"HSE funding advice on teen threesomes" - Sindo

LizT · 24-03-2013 10:42PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

Sounds like advocacy or promotion to me.

And on balance don't you think teens age 16 engaging in threesums is a negative thing and should be more overtly said so. Or at least something like.

Or at least a greater focus on the negative aspects of engaging in this as a teen.

As if engaging in threesums as a teen is value neutral.

Its a shame that we seem so intent to overly sexualise teens and normalize behavior like threesums. In truth the research suggests that 80% of teens are not sexually active. Yet spun out are telling teens that threesums can spice up thier sex life

Teens are not developmentally ready for threesums (thats if as an adult its developmentally appropriate and not very psychologically messy)

The actual quote

Threesomes can be really exciting and fun, but like all things in life, they have their downsides too.

If you're going to use their material to argue your point, at least show them the courtesy of quoting it in context.

mikom · 24-03-2013 10:44PM

phelixoflaherty wrote: »

Does FHE know about this

She just released a statement on the issue........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHoI5Zum2ek

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 10:45PM

mikom wrote: »

History repeats itself........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uswOGpz5aKA

The people decrying this threesome "scandal" will be seen as backward by the vast majority of people in the future.......... if they haven't been seen as such by any clear thinker already.

That is the stock response for people concerned with issues like this bring out the 80s reactionaries.

Sorry it just does not wash

Its just a cheap shot that does nothing to actually deal with the substantive issues, lets keeps to the issues involved.

mikom · 24-03-2013 10:48PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

That is the stock response for people concerned with issues like this bring out the 80s reactionaries.

Sorry it just does not wash

Its just a cheap shot that does nothing to actually deal with the substantive issues, lets keeps to the issues involved.

80's?
Try 1991.
Yep..... in the video ........... arresting people for selling condoms in 1991.
A few teens could have saved themselves a lot of trouble back then if the state had not been so puritanical......... threesome or no threesome.

Eod100 · 24-03-2013 10:51PM

mikom wrote: »

History repeats itself........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uswOGpz5aKA

The people decrying this threesome "scandal" will be seen as backward by the vast majority of people in the future.......... if they haven't been seen as such by any clear thinker already.

Yup, when it was illegal for condoms to be on sale as recently as 1991 then these kinds of views are unfortunately not surprising..

opinion guy · 24-03-2013 10:53PM

This is such a bull**** story.

The Indo is becoming even more Fine Gael/right wing/Catholic/Iona Defence rag as days go by

I say Boycott!!!!

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 10:54PM

mikom wrote: »

80's?
Try 1991.
Yep..... in the video ........... arresting people for selling condoms in 1991.
A few teens could have saved themselves a lot of trouble back then if the state had not been so puritanical......... threesome or no threesome.

True but whats that got to do with the argument that advocating that teens try threesums to spice up thier sex life is good for thier mental health. Its just not.

Sex is not just a physical thing, its also wrapped up in a lot of emotional- psychological-developmental issues and the teen years is when a lot of these things are being processed. Arguing that its the same as adults having a threesum is crazy.

I am not a puritan. if as an adult you want to engage in threesums than fine go for it. But a little more caution in terms of tone for teens i think would be more appropriate.

Would it be appropriate for spunout be giving advice on teen orgies? Or bestiality maybe, or sado masachism or any other form of sexual behavior?

P_1 · 24-03-2013 10:57PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

True but whats that got to do with the argument that advocating that teens try threesums to spice up thier sex life is good for thier mental health. Its just not.

Sex is not just a physical thing, its also wrapped up in a lot of emotional- psychological-developmental issues and the teen years is when a lot of these things are being processed. Arguing that its the same as adults having a threesum is crazy.

I am not a puritan. if as an adult you want to engage in threesums than fine go for it. But a little more caution in terms of tone for teens i think would be more appropriate.

I'm sorry but where are they advocating teenagers having threesomes?

Outlining the positive and negative aspects of an activity does not class as advocating a particular activity.

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:03PM

P_1 wrote: »

I'm sorry but where are they advocating teenagers having threesomes?

Outlining the positive and negative aspects of an activity does not class as advocating a particular activity.

Google "spunout.ie threesums"

Sexual health / Health / SpunOut.ie / Ireland's Youth Website

spunout.ie/health/Sexual-health/Having-sex/Threesomes

"If you're looking to spice things up in your relationship a threesome could be the way to go". SpunOut explains the pros and cons of sharing partners, and how

Direct quote

Why not give the positives and negatives of orgies,knacker drinking, sado masacism, all sorts of sexual behaviour? Its normalising it, its saying to kids that this kind of behavior is fine for a sixteen year old. I happen to think its not normal for 16 year olds to be engaging in threesums, they are not developmentally ready. They have not got the maturity to deal with the complex issues around such an activity.

mikom · 24-03-2013 11:04PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

True but whats that got to do with the argument that advocating that teens try threesums to spice up thier sex life is good for thier mental health. Its just not.

Sex is not just a physical thing, its also wrapped up in a lot of emotional- psychological-developmental issues and the teen years is when a lot of these things are being processed. Arguing that its the same as adults having a threesum is crazy.

Oh, perhaps thats why the spunout article mentions the following....

Cons.

The jealousy monster.
You or your partner might feel jealous afterwards, no matter how much you tried to divide your time equally between the two people.

The insecurity.
You or your partner may feel that the other person had a better body than you. You may worry that your partner fancies them more.

The relationship could break down.
In the worst case scenario, you may not be able to move past jealousy. You may wonder why you even needed the threesome in the first place. You could ultimately end up breaking up.

Top tips for keeping it safe and enjoyable
Keep it safe. Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard it all before, but seriously keep yourself protected. Why should your fun be ruined by unwanted pregnancy or an STI? Do be aware that you’ll need to change condoms if you are switching partners during the threesome. Otherwise you could end up with some pretty nasty infections.

Only do it if you want to do it. Not ‘cause you want to keep your girl or guy happy or because other people say it would be great craic.

Think through the pros and cons. Definitely think through it all if you are the jealous type or if you have moral or religious issues with threesomes. You don’t want to end up regretting it!

Be clear about why you are doing this. Are you looking to have fun and a once in a lifetime experience? Are you looking to spice up your sex life? Or is this a last ditch attempt to keep your partner interested? Only you know the answers to these questions, but it’s best to be honest with yourself.

Establish sexual grounds rules i.e. maybe you can get it on with the guy or gal, but your partner can only watch or have sex with you. Or maybe it’s a free for all and there are no real rules. You and your partner should decide on all of this beforehand.

Respect your partner. If your partner tells you that they want things a certain way, don’t ignore it during the threesome. That’s pretty uncool and will likely affect your relationship too.

Many people like to set the scene with dim lighting etc. This is particularly important because there may be a bit of shyness at the start before you get down to it.

Give equal time to the other people in the threesome, don’t concentrate on one person while the other person is left there all alone.

Don’t just concentrate on yourself and your own pleasure. This is true in any sexual situation anyhow. Just because it’s a threesome doesn’t mean this rule will change.

Don’t pick anyone you have feelings for. If you’re in a relationship, but secretly have a thing for someone else, bringing them into a threesome could lead to serious hurt. It’s best to save threesomes for a bit of fun.

Pick a code word. Anything you like can work as a code word, but the code word is your way of saying that you want to stop the threesome and get out.

Reassure your partner afterwards. When the threesome is over, make sure you let your partner know that they are still top dog for you. They may be feeling a bit insecure, even if they are the one who suggested it in the first place.

Further information

HSE Crisis Pregnancy Programme
Think Contraception
Email: info@crisispregnancy.ie
Phone: 01 814 6292
This HSE programme provides useful contracepton and sexual health information in Think Contraception.
HSE Health Promotion Department
Your Sexual Health
Drugs/HIV Helpline: 1800 459 459
This HSE department offers Your Sexual Health, a website which is full of useful advice on safer sex, infomation on contraception and links to other informative sites.

Similar articles

Contraceptive pill: combined / Remember: the Pill does NOT protect against sexually transmitted infections.

Condoms / Everyone should carry a condom if there's any possibility of sex.

Related services

Think Contraception
www.thinkcontraception.ie is a source of information for men and women living in Ireland who want to learn more about their sexual and reproductive health, especially contraception.

View all info

Visit Website

HSE Crisis Pregnancy Programme
View all info

Visit Website

info@crisispregnancy.ie

[URL="tel:01%20%20814%206292"]01 814 6292[/URL]

Opening hours:Monday to Friday 9.00am - 5.00pm

Address: 4th Floor, Dublin 1, Co. Dublin

Get directions

But perhaps it would be better for my kids to surf urban dictionary on their smartphones for threesome advice instead.
Lets see what they say..........

threesome

The best way to **** other women on the side without ending up in divorce court or in the wraths of a pissed off girlfriend. This can broaden the sexual horizons for any couple by providing the male with the opportunity to get some new pussy occasionally and helps the woman live out her secret, curious masterbation fantasy.
That dude is lucky. He had a big threesome last night. His girlfriend's co-worker rode his cock while his girlfriend sat on his face and rode it like the Kentucky Derby.

flatbackfour wrote: »

Would it be appropriate for spunout be giving advice on teen orgies? Or bestiality maybe, or sado masachism or any other form of sexual behavior?

Strawman argument.
Bestiality is illegal, or haven't you noticed?

1ZRed · 24-03-2013 11:05PM

Madam_X wrote: »

1ZRed, you seem very mature for your age. I, for example, wouldn't have had the confidence to be so sexually experimental when I was your age - but I was also way less mature.

Thanks. I put it down to my sexuality and having to understand that while still being very young, so to get a handle on everything I had to grow up very fast as well. Learning to have an open mind accelerated the process substantially too.

That's not to say that people my age that wouldn't come under my circumstances would be less mature either. I've met many people my age who would be very capable in making mature decisions in these situations so I don't get all this generalising talk of 'all teens can't handle it'.

LizT · 24-03-2013 11:05PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

Google "spunout.ie threesums"

Sexual health / Health / SpunOut.ie / Ireland's Youth Website

spunout.ie/health/Sexual-health/Having-sex/Threesomes

"If you're looking to spice things up in your relationship a threesome could be the way to go". SpunOut explains the pros and cons of sharing partners, and how

Direct quote

Why not give the positives and negatives of orgies,knacker drinking, sado masacism, all sorts of sexual behaviour? Its normalising it, its saying to kids that this kind of behavior is fine for a sixteen year old. I happen to think its not normal for 16 year olds to be engaging in threesums, they are not developmentally ready. They have not got the maturity to deal with the complex issues around such an activity.

Where are you getting the bit about a 16 year old from?

P_1 · 24-03-2013 11:07PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

Google "spunout.ie threesums"

Sexual health / Health / SpunOut.ie / Ireland's Youth Website

spunout.ie/health/Sexual-health/Having-sex/Threesomes

"If you're looking to spice things up in your relationship a threesome could be the way to go". SpunOut explains the pros and cons of sharing partners, and how

Direct quote

Why not give the positives and negatives of orgies,knacker drinking, sado masacism, all sorts of sexual behaviour? Its normalising it, its saying to kids that this kind of behavior is fine for a sixteen year old. I happen to think its not normal for 16 year olds to be engaging in threesums, they are not developmentally ready. They have not got the maturity to deal with the complex issues around such an activity.

To me the key word in that headline is 'could', not 'can' or 'will'.

Also on your point on normalising. Stigmatism has worked so well for us in the past hasn't it.

efb · 24-03-2013 11:08PM

opinion guy wrote: »

This is such a bull**** story.

The Indo is becoming even more Fine Gael/right wing/Catholic/Iona Defence rag as days go by

I say Boycott!!!!

Do you buy it????

aherringterm · 24-03-2013 11:10PM

Dont usually read it myself, be reading the herald or star most days during the week usually get the times then on sunday for the tv guide

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:11PM

mikom wrote: »

Strawman argument.
Bestiality is illegal, or haven't you noticed?

16 year olds having orgies is also illegal or haven't you noticed.

All good advice-but to a 16 year old??? Where would you draw the line on giving advice about threesums in terms of age?

At what point or age do you think its inappropriate to be giving advice to teens about threesums?

1ZRed · 24-03-2013 11:15PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

True but whats that got to do with the argument that advocating that teens try threesums to spice up thier sex life is good for thier mental health. Its just not.

Sex is not just a physical thing, its also wrapped up in a lot of emotional- psychological-developmental issues and the teen years is when a lot of these things are being processed. Arguing that its the same as adults having a threesum is crazy.

I am not a puritan. if as an adult you want to engage in threesums than fine go for it. But a little more caution in terms of tone for teens i think would be more appropriate.

Would it be appropriate for spunout be giving advice on teen orgies? Or bestiality maybe, or sado masachism or any other form of sexual behavior?

You're assuming all teenagers can barely come to grips with sex let alone threesomes and I'm not sure where you're getting these notions from at all.

Nobody is advocating threesomes, they understand that young people might naturally want to engage in them because to many it is a thril or fantasy. Being open and honest with them and playing out the pros and cons is the best way to go.
The right way to address young people if you want to guide them is to speak to them at a mature level with respect and never to talk down to them. I can't stress that enough and you'll get far more progress if you handle things that way.

I don't buy into this idea of hiding away from what is happening right now and what will continue to happen in hopes that that will some how stop people from partaking in these things.
If anything they're just going to walk away with very little information, and lets face it, lack of sex education and misinformation is a terrible thing and you know to what that lead to in the past when that information was scarcely availible.

It's time to own up to modern day Ireland. These things happen. It's best to advice and look out for young people with good, solid information rather than sweeping everything under the carpet and hoping for the best.

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:17PM

P_1 wrote: »

To me the key word in that headline is 'could', not 'can' or 'will'.

Also on your point on normalising. Stigmatism has worked so well for us in the past hasn't it.

I am not stigmatizing anything, I am simply saying that to give advice to a teen that having a threesum could be a good way to spice up your sex life is highly irresponsible. Even with giving the pros and cons of such behavior.

Again at the risk of repeating myself kids i meet are not really developmentally-emotionally ready for sex at 16- physically ready maybe but certainly not emotionally- Spun out is a great site for helping kids mental health but on this i think they have got it wrong.

mikom · 24-03-2013 11:18PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

16 year olds having orgies is also illegal or haven't you noticed.

Not in the north, which is why I never jumped on any mention of 16 yr olds you mentioned in the entire thread
From the actual article we are discussing.

Remember that the age of sexual consent in the republic of Ireland is 17 and the age of sexual consent in Northern Ireland is 16.

http://spunout.ie/life/article/threesomes

flatbackfour wrote: »

All good advice-but to a 16 year old??? Where would you draw the line on giving advice about threesums in terms of age?

Once my child gets to the age at which sexual activity can take physically take place, then if they ask me, I will answer honestly.
Should i shush them................. let them discover the answer to their queries behind the bike shed.

flatbackfour wrote: »

Again at the risk of repeating myself kids i meet are not really developmentally-emotionally ready for sex at 16- physically ready maybe but certainly not emotionally- Spun out is a great site for helping kids mental health but on this i think they have got it wrong.

Don't educate or inform those emotions whatever you do.
Unreasoned animal physicality is the way to go..................

flatbackfour wrote: »

At what point or age do you think its inappropriate to be giving advice to teens about threesums?

Old enough to ask and understand.............. old enough to warrant a reasoned reply.

St.Spodo · 24-03-2013 11:18PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

16 year olds having orgies is also illegal or haven't you noticed.

All good advice-but to a 16 year old??? Where would you draw the line on giving advice about threesums in terms of age?

At what point or age do you think its inappropriate to be giving advice to teens about threesums?

I'd draw the line at the legal age - 17.

LizT · 24-03-2013 11:18PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

I am not stigmatizing anything, I am simply saying that to give advice to a teen that having a threesum could be a good way to spice up your sex life is highly irresponsible. Even with giving the pros and cons of such behavior.

Again at the risk of repeating myself kids i meet are not really developmentally-emotionally ready for sex at 16- physically ready maybe but certainly not emotionally- Spun out is a great site for helping kids mental health but on this i think they have got it wrong.

Again, I'll ask, where are you getting the age 16 from?

opinion guy · 24-03-2013 11:23PM

efb wrote: »

Do you buy it????

Once.

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:24PM

1ZRed wrote: »

You're assuming all teenagers can barely come to grips with sex let alone threesomes and I'm not sure where you're getting these notions from at all.

I work with kids every day in a educational context I have for 20 years.

Nobody is advocating threesomes, they understand that young people might naturally want to engage in them because to many it is a thril or fantasy. Being open and honest with them and playing out the pros and cons is the best way to go.

Well spunout.ie did say that having threesums "could be a good way to spice up your sexlife" Sounds like advocacy to me.

The right way to address young people if you want to guide them is to speak to them at a mature level with respect and never to talk down to them. I can't stress that enough and you'll get far more progress if you handle things that way.

The right way is to tell them things as it is, but that does not mean just accepting without question the over sexualisation of teens.

It's time to own up to modern day Ireland. These things happen. It's best to advice and look out for young people with good, solid information rather than sweeping everything under the carpet and hoping for the best.

These things happen but the research suggests that 80% of teens are not sexually active and I would say the % of teens having threesums less than one percent. Why try to normalize such behavior? pros and cons of three-sums aimed at an adult audience I have no problem with.

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:27PM

LizT wrote: »

Again, I'll ask, where are you getting the age 16 from?

Spun out is a site designed for 16-25 year olds. I like the site. I use it with students and refer them to it. I think they got this one wrong though or at least should have differentiated the material age appropriate for advice purposes on this issue-along the lines of -at 16 you might think you are ready for threesums but you are probably not given all the emotional and developmental change you are going through right now. Probably best to just wait for a few years.

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:37PM

mikom wrote: »

Once my child gets to the age at which sexual activity can take physically take place, then if they ask me, I will answer honestly.
Should i shush them................. let them discover the answer to their queries behind the bike shed.

A fair post not much I disagree with. Would you advice your 16 year old child that having a threesum could be a good way to spice up thier sex life? Honestly?

Again I think spuout do great work. But I do think parents are the best people to be giving advice and information to teens and they should be trusted and helped to do so.

mikom · 24-03-2013 11:38PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

Spun out is a site designed for 16-25 year olds. I like the site. I use it with students and refer them to it. I think they got this one wrong though or at least should have differentiated the material age appropriate for advice purposes on this issue-along the lines of -at 16 you might think you are ready for threesums but you are probably not given all the emotional and developmental change you are going through right now. Probably best to just wait for a few years.

As has been quoted.....

Remember that the age of sexual consent in the republic of Ireland is 17 and the age of sexual consent in Northern Ireland is 16.

http://spunout.ie/life/article/threesomes

Gatling · 24-03-2013 11:41PM

Had a conversation earlier with two other people both in there early twenties ,I'm 34 according to the bloke and girl in there twenties when they were in secondary school 3 some's were all the rage ,
This generation view sexuality alot differently to earlier generation's.
Frankly I'd be more worried I'd there wasn't somewhere for today's teens to get proper sound advice with both good and bad being heard ,
Age of consent means nothing to today's teens ,

Nodin · 24-03-2013 11:41PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

............
Its a shame that we seem so intent to overly sexualise teens and normalize behavior like threesums. In truth the research suggests that 80% of teens are not sexually active...........

Does it now?
http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/health/majority-of-teens-sexually-active-at-16-research-finds-115211.html

flatbackfour wrote: »

............
Why not keep to the substance of the issue rather than engaging in posts where you are doing nothing other than trying to ridicule. ...........

One of the mistakes I think was made in the past was just not enough ridicule. Its very effective.

flatbackfour wrote: »

True but whats that got to do with the argument that advocating that teens try threesums to spice up thier sex life is good for thier mental health. Its just not.

"It's just not". Really. Based on?

flatbackfour wrote: »

Why not give the positives and negatives of orgies,knacker drinking, sado masacism, all sorts of sexual behaviour?

I've no idea. Why not?

flatbackfour wrote: »

The right way is to tell them things as it is, but that does not mean just accepting without question the over sexualisation of teens.?

Well, as soon as you find a cure for puberty, your problem will be solved.

mikom · 24-03-2013 11:42PM

flatbackfour wrote: »

Would you advice your 16 year old child that having a threesum could be a good way to spice up thier sex life? Honestly?

No I would not.
Do you know why?
Because it is not something I feel would spice up your sex life longterm........ in fact it could do more harm than good.
I would never do it.
Sure I have fantasised about it, but then I think of the hurt it could possibly cause to my missus and our relationship.

You see right there is why it is good to talk to kids.

So as far as I can see the main problem with that piece by spunout is one line of text.
I can live with that if all the other info contained within can help some teenager avoid heartbreak or worse.

flatbackfour · 24-03-2013 11:44PM

mikom wrote: »

As has been quoted.....

Really the age of consent is not the issue be it 16 or 17. Are kids at 16 developmentally ready to engage in threesums? If you think they are than its no problem.

I think the site should have been a little bit more balanced in saying that at 16 its probably not the best thing for you to be doing and focused on that point more. Then give the advice- do you understand what I am saying?

IN its quest to give good solid impartial advice I think the site missed one simple piece of advice as a starting point, .i.e. at 16 maybe its better to wait till your older before having threesums. And maybe the reasons why for a sixteen year old that might be good advice to take. Then say-well if your not going to listen to that advice here is the other advice.

"HSE funding advice on teen threesomes" - Sindo

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