Ho much to give for a wedding.

Yeah I echo that sentiment. If you want to throw a big party for your "big day", go for it. But don't invite me just because you want to cover the cost. It's your day, not mine.

The last wedding I went to was fairly small. Less than fifty people and most were family. It was a much nicer experience than those several hundred people events where people are expected to come bearing a cheque book to help pay for it.

stones55 wrote: »

I have my sisters wedding in a few weeks...I asked my sister what she expected from me, she said €550.

your sister sounds like an absolutely vile individual.

Was invited to a wedding that I could make recently. I got them a present to apologise for not being able to grace them with my presence. I got them a voucher for Castlemartyr which came to €300.

It depends on any number of things though. The previous two weddings I'd been to I gave €250.

Frankly the idea of the recipient of a gift having some sort of expectation of the minimum value of it is extremely objectionable to me. Actually declaring it as well just seems so crude and scummy.

Shane732 wrote: »

Why so? You've no idea what €550 might be to that family. It could be a drop in the ocean or a months wage....

Well the poster said they couldn't afford €550 and would be giving €250-€300. So not a drop in the ocean

The "going rate" (which is such a crass term) is whatever you can afford.

Any couple who expects their guests to finance it though are nothing but complete douchebags. You're the ones who decided to have the big party- it's not your guests obligation to pay for it.

I love weddings but Jesus they're expensive... for the guests. I'd bet most couples do make money from their weddings- never heard of a guest who did though. I've two more this year (4 altogether this year) and none again til July next year (3 so far) and my bank account won't be sorry for the little break for a while.

If I was going on my own 50-100 depending on who it was. When going as a couple we normally give 150€ however for one of my best friends we gave 200 and for my brothers wedding I paid for the wine for the reception which was a lot more that €200 but I could afford it at the time and I wanted to. Basically I think you should give only as much as you can afford and if someone is not happy about it that's their problem.

I am getting married next year and to be honest we have saved enough to pay for the wedding. Don't really care what our guests give us as presents. We are inviting them because we want them there not because of the gifts that they will give us.

After reading through this thread, I've come to realise how naive I was about this stuff.
When we got married, we invited all the family and friends that we wanted to be there, organised the wedding that we could afford and saved up the money to pay for it.
Had a great day and the following morning were asked by reception, did we want our cards and gifts to be brought up with our breakfast.
Waitress arrived up with our breakfast and the manager behind her with the cards.
Now, on the day itself, we received some of the cards ourselves, but most were given to groomsmen and bridesmaids, so the volume of cards in the box kind of surprised us.
Which speaks nothing of the shock when we started opening them.We would have guessed that our own families would have been generous, but the generosity of distant family, friends and work colleagues overwhelmed us.
We sat on the bed surrounded by cash just laughing for the guts of an hour.
The amounts did'nt matter in the slightest. We were grateful for every euro knowing that for some, just getting there had been a financial stretch.
I love going to weddings and have always given what we can afford, thinking that I'm there because the couple want me there to witness their happiest day.
I can not believe having read this thread, how much time and effort people put into calculating how much to give and worse still how much they need to receive.
Give what you can.
Its their Big Day, not their big payday.

fergiesfolly wrote: »

After reading through this thread, I've come to realise how naive I was about this stuff.
When we got married, we invited all the family and friends that we wanted to be there, organised the wedding that we could afford and saved up the money to pay for it.
Had a great day and the following morning were asked by reception, did we want our cards and gifts to be brought up with our breakfast.
Waitress arrived up with our breakfast and the manager behind her with the cards.
Now, on the day itself, we received some of the cards ourselves, but most were given to groomsmen and bridesmaids, so the volume of cards in the box kind of surprised us.
Which speaks nothing of the shock when we started opening them.We would have guessed that our own families would have been generous, but the generosity of distant family, friends and work colleagues overwhelmed us.
We sat on the bed surrounded by cash just laughing for the guts of an hour.
The amounts did'nt matter in the slightest. We were grateful for every euro knowing that for some, just getting there had been a financial stretch.
I love going to weddings and have always given what we can afford, thinking that I'm there because the couple want me there to witness their happiest day.
I can not believe having read this thread, how much time and effort people put into calculating how much to give and worse still how much they need to receive.
Give what you can.
Its their Big Day, not their big payday.

Pretty much describes how my wife and I were when we got married. Anyone who asked us (in the run up) what we would like for a gift, we just said "whatever you would like to give us is perfect". We'd no idea of the generosity of our family and friends. We paid for the wedding in full with our own money we saved. The gifts were all a bonus. We had a fantastic day and by all accounts, so did our guests. What more could you want

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

When I got married most people gave us €100 or €200 for a couple. English people gave less as the 'going rate' there seems to be €50 or €100 for a couple.
If money is a concern I wouldn't worry too much about it as if the bride & groom are any way decent people they will not judge you for the amount/value of your gift.

I want to back track on this slightly. I just found the spreadsheet we used where we recorded what people gave us (for the thank you card).
Close relatives and wealthier people gave us €100 or €200 for a couple. some family gave us upto €250. Less well off people/non close relatives gave €50 (single) or €100 for a couple or anywhere in between.
The spread for an individual was €40-€125.

imitation wrote: »

My real issue isnt so much with the wedding day as it is the whole wedding festival, 500 euro stag abroad, the another 150 stag at home for those who couldnt go, then 300 quid for the wedding plus hotel and maybe another 200 for a second night party. No doubt family members can tack on more again. I know a few people who have been wiped out by 2-3 of those in a year for close friends where they had to go. When you hear of people then giving out the gifts were too small at that kind of money fight it makes my blood boil

That does not sound at all like the average cost to a guest for a wedding. €300 as a gift is very generous. €200 for the second night? If you're doing that, money doesn't really seem to be an issue for you. Stags abroad are very self-indulgent and inconsiderate to the guests who may feel obliged to go.

I said before, it's really down to the couple. You will have some who will make every effort to take their guests into consideration and others who treat the whole thing as a self indulgent ego trip with a cash prize at the end. I find stags/hens abroad to be the height of that. What's it to the groom/hen going abroad when they'll pay for sweet F all and have a windfall of cash coming their way soon. The guests though, have to budget flights & time off work on top of the regular stag/hen costs and they've the cost of the wedding to look forward to too.