Internet Dating.

kowloon · 26-06-2013 07:02PM

Canis Lupus wrote: »

As an aside, having to call someone to see if they joined up to a site called CougarLife was fun and awkward all at the same time.

I swear, I thought it was some sort of mountain lion sanctuary!

looking_around · 26-06-2013 07:54PM

I don't go out to clubs at all, and am a very reclusive person.

I joined a site, a forum, that wasn't just dating, but had "meet ups" and "online dating" as well.

Met my partner there. And I must say, it was much easier than trying to meet people in a place I never go. And better than the online gamers who don't seem to know anything else ..>.>
We've been together bout 2 and half years now. And I don't think I would've found someone as compatible ,as easily in the real world, as I did through the site.

beks101 · 26-06-2013 08:03PM

Had a brief stint with it years ago, found myself on a bunch of dates with nice guys who I had zero chemistry with, the odd player out for the ride thrown in there for good measure.

That's the fundamental problem with the online thing for me. You simply can't gauge chemistry when you're not face to face with someone, and the continuous "I think you're lovely, but" conversations become exhaustive.

hairyslug · 26-06-2013 08:07PM

I met my now wife on a free dating site, 5 years and 3 kids later and still going strong.
Before i met her i met some right weirdos and nymphos but its all a bit of a laugh, I know guys who use it purely as a chance to get an easy ride though

April O Neill · 26-06-2013 10:29PM

beks101 wrote: »

That's the fundamental problem with the online thing for me. You simply can't gauge chemistry when you're not face to face with someone, and the continuous "I think you're lovely, but" conversations become exhaustive.

This was it for me too.

And to paraphrase Professor Frink: "But the computer matches would be so perfect clincal as to eliminate the thrill of romantic conquest."

I'm actually a member of the online dating forum here on boards, and find it an interesting topic, but personally it wasn't for me.

Galwayguy35 · 26-06-2013 11:17PM

beks101 wrote: »

Had a brief stint with it years ago, found myself on a bunch of dates with nice guys who I had zero chemistry with, the odd player out for the ride thrown in there for good measure.

That's the fundamental problem with the online thing for me. You simply can't gauge chemistry when you're not face to face with someone, and the continuous "I think you're lovely, but" conversations become exhaustive.

But is it any worse than trying to meet people in pubs/clubs where many patrons are drunk?

ToddyDoody · 26-06-2013 11:34PM

I can honestly say I have had no luck whatsoever with internet dating sites and don't think id ever use one again. The match making festival is a better option, a drunk night is a better option, friends of friends is a better option. The single colleague might even be a better option. Why? Its just too un-natural really. Do swans, who mate for life, sign up to myperfectfellowdesperate.com? No.

beks101 · 27-06-2013 12:25AM

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

But is it any worse than trying to meet people in pubs/clubs where many patrons are drunk?

If you meet someone in a pub you generally know straight away whether or not you fancy them. Or at least I do. I don't usually get so drunk that I can barely recognize physical attraction.

When I think of my exes and imagine the kind of profiles and pics they might have had on a dating site - I probably wouldn't have given them a second look. But because we met in the flesh at a house party or through work or whatever, I felt something right off the bat, so knew there was a point to pursuing something.

In my limited experience of online dating, I felt the opposite. It all seemed a bit pointless when I got to the stage where it was "great guy, just not for me" for the fourth/fifth/Nth time.

Galwayguy35 · 27-06-2013 06:15AM

beks101 wrote: »

If you meet someone in a pub you generally know straight away whether or not you fancy them. Or at least I do. I don't usually get so drunk that I can barely recognize physical attraction.

When I think of my exes and imagine the kind of profiles and pics they might have had on a dating site - I probably wouldn't have given them a second look. But because we met in the flesh at a house party or through work or whatever, I felt something right off the bat, so knew there was a point to pursuing something.

In my limited experience of online dating, I felt the opposite. It all seemed a bit pointless when I got to the stage where it was "great guy, just not for me" for the fourth/fifth/Nth time.

Yeah I suppose everyone has a different take on it.

Personally I would favour internet dating though because I never had much confidence approaching women in pubs/clubs.

Think it's important for people to have a pic up though, met someone once who hadn't and although she was a very nice person there was just no attraction there at all.

Ruudi_Mentari · 27-06-2013 06:35AM

couldn't possibly subscribe to it.

knucklehead6 · 27-06-2013 08:12AM

I love the AH answers here.

B.A._Baracus · 27-06-2013 08:46AM

Internet dating on paper is a great thing. The chance to meet someone who you never would of crossed-paths with, finding that perfect someone etc etc.

The problem is in reality that doesnt always happen. In fact, out of everyone I know who admitted to being on a dating site to me, the vast majority found internet dating to be terrible. Don't get me wrong i know a few people who are in relationships because of it (the success stories) ... but more people just experience the same 'old thing' - replies stop after a few mails, having to send dozens of mails to get a reply, meeting people with baggage, users, weirdos, etc. It's always the same core reasons when someone doesnt find internet dating to be of any use.

I actually know a woman in her late 40s who used internet dating. To sum it up she said "I've had dozens of younger men between 18 upwards message me. Most looking for sex. They can't all be into older women. They have to be mailing girls around their own age too. So why are they mailing a woman double their age?" - she went on to say these younger girls aren't getting back so blokes fire out mails to anyone and everyone... and I would agree with her.

Shenshen · 27-06-2013 09:27AM

jackstapleton wrote: »

I've never done it personally...but I had a friend who used it extensively going on three or four dates a week. Its actually not a bad idea, since you can kiss a lot of frogs, so to speak. If you are professional, and don't do bars, then internet is useful.

This, pretty much.

I seriously never understood how people can meet anyone in a nightclub - how on earth would you be able to talk to someone in a place that makes your ears bleed it's so noisy?
I was on a dating site for a while, went out for a few dates and eventually met the man I later married.

I'm sure it's not for everyone, but I did like the fact that you get to chat a little online and get to know the person a little before actually meeting up. It made me much more at ease, and it allowed me to sort out the people I had nothing at all in common with straight away - something I'm not very good at in real life, how do you tell what a person's interests and views are just by looking at them?

Shenshen · 27-06-2013 09:30AM

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I can honestly say I have had no luck whatsoever with internet dating sites and don't think id ever use one again. The match making festival is a better option, a drunk night is a better option, friends of friends is a better option. The single colleague might even be a better option. Why? Its just too un-natural really. Do swans, who mate for life, sign up to myperfectfellowdesperate.com? No.

Are you saying swans have regular drunk matchmaking festivals?

Does Bill Oddie know about this? :eek:

Hardonraging · 27-06-2013 09:41AM

As the official outrageous poster of AH I shall attempt to answer this in a manor that will please all ... (as per the norm )

Internet dating, it's great, but only if you learn from it, I'll use the analogy of closing a car door on your hand, sure you might try it once, but then you'll realise it's not productive, and perhaps using the handle is more beneficial, or you could try the old 'get out and pull the door back towards you as you spring out of the way' routine, or the open handed push on the window approach ..

Either way, if you try internet dating, and find that something, be it your approach, your attitude, your pictures etc, is causing you to fail miserably you need to change .

I'll try not to generalise here, but you need a tough skin, a devil may care attitude, patients, and the ability to hold a conversation / listen to what a person is saying if you hope to be in any way successful.

I tried it for the past 12 month's, and found it to be incredibly rewarding, on several levels, the caliber of women, both from a conversational perspective right up to a ' I know what i want ..ahem ! ' perspective was fantastic ..

I suggest for those of you who are thinking about it to join the ODG, it's a fantastic platform to ask questions, and to get feedback on issues.

27-06-2013 09:56AM

There has a goggle plex amount of threads about on line dating on boards, it one of those topics that come up again and again, it would be really interesting if someone did a Meta analyses of all the threads on boards and see what topics come up the most frequently, anything to do with the human condition come up a lot.

I met my husband on a dating site and had a few relationships form a dating site so for me it was good, but that dose not mean I didn't meat a fair few oddballs, men only looking for sex( mostly just harmless eejits ) men who were grand but there was no chemistry ( met a lot of them).

I also know someone getting married later this year to someone she met on a dating site. It dose work for some people on the other had I do know people who have had dreadful experiences, so while I would recommend giving it a try be realistic.

stateofflux · 27-06-2013 09:57AM

Hardonraging wrote: »

As the official outrageous poster of AH I shall attempt to answer this in a manor that will please all ... (as per the norm )

Internet dating, it's great, but only if you learn from it, I'll use the analogy of closing a car door on your hand, sure you might try it once, but then you'll realise it's not productive, and perhaps using the handle is more beneficial, or you could try the old 'get out and pull the door back towards you as you spring out of the way' routine, or the open handed push on the window approach ..

Either way, if you try internet dating, and find that something, be it your approach, your attitude, your pictures etc, is causing you to fail miserably you need to change .

I'll try not to generalise here, but you need a tough skin, a devil may care attitude, patients, and the ability to hold a conversation / listen to what a person is saying if you hope to be in any way successful.

I tried it for the past 12 month's, and found it to be incredibly rewarding, on several levels, the caliber of women, both from a conversational perspective right up to a ' I know what i want ..ahem ! ' perspective was fantastic ..

I suggest for those of you who are thinking about it to join the ODG, it's a fantastic platform to ask questions, and to get feedback on issues.

Its always rewarding when you are a consultant

Hardonraging · 27-06-2013 10:10AM

stateofflux wrote: »

Its always rewarding when you are a consultant

I'm a struggling doctor .... what can i say !!

27-06-2013 10:11AM

I am a bit hesitant about asking this, but it always wondered about this when I was on a dating site.

Do some people not realise that they are either odd, needy, weird, angry or even all four?

Why lie about your weight or hight because for the simple reason when you meet someone they are going to see you as you really are so why do it in the first place?

Do a lot of people have no insight in to themselves at all? or even are a lot of people completely delusional about themselves.

Hardonraging · 27-06-2013 10:25AM

mariaalice wrote: »

I am a bit hesitant about asking this, but it always wondered about this when I was on a dating site.

Do some people not realise that they are either odd, needy, weird, angry or even all four?

Why lie about your weight or hight because for the simple reason when you meet someone they are going to see you as you really are so why do it in the first place?

Do a lot of people have no insight in to themselves at all? or even are a lot of people completely delusional about themselves.

One of the key issue's would be the lack of confidence / social skill's, this is not always apparent when communication over a long period of time is kept to a written medium.

AS for the lie's about look's weight, height, people will always chance there hands to gain an advantage, it's no real difference in any aspect of life, recently I heard of a girl who went to meet a guy, after he produced one picture, he refused to sent a picture from him phone , and was 'not on facebook' needless to say the chap who appeared was described as A) not resembling the original picture, and

a mountain troll ..

miamee · 27-06-2013 10:28AM

mariaalice wrote: »

I am a bit hesitant about asking this, but it always wondered about this when I was on a dating site.

Do some people not realise that they are either odd, needy, weird, angry or even all four?

Why lie about your weight or hight because for the simple reason when you meet someone they are going to see you as you really are so why do it in the first place?

Do a lot of people have no insight in to themselves at all? or even are a lot of people completely delusional about themselves.

Unfortunately, some people will do or say whatever it takes to get someone out on a date with them.

That might mean lying about their height, weight, profession or pretending to be interested in things that they are not really interested in. There does seem to be a sort of idea that once they get you out on a date then the little lies won't matter, that you will be dazzled by how amazing and funny they are or something :rolleyes:

However, personally speaking if someone has on their profile that they are 5'11" for example and then they actually turn out to be 5'5" when you meet them (this has happened to me)...it is the first thing I notice and immediately I am wondering what else they have not been truthful about? It's a really bad start to any first date and doesn't do them any favours. There are also people with terrible profile pics who have obviously never shown their profile to anyone to review or proof read for them.

*pimp* We do review profiles for each other in the Online Dating Group forum by the way

*pimp*

The Backwards Man · 27-06-2013 10:30AM

mariaalice wrote: »

I am a bit hesitant about asking this, but it always wondered about this when I was on a dating site.

Do some people not realise that they are either odd, needy, weird, angry or even all four?

Why lie about your weight or hight because for the simple reason when you meet someone they are going to see you as you really are so why do it in the first place?

Do a lot of people have no insight in to themselves at all? or even are a lot of people completely delusional about themselves.

I'm odd and weird, probably a bit needy, but not really angry. I don't bother with dating sites, but if I did, I'd hardly put that on my profile would I? Imagine the type of head-the-balls I'd attract?

miamee · 27-06-2013 10:34AM

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I'm odd and weird, probably a bit needy, but not really angry. I don't bother with dating sites, but if I did, I'd hardly put that on my profile would I? Imagine the type of head-the-balls I'd attract?

No of course not, but some people do write really angry profiles (or bizarrely put up really sullen/angry looking photos). They bring the bitterness from previous relationships/dates onto their profile with things like 'genuine girls/guys only', 'no time wasters please' and other similar stuff.

Nobody wants fakers or time wasters but the people who feel the need to point that out instead of telling you about themselves on the profile are best avoided.

santana75 · 27-06-2013 11:32AM

beks101 wrote: »

If you meet someone in a pub you generally know straight away whether or not you fancy them. Or at least I do. I don't usually get so drunk that I can barely recognize physical attraction.

When I think of my exes and imagine the kind of profiles and pics they might have had on a dating site - I probably wouldn't have given them a second look. But because we met in the flesh at a house party or through work or whatever, I felt something right off the bat, so knew there was a point to pursuing something.

In my limited experience of online dating, I felt the opposite. It all seemed a bit pointless when I got to the stage where it was "great guy, just not for me" for the fourth/fifth/Nth time.

Yeah thats it exactly. The girl Im seeing right now...... I'd say I wouldn't have given her profile a second look had I just been staring at a computer screen. But we met in the flesh(common interest) and I knew straight away there was something there. Online dating is too business like, its too forced and artificial. Sure theres success stories but I've heard way more failure tales than successful ones. One person I know has been Online dating for 9yrs! Which is a very scary thought.

miamee · 27-06-2013 11:37AM

santana75 wrote: »

Yeah thats it exactly. The girl Im seeing right now...... I'd say I wouldn't have given her profile a second look had I just been staring at a computer screen. But we met in the flesh(common interest) and I knew straight away there was something there. Online dating is too business like, its too forced and artificial. Sure theres success stories but I've heard way more failure tales than successful ones. One person I know has been Online dating for 9yrs! Which is a very scary thought.

How many people in your common interest did you *not* go out with? And how many girls/women have you or your friends chatted to in pubs/clubs where nothing happened or the woman wasn't interested?
I don't see that OD is any more or less successful than any other way of meeting people, it's just another way.

Uriel. · 27-06-2013 11:56AM

santana75 wrote: »

Yeah thats it exactly. The girl Im seeing right now...... I'd say I wouldn't have given her profile a second look had I just been staring at a computer screen. But we met in the flesh(common interest) and I knew straight away there was something there. Online dating is too business like, its too forced and artificial. Sure theres success stories but I've heard way more failure tales than successful ones. One person I know has been Online dating for 9yrs! Which is a very scary thought.

But isn't online dating meant to be a starting point for initiating contact with someone - similar to a club/pub etc.. but just a different environment. The whole point is to move onto "in the flesh" meetings (dates) and then those two people take it from there - some will not meet again, others will have a few dates and others again will develop into something long(er) term.

Apart from being a different method of setting up the first date, I can't see how it differs from any of the other "normal" ways of meeting people.

Online dating is not about spending 6 months chatting or "dating" via text/email/IM. It's about making contact, identifying some common interest(s) etc and arranging a proper date as soon as practicable.

Also, you say there is high failure rate... how many dates with potential partners have you had in a life time that don't work out. As for your friend spending 9 years doing online dating, I doubt online dating is the problem, it might be your friend?

santana75 · 27-06-2013 11:59AM

miamee wrote: »

How many people in your common interest did you *not* go out with? And how many girls/women have you or your friends chatted to in pubs/clubs where nothing happened or the woman wasn't interested?
I don't see that OD is any more or less successful than any other way of meeting people, it's just another way.

But thats the point you're missing. I wouldnt waste my time with somebody who didnt do it for me. When you meet a person in real life theres either something there or theres not. You just cant get that from reading lines of text on a computer screen or by just looking a photo(thats probably taken under very favorable lighting). So if I didnt go out with somebody in my common interest group or somebody I met at a party its because there was nothing there, it was a flat line. Internet dating lacks that quality, which is essential, its how people have been getting together since forever. I dont have the success/failure figures to hand but from going by the experiences of others who I know have internet dated, its been nothing but failure, with the same complaints being made that others have mentioned: No spark, tiresome message exchanges that go nowhere, deception.
I mean if it works for you personally and you're a success story, then thats great. I've just heard way too many failure stories for me to consider online dating even comparable to real world dating.

Uriel. · 27-06-2013 12:05PM

santana75 wrote: »

But thats the point you're missing. I wouldnt waste my time with somebody who didnt do it for me. When you meet a person in real life theres either something there or theres not. You just cant get that from reading lines of text on a computer screen or by just looking a photo(thats probably taken under very favorable lighting). So if I didnt go out with somebody in my common interest group or somebody I met at a party its because there was nothing there, it was a flat line. Internet dating lacks that quality, which is essential, its how people have been getting together since forever. I dont have the success/failure figures to hand but from going by the experiences of others who I know have internet dated, its been nothing but failure, with the same complaints being made that others have mentioned: No spark, tiresome message exchanges that go nowhere, deception.
I mean if it works for you personally and you're a success story, then thats great. I've just heard way too many failure stories for me to consider online dating even comparable to real world dating.

I think your missing the point of online dating. The computer screen doesn't give (or not give) you the spark.

When you arrange to meet for a date is the point where you can identify if there's a spark or not.

You don't go from online chatting to being a formal couple you know? That's not the aim/point of OD. It is to facilitate or create opportunities to meet people for a date. A date, like in the "normal" dating world provides the opportunity to determine compatibility, sparks etc..

beks101 · 27-06-2013 12:51PM

Uriel. wrote: »

I think your missing the point of online dating. The computer screen doesn't give (or not give) you the spark.

When you arrange to meet for a date is the point where you can identify if there's a spark or not.

You don't go from online chatting to being a formal couple you know? That's not the aim/point of OD. It is to facilitate or create opportunities to meet people for a date. A date, like in the "normal" dating world provides the opportunity to determine compatibility, sparks etc..

I guess it depends on your view of dating.

My experience with it made me realize it takes more than a common interest in reading or ab sailing to get me to want to commit an evening to someone. With any guy I met, in practical terms all the ingredients would've been there - common interests, similar backgrounds, nice pics, etc...then we'd meet up and in the space of a few minutes I'd know it's nothing but friend territory if anything. And I don't date my friends for a reason. That I consider a waste of time.

You can argue "it's about bringing people together for a date" til the cows come home, but surely there's more ambition there for most people than just getting someone to agree to a coffee/pint/meal with you? Aren't most people looking for a relationship or at the very least a hook up? On those scores it never came close for me, because that elusive chemistry was never present despite all the other ingredients that were there.

And it made me feel continually bad about myself for having to do to "it's not you it's me" thing with perfectly lovely guys who just weren't my cup of tea romantically, and that's something I could've determined in 5 seconds flat if Id met them randomly in the pub so we wouldn't be wasting both of our time.

But then mine is just one experience of it. It did teach me a bit about my own needs in a potential partner & what works for me when it comes to my dating life. So I guess you have that.

santana75 · 27-06-2013 01:10PM

Uriel. wrote: »

I think your missing the point of online dating. The computer screen doesn't give (or not give) you the spark.

When you arrange to meet for a date is the point where you can identify if there's a spark or not.

You don't go from online chatting to being a formal couple you know? That's not the aim/point of OD. It is to facilitate or create opportunities to meet people for a date. A date, like in the "normal" dating world provides the opportunity to determine compatibility, sparks etc..

Again the difference is, in real world dating you've already met and so you know straight away if its something you wanna pursue or not. Whereas with online dating its a shot in the dark, you havent met this person and you have no idea if theres gonna be chemistry or not. Its been said already, but you can have a lot of common interests with someone on paper but it could amount to zero chemistry in reality. You can argue logic all day long about how theres no difference between online dating and real world dating but theres logic and then theres the chemsitry of attraction which has nothing to do with reason and logic whatsoever.

Internet Dating.

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