Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

1ZRed · 12-12-2012 05:50PM

I don't understand why someone would have to accept bachelorhood instead of choosing it because it suits them more than the alternative might. Like everyone needs to be shacked up to someone eventually or it's seen as a negative if they're not by whatever age. Seems stupid to me when people say that about some men even if they appear to be happy and genuinely enjoying themselves.

12-12-2012 05:50PM

smash wrote: »

Women love to try and change guys. Does my head in.

Some women do. Personally I like my people fully functional and I'd run a mile from a fixer-upper.

smash · 12-12-2012 05:52PM

Candie wrote: »

Some women do. Personally I like my people fully functional and I'd run a mile from a fixer-upper.

I don't think they're considered a fixer-upper. But you do hear women say "He'd be perfect if..."

12-12-2012 05:53PM

smash wrote: »

I don't think they're considered a fixer-upper. But you do hear women say "He'd be perfect if..."

....I fixed him up?

i.e. Changed x,y, or z about him.

Sauve · 12-12-2012 05:56PM

smash wrote: »

I don't think they're considered a fixer-upper. But you do hear women say "He'd be perfect if..."

Not all women are stuck in a 16- year old mindset where we sit on our beds dreaming up 'the perfect guy' either.
A woman with that attitude is worth running a mile from imo.

Nailin4Whales · 12-12-2012 05:57PM

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

All that is of course a bit off topic, since the idea that being nice = being unattractive is widely accepted to be complete BS. I just find it funny when people suggest that it's actually offensive somehow to generalize humans based on evolutionary observations.

I think society generally maintains a certain number of taboo subjects and this is kind of one of them. People are unwilling to own up to how much the beastly instincts influence human behaviour and won't admit to themselves even how much being a bit of a softy or a nerdhead can go against you.

Used to know a girl who had a group of friends on FB specifically blocked to seeing her 'nice' pictures that everyone else could see. Most of them looked a bit on the social outcast side of things.

The only bit of advice I could possibly come up with to counter this is to take up surfing. You simply cannot go wrong with surfing, every surfer on the planet is a cool dood once it's not obvious they're a newb. An enthusiastic lad with a big head of spiked hair, a huge smile, on a beach toting a surfboard with 3 or 4 surfer friends is generally the epitome of a cool dood.

These lads can walk up to a few women on the beach and get them into bed. Whereas a slightly overweight fella with a bit of a beard and no surf board by himself, couldn't eke more than a few words out of a random woman on the beach without being told to politely eff off.

super_furry · 12-12-2012 05:57PM

Oddly enough now that I'm in my 30s I have no single male friends at all - they're all in long term relationships. I have a couple of single female friends and my girlfriend has a good few.

El Siglo · 12-12-2012 05:57PM

Can't beat a bit of social Darwinism on a Wednesday evening...

Given that most things in nature should technically fall into a Gaussian distribution (i.e. normal, bell-shaped curve). The proportion of bastards/assholes is probably equivalent to the proportion of 'nice guys', roughly at the tails of the distribution (less than a third). Given that most men aren't entirely binary and would fall somewhere in the middle and would make up the two-thirds or so (give or take) of the male population (nice and cheeky in equal measures). Problem is people are focusing on the extremes, when for the most part it's not.

Of course, this could be all a load of bollocks!

smash · 12-12-2012 05:57PM

Sauve wrote: »

A woman with that attitude is worth running a mile from imo.

I tried that but she kept following me.

Sauve · 12-12-2012 06:00PM

smash wrote: »

I tried that but she kept following me.

With a different hairstyle and instructions on how to speak to her friends?!? :pac:

V_Moth · 12-12-2012 06:00PM

seven_eleven wrote: »

Oh god I'm so alone

Ha ha. Not even a pity thanks...

Not even from me :pac:

CdeC · 12-12-2012 06:01PM

Dodge wrote: »

a cool leather jacket and 'devil may care' attitude

You got to have a gang of like minded delinquents and burst into a song whenever the plot needs to be moved along.

Jezek · 12-12-2012 06:03PM

creeper1 wrote: »

Yeah well the world is the way it is. We don't choose the way it is we just have to accept what is.

Women don't want assholes but they can't help but be ATTRACTED to them.

ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE. And attraction leads to nights of pleasure in bed.

That leads to babies.

Women are as much victims as nice guys. THEY CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT ATTRACTION. IT IS A BIOLOGICAL NEED.

My point is - this is biology. It is natures law.

THE STRONG SURVIVE THROUGH PASSING ON THEIR GENES.

the weak (nice guys) get the scraps thrown to them.

You don't understand how evolution works. Women aren't attracted to assholes, they are attracted to men who look like they will stay on and help raise the baby - it makes no evolutionary sense to be attracted to someone who will leave you both. Explained many times, I think Dawkins talks a bit about this in one of his books, the Selfish Gene maybe.

smash · 12-12-2012 06:07PM

Sauve wrote: »

With a different hairstyle and instructions on how to speak to her friends?!? :pac:

And a whole new wardrobe!

archer22 · 12-12-2012 06:09PM

creeper1 wrote: »

Word of wisdom from a audio-blogger.:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61_R2X3Pr1I

He discusses the well known fact that women aren't attracted to nice guys. There are many reasons for this. Ranging from nice guys being too boring to not being like alpha males.

We are more like animals that we realise IMHO. In a animal environment it is only the alpha male. The baddest, strongest, most attitude filled stag that gets mating rights to all the females.

And if any of the other stags have the audacity to try to mate with females the alpha male will come and stick horns up his ass! Or murder the poor sod!!

The worst of the worst is the nice guy that takes care of the baby fathered by another man. Darwin (and me) would be disgusted by you.

So is bachelorhood a better options for nice guys. In my opinion it probably is. There are women that can paid to satisfy your needs. Way preferable to supporting to the child of another.

Certainly some truth in what you say,and it fits in with Darwin's theory.Only problem is its the opposite in some cultures,such as East Asian for example where nice guys most definitely finish first and the 'assholes' finish last.And East Asians are very successful...so evolution strategy?...maybe primitive evolution but hardly of value in todays complex world.

the_syco · 12-12-2012 06:17PM

I think guys call them "Alpha Males" so as not to sound gay when they admire them. It seems it's okay to admire an "Alpha Male" but not okay to admire a man, in fear of been seen as gay in their own eyes.

starviewadams · 12-12-2012 06:20PM

No such thing as a nice guy,or girl for that matter.

We are all cúnts,some people are just better at hiding it.

bodhrandude · 12-12-2012 06:22PM

creeper1 wrote: »

Yeah well the world is the way it is. We don't choose the way it is we just have to accept what is.

Women don't want assholes but they can't help but be ATTRACTED to them.

ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE. And attraction leads to nights of pleasure in bed.

That leads to babies.

Women are as much victims as nice guys. THEY CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT ATTRACTION. IT IS A BIOLOGICAL NEED.

My point is - this is biology. It is natures law.

THE STRONG SURVIVE THROUGH PASSING ON THEIR GENES.

the weak (nice guys) get the scraps thrown to them.

Well isnt it about time that the nice guys started arming themselves and blowing away all the assholes that get the women.

Sauve · 12-12-2012 06:24PM

bodhrandude wrote: »

Well isnt it about time that the nice guys started arming themselves and blowing away all the assholes that get the women.

But then they wouldnt be nice guys anymore

12-12-2012 06:26PM

starviewadams wrote: »

No such thing as a nice guy,or girl for that matter.

We are all cúnts,some people are just better at hiding it.

Speak for yourself.

Say it Aint So · 12-12-2012 06:33PM

starviewadams wrote: »

No such thing as a nice guy,or girl for that matter.

We are all cúnts,some people are just better at hiding it.

Haha well said; insightful.

Say it Aint So · 12-12-2012 06:38PM

People say that they are nice guys when they don't try approach women, are too meek to drive a conversation with a women and are too afraid to make it explicitly know that they are interested/attracted in the girl.

A better phrase would be 'Afraid Guy'. All there is to be afraid of is rejection.

Anyone disagree?

AnonoBoy · 12-12-2012 06:42PM

Spare a thought for the total assholes who never get any women. They exist too!

Mr Benevolent · 12-12-2012 06:46PM

creeper1 wrote: »

Yeah well the world is the way it is. We don't choose the way it is we just have to accept what is.

Women don't want assholes but they can't help but be ATTRACTED to them.

ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE. And attraction leads to nights of pleasure in bed.

That leads to babies.

Women are as much victims as nice guys. THEY CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT ATTRACTION. IT IS A BIOLOGICAL NEED.

My point is - this is biology. It is natures law.

THE STRONG SURVIVE THROUGH PASSING ON THEIR GENES.

the weak (nice guys) get the scraps thrown to them.

OP, you've been watching way too many pickup artist vids on Youtube. It happens when you're single for too long. Tell yourself to shut the fuck up.

wandatowell · 12-12-2012 06:49PM

Chucky the tree wrote: »

I think single guys/girls who complain about being single and not finding someone just use the "no nice guys/girls out there" as a handy excuse to blame someone else for their own shortcomings.

Absolutely agree,

I'm hearing that alot of the time and it smacks of self pity.

Logical_Bear · 12-12-2012 06:49PM

pablomakaveli wrote: »

Its because you're the idiot who keeps picking cheaters over better people.:mad:

in fairness cheating kuntbags are pretty much hard to spot

mikom · 12-12-2012 06:54PM

My ould lad is a nice guy.......... so how am I here?
My missus's ould lad is nice guy......... so how is she here?

Also, the bitches are just hanging off Larry Murphy lately.

Wibbs · 12-12-2012 07:05PM

The alpha male bit is a bit daft when applied to humans. It doesn;t apply that often to other species to near the degree people may think and we used to believe. Sexual fitness is determined by many traits that are often dependent on culture. Put it another way if there are so many "nice guys" around how come that suite of genes survived this long if women weren't selecting for it. These PUA eejits quoting Darwin et al are asking for trouble or just trying to make it sound "scientific" for the ignorant and desperate.

Why some so called and self described nice guys don't get women is likely multifactoral. For a start there's an element of selection bias, then there's often a lack of social awareness and that does put people off, especially women I've found, or they might be simply unattractive physically at least to the target audience they feel entitled to. Some people are more attractive than others and some are less. We're not all equal. Male or female. Still most will end up with someone so...

Depends on age too. Yea your "jock" type is gonna be more successful with 18 year old girls all things being equal, but the same guy around 30 year old women could get short shrift.

Daveysil15 · 12-12-2012 07:13PM

Candie wrote: »

Nice guy doesn't = emotional leech, and confident guy doesn't = arrogant bigmouth.

An excellent point. There's a big difference between a nice guy and a whingebag. It's possible to be confident and nice at the same time.

Knasher · 12-12-2012 07:22PM

creeper1 wrote: »

You don't understand. You are more successful in Darwinian terms. You have passed on your genes.

The guy who feeds and clothes your children is the real loser (since you make sure that guy isn't you and you are free to impregnate other women)

Meh... Don't really care if I'm successful in Darwinian terms.

Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

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