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SarahBeep!

I only refer to people as ''randomers'' if I dont recognise them. Same way I would in real life. Does this make everyone I know one big giant clique? No.

I resent you refering to my post as 'hilarious and sad' and find it offensive.

But if youre gonna be like that then.fine, reread my post and replace randomers with first time/infrequent posters.

Now is it still.sad??

LittleDolly

As a new poster, I've already found that sometimes peoples' opinions cloud what you are actually saying in your post. I posted an opinion about cyber bullying and it only being as powerful as you allow it to be.

My response wasn't the normal, expected one but isn't that a positive thing? We post about a situation and different people will have different views on how to deal with it. Isn't that a good way to learn? Exchanging views? Isn't that what this place is for? Did I find myself unwelcome in a clique becasue I didn't post the normal, expected response? Probably.

sam34

SarahBeep! wrote: »

I only refer to people as ''randomers'' if I dont recognise them. Same way I would in real life. Does this make everyone I know one big giant clique? No.

I resent you refering to my post as 'hilarious and sad' and find it offensive.

But if youre gonna be like that then.fine, reread my post and replace randomers with first time/infrequent posters.

Now is it still.sad??

but yet you still criticise them for posting "inflammatory statements" on some of the serious threads, when you've "never seen them on ANY thread in TLL"... eh, so what? if someone is drawn here by a serious thread they're entitled to partake in that thread, within forum rules, even if they never post elsewhere on the forum, including posting endless pics of cats and/or cake in the chat thread.

so, yes, I still think its sad that you dismiss randomers/first timers/infrequent posters so easily, almost as if they don't have as much right to post in serious threads because they're occasional posters, yet get defensive when the chat thread is deemed a clique.

The Big Red Button

LittleDolly wrote: »

As a new poster, I've already found that sometimes peoples' opinions cloud what you are actually saying in your post. I posted an opinion about cyber bullying and it only being as powerful as you allow it to be.

My response wasn't the normal, expected one but isn't that a positive thing? We post about a situation and different people will have different views on how to deal with it. Isn't that a good way to learn? Exchanging views? Isn't that what this place is for? Did I find myself unwelcome in a clique becasue I didn't post the normal, expected response? Probably.

Don't you think that your opinions may have clouded the way you felt in this situation?

Maybe you should try living away from your computer, to get a different balanced perspective, a more balanced view of what actually happened? Take a reality check?

Are you a little bit deprived of sleep or something?

My suggestion for you to have a life away from the computer is a logical one. If these comments are so important, you are paying too much attention to what people on an internet forum/social networking site have to say. They don't really matter, the people in your real life (away from the computer) do.

(For anyone who thinks I'm being quite harsh here, all I'm doing is redirecting this poster's own words and phrases from the chat thread right back at him/her.)

Look I find it quite laughable that you are implying I'm part of some clique that's making you feel unwelcome. I have feck all posts in that thread, and most of the regular posters there wouldn't even know me!

Some advice - if you're going to start off posting in a forum by calling another poster a drama queen and accusing them of being sleep-deprived etc, you can't exactly expect a welcoming committee to be sent out for you.

dfx-

LittleDolly wrote: »

My response wasn't the normal, expected one but isn't that a positive thing? We post about a situation and different people will have different views on how to deal with it. Isn't that a good way to learn? Exchanging views? Isn't that what this place is for? Did I find myself unwelcome in a clique becasue I didn't post the normal, expected response? Probably.

Could this be explained by it being a chat thread? For harmless conversation..

southsiderosie

Just to quickly comment on the events thread idea...

We have an events thread in the Politics forum, and you might not believe it , but it is actually pretty quiet. Every now and then, someone with two posts starts a thread about an event, and we just dump it into the events thread, no problem. Occasionally substantive discussion over an event breaks out, but this is rare, and if people are that interested, it is easy for the mods to pull those threads back out to the main page or ask the people having the debate in the events thread to start their own new thread.

Given that it is pretty low maintenance in a forum where you would expect it to be hopping, the only issue I could see for this forum would be deciding if it is worth the real estate on the front page, as an announcements/events thread really only works if it is stickied.

Ickle Magoo

LittleDolly wrote: »

As a new poster, I've already found that sometimes peoples' opinions cloud what you are actually saying in your post. I posted an opinion about cyber bullying and it only being as powerful as you allow it to be.

My response wasn't the normal, expected one but isn't that a positive thing? We post about a situation and different people will have different views on how to deal with it. Isn't that a good way to learn? Exchanging views? Isn't that what this place is for? Did I find myself unwelcome in a clique becasue I didn't post the normal, expected response? Probably.

In fairness to the chat thread - I think it very unlikely you would approach a group of people chatting in real life and profess such strong opinions about their life situations while accusing them of being drama queens and the like.

While I do think any thread which produces reported posts/work for moderators despite many of the occupants offering little to nothing to the rest of the forum is something that needs constant review in terms of being a positive addition to the forum as a whole - a little bit of common sense regarding the language and tone you use goes a long way in determining how welcome a forum/thread/posters are likely to be to you.

LittleDolly

chatterpillar wrote: »

Don't you think that your opinions may have clouded the way you felt in this situation?

Maybe you should try living away from your computer, to get a different balanced perspective, a more balanced view of what actually happened? Take a reality check?

Are you a little bit deprived of sleep or something?

My suggestion for you to have a life away from the computer is a logical one. If these comments are so important, you are paying too much attention to what people on an internet forum/social networking site have to say. They don't really matter, the people in your real life (away from the computer) do.

(For anyone who thinks I'm being quite harsh here, all I'm doing is redirecting this poster's own words and phrases from the chat thread right back at him/her.)

Look I find it quite laughable that you are implying I'm part of some clique that's making you feel unwelcome. I have feck all posts in that thread, and most of the regular posters there wouldn't even know me!

Some advice - if you're going to start off posting in a forum by calling another poster a drama queen and accusing them of being sleep-deprived etc, you can't exactly expect a welcoming committee to be sent out for you.

Thanks for your concern :rolleyes: Don't worry about me dear, I sleep enough, I have a balanced view of life and although I might appear to be harsh, that may be because I live in the real world - not the world where we all cuddle and kiss and tell everyone how great they are. Also, I'm not super sensitive where as from your posts, you appear to be so.

Your reply was overly dramatic imo. Hence the awful name calling (if you want to call the small comment 'Drama Queen that). As for your advice, thanks but no thanks. I will stand by my posts as I think people taking things so seriously on an internet forum need to step back from that. I used to obsess over whatever was said online but then I woke up and realised that none of it actually matters. They are words on a screen. The computer has an off button for a reason.

I find it laughable that even though you were very dramatic imo, me calling you a drama queen was deemed to be out of order, attacking the poster not the post. Forgive me for saying but jesus christ, really? Not adult enough to accept that you were being dramatic.

And please, expletives are not necessary. All this ffs and feck this feck that show immaturity.

Am I being insulting or am I calling a spade a spade? It depends how you see things and what you wish to read into it doesn't it. I am calling it as I see it. That's all.

dfx- wrote: »

Could this be explained by it being a chat thread? For harmless conversation..

The post was about bullying online, not a harmless topic and I gave my opinion. Others (maybe the ones used to fluffy cat pictures lol) might have taken offence but there was none meant.

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

In fairness to the chat thread - I think it very unlikely you would approach a group of people chatting in real life and profess such strong opinions about their life situations while accusing them of being drama queens and the like.

While I do think any thread which produces reported posts/work for moderators despite many of the occupants offering little to nothing to the rest of the forum is something that needs constant review in terms of being a positive addition to the forum as a whole - a little bit of common sense regarding the language and tone you use goes a long way in determining how welcome a forum/thread/posters are likely to be to you.

Ickle I hate to disappoint but I'm a very forward person and say what I think, whether that be face to face or online. Refreshing many find it but maybe this is the wrong place for me. I'm shocked that people take offence to someone being called a drama queen. For goodness sake there's a user with that name right here so it's not the most offensive thing to say. Maybe I should have disguised my comment but as I'm a forward person, I tend not to do that. Take me as you find me

I understand where you're coming from about my tone and language but surely that is part of being part of a forum. We come across people/ideas/suggestions that we wouldn't ordinarily. People can pick my posts to pieces and read into whatever they like then take offence to that. I wont lose sleep over it but I do find it a little sad that an opinion that isn't running with the concensus is shot down. Not one person thanked my post, why would that be? Worried about not running with the crowd or just becasue they don't agree. If it's the former then there are some deep seated problems here.

I didn't start by calling yer wan a drama queen. That came after I'd been quoted and sworn at. Lots of !!!!!! too :cool:

In my opinion, my advice was as valid as everybody elses. I speak from experience and will say again that a bully only has as much power as you give to them. Suggesting the brother take a step back wasn't a bad idea at all. But nobody will agree because chatterpillar took offense and nobody wants to upset her further.

Extremely childish to be frank.

Ickle Magoo

LittleDolly infracted - you were warned to keep it civil and you are also ignoring basic tennets of this site/forum. Read the charter before posting again. A poster with very few posts immediately barging onto the chat forum and then into this feedback thread to roll-eyes and throw aggression/insults around is more than a little suspicious. If you want to be taken seriously/ensure you keep posting on this forum, I'd suggest you cut out the needlessly aggressive ad-hominems.

What's also part of a discussion forum especially a chat forum with an established group of posters - is to get the general feel for and atmosphere of the thread/topic/forum - that's site wide. If you read the DRP or Feedback forums, they are chock full of posters who think freedom of speech exists on this site and think they don't have to take the general ethos/atmosphere/feel of a thread into account when posting, just by merely being "their opinion", it's good to go...

x Purple Pawprints x

My previous post seems to have disappeared.

Essentially what I said was that the source of arguments and misunderstandings is a lot to do with the tone of posts and how they come across. I don't know if I'm in the right place with this post tbh but thought I'd post here seeing as TLL is where I do the vast majority of my posting here on Boards. I'm not directing this at anyone in particular, just a general observation really. I'm not sure if anything can be done about it in reality apart from mods editing all posts but I think they have enough work to be doing. Just felt I had to post.

LittleDolly

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

LittleDolly infracted - you were warned to keep it civil and you are also ignoring basic tennets of this site/forum. Read the charter before posting again. A poster with very few posts immediately barging onto the chat forum and then into this feedback thread to roll-eyes and throw aggression/insults around is more than a little suspicious. If you want to be taken seriously/ensure you keep posting on this forum, I'd suggest you cut out the needlessly aggressive ad-hominems.

What's also part of a discussion forum especially a chat forum with an established group of posters - is to get the general feel for and atmosphere of the thread/topic/forum - that's site wide. If you read the DRP or Feedback forums, they are chock full of posters who think freedom of speech exists on this site and think they don't have to take the general ethos/atmosphere/feel of a thread into account when posting, just by merely being "their opinion", it's good to go...

I shall crawl around on my hands and knees, and kiss the appropriate backsides from now on <<<<<This is a joke. Are they allowed? Probably not.

Im shocked at being infracted. You obviously think I've been here before by saying it is suspicious but I have not, I came here to discuss topics and have conversations with adults.

Have you anything to say about the use of in chatterpillars post? Wasn't that being offensive? Kind of smart-arse-esque? Considering that I'm not allowed to roll my eyes I mean. It's so silly I really am shocked.

Will I be banned now? Is this considered provocative? I hope not as I honestly do not think I'm being offensive at all. If I will be banned it makes me think what the reaction would be if I posted without censoring :eek:

Mod

Little Dolly is taking a day off from The Ladies Lounge.

She will not be posting in this thread on her return so it would be best to move on from her posts.

Thanks

whoopsadaisydoodles

Morag

SarahBeep! wrote: »

In the non-chat threads there are (what I would consider random posters, simply because I don't see them in the chat thread) random posters who come in and throw around inflammatory statements and get in arguments with other randomers who I've never seen on ANY tLL Thread. But this happens all over boards.

I don't think it's fair to assume that if a poster doesn't post in the chat thread they are not a regular in the forum.

Malari

Sharrow wrote: »

I don't think it's fair to assume that if a poster doesn't post in the chat thread they are not a regular in the forum.

I'm probably one of these! Well, I don't post that regularly but I do read some of the threads that interest me but not too many of the "how are you feeling" type threads. I don't go into the chat thread though, mainly because it moves too fast for me to keep up

Overall I think it's a pretty well moderated forum.

Stheno

Sharrow wrote: »

I don't think it's fair to assume that if a poster doesn't post in the chat thread they are not a regular in the forum.

Malari wrote: »

I'm probably one of these! Well, I don't post that regularly but I do read some of the threads that interest me but not too many of the "how are you feeling" type threads. I don't go into the chat thread though, mainly because it moves too fast for me to keep up

Overall I think it's a pretty well moderated forum.

THere are a few to be honest, I rarely posted in the chat forum until recently, I post there a few times a week now, but having a job which means a. I travel a lot, and b. have no access to the web most days in work means I can't keep up with it.

You can be a regular poster without contributing to the chat thread.

SarahBeep!

Sharrow wrote: »

SarahBeep! wrote: »

In the non-chat threads there are (what I would consider random posters, simply because I don't see them in the chat thread) random posters who come in and throw around inflammatory statements and get in arguments with other randomers who I've never seen on ANY tLL Thread. But this happens all over boards.

I don't think it's fair to assume that if a poster doesn't post in the chat thread they are not a regular in the forum.

Youare right but if you reread my post it says 'what I would consider'.

RacoonQueen

dfx- wrote: »

Another thing I notice from time to time is a lot of the first page is taken up by a phenomenal number of moved threads. Is the high number because of people not getting what the forum is about or the forum not being flexible enough to talk about a wider variety of topics?

Stheno wrote: »

Moved threads are usually either fashion and appearance, gifts, or personal issues, and believe me, when I modded on here, half my time was moving threads You have to leave a link for the OP, as there doesn't seem to be a way around that.

Moved threads annoy the crap out of me. I don't really see an issue with someone asking for gift ideas or date ideas in the ladies lounge. It can sort of go into a pile of inconsistent modding, maybe unintentionally, but people would often ask for gift ideas in the chat thread but if someone starts a thread about it, it gets deleted. If krudler (for example) posted in the chat thread that he was going on a date and asked for date ideas the post would stand but someone else has just had their thread closed.

shalalala

On the whole I really like TTL. Just one thing sticks in my mind from my life as a previous poster. I cracked a joke. It was edited out and I was told off. I feel like we are all women, adults and I would be worried if someone didn't get that some things are jokes. I understand that this is not AH but at the same time are we not allowed to have a sense of humour?

Also I have no problem with men coming here asking for female perspective. I know we all don't have the same point of view but I think that sometimes this could lead to interesting discussion.

But on the whole keep up the good work!

Posy

I also find TLL a very serious forum. I normally just read and post in the chat thread, but that's about it usually.

From the perspective of someone who
reads the chat thread daily and posts there from time to time, I never find it anything but welcoming to new members or infrequent posters. The main difficulty is keeping up with it!! :eek:

I have found sometimes an element of bitchiness in the past chat threads and that stopped me reading for a while.
It sometimes felt that people were being a bit ganged up on, when it stopped being the emotions thread, like, for example, a poster might post and say 'yet another fight with the husband' just to vent and not necessarily need things getting heavy with multiple replies of 'Just leave him' 'You're obviously not happy, do something about your situation and stop complaining' etc..
But I have found the last couple of 'loungers who lunch' chat threads a lot more mellow than during the transition from 'emotions' to 'chat'.

I have no problems with the modding here, I've never noticed anything apart from the 'this should be in the parenting thread' 'no it shouldn't' shenanigans a while ago. Like RQ said, it needs to be consistant so everyone knows where they stand. I have no problem with most closed/moved threads. Most of the closed ones are generic 'do women like men with beards?' type threads. And a certain amount have to be moved or come Christmas, the whole forum will just be 'would my girlfriend like this watch?' 'what do a get my wife?' threads!
Maybe a Christmas present sticky thread would be a help when it gets nearer the festive season..

RacoonQueen

Posy wrote: »

Maybe a Christmas present sticky thread would be a help when it gets nearer the festive season..

I was going to suggest a megathread to just stick them into, or just merge them into the chat thread then if people want to provide help they can, if not it can disappear into the realms of darkness with all the other old posts in there.

Ilyana

RacoonQueen wrote: »

I was going to suggest a megathread to just stick them into, or just merge them into the chat thread then if people want to provide help they can, if not it can disappear into the realms of darkness with all the other old posts in there.

I think this is the best idea, so the front page isn't all clogged up.

Also, the chat thread has definitely improved in atmosphere since it stopped being an emotions thread. Of course, things will kick off here and there, but overall it's become much mellower, as Posy said. I think posters are being more considerate in the tone of their posts, on both sides of a given issue.

Princess Peach

I'm not sure. Wouldn't a Christmas gift thread just kinda defeat the purpose of the actual Christmas gift forum?

Posy

You're dead right. I guess we're just trying to find a way around having a batch of moved threads on the first page. Although people asking 'would a girl like to receive x/y/z for Christmas' will only be closed anyway of course!

I suppose it depends if such an issue arises and what the mods of the respective forums think is the best course of action.

Ickle Magoo

Another option which would avoid tLL becoming a dumping ground for threads which really should be moved to/have been posted in another forum or those that contravene the forum charter/purpose is for us to give them all very short re-direction times, rather than the standard month or even permanent re-direct. So after a few days/a week the re-direction for moved threads would automatically delete?

Morag

If it's a query about something, the op would usually check back with in 24 hours to look at replies so, I don't' see why a redirect would need to last longer then that.

ash23

I lurk on TLL more than post, I find it confusing as to what is allowed here if I'm honest. I don't "get" it. I get that it's for issues from a womans perspective but that is so vague that I'm not sure what goes and what doesn't.

Like, anything can be discussed from a womans perspective. But some things aren't allowed. And sometimes they are. I've read the charter but I still don't "get" it and for me personally, I find it off-putting because it's difficult to know what goes and what doesn't.

Like if I post about trying to balance work and parenting, it could be deemed ok. Or it could be deemed more appropriate for PI or parenting or work forums. Or if I post about religion and want female perspectives on it, it might be deemed better to place it in another forum.
It seems to be very subjective. What one might consider a perfectly valid query, another might deem totally inappropriate for the forum.
As a result I tend not to post on here because it can seem like a scary place where it's all in the phrasing as to whether it's "ok" or not. And tone has to be interpreted.

So the long and short of it is, a lot more clarity on the type of topics and replies would be good. I get that it's hard to do because it's grey enough. But if you can't post about parenting because some aren't parents or if you can't post about religion because some aren't religious, then should you be able to post about pets or boyfriends etc etc?

Realistically everything in TLL belongs somewhere else because there are no set topics. But similarly because the main purpose of TLL is to discuss things from a womans perspective, then every topic is fair game.

So it's kind of taking your life in your hands when you post. I think the forum has developed a vibe for what is acceptable or ok but if you're not familiar with that vibe or you're new or your social skills are crap and you go by the charter, it can be very hard to stay on the straight and narrow in here.

Most of that probably makes no sense but it's hard to articulate.

Faith

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Another option which would avoid tLL becoming a dumping ground for threads which really should be moved to/have been posted in another forum or those that contravene the forum charter/purpose is for us to give them all very short re-direction times, rather than the standard month or even permanent re-direct. So after a few days/a week the re-direction for moved threads would automatically delete?

That's what I do in my forums. I never leave redirects longer than 2 or 3 days. Like Sharrow said, most will be back within 24 hours, and if not, they can still find the thread through their user CP.

Ickle Magoo

ash23 wrote: »

Like, anything can be discussed from a womans perspective. But some things aren't allowed. And sometimes they are. I've read the charter but I still don't "get" it and for me personally, I find it off-putting because it's difficult to know what goes and what doesn't.

While I don't get the whole scary or taking of life into hands when it comes to posting on a forum, I'd agree with you on the rest - and that's really what this thread is trying to establish. Gone are the days when you could expect the site to be hostile to and about women in general and so the original purpose of tLL has changed/is less obvious and it's purpose today does need to be clearer.

ash23 wrote: »

Like if I post about trying to balance work and parenting, it could be deemed ok. Or it could be deemed more appropriate for PI or parenting or work forums. Or if I post about religion and want female perspectives on it, it might be deemed better to place it in another forum.

When there are other dedicated forums then to what degree tLL becomes a PI lite, a gift forum lite, a fashion & beauty lite, etc really depends on whether posters want a catch-all forum that moves away from being majority discussion topics and becomes more of a general "ask the ladies"/"about the ladies" magazine. Either format is likely to put off some posters and attract others so it's really about trying to establish what direction the majority want to go in...

From a mod perspective, I have no issue with the suitability/relevance of posts being based on how the OP is phrased...I think that's a fairly site-wide policy given most forums are geared towards discussion that can be had between the majority and the advice/experienced perspective on specific topics and moved to the forums that specifically trade in those.

From a posters perspective I'd say is it asking for advice? Well, we already have a dedicated advice forum so those kind of "I don't want a discussion I want your advice on my fairly common/not particularly gender specific personal issue", are moved to where all the others go in personal issues. Is it a blanket request asking parents how they deal with certain behaviours of their off-spring? That would more appropriate to address to a forum specifically geared towards parenting and answering those kinds of queries, I think. If it's a discussion topic which everyone can get involved in irrespective of their life situation which a poster wants to hear, specifically, female perspectives/ring-fence the discussion for female perspectives then I think that's where this forum comes in...that's just my personal view on it, mind.

I'd agree the charter needs to be more specific, once established where the line is perhaps the charter can be updated to include examples of the [any?] kinds of posts that will be moved and where might be more appropriate to post such a general/advice topic...?

sky2424

I find that there is an element of men bashing here and so whilst I tend to lurk, I rarely post.
Sometimes, some of the threads or comments about men make me embarasssed to be female. In fact I would go so far as to say I find the Gentlemans club more respectful of the opposite sex.

Giselle

sky2424 wrote: »

I find that there is an element of men bashing here and so whilst I tend to lurk, I rarely post.
Sometimes, some of the threads or comments about men make me embarasssed to be female. In fact I would go so far as to say I find the Gentlemans club more respectful of the opposite sex.

Would you link to some examples of what you mean Sky2424? I'm not sure I've ever seen anything like that here.