The Online Dating Thread 3..READ 1ST POST Oct 2012

KTRIC · 03-10-2012 10:19AM

Took a while to get there but third date down and all going well

smileyj1987 · 03-10-2012 10:22AM

mood wrote: »

However, I don't agree with the rest. A predators maybe less likely to try to target women via OD as there would a technological trail of their contact with potential victims.
Anyway, with OD as with real life you need to have your wits about you and be careful. Trust your instincts.

I really did word that wrong what I was trying to put across is the fact if a number of people go on POF for fun then it can lead to a believe that everybody is there for fun and nobody is on it to actually try and have a serious relationship . If it does go that way then you will get all types of men signing up married , chancers , liars and predators . I know there is a few of those men signed up already but it will only make them sign up when people wrongly belief the website is for fun rather then trying to make a connection with somebody . If people want to sleep around its their choice and nobody else's . But when a man is bragging to his mates about how all he had to do was show an interest and bring her out for a few drinks to get what he wanted . What it then can lead to is a stereotypical view that all women want it badly and then you can get a few rotten b******* who will decide its happening because they have gone out with a belief that its an easy lay . It also does damage on mens behalf because after hearing the story alot of women won't be willing to meet up with men . It can lead to less people meeting each other and it will make the OD sites like a penpal site rather then a website to get to know people who want friendship or a relationship . So its just wrecking it for all the decent people out their who are using it properly because people will delete accounts if it gets a bad reputation .

mood · 03-10-2012 10:27AM

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I really did word that wrong what I was trying to put across is the fact if a number of people go on POF for fun then it can lead to a believe that everybody is there for fun and nobody is on it to actually try and have a serious relationship . If it does go that way then you will get all types of men signing up married , chancers , liars and predators . I know there is a few of those men signed up already but it will only make them sign up when people wrongly belief the website is for fun rather then trying to make a connection with somebody . If people want to sleep around its their choice and nobody else's . But when a man is bragging to his mates about how all he had to do was show an interest and bring her out for a few drinks to get what he wanted . What it then can lead to is a stereotypical view that all women want it badly and then you can get a few rotten b******* who will decide its happening because they have gone out with a belief that its an easy lay . It also does damage on mens behalf because after hearing the story alot of women won't be willing to meet up with men . It can lead to less people meeting each other and it will make the OD sites like a penpal site rather then a website to get to know people who want friendship or a relationship . So its just wrecking it for all the decent people out their who are using it properly because people will delete accounts if it gets a bad reputation .

IMO by joining a paid OD site rather than a free you it cuts out a lot of the time wasters. Nobody will pay to use a site if they don't intend to go on dates etc.

missrandomer · 03-10-2012 10:35AM

What is it with giving out numbers lately, Get a message from a guy, seems nice and interesting, messaging for 2 days back and forth, he is moving towards asking me out (i think) i reply......

3 days later, pops in and replys to my last message with a one liner and then says here's my number - wanna txt

Im baffled, i mean what am i to do with that, obviously i know txt him right... but i dont really want to, not yet, i do want to get to know him but it just seems a little bit off to me anyway!
Any thoughts

mood · 03-10-2012 10:51AM

missrandomer wrote: »

What is it with giving out numbers lately, Get a message from a guy, seems nice and interesting, messaging for 2 days back and forth, he is moving towards asking me out (i think) i reply......

3 days later, pops in and replys to my last message with a one liner and then says here's my number - wanna txt

Im baffled, i mean what am i to do with that, obviously i know txt him right... but i dont really want to, not yet, i do want to get to know him but it just seems a little bit off to me anyway!
Any thoughts

I wouldn't until you have a date arranged. At this point exchanging numbers is a good idea in case one of you gets held up or something.

cyrusdvirus · 03-10-2012 10:53AM

That_Guy wrote: »

Tagged...

*shudders*

I used that site a few years ago. It's an absolute cluster fúck of a site to use. It's like Bebo... with extra cleavage.

Wait....... Cleavage??

Tagged you say..... hmmmmm

EdenHazard · 03-10-2012 10:58AM

Problem is most of them are slags on it! I always get the impression its for people like enzero posted before, just idiots! I use it for a confidence boost haha, I'd never meet up with anyone. I was talking to this unreal looking girl on it a while back, as coincidence would have it we ended up in the same class in UCD haha

Piliger · 03-10-2012 12:32PM

missrandomer wrote: »

Im baffled, i mean what am i to do with that, obviously i know txt him right... but i dont really want to, not yet, i do want to get to know him but it just seems a little bit off to me anyway!
Any thoughts

You're a big girl now

Do whatever you want to. Just ignore it and pretend it never arrived. What would you do in real life ? YOU are in control here ... not him.

missrandomer · 03-10-2012 01:00PM

Piliger wrote: »

You're a big girl now Do whatever you want to. Just ignore it and pretend it never arrived. What would you do in real life ? YOU are in control here ... not him.

i know its up to me what to do with it, i was just saying that i didnt understand why people do this. I mean two guys have given me there address already within a few messages, and although it was innocently given i was just shocked that on an od site, people are so easy to give out personal info on it to complete....well ...miss randomers

I dont mind giving my number out sometimes if ive got an idea of the type of person im dealing with, but not just randomly give it out.

grames_bond · 03-10-2012 01:21PM

missrandomer wrote: »

I dont mind giving my number out sometimes if ive got an idea of the type of person im dealing with, but not just randomly give it out.

Um.....Say that to him?

Augmerson · 03-10-2012 01:30PM

Dovies wrote: »

Augmerson wrote: »

Is there any real point to filling out your interests/about section on POF? I've noticed on many women's pages that they don't put more than a few sentences. I feel like I put up a thesis and maybe people glance over it and just go TL;DR.

Probably don't get any mail then! If its too long it can get glanced over but if its too short then it kind of says 'can't be bothered'

I guess an edit is due then, thanks!

Augmerson · 03-10-2012 01:30PM

Dovies wrote: »

Augmerson wrote: »

Is there any real point to filling out your interests/about section on POF? I've noticed on many women's pages that they don't put more than a few sentences. I feel like I put up a thesis and maybe people glance over it and just go TL;DR.

Probably don't get any mail then! If its too long it can get glanced over but if its too short then it kind of says 'can't be bothered'

I guess an edit is due then, thanks!

Feisar · 03-10-2012 02:45PM

missrandomer wrote: »

i know its up to me what to do with it, i was just saying that i didnt understand why people do this. I mean two guys have given me there address already within a few messages, and although it was innocently given i was just shocked that on an od site, people are so easy to give out personal info on it to complete....well ...miss randomers

I dont mind giving my number out sometimes if ive got an idea of the type of person im dealing with, but not just randomly give it out.

The way I look at it is I've often swapped numbers with a girl I met on a night out. I don't know anything about her really either so i don't see it as a big deal.

Also spending ages online chatting is grand but people need to meet up to see what the dynamic is like between them.

Piliger · 03-10-2012 02:46PM

missrandomer wrote: »

i know its up to me what to do with it, i was just saying that i didnt understand why people do this. I mean two guys have given me there address already within a few messages, and although it was innocently given i was just shocked that on an od site, people are so easy to give out personal info on it to complete....well ...miss randomers

I dont mind giving my number out sometimes if ive got an idea of the type of person im dealing with, but not just randomly give it out.

Ok, I know what you mean. I think innocence is not what I would be thinking about them ... though that clearly comes to mind. I give my number to a lady after a while communicating, but definitely not my address until at least after we have met.

I think anyone who offers an address straight off is behaving quite desperately and not realising it. And prob the same with phone numbers. They may be decent blokes but not realise that it really is a bit of an irrational thing to do irrespective of the security issue.

Galvasean · 03-10-2012 02:49PM

Meh, my profile is longer than 99% of the profiles I've seen, but damned if I'm shortening it. If people are too lazy to read a few paragraphs then it really is their problem.

miec · 03-10-2012 03:03PM

Speaking of tagged, I came across this in a profile:

Music:dance rave rnb hiphop
Books:books wats tat
Sports:don do it
Interests:goin out nd get locked with d girls
Best Features:u tell me

Wow, sounds a real keeper and classy lady. Oh dear.

I don't mind sharing a number if it will lead to dates but sometimes in my unlucky experience a guy wants to sex text which is so fricking annoying, I cannot get my head around all forms of cyber sex, sex texting etc, its not real to me, just words via a computer or mobile that are divorced from sex.

Daveysil15 · 03-10-2012 05:14PM

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I think I should just go out and pick someone up in a bar. So much easier than doing it online.:pac:

Indeed, and before online dating existed that would have been the only way. Although a lot of people seem to be using OD now because they're sick of the bars.

HellFireClub · 03-10-2012 05:32PM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Indeed, and before online dating existed that would have been the only way. Although a lot of people seem to be using OD now because they're sick of the bars.

I don't think it's people being sick of bars per sé. I know that's the way it's put on profiles, but closer to the truth would probably be that people's circle/pool of friends, that are prepared to go to pubs & clubs on a weekly basis, has drastically shrunk for two separate reasons: (1) Due to other friends settling down with partners and having kids, etc, friends who now have a completely different set of priorities, so there are less opportunities to go to pubs & clubs with those friends, and (2) people just have less money to be going to pubs & clubs anyway. I used to regularly go to pubs & clubs on a weekly basis, I can't remember the last time I was in either now, months and months ago.

Seriously, who has 50-100 Euro a night to be going out to pubs & clubs once or twice a week in the hope that you might run into someone??? Lads I'd have been out on the sauce with 2-3 times a week only a year or two ago, I haven't seen them in months...

Esoteric_ · 03-10-2012 05:47PM

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Indeed, and before online dating existed that would have been the only way. Although a lot of people seem to be using OD now because they're sick of the bars.

I definitely am sick of meeting people in bars, but I seem to meet a lot less freaks that way!

finipops · 03-10-2012 06:18PM

Galvasean wrote: »

Meh, my profile is longer than 99% of the profiles I've seen, but damned if I'm shortening it. If people are too lazy to read a few paragraphs then it really is their problem.

I've been wondering about that myself and especially when it comes to viewing the profile from an app on your phone so could seem even longer.

Joe24 · 03-10-2012 06:24PM

Hi all,

First time poster in here but as i have dipped in and out of online dating over the last 10 months or so, I have also followed this thread along the way. There is some really good advice in here and it's reassuring to know that there are some genuine people doing the OD thing.

Just wanted to share my experience for what its worth. On the whole, I am pretty close to giving it up. Not the most inspiring first post, I know

I've gone on dates with people I have met both online and offline. But what I have found is that those dates with people from online just feel more awkward or nervous or something. I can't quite put my finger on it. I have found it difficult to be myself on a first online date, and after that I've found we might keep in contact for a little while and then it fizzles out and contact stops. You only get one real shot at it and if you're not on top form, that's all she wrote. Not saying i'm a mumbling, bumbling bag of nerves on a first date or anything like that, a bit nervous sure, but there's just an added pressure to it or something that I think ultimately works against me. Anybody else find this or is it just me?

I find that the difference between online and offline is that, when you meet someone offline, you can get an idea what they're about from the get go. You can quickly learn a lot about a person from their demeanour, sense of humour, attitude, etc when you get talking to that person on an off-chance, rather than setting up a date with someone you meet online and trying to impress them. You know quickly if you are comfortable around somebody you meet offline. Of course the question is where do you meet someone on an off-chance and that's something i'm still trying to figure out.

I don't doubt that OD can work. You can meet a lot of people using this approach and it's good to cast the net as far as possible.

But factor in the time it takes to draft what you think is a message that will attract their attention, the slight feeling of disgruntlement when you see the person has viewed your profile and not responded, and the stress I find that goes along with the first date thing, and I have just grown tired of it.

Time to move some of the eggs to another basket, though what that is I have no clue yet

Sorry for the long post. Not intended as a rant or anything, just my experience. Cheers for reading

Esoteric_ · 03-10-2012 06:34PM

I'm officially done with Tagged, after less than 24 hours.

I just keep getting absolute creeps messaging me, and I've also had someone I used to work with viewing me. He is going under a fake (Irish) name, despite being an Indian guy, lying about his age, messaging me pretending that he doesn't know me (he threatened to kill me after he was fired, despite me not even working in the same section as him and having no work related business with him :pac:) and telling me I'm cute.

Way too freaked out to continue.

riveratom · 03-10-2012 06:39PM

Galvasean wrote: »

Meh, my profile is longer than 99% of the profiles I've seen, but damned if I'm shortening it. If people are too lazy to read a few paragraphs then it really is their problem.

Personally dude, I would shorten it. I actually prefer it when people leave a bit of mystique in there! I think that leaving a bit in the tank so to speak is better than giving away too much straight off the bat. Plus I think that without context / body language people may read into stuff you write or make assumptions that might not actually be true at all, or a real reflection of what you are actually like. Just something to be mindful of maybe....test it and see!

I have found that not too much, not too little works pretty well in attracting attention. I have three medium sized paragraphs, light and casual, and works well enough. 1-2 new mails per day most days, same for 'winks' - so I think it kinda works.

LegacyUser · 03-10-2012 07:42PM

Galvasean wrote: »

Meh, my profile is longer than 99% of the profiles I've seen, but damned if I'm shortening it. If people are too lazy to read a few paragraphs then it really is their problem.

bit of a lurker, said i'd throw my opinion in here. It's not that I'd be too lazy to read it but, when a guy throws pretty much everything about himself into his profile, I'm often left wondering..what the hell do I mesage him about?! he's pretty much just written an essay about himself, there's nothing left to ask!..sometimes too you pretty much automatically (rightly or wrongly) judge the type of person he is from what he's written straight away, and then don't see the point in engaging in a bit of banter..as the other poster said it really does take the mystery and fun out of 'getting too know' someone.

Much rather read a short well constructed witty profile, than half a biography to be honest! Sometimes the later comes across as "heres why I'm so great"..and that's kind of intimidating.

Just my 2 cents

Daveysil15 · 03-10-2012 08:30PM

Stay away from Tagged. It's riddled with spam and botnets. My antivirus was going ape sh1t after using it.

Hellfireclub made some interesting points about peoples friends settling down and also the issue with money. My male friends are settled down too so I don't go to the clubs as much. When I ask the lads they usually say, "Ohh I better check with the missus first." Even when they do come out its just not the same.

The clubs and alcohol haven't exactly gotten any cheaper which has not helped matters. I heard the government are planning to get rid of the special offers in clubs where they offer free drinks for women, or 3 euro drinks before 12 and so on. An effort to combat drunkeness and anti-social behaviour apparently.

MC Homicidal Maniac · 03-10-2012 09:29PM

I was on a dating site but ended up closing it as I don't really has the thick skin required for online dating. Either no girls replied or I got made fun of over my looks. Females have thought me I have no business with them.

Esoteric_ · 03-10-2012 09:36PM

MC Homicidal Maniac wrote: »

I was on a dating site but ended up closing it as I don't really has the thick skin required for online dating. Either no girls replied or I got made fun of over my looks. Females have thought me I have no business with them.

I REALLY hope you don't take what I say in the wrong way... But I happened to see your posts on a few other forums here today, and I really don't think any encouragement we give you is going to help you right now. I'd beg you to consider taking the advice you were given on other forums. :-/ That said, every person gets rejected at times. It's all about learning to handle it, mate. Keep your chin up as much as you can.

Galvasean · 03-10-2012 09:48PM

riveratom wrote: »

Personally dude, I would shorten it. I actually prefer it when people leave a bit of mystique in there! I think that leaving a bit in the tank so to speak is better than giving away too much straight off the bat. Plus I think that without context / body language people may read into stuff you write or make assumptions that might not actually be true at all, or a real reflection of what you are actually like. Just something to be mindful of maybe....test it and see!

I have found that not too much, not too little works pretty well in attracting attention. I have three medium sized paragraphs, light and casual, and works well enough. 1-2 new mails per day most days, same for 'winks' - so I think it kinda works.

MissUser-name wrote: »

bit of a lurker, said i'd throw my opinion in here. It's not that I'd be too lazy to read it but, when a guy throws pretty much everything about himself into his profile, I'm often left wondering..what the hell do I mesage him about?! he's pretty much just written an essay about himself, there's nothing left to ask!..sometimes too you pretty much automatically (rightly or wrongly) judge the type of person he is from what he's written straight away, and then don't see the point in engaging in a bit of banter..as the other poster said it really does take the mystery and fun out of 'getting too know' someone.

Much rather read a short well constructed witty profile, than half a biography to be honest! Sometimes the later comes across as "heres why I'm so great"..and that's kind of intimidating.

Just my 2 cents

Firstly, I appreciate the feedback. What are people's definitions of 'too long' (hush now!)? I said my profile is longer than 99% of the profiles I see (although in honesty, the majority of profiles on POF are ridiculously sparse!) , but that doesn't make it an essay either. It's 3 short paragraphs (but well spaced out to avoid 'text block' phenomenon) - just a bit about myself at the start and the rest is more or less listing stuff I like. I'd hardly call it excessive or long winded. I mean it definitely doesn't describe my life in any great detail. In fact, I'd consider it a VERY small snapshot of what I'm about with a few little gags thrown in to mix things up a bit

How long is everyone else's profile here? Word count might be a good idea as people may have differences of opinion as to what constitutes a short paragraph.
I'm currently on 392. Would that be considered 'too big'?

MC Homicidal Maniac · 03-10-2012 10:15PM

LyndaMcL wrote: »

MC Homicidal Maniac wrote: »

I was on a dating site but ended up closing it as I don't really has the thick skin required for online dating. Either no girls replied or I got made fun of over my looks. Females have thought me I have no business with them.

I REALLY hope you don't take what I say in the wrong way... But I happened to see your posts on a few other forums here today, and I really don't think any encouragement we give you is going to help you right now. I'd beg you to consider taking the advice you were given on other forums. :-/ That said, every person gets rejected at times. It's all about learning to handle it, mate. Keep your chin up as much as you can.

Most people don't get made fun of on those sites. Especially not from like 1/4 of the girls they send a message to. Of course I have no business with them.

But I am unimportant, I'm just saying that online dating is generally a shallow business and I personally will avoid it from now on.

Esoteric_ · 03-10-2012 10:50PM

MC Homicidal Maniac wrote: »

Most people don't get made fun of on those sites. Especially not from like 1/4 of the girls they send a message to. Of course I have no business with them.

But I am unimportant, I'm just saying that online dating is generally a shallow business and I personally will avoid it from now on.

If 1/4 of girls you message actually make fun of you, there could be something wrong in your approach, or perhaps you're just messaging some morons. I got a message the other day calling me a fat cúnt, I just ignored it. Everyone gets some shít on those sites, you have to have a thick-ish skin to deal with it.

I don't agree that it's a shallow business. Dating in general could be considered shallow because most people want to be attracted to their partner both emotionally and aesthetically. I don't think that's a bad thing. No point dating someone you don't fancy. That makes you human, not shallow.

Tbh, you sound so disheartened that I don't think online dating is for you at all, not right now.

The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

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The Online Dating Thread 3..READ 1ST POST Oct 2012