We want your feedback

Lucyfur · 23-11-2012 10:43PM

Folks, this is a feedback thread. I understand everyone's frustrations over abortion issues but I think we need to accept that others will disagree with what we believe in.

Back to feedback, thanks.

username123 · 27-11-2012 09:23PM

Ive only kind of found the Ladies Lounge recently, and I have learned some invaluable stuff!!!

Overall I feel the mods do a good job of keeping things in order. I was disturbed by a recent post in this forum, where someone accused boards.ie of covering up bullying behaviour but I did not see the posts in question (they have been deleted) so cannot comment.

However, just on the general nature of boards bullying. I felt someone tried to bully me on boards in the past. Not on this forum. It was via an aggressive pm. I reported the pm, but heard nothing back. The person continued to post and I actually felt awful, that someone was trying to bully me behind the scenes and I wanted to out that person. I did so, and immediately received an infraction. I felt it was unfair. I also knew that there was little point in arguing it. It is difficult to explain but the shock value of the aggressive pm had really taken me aback.

Anyway, a sticky on what to do if you feel bullied or what to do if someone sends you a nasty pm somewhere might be useful. I didnt really know what to do or who to ask in my own situation.

Stheno · 27-11-2012 10:34PM

username123 wrote: »

Ive only kind of found the Ladies Lounge recently, and I have learned some invaluable stuff!!!

Overall I feel the mods do a good job of keeping things in order. I was disturbed by a recent post in this forum, where someone accused boards.ie of covering up bullying behaviour but I did not see the posts in question (they have been deleted) so cannot comment.

However, just on the general nature of boards bullying. I felt someone tried to bully me on boards in the past. Not on this forum. It was via an aggressive pm. I reported the pm, but heard nothing back. The person continued to post and I actually felt awful, that someone was trying to bully me behind the scenes and I wanted to out that person. I did so, and immediately received an infraction. I felt it was unfair. I also knew that there was little point in arguing it. It is difficult to explain but the shock value of the aggressive pm had really taken me aback.

Anyway, a sticky on what to do if you feel bullied or what to do if someone sends you a nasty pm somewhere might be useful. I didnt really know what to do or who to ask in my own situation.

I think this is a great idea.

However I do feel very strongly (I can sometimes have extreme views) that there is a difference to being bullied than having someone who strongly disagrees with your views and articulates it without being a bully.

I do think a sticky addressing it, particularly in a forum such as this where there can be very diverse views would be extremely useful.

well done on suggesting it

username123 · 27-11-2012 10:52PM

Stheno wrote: »

However I do feel very strongly (I can sometimes have extreme views) that there is a difference to being bullied than having someone who strongly disagrees with your views and articulates it without being a bully.

Absolutely, and thats why I think a sticky would be good, because it would provide an objective set of guidelines.

Tone can be very difficult to impart in a block of text and people can feel patronised or dismissed sometimes - which we should all try to bear in mind.

Stheno · 27-11-2012 10:56PM

username123 wrote: »

Absolutely, and thats why I think a sticky would be good, because it would provide an objective set of guidelines.

Tone can be very difficult to impart in a block of text and people can feel patronised or dismissed sometimes - which we should all try to bear in mind.

I know I've felt so strongly disagreed with at times, that I've considered stopping posting, or on a lesser extent I've avoided threads after I post there.

There's an element here of an age difference to an extent, and different life experiences which people don't take into account especially in contentious threads.

On the whole though, I enjoy boards, I post across myriad forums, and it's rare enough that I feel ostrascised

Do report it to mods, best thing you can do in my opinon.

username123 · 27-11-2012 10:59PM

I have been very strongly disagreed with and would not be inclined to feel I am failing to articulate myself, and I often have unpopular opinions!

I cant say I have ever felt seriously personally attacked publicly, although I have reported personal abuse against me.

The pm thing though, that did rattle my cage.

Stheno · 27-11-2012 11:51PM

username123 wrote: »

I have been very strongly disagreed with and would not be inclined to feel I am failing to articulate myself, and I often have unpopular opinions!

I cant say I have ever felt seriously personally attacked publicly, although I have reported personal abuse against me.

The pm thing though, that did rattle my cage.

I have thankfully never suffered pm abuse, can't imagine the type of poster who would resort to it.

Cowardly at best.

Ella · 27-11-2012 11:54PM

Stheno wrote: »

I have thankfully never suffered pm abuse, can't imagine the type of poster who would resort to it.

Cowardly at best.

Oh it happens, trust me. Cowards is exactly what they are.

Stheno · 27-11-2012 11:59PM

Ella wrote: »

Oh it happens, trust me. Cowards is exactly what they are.

I'd whizz them straight off to report land tbh

If you can't say it in public then don't.

username123 · 28-11-2012 11:48AM

Stheno wrote: »

I'd whizz them straight off to report land tbh

If you can't say it in public then don't.

Thats exactly what I did, but then I never knew if it was acted upon, the poster was not yellow or red carded on the thread that had led to it, they were still posting away.

So then I felt that someone was trying to bully me AND it was not being addressed AND to add insult to injury this person was still posting on the original thread, giving advice like they were all nicey nicey - and inside me I was like 'you sent me an aggressive pm and no one here knows about it and they are taking your advice like you are just a regular grand person!!!'

Ive no idea of the type of aberrant who would want to start some kind of aggressive pm session - its just too creepy for me!!

xDramaxQueenx · 28-11-2012 01:08PM

There's definitely an element of bullying on boards and even within this forum, however I have found that once brought to the moderators attention that it was dealt with quickly. Quite sad how pathetic some people are on message boards but there you go.

Princess Peach · 28-11-2012 01:09PM

You don't ever get feedback on reported PMs, so you won't know what the admins' decision or action was. Maybe you could PM one to follow up? But they won't get back to you anyway.

username123 · 28-11-2012 01:15PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

You don't ever get feedback on reported PMs, so you won't know what the admins' decision or action was. Maybe you could PM one to follow up? But they won't get back to you anyway.

I asked in feedback about it at the time and was told that you wouldnt be told of a moderators decision so I just left it.

I feel a lot better after talking about it here, it had bothered me. I almost left boards because I just felt icky that someone could be nasty to you behind the scenes, nothing be done (from my and anyone elses perspective) and you'd just be left feeling bad about it.

Maybe its an area that needs to be addressed by Mods?

Honey-ec · 28-11-2012 01:56PM

The bullying thing is definitely a very tricky one and I don't envy the mods having to try to deal with it. Some people are definitely more sensitive to what they perceive as bullying than others - one person's personal attack is another person's "straight talking" post.

My own personal opinion is that if you can be so upset by something said to you by a complete stranger who you will never meet in real life that you would consider leaving Boards, than perhaps internet message boards are not the best place for you in the first place, but I also accept that some people are just more easily upset than others, and again, that's what makes modding bullying accusations so hard, I'd imagine. It's just so subjective.

A sticky on what does and does not constitute bullying might be helpful, but it's not possible for it ever to be definitive because so much of what can be seen as bullying is down to personal perception. If one poster is particularly sensitive and is constantly reporting posts from a wide selection of users, will they be told that they're being too sensitive by the mods, or do the mods have to be seen to act on every accusation of bullying, whether they agree with it or not? I do think it's a particularly senstive subject right now, because of the girl who killed herself in the North recently due to online bullying. (Her name escapes me right now, sorry.)

Das Kitty · 28-11-2012 02:07PM

Whilst I agree with Honey about the varying thickness of skins, I do think that oftentimes what I might say in person to someone would be very easily construed by *anyone* online as being very harsh with just text to express it.

username123 · 28-11-2012 02:25PM

Honey-ec wrote: »

My own personal opinion is that if you can be so upset by something said to you by a complete stranger who you will never meet in real life that you would consider leaving Boards, than perhaps internet message boards are not the best place for you in the first place....

Just to be clear, it was more how it was (or was not) handled that upset me. That someone could be nasty to me privately, I reported it, nothing visible done, I outed them on thread, and then I got red carded. So I was the recipient of private nastiness and then public red carding while the person who had actually sent the nasty message just continued to blithely post away - can you see how that struck me as unfair?

Obviously the possibility that the poster was some kind of weirdo struck me as creepy too but I hardly care about the creepy levels of some anonymous person on a message board.

I dont think its good enough to say

perhaps internet message boards are not the best place for you in the first place

- that doesnt really encourage any kind of discussion on the subject.

Honey-ec · 28-11-2012 02:35PM

username123 wrote: »

Just to be clear, it was more how it was (or was not) handled that upset me. That someone could be nasty to me privately, I reported it, nothing visible done, I outed them on thread, and then I got red carded. So I was the recipient of private nastiness and then public red carding while the person who had actually sent the nasty message just continued to blithely post away - can you see how that struck me as unfair?

Oh I can totally see why you found it unfair, and I wasn't referring to you in particular, just making a general observation.

username123 wrote: »

I dont think its good enough to say - that doesnt really encourage any kind of discussion on the subject.

Encouraging discussion is precisely what I'm trying to do. I think people sometimes need to take a step back and ask themselves if they're being too sensitive. I'd like to think that if I was constantly being upset by things said online or taking things personally regardless of the tone of the post, the poster's previous history, etc. etc. that I would eventually start to question if the problem wasn't necessarily always with everyone else.

Lyaiera · 28-11-2012 02:37PM

Honey-ec wrote: »

Encouraging discussion is precisely what I'm trying to do. I think people sometimes need to take a step back and ask themselves if they're being too sensitive. I'd like to think that if I was constantly being upset by things said online or taking things personally regardless of the tone of the post, the poster's previous history, etc. etc. that I would eventually start to question if the problem wasn't necessarily always with everyone else.

Why would getting upset at one thing mean you're always getting upset? There's a guy on another forum who gets to me, even though I know he's a total dick. I've put him on ignore, but I don't think it means I should harden up and get off the internet.

username123 · 28-11-2012 02:38PM

Honey-ec wrote: »

Encouraging discussion is precisely what I'm trying to do. I think people sometimes need to take a step back and ask themselves if they're being too sensitive. I'd like to think that if I was constantly being upset by things said online or taking things personally regardless of the tone of the post, the poster's previous history, etc. etc. that I would eventually start to question if the problem wasn't necessarily always with everyone else.

I apologise, I get you. I was referring to one specific incident - nothing else like that ever happened me btw, it was a one off.

But yes, if someone finds themselves constantly being upset by a variety of different posters and threads then they do have to look at themselves.

Honey-ec · 28-11-2012 02:44PM

Lyaiera wrote: »

Why would getting upset at one thing mean you're always getting upset? There's a guy on another forum who gets to me, even though I know he's a total dick. I've put him on ignore, but I don't think it means I should harden up and get off the internet.

When did I say that?

g'em · 28-11-2012 02:48PM

I can assure you that Admins take personal abuse or harassment by PM very seriously indeed. We don't always have the manpower to get back to each poster individually on all reported PMs but if there is something you don't feel has been addressed or you would like to find out more, please do feel free to ask. We may not always be able to give you an answer for a variety of reasons, but you can always ask

For individual forum reported posts we don't expect the Mods to get back to all reporters of posts individually because of the sheer volume of posts that get generated every day.

As was mentioned earlier there is a fine line between rebutting someone's point aggressively and bullying, and it can be a line that's interpreted differently by everyone. We want this site to be a safe place for all our posters so we're always open to feedback on these issues.

Lyaiera · 28-11-2012 02:49PM

Honey-ec wrote: »

When did I say that?

You said you should consider getting off boards. Which is ridiculous.

Honey-ec · 28-11-2012 02:54PM

Lyaiera wrote: »

You said you should consider getting off boards. Which is ridiculous.

I've no wish to drag the entire thread off-topic, but I said that if someone is capable of getting so upset at something said to them by an anonymous person, then maybe internet forums in general are not the place for them.

I have no idea how you got "If you get upset at one thing, get off Boards" out of that.

Anyway, it's a feedback thread, I've given my feedback, I'll leave it at that.

xDramaxQueenx · 28-11-2012 03:00PM

Maybe that works both ways. Maybe somebody who feels the need to harass or be nasty to an anonymous person on a message board should also get offline.

username123 · 28-11-2012 03:01PM

g'em wrote: »

I can assure you that Admins take personal abuse or harassment by PM very seriously indeed. We don't always have the manpower to get back to each poster individually on all reported PMs but if there is something you don't feel has been addressed or you would like to find out more, please do feel free to ask. We may not always be able to give you an answer for a variety of reasons, but you can always ask

Ah its alright, I was just airing my feedback. I cant imagine the particular mod being too approachable and no doubt my own 'outing' of the fact of the pm on thread would work against me.

I simply dont post on any threads where that poster has posted anymore.

Princess Peach · 28-11-2012 03:02PM

Where it gets a little complicated is if there is one of more poster who may be a little sensitive, but people keep picking on them even if they know this.

That's bullying to me, knowing that will be upset about what is said based on past events.

I think the mods here are getting a lot better dealing with these complicated matters though

Lyaiera · 28-11-2012 03:08PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

Where it gets a little complicated is if there is one of more poster who may be a little sensitive, but people keep picking on them even if they know this.

I don't like the idea that someone is excessively sensitive if they get upset at things on the internet.

Mod: Removed discussion regarding another forum

Princess Peach · 28-11-2012 03:15PM

Lyaiera wrote: »

I don't like the idea that someone is excessively sensitive if they get upset at things on the internet.

<Mod Snip>.

I suppose you also need to look at what kinds of threads these are. Its easy for someone to get upset in this kind of manner, in a discussion or debate thread. And I know there has been talks in this forum about the difference between what is bullying or what is someone just having a difference of opinion. And its expected things will get heated in some of these threads of sensitive topics. And I think if you post an opinion on a topic you can be expected for someone to think the opposite, and try to tear your post apart!

What I think is more worrying, and especially in this forum, is off topic chat threads, where people make remarks about people's life choices or whatever.

But I do think the mods are addressing this issue well now.

28-11-2012 03:18PM

Mod

Sorry Lyaiera but I've had to edit your last post. I wouldn't allow folks in After Hours speak about the Ladies Lounge like that so I have to apply the same rules here.

username123 · 28-11-2012 03:19PM

Princess Peach wrote: »

What I think is more worrying, and especially in this forum, is off topic chat threads, where people make remarks about people's life choices or whatever.

Whats an 'off topic chat thread'? Is that like 'loungers who lunch'?

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