I don't see it happen too often, in fact in my family and friends there are very few unhappy marriages. I've seen some people just get married for the sake of it, or far too quickly, and then the don't try to work on their issues. That does happen.

Being in a relationship whether married or not takes work. Once the hearts and flowers part of being in a new relationship wears off you see someone warts and all, and they you.

RachaelVO

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

For Legal reasons I'd be turned off it. Take USA for eg, up to half your worth:eek:. For eg Tiger Woods wife walked away with 700 million in cash plus assets such as homes cars companies etc. Now take it back a swing, she was an illegal Au Pair working for Jesper Parnevik (A Swedish Golf Pro) when she met him. She wasn't even qualified. Tiger worked all his life to achieve success at his game, their home life was terrible by all accounts, she treated him badly, he went out and got laid elsewhere and then she does that to him.


Money must draw that type of leech.

Jesus... Tiger Woods shagging lots of women and increasing the risk of bringing home an STD to the mother of his kids. Yep she was totally in the wrong :rolleyes:

Bylar Bear

I never want to. Any other girls or guys agree with me? The thought of it turns my stomach!

Oh lord. Here we go. Another selfish person looking for people to validate their beliefs and or fears on the internet. Clearly you have never loved somebody enough, nor been loved by somebody enough, to have wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

It is obvious as well from your other posts that you cannot think or care about the concerns for anybody except your own.

DEFTLEFTHAND

RachaelVO wrote: »

Jesus... Tiger Woods shagging lots of women and increasing the risk of bringing home an STD to the mother of his kids. Yep she was totally in the wrong :rolleyes:

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

myshirt

I notice there is repeated talk of working out your issues and all this soppy lark.

A fools game.

The problem in a nutshell is we marry what we think is a nymphomaniac, but very soon after you realise the nympho part has left the building quite swiftly, but the maniac has remained, and she's madder than ever and has gained 4 stone

bizmark

nicegirl wrote: »

People do this on their wedding day, and love the person with all their heart, and want a future together. I'm very put off with the entire the idea of marriage, as there are so many people unhappy in marriages, cheating, separating, then stuck with kids, and are stuck being married to someone who in many years to come, you end up fairly unhappy, - not all marriages, but so very many marriages I have seen.

My point is, why people would want to get married in this day and age with all of the above, and divorce increasing. I have seen more unhappy marriages than I have seen happy marriages.

Well Learn to speak to each other and work out problems rather than take the easy way out of no fault divorce or "omg that's totally not worth it sur!!!" there's nothing quite like loving someone enough that even when shes heavily pregnant sweating constantly and a bit moody that shes still the most perfect thing on the planet i can not believe you could ever get to that point with out wanting to legitimize your love for each other in some proper fashion.

Honestly you have no clue till you really meet someone you wish to spend your life with rather than just **** around from one person to another every few years cause its easy and search for validation on the internet (not that your doing that of course but just for example)

bizmark

myshirt wrote: »

I notice there is repeated talk of working out your issues and all this soppy lark.

A fools game.

The problem in a nutshell is we marry what we think is a nymphomaniac, but very soon after you realise the nympho part has left the building quite swiftly, but the maniac has remained, and she's madder than ever and has gained 4 stone

For instance this guy i would totally marry this guy right now i dont care if its not legal yet or what ever id campaign for that ****

NEVER CHANGE!

RachaelVO

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Please, the marriage had broken down at that stage, and Tiger frequented high end joints only.

Sorry, I didn't realise you were Tigers confidant and privvy to that kind of information... like the fact it was going on pretty much throughout their entire marriage. Must learn that infidelity in a marriage is OK!

cletus van damme

I never want to get married - admittedly I hate commitment of any kind and I always want to be able to walk away.

I'm a dying breed.

mikemac1 wrote: »

Tax credits!

only if one of you stops working. If you both continue to work there is no benefit.

RachaelVO wrote: »

Jesus... Tiger Woods shagging lots of women and increasing the risk of bringing home an STD to the mother of his kids. Yep she was totally in the wrong :rolleyes:

i don't think he is saying that - it's just that she was hardly 700million in the right?
I'm not saying she was entitled to nothing but it's not like she built his career yet was able to take a huge chunk of his assets.
Your point seems to suggest that he should pay for his cheating ways.

nicegirl

Bylar Bear wrote: »

Oh lord. Here we go. Another selfish person looking for people to validate their beliefs and or fears on the internet. Clearly you have never loved somebody enough, nor been loved by somebody enough, to have wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

It is obvious as well from your other posts that you cannot think or care about the concerns for anybody except your own.

Excuse me?

How can you call me selfish, or that I think I am looking for people to validate my beliefs or fears on the internet? I have been in relationships, and been in love, and happy, so were my ex's.

What a horrible thing to say, when its my choice, as it is for so many other people, who don't ever want to get married for some of the reasons I mentioned above, as well as the reasons the other posters stated too. Does that make us all selfish?

nicegirl

Bylar Bear wrote: »

Oh lord. Here we go. Another selfish person looking for people to validate their beliefs and or fears on the internet. Clearly you have never loved somebody enough, nor been loved by somebody enough, to have wanted to spend the rest of your life with them.

It is obvious as well from your other posts that you cannot think or care about the concerns for anybody except your own.

Oh and by the way, I do not need any sort of validation from other people. I am very happy as I am, and lead a very happy life. Or does me being single, happy, and not wanting to get married make me a selfish person too?

fleet

Divorce rate is currently running at 39% in Ireland (new couples, link below) and could reasonably be expected to rise to 50% (US rate).

It's a pretty raw deal for most parties with humans propensity for cheating, traditional marriage ought not be the choice of the majority. You can say "so what, we'll try" but given the cost, and likelihood of failure I'd hesitate to bet my house on it. It's a roulette game where you've bet your house on red.

There is social/family pressure (tradition), state pressure (tax breaks) and religious pressure (despite atheists being vocal here they are not the majority of our population). Biological pressure too given that most don't like to share partners so comes the feelings of "greed" which push us towards a contract that says he/she is yours exclusively.

Kids do better in a two parent family no doubt. However, our method of raising kids (suburban nuclear family) is far removed from the community method that humans traditionally used where a missing father wasn't so much of a issue because there were many male role models around.

http://www.independent.ie/world-news/europe/divorce-rate-after-10-years-static-29057120.html

ted1

nicegirl wrote: »

I appreciate and respect your opinion, and thanks for your contribution. The reasons you stated are of course why many people get married, and all that, which is understandable.

I'm the opposite though. Been stuck with the one person for the rest of your life. If children come along, you are completely stuck with that person - even if you love them.

To me, its a ball and chain for life, effectively signing your life away bound legally, which also puts me off it.

I have seen far too many marriages that are in absolute despair, and many many people cheating to see its the last thing I would do in my life. My opinion anyways.

Unmarried fathers have no rights what so ever to their kids . If you have or plan to have kids this is reason enough to have kids, if only one partner works then you benefit from tax credits. If one person has assets then its worth getting married to gain rights to these.

It's also a commitment to each other that I think partners deserve to make to each othet

Bylar Bear

People do this on their wedding day, and love the person with all their heart, and want a future together. I'm very put off with the entire the idea of marriage, as there are so many people unhappy in marriages, cheating, separating, then stuck with kids, and are stuck being married to someone who in many years to come, you end up fairly unhappy, - not all marriages, but so very many marriages I have seen.

The problem is many people do not know what love really means. People date for two years, think the sex is great and that they can get along and decide to get married. Well, at the end of the day after the great sex is over, you have to live with that person. You have to work out real problems and you have to communicate. People look at love as only satisfying themselves and do not realise the work and mutual sacrifice that BOTH partners must put into it.

ted1

fleet wrote: »

Divorce rate is currently running at 39% in Ireland (new couples, link below) and could reasonably be expected to rise to 50% (US rate).

It's a pretty raw deal for most parties with humans propensity for cheating traditional marriage ought not be the choice of the majority. You can say "so what, we'll try" but given the cost, and likelihood of failure I'd hesitate to bet my house on it. It's a roulette game where you've bet your house on red.

There is social/family pressure (tradition), state pressure (tax breaks) and religious pressure (despite atheists being vocal here they are not the majority of our population). Biological pressure too given that most don't like to share partners so comes the feelings of "greed" which push us towards a contract that says he/she is yours exclusively.

Where's that link, 39% sounds like awful rubbish. Stats are generally rubbish and manipulated. I reckon its 39% of couples who dispise each other

Haha just saw and read the link. Here's the line your quoting:
A couple who tie the knot on Valentine's Day this year have a 39% chance of divorcing during their lifetime

Do its a made up stat only dealing with valentines day.

Bylar Bear

I have been in relationships, and been in love, and happy, so were my ex's.

There's real love, and then there's puppy love. For some reason I doubt you can tell the difference.

nicegirl

bizmark wrote: »

Well Learn to speak to each other and work out problems rather than take the easy way out of no fault divorce or "omg that's totally not worth it sur!!!" there's nothing quite like loving someone enough that even when shes heavily pregnant sweating constantly and a bit moody that shes still the most perfect thing on the planet i can not believe you could ever get to that point with out wanting to legitimize your love for each other in some proper fashion.

Honestly you have no clue till you really meet someone you wish to spend your life with rather than just **** around from one person to another every few years cause its easy and search for validation on the internet (not that your doing that of course but just for example)

I don't see the point of tying the knot because of the reasons I and other posters have mentioned. The first few years might be good, then kids come along, and then the relationship would/might get boring, lack of sex etc. You may find that you are then unhappy, arguments begin, you try to work it out, but you cannot solve lots of the problems. Then as you are married, and have kids, you are stuck in a marriage you are unhappy in, and ultimately unhappy in your life, and you can't leave due to the kids, cost of divorce etc.

I did meet someone in the past that I loved very much, but the thought of marriage I was still feeling the same way as now, even though I loved him that much. And again, no I am not looking for validation on the internet at all, just a discussion about this issue.

nicegirl

Bylar Bear wrote: »

There's real love, and then there's puppy love. For some reason I doubt you can tell the difference.

I am a grown woman, and please don't insult my intelligence.

Bylar Bear

I am a grown woman

You're statement is meaningless to me. So far you have not shown any hint of maturity. All I see is a person that is only happy so long as the are given exactly what they want.

RachaelVO

cletus van damme wrote: »

i don't think he is saying that - it's just that she was hardly 700million in the right?
I'm not saying she was entitled to nothing but it's not like she built his career yet was able to take a huge chunk of his assets.
Your point seems to suggest that he should pay for his cheating ways.

She was entitled to half of everything up to the point of the marriage breakdown. His cheating broke the marriage down, and the sheer abject humiliation he opened her up to. He broke up THEIR lives for a few 'high class' shags, so it's irrelevant the amount, she was entitled to half. So even if it was 200k, her half is 100k. He's in a position where he could just pay her off. Now I do feel sorry for guys who continually get screwed for alimony (not child maintenance, they should pay for that).

DEFTLEFTHAND

RachaelVO wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't realise you were Tigers confidant and privvy to that kind of information... like the fact it was going on pretty much throughout their entire marriage. Must learn that infidelity in a marriage is OK!

He's a man of means, he's not going to pick up a Lucchese Hooker on the side of the street.

What kind of a marriage was it really when you think about, they weren't suited he fell in love and she saw him as a meal ticket. She stopped putting out after they had children. Insurance policy.

Men have done the same to rich women in the past, it was ploy in my book now that more and more info is being leaked.

nicegirl

Bylar Bear wrote: »

You're statement is meaningless to me. So far you have not shown any hint of maturity. All I see is a person that is only happy so long as the are given exactly what they want.

You don't have much maturity when you cannot accept the choices in life a person is free to make themselves. I am here to discuss this issue, not to receive insults from someone like you, when you don't even know me whatsoever. Your behaviour is immature and insulting to me.

Grow up.

Geomy

I just think some of us are not meant to be married.
I'm 38 year's old and have been through 3 longterm relationships since I was 18

Never got engaged and only lived with one lady.

I am single now for the last 2.5 year's and only starting to enjoy my life.
I do like women but I just have no interest in getting married or living with anyone.

I can come and go as I please, no one can have me as their emotional punchbag, gob****e, or run my life for me.

I have seen enough good men and women miserable in their marriages, actually I am on a few dating sites and most women 30 plus are either divorced or separated.

Can you believe that ? some only married a year and a bit separated,and online looking for a long term relationship, I can smell the rat a mile off....

I am told that I am a great catch lol
I'm not I'd be miserable tied down and no woman needs an unhappy guy in their life.

I like dating with older women 44-50 as they seem to be honest and don't play games, they see it as it is.

I have come to believe some of us like minded people are just lucky to be able to make the decision to remain single.

I work around a lot the public and see couples every day, and I can honestly say that 40% are happy out,
30% are miserable and the rest just get along with it.

Tom M

There's a reason marriage doesn't work, we aren't built for monogomy, we're actually built for practices such as group sex a lot more than people think.

There's a reason women moan as they do during sex, to attract more men. The moaning arouses men, after the first man orgasms and falls asleep or loses interest the next men comes along and has sex with her thus providing healthy sperm competition. I challenge any man to honestly say the sound of a woman moaning during sex nearby doesn't turn them on.