How Should My First Relationship Work?

kfallon · 23-12-2012 10:22PM

smash wrote: »

Finger her round the back of the cow shed!

Is that a euphemism for a finger in the bum???

LiffeyValleyB · 23-12-2012 10:40PM

mikemac1 wrote: »

Are you planning on marrying this girl?

How may acres does she have? Good drainage?
Any road frontage?
Ask her about the quota

These are important questions OP

I would like to add to this list, enquire about dowries - what sort of dowry could her father offer your family's estate in return for your hand in marriage.

Red Hand · 24-12-2012 02:22AM

LiffeyValleyB wrote: »

I would like to add to this list, enquire about dowries - what sort of dowry could her father offer your family's estate in return for your hand in marriage.

Sure, how would mikemac1 know that, t'is kerryked with the problem!

AulBiddy · 24-12-2012 02:24AM

ride her.

be craic and bants and what not.

kerryked · 24-12-2012 12:21PM

Well a threesome with her sisters isnt gonna work cos she doesnt have any...she has two older brothers tho;) :L she loves on a bit of land with good drainage but theres no road frontage like which is a big let down...
Eating that burger from opposite end sounds like a good idea;)
Hmm maybe ill give her a christmas eve mass she'll never forget.....

mikemac1 · 24-12-2012 12:23PM

No road frontage!?

Sure where are you going to build your house?
Are there no daycent sites at all?

Ride her, then drop her.
She's not a keeper

kerryked · 24-12-2012 12:25PM

Ahh well like her fathers a rich ****er...get us a bitta land somewhere be graand;)

I must say this is the funniest thing i hve read in ages:L

super_furry · 24-12-2012 12:27PM

From my experience as a 16-year-old, you should listen to her talk about Peter Andre, kiss until your tongue goes numb and prepare to have your hand slapped a lot as you keep trying to go up her shirt.

kerryked · 24-12-2012 12:28PM

Hahah super_furry peter andre? Seriously? When were you 16?:L

omahaid · 24-12-2012 12:28PM

This lad seems to be onto something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wn7S3zotECM

super_furry · 24-12-2012 12:29PM

kerryked wrote: »

Hahah super_furry peter andre? Seriously? When were you 16?:L

Far far too long ago.

summerskin · 24-12-2012 12:29PM

kerryked wrote: »

haha okay ive come up with a plan...sunday morning, off to mass the two of us, get communion, job done..then off to a hay shed around the back of the church..crack open the flask of tae and mustard sangwiches..ate um up fairly lively..then get her to suck me off..then back to hers for sunday dinner..and maybe shell introduce me to the parents?...i think its a good plan myself..

You are wise beyond your years, young Padawan.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 24-12-2012 12:32PM

Shove it in dry. Ask her does she like that. Come within 30secs. When she's stopped crying get your mam to drive her home.

That's how my first time was.

kerryked · 24-12-2012 12:35PM

Is that really conal gallen? Doesnt look like him at all:Labsolute legend tho:D
Haha:L shove it in dry:L

thenightrider · 24-12-2012 12:36PM

Sure isn't Peter Andre only out now down the country you have to keep up with the time's no point in talking about what really is the latest to her up in the big smoke or she will take you for a city slicker .

kerryked wrote: »

Hahah super_furry peter andre? Seriously? When were you 16?:L

mikemac1 · 24-12-2012 12:37PM

Act fast before some Corkonian feen steals her off ya

(I don't actually know what feen means, I just hear them using it)

Annasopra · 24-12-2012 12:37PM

kerryked wrote: »

haha okay ive come up with a plan...sunday morning, off to mass the two of us, get communion, job done..then off to a hay shed around the back of the church..crack open the flask of tae and mustard sangwiches..ate um up fairly lively..then get her to suck me off..then back to hers for sunday dinner..and maybe shell introduce me to the parents?...i think its a good plan myself..

not really that good a plan with the age of consent and all that

kerryked · 24-12-2012 12:40PM

Well sure she comes from limerick originally so thered be more chance of some gangland druggie stealin her away than a corkonian..
Yeah sure peter andre is all the rage at the moment down here in kerry..as well as the boomtown rats and the walkman has just hit stores this week:)

mikemac1 · 24-12-2012 12:41PM

OP doesn't need to worry about the law

If the brothers catch him he'll be facing a 12 gauge!

kerryked · 24-12-2012 12:42PM

Sure thered be no gardai around the hay shed anyway;)

Bejubby · 24-12-2012 01:17PM

Get yourselves 2 bikes and carry on like last of the summer wine!!

Rabies · 24-12-2012 01:23PM

kerryked wrote: »

Hi guys, just looking for a bit of advice..
I'm 16 and theres this girl i really like, i think she might like me too, I really wanna ask her out..I've never had a girlfriend before but I kinda have a fair idea of what goes on:P
I don't drink, and i've promised myself that i won't till im 18, i don't have a car..i mean, if i do get this girl, what are we supposed to do? We both live in the countryside so walking into town to the cinema isnt gonna work..
I just wanna ask if theres anyone maybe around my age, with some experience of this situation, what should i do?
Cheers

tell her to find me in two years

kerryked · 24-12-2012 01:43PM

Right lads go away and enjoy yer christmas..we'll resume the piss take after xmas:D

mikemac1 · 24-12-2012 01:44PM

Piss take?

We've been taken for fools :eek:

My advice was gold, gold I tell ya

True what they say, never trust a Kerryman :mad:

Godless snakes down there. Electing a goat to be their king!

Chancer3001 · 24-12-2012 01:51PM

ask her out. cheat on her.

ElChe32 · 24-12-2012 01:54PM

Ride her like you're late for Mass.

dvpower · 24-12-2012 01:58PM

kerryked wrote: »

she loves on a bit of land with good drainage

:eek:
She's a keeper.

amacca · 24-12-2012 02:25PM

kerryked wrote: »

Well sure she comes from limerick originally so thered be more chance of some gangland druggie stealin her away than a corkonian..
Yeah sure peter andre is all the rage at the moment down here in kerry..as well as the boomtown rats and the walkman has just hit stores this week:)

hold on a minute there..........you're not 16 at all are you

and to think I was nearly about to give you some of the greatest pieces of relationship advice in the known universe

I picture you as a smug college student or a computer program that has become self aware and mildly irritating...well you'll not find out how to defeat the human race through manipulating our womenfolk from me.

kerryked · 24-12-2012 03:07PM

@amacca i am 16 i tell ya! she just moved down here when she was like 4 or sumthin...also i am mildly-severely irritating, even to myself:)

@mikemac1 you got it in one boi! a cute kerry huuuure worshipping goats and living for the silage!

dd972 · 24-12-2012 04:34PM

the OP's 46 and his intended is 9, hope those who've aided and abetted in this thread are proud of themselves

How Should My First Relationship Work?

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