Strange One Night Stand Stories

PrincessPreach

So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

mikom

PrincessPreach wrote: »

So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating.

Oh Matron..........

discus

PrincessPreach wrote: »

So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

Yeah, but all the good stories are already on the (private) Lads Forum

Fr_Fitzexactly

PrincessPreach wrote: »

So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:)

So you're assuming wrong.

Fr_Dougal

PrincessPreach wrote: »

So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

Do you like football?

Pinewoo

PrincessPreach wrote: »

We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

Sorry about that

PrincessPreach

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Do you like football?

Not particularly, why? Well I'm watching the champs league now but on the gen no, not really

shinikins

PrincessPreach wrote: »

our second meating.

Heheheh

1ZRed

Nope, none here. Premarital sex is for durty heathens.


Durty heathen

PrincessPreach

mikom wrote: »

Oh Matron..........

It was an intentional typo for innuendo purposes by the way

ToddyDoody

I can recall eating McDonald's food and enjoying it, not wanting to leave 90% of it behind. McDonald's food was listed as one of my fears on my bebo profile, hadn't been eaten in 12 years and is usually enough sober to make me gag, and gag at the person eating it for at least a few weeks, pending a purification ritual.

Seachmall

PrincessPreach wrote: »

decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains.

Sounds legit.

flutterflye

Wtf is "on the gen" and "on the reg"?
Who talks like that?!

To answer op - No - I have no ons stories. I'm boring like that I guess

syklops

This thread has potential.

OP, wouldn't it be terrible if you picked up the condom on your shoe while walking through a carpark to get to his flat, and deposited it on his bathroom room floor, only to step on it barefoot the next day :pac: ?

Years ago I was in the RDF(formerly the FCA). As a result of living in a different county to everyone else, I got a room in the barracks for the weeks deployment, where most people were in the same town so went home in the evening. One fella was living at home as was his burd(who was in the same unit), so he came to me and asked could they play a game of hide the sausage in my room. I said I would leave the door unlocked, go to the mess for a few hours and if anyone asked me anything I would deny knowledge of this conversation taking place. Several duty-free pints later, last orders is called and I stagger back to my room only to find my mate and his burd have left a thank you gift of the used johnnie on my pillow. :mad:

I got revenge but I'll save it for later in the thread.

not yet

PrincessPreach wrote: »

So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

Slapper......

mod: banned.

Anyone

PrincessPreach wrote: »

It was an intentional typo for innuendo purposes by the way

Inyourendo.

syklops

flutterflye wrote: »

Wtf is "on the gen" and "on the reg"?
Who talks like that?!

To answer op - No - I have no ons stories. I'm boring like that I guess

On the reg(redge)

Underage in a Russian accent?

Kichote

PrincessPreach wrote: »

It was an intentional typo for innuendo purposes by the way

It was me bollix

Praetorian Saighdiuir

A few years ago a friend of mine hooked up with some middle aged bird. He was due in work early the next morning.

Well, lets just say the Communists were in the fun house so he was told to use the back door. He lamped her out of it anyway, finished off, rolled over and went to sleep.

His alarm went off, got up and rushed to work, still pretty pissed. We noticed there was a bit of a bang off him in the locker room...and so did he. Anyway, he started checking himself out, turns out when he pulled out of her she followed through.

He had crusty crap marks on his stomach and took a finger full of crap out of his belly button.

Royal Irish

Posted this one ages ago.

Royal Irish wrote: »

I met a girl out clubbing in Bangkok. We exchanged numbers and a couple texts and a few days later she called round to my room.

She had a bag with her as if she was going to stay over night, which I was cool with.

But she went into the bathroom with the bag and came out wearing thigh high leather boots, leather bra with small chains hanging from it, a fecking leather whip in hand, and no knickers, and just a big erect penis pointing straight at me. :eek:

mattjack

Royal Irish wrote: »

Posted this one ages ago.

Who's penis was it ? Did she collect penis's and keep them in the bag ?

Czarcasm

How long do you have OP, we could be here all night at this rate, suffice to say I have many stories of one night stands, liaisons in leather and condom conundrums... and my apartment smells of all manner of sexual shenanigans...




Hey one can dream, right? :pac:

PrincessPreach

syklops wrote: »

On the reg(redge)

Underage in a Russian accent?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYvKwoWNOl4

bnt

I don't have a story myself - sorry - but I recently read a book which consisted solely of such stories ... all of them happening to one woman. The book was My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by American comedienne Chelsea Handler. I've never met her, and I'm not sure what would happen if I did ... quite a scary person, and that's just from the way she describes herself.

dr.bollocko

not yet banned.

As in the poster named not yet has been banned...
Not some indication that I have not yet banned anyone.

Avasa

Had a food fight with some friends after a long night drinking. One thing lead to another and two of us ended back at my place. Woke up the next morning to find a load of chips on my pillow and mashed into the back of my head. The weirdest part was that we kept seeing each other for a few months!

Systemic Risk

Used to work as a doorman quite a while back. It was a cold winters night so I put on my long johns and out to work I went. Long johns are a life saver when standing on a door for 4-5 hours on a frosty night.

Anyway turns out it was a really quiet night so I was let off early. Popped into a pub down the road for a few and ended up chatting to a nice girl. We stayed out drinking together for the night. Long story short I ended up heading back to hers. I had a bit of a dilemma, I didn't want to strip down to my long johns in front of her and came up with a plan to excuse myself to the toilet and hang them out the window, closing the bathroom window on them to keep them in place. The plan was to collect them later. Of course I had a few pints on me at this stage and application of the plan didn't go as smoothly. I lost hold of the long johns and they floated down onto small tree in the back yard.

Anyway I didnt let this ruin my fun and lets just say she was quite a vocal lady when having fun. Fell asleep and woke up the next morn, the next morn I got out of there early, letting her sleep but left a note with my number. Sneaking down the stairs I met a middle aged lady, I can only assume was her mother or something (cant remember if she mentioned she lived at home)with a scowl on her face that would curdle milk. Im guessing she heard the noise we made and found the long johns. I gave her the biggest smile, and a hearty, still drunk "Good morning, see ya now" and a wink and out the door I went. Needless to say the number I left was never used.

Mickey H

Praetorian Saighdiuir wrote: »

A few years ago a friend of mine hooked up with some middle aged bird. He was due in work early the next morning.

Well, lets just say the Communists were in the fun house so he was told to use the back door. He lamped her out of it anyway, finished off, rolled over and went to sleep.

His alarm went off, got up and rushed to work, still pretty pissed. We noticed there was a bit of a bang off him in the locker room...and so did he. Anyway, he started checking himself out, turns out when he pulled out of her she followed through.

He had crusty crap marks on his stomach and took a finger full of crap out of his belly button.

Quote of the week. LMFOA.

Antar Bolaeisk

Avasa wrote: »

Had a food fight with some friends after a long night drinking. One thing lead to another and two of us ended back at my place. Woke up the next morning to find a load of chips on my pillow and mashed into the back of my head. The weirdest part was that we kept seeing each other for a few months!

You know, if you'd just washed your bedclothes you wouldn't have been seeing the chips every night thereafter.

jaffacakesyum

I have no funny one night stands But the strangest one was waking up next to this girl who despite my numerous ways of waking her up including shaking her vigorously, would not rouse :eek: I was scared ****less, her breathing was really shallow, couldn't find a pulse. She was fine the night before, both of us a little drunk but grand. She was warm, and didn't look odd(/dead!) just looked like she was in a deep sleep. And then all of a sudden she just jumped upright. Scared the hell out of me cos she was out of it for a fairly long time I was like "do i leave, do i stay, do I call for help..."

Anyway, she was grand. Apparantly happens to her every now and again

NuckingFacker

dr.bollocko wrote: »

not yet banned.

As in the poster named not yet has been banned...
Not some indication that I have not yet banned anyone.

Has the banned poster been named yet? Or not?

Seedy Arling

NuckingFacker wrote: »

Has the banned poster been named yet? Or not?

Not yet.

Lando Griffin

Always took my one night stands serious hoping they would lead to a relationship but alas no.
The weirest one would be when I broke up with my OH and went on a bender from Friday to Sunday I met her outside the chipper and started shifted again.
It was ment to be for only one night but we have stuck at it down the years and sure what would any man want only a good woman like his mother to keep him.
Adieu amigos.

Seedy Arling

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Always took my one night stands serious hoping they would lead to a relationship but alas no.
The weirest one would be when I broke up with my OH and went on a bender from Friday to Sunday I met her outside the chipper and started shifted again.
It was ment to be for only one night but we have stuck at it down the years and sure what would any man want only a good woman like his mother to keep him.
Adieu amigos.

Yeah, your mother is a hell of a goer.

Lando Griffin

Seedy Arling wrote: »

Yeah, your mother is a hell of a goer.

Please replace like with similar.

NuckingFacker

Seedy Arling wrote: »

Not yet.

Fair enough, only asking.

nua domhan

I had a friend who took a girl home one night and after they did the drunken nasty they fell asleep. He was pretty pissed and in the early hours woke himself wetting the bed. Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the young woman, and seeing his chance to get her out he started shouting at her "What the f**k are you doing pissing the bed?"

Poor girl was almost in tears apologising getting into the taxi home. He flipped the mattress and went back to sleep.

fermanagh_man

Where does man start, with an accent like mine and endless amounts of charm, I could tell a tail or to

One from my uni days, back in Belfast pull this girl in a club she brings me home, get to her front door and she has lost her keys, so she starts banging the door and her housemate answers, the bloody housemate is only her friend who id been with the week before and was still texting

there are alot lot more

Pug160

PrincessPreach wrote: »

So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

We're on an internet forum - so the chances are most of us are not Casanovas or Don Juans. The guy you've just described sounds like one of the 20 percent of guys who gets all the girls. Good on him. He'll have lots of good memories when he's an old man.

Celly Smunt

Pug160 wrote: »

We're on an internet forum - so the chances are most of us are not Casanovas or Don Juans. The guy you've just described sounds like one of the 20 percent of guys who gets all the girls. Good on him. He'll have lots of good memories when he's an old man.

Or enjoys the odd posh ****.No harm done.

wonderfullife

Stayed a weekend down in Galway back in my student days, stayed in some hostel (anybody knowing Galway, it's the one beside the train/bus station), think it was 4 double bunk beds in the room, anyway got drinking with 2 American girls in our room, went out with them, got back hammered and did the deed with one of them.

All was going well until i kicked a Portuguese girl in the head by accident, she was in bottom bunk of the next bed which was jammed in at a ridiculous angle to ours.

If the hostel is still there and anybody been in it they will see it's easily done!! don't think her english was that good as she shook her head when i tried to apologise in the morning.

maddragon

A friend of mine has a penchant for buggery. One night he pulled and it started really heating up in the taxi home. They stumbled in his front door and he took her up the jaxi at the foot of his stairs. He kept slipping out and she would grab the lad and put it back in. The next morning he went downstairs to be greeted by brown hand prints all over his wall and carpet.

fasttalkerchat

I was steaming drunk and was abducted by a human whale. While giving her an awful going her brother came home. The shock sobered me up a bit and I came to my senses. She hopped out of bed to shout out to her brother. I seized the moment to escape and climbed out the window and never looked back!

Robot_Carl

Pug160 wrote: »

We're on an internet forum - so the chances are most of us are not Casanovas or Don Juans. The guy you've just described sounds like one of the 20 percent of guys who gets all the girls. Good on him. He'll have lots of good memories when he's an old man.

15 percent more like, if even that.

fasttalkerchat

fermanagh_man wrote: »

Where does man start, with an accent like mine and endless amounts of charm, I could tell a tail or to

One from my uni days, back in Belfast pull this girl in a club she brings me home, get to her front door and she has lost her keys, so she starts banging the door and her housemate answers, the bloody housemate is only her friend who id been with the week before and was still texting

there are alot lot more

Holylands lives on.

wonderfullife

maddragon wrote: »

A friend of mine has a penchant for buggery. One night he pulled and it started really heating up in the taxi home. They stumbled in his front door and he took her up the jaxi at the foot of his stairs. He kept slipping out and she would grab the lad and put it back in. The next morning he went downstairs to be greeted by brown hand prints all over his wall and carpet.

indeed.... The old tell the story in the 3rd person they will never guess :pac:

syklops

maddragon wrote: »

A friend of mine has a penchant for buggery. One night he pulled and it started really heating up in the taxi home. They stumbled in his front door and he took her up the jaxi at the foot of his stairs. He kept slipping out and she would grab the lad and put it back in. The next morning he went downstairs to be greeted by brown hand prints all over his wall and carpet.

Stories that begin with "a friend of mine" should not be allowed in this thread. Also this is the second story involving the rear which also involved crap. I smell bullsh!t.

Frank Black

maddragon wrote: »

A friend of mine has a penchant for buggery. One night he pulled and it started really heating up in the taxi home. They stumbled in his front door and he took her up the jaxi at the foot of his stairs. He kept slipping out and she would grab the lad and put it back in. The next morning he went downstairs to be greeted by brown hand prints all over his wall and carpet.

And they say romance is dead.

kylith

syklops wrote: »

Stories that begin with "a friend of mine" should not be allowed in this thread. Also this is the second story involving the rear which also involved crap. I smell bullsh!t.

Why do people have anal and then get surprised that there's poo on their knob/stomach/hands? Girls don't keep rainbows up their bottoms, you know.

Never had any particularly strange ONSs myself. I did once go on a date wearing some ill fitting shoes and wound up cutting the feet off of myself. Destroyed the poor bloke's sheets, so it did. Ah, well.

noddyone2

syklops wrote: »

Stories that begin with "a friend of mine" should not be allowed in this thread. Also this is the second story involving the rear which also involved crap. I smell bullsh!t.

If it's BULL****, tou're in real trouble.

miamee

kylith wrote: »

Why do people have anal and then get surprised that there's poo on their knob/stomach/hands? Girls don't keep rainbows up their bottoms, you know.

Never had any particularly strange ONSs myself. I did once go on a date wearing some ill fitting shoes and wound up cutting the feet off of myself. Destroyed the poor bloke's sheets, so it did. Ah, well.