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Comments

  • #32
    AhInFairness
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 250 ✭✭AhInFairness


    Ella, I did not "attack" you. I said it is not for you and others to dictate what should be discussed. You call the below feedback?
    Ella wrote: »
    You've been told this over and over. There is a parenting forum. This is the ladies lounge and we all get periods at some stage so that thread belongs in here a hell of a lot more than a thread about parents/ kids.

    "You've been told this over and over." You're speaking as if there is a rule in place that all threads relating to having children belong in the parenting forum. I must have missed that one!

    If ever I needed confirmation that closing my account was the right move, this is it. The "chip on the shoulder" references are so on the money. If you don't want kids then good for you. Some people do and would like to discuss that in a forum dedicated to women. As always there's the assumption from a small but vocal minority of child-free in this forum that those who want kids look down on those who don't.

    I'm actually mostly disappointed that the mods are even entertaining this. Discussing motherhood in a female oriented forum is a no brainer.

    I'm out.


  • #33
    x Purple Pawprints x
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,401 ✭✭✭✭x Purple Pawprints x


    To be honest, I don't have any issues with what is and isn't discussed on this forum. If I have no interest in the thread I just don't read it. I think more people should do the same tbh.


  • #34
    Lucyfur
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,513 ✭✭✭✭Lucyfur


    Can we ALL please remember that this thread is for FEEDBACK, for the good of the forum.


  • #35
    daenerysstormborn3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,197 ✭✭✭daenerysstormborn3


    The same as on any forum, if you don't like a topic, don't read it. There's plenty of threads in TLL that I don't read, I rarely look beyond the chat thread sometimes, because I know that there will be threads full of passionate issues, abortion, motherhood etc. etc., all things that get tempers flaring and sometimes you just can't be bothered getting into it.

    I use boards, and TLL in particular, as a place to chat about the little nonsense things in life, sometimes I do look for serious advice or I post about something hard going on in my life but more often than not it's just silly chat and a giggle. I think more people could do with just chilling out and not taking things so personally. If you disagree with the opinion of someone on boards, they're more than likely a stranger, their opinion is probably not going to have a profound effect on your life so don't get so worked up about things.

    I find sometimes that due to most contributors to the chat thread being so regular, that we all get to know each others lives and we all have a certain amount invested in each other, like we'll know when someone has an exam, a job interview, is sick or is just going through a tough time, and I think because boards is somewhat anonymous some posters are a lot more harsh on others than they would be with a real life friend/acquaintance. Again, I think some people just need to take a step back and ask themselves if they would say certain things to a real friend/acquaintance.


  • #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi,

    I hope it's ok to reply anonymously. I used to be a regular poster on boards and closed my account a number of months ago. I still pop in and read but felt very uncomfortable posting
    in The Ladies Lounge. The off topic thread is in theory a great idea but there is a clique which makes new users and those who can't post often feel uncomfortable. I study full time and work part and I only get a chance to surf the net briefly. I felt almost like I was intruding when I commented on the off topic thread because people have their own conversations which go on for pages. I'm not a prude, far from it but the level of smut and distasteful comments is also very off putting. I think posters need to be aware people as young as 13 read boards and the flirting, excessive smut should be reserved to PM's or after hours.

    Aside from the aforementioned off topic thread, I think the TLL is one of the most interesting, well moderated forums and a big thank you to the mods for all their hard work.


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  • #37
    daenerysstormborn3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,197 ✭✭✭daenerysstormborn3


    To be fair, this is the internet, "people as young as 13" will find smut and more anywhere, if they don't find it here, they'll find it somewhere else. I'm sure "people as young as 13" can also access AH so sending all the smut there won't make much difference. It's not up to boards or boards users to be a filter for young people, that's what parents are for.

    I don't partake in the jokey "smutty" comments some TLL users make because it's just not my thing but I just scroll over the comments, I don't hold anything against anyone who posts like that because everyone has a different sense of humour.


  • #38
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    Homelandfan wrote: »
    Hi,

    I hope it's ok to reply anonymously. I used to be a regular poster on boards and closed my account a number of months ago. I still pop in and read but felt very uncomfortable posting
    in The Ladies Lounge. The off topic thread is in theory a great idea but there is a clique which makes new users and those who can't post often feel uncomfortable. I study full time and work part and I only get a chance to surf the net briefly. I felt almost like I was intruding when I commented on the off topic thread because people have their own conversations which go on for pages. I'm not a prude, far from it but the level of smut and distasteful comments is also very off putting. I think posters need to be aware people as young as 13 read boards and the flirting, excessive smut should be reserved to PM's or after hours.

    Aside from the aforementioned off topic thread, I think the TLL is one of the most interesting, well moderated forums and a big thank you to the mods for all their hard work.

    I think an off topic thread will always be cliquey in that you will have a group of regular posters posting daily, as a result they will get to know each other well and conversations will be ongoing. I think its unavoidable and the only way for someone to get past that is just to start posting regularly and therefore become a part of the group too. I'd say most off topic threads on boards are cliquey to a certain extent. I'd post the very odd time in the off topic thread and i think the posters are pretty welcoming.

    For me I like the threads in tll, there seems to be a good mix between fun and serious debate, i only post sporadically but its the quality of the posters that lead me to read the threads regularly. There is a good mix of strong opinionated posters , funny posters, empathic posters etc etc and it seems to work very well.


  • #39
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    What about an events thread?

    The march thread got closed which I think was ashame esp as it was a few days before the event, I had people pming me trying to sort out meeting up
    when that sort of discussion could have happened in the thread.

    Is there room in TLL for a event thread, or political action threads?


  • #40
    Novella
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    I used to be a regular poster in this forum but I found myself posting less and less. I'm not sure if it's just me and if it is, that's completely fine, but I guess I felt that a lot of threads descended into bitchy little arguments and I often felt frustrated by it so I simply posted elsewhere.

    That's about it really. I don't mind threads in relation to parenting in the forum. It's the tone of the threads that was more my issue.


  • #41
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,947 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    I dont post very regularly on the chat thread, but read it daily - one of the main reasons I dont post is that I dont do much these days that is very interesting being on maternity leave, and I'd only bore people.;) I havent found it cliquey at all - in fact when I started posting on the chat thread I got a great welcome from loads of posters, the same as I have seen many other new posters come on, post a few lines and get 7 -8 replies straight afterwards welcoming them or replying to the topic of the post. I dont think I have ever seen a new poster not acknowleged and welcomed by a regular or two.

    And, as a new mum, I have never got the impression that me discussing my baby is unwelcome. In fact lots of the child-free posters had a genuine interest in my pregnancy progression, they "named" my baby (as is customary in TLL chat thread :p) wished me luck when it was near my labour date, wondered if I'd had the baby yet when I hadnt posted in a few days, and congratulated me when I returned, some requested pictures, others even met baby in person! That does not sound like intolerance to me.

    I (personallly) disagree with the poster who thinks that we should limit our conversations to PG-rated topics. If we cant talk "smut" (which is usually only a bit of innuendo) then do we limit the topics that are hard hitting such as the sexual abuse support thread - some of that would be harrowing to a young teen. What about the Ladygardening thread? Periods? Abortion? There are other forums that have stuff linked that is NSFW- which we usually never have. I'd be inclined to think that if a 13year old is even interested in reading some of the topics in The Ladies Lounge that they may actually learn something. But, this is not a forum for 13 year olds - the clue is in the name. Clearasil and Hormones is thattaway.>>>


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  • #42
    LizT
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,089 ✭✭✭✭LizT


    I'd agree in a way that the off topic thread is cliquey but I don't think it's intentional. I've only started posting there recently and it's only because I know a few of the posters from other forums.

    However, that's to be expected. Lots of the posters are regulars there, they post there everyday and as a result they get to know other posters. I think people need to contribute to the thread, get themselves recognised as a poster here, basically get involved!!

    You can't expect all the regulars to drop everything and welcome all the new posters and explain running jokes/certain references that you may not get if you're not a regular (although I will say I've found the majority of posters here to be very welcoming)

    The one thing I don't like is some posters getting in sly digs, sometimes posting in what I perceive to be a bitchy tone but not necessarily in a way that's against the charter or in a way that would merit a report. That's what I think puts people off posting here but that's just my opinion. I'm not sure that anything can be done about this.


  • #43
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    LizT wrote: »

    The one thing I don't like is some posters getting in sly digs, sometimes posting in what I perceive to be a bitchy tone but not necessarily in a way that's against the charter or in a way that would merit a report. That's what I think puts people off posting here but that's just my opinion. I'm not sure that anything can be done about this.

    I'd like to add this point too. I guess my question for the mods is, is it ok to report them even if they aren't specifically abusive? Just if the same posters were being reported over and over for these snide comments, the mods could see a pattern then and decide whether to act or not?

    I don't like the smut, but see no problem with it, just pass over any comments your don't like, same as threads you don't like. I have no issue with anything being discussed as long as it doesn't breach the charter, my personal tastes have no baring! As for it being not child friendly, that's up to parents to supervise their kids online :P

    One thing that I noticed, but can't say is an issue, is sometimes people bringing other agendas into the chat thread. Sometimes (not often) people will discuss Atheism, or religion, or politics, or abortion, or race, or an argument they are having in another forum within that thread. I'm just unsure of what should be allowed or not regarding sensitive issues such as these. I don't want to name any specific examples here though.


  • #44
    Ellsbells
    Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells


    I am really getting sick of tll. You can't post to say 'I don't like green' without someone coming on to say I am insulting blue or that purple is a worse scenario. :(

    It's a shame because it has the potential of being a great forum.


  • #45
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,301 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    I'd like to add this point too. I guess my question for the mods is, is it ok to report them even if they aren't specifically abusive? Just if the same posters were being reported over and over for these snide comments, the mods could see a pattern then and decide whether to act or not?
    Oh defo report that kind of thing. As you say a one off may and usually means nothing, but consistent stuff does no one any good.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #46
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,301 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    AhInFairness wrote: »
    Discussing motherhood in a female oriented forum is a no brainer.
    [personal opinion] I'd agree. Yes there's the parenting forum and specific type stuff can go in there, but I really don't see what the issue is with having some conversations here from the female point of view. As a general thing there is a difference between the genders in childcare, especially with young kids so like you say it's pretty much a no brainer. If that's not your bag, then I'd echo what others have said, if you don't have an interest in a subject then you don't have to read it. We already have that. EG Some live in the chat thread and rarely post outside it(though may read) and others post in various main threads and never darken the chat thread. Grand I say. [/personal opinion]

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #47
    Ectoplasm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 4,701 ✭✭✭Ectoplasm


    As a long time reader of tLL I was delighted to log in and see a feedback thread. I am a lazy poster and I freely admit that, but I'm on boards more or less daily and tLL is one of the few forums that I always check but lately I've been feeling kinda irritated when I do and I've been trying to pin down why. The conclusion I've come to could be nonsense but this thread seems like the ideal place to put it. :)

    There seems to be quite a lot of sniping going on in threads and *some* posters are taking an entrenched attitude into every thread and it is to the detriment of the forum in general.

    Take the mother/non-mother thing; those who feel tLL is 'against' mothers see it in every thread vaguely related to it and those who feel tLL is 'for' mothers see it in every thread vaguely related to it. The result is that these threads don't get to 'stand on their own merits' (for want of better phrasing) and get taken over by sniping which gets boring quickly.

    Personally I don't see either of those 'biases' and while sure, some topics may be better suited to other forums, the mods do a pretty good job of sending them where they should go.

    I posted this a while back on another thread:
    I think sometimes people when they are challenged on what they have posted take it personally and see it as an 'attack' rather than just a challenge or a way for another poster to understand where they're coming from - and unfortunately when that happens, it's all to easy to dig the heels in and refuse to reconsider your position

    I admitted in that thread that I have been guilty of that myself. The thing is though disagreement is NOT criticism - even if it is, where is the harm. I learn far more from those that challenge me than those that agree with me.

    Regarding cliqueishness (quite possibly a made-up word) on the forum I don't see it as a problem; cliques are generally exclusive and on a forum the only way to be excluded is to choose not to post.

    My own personal feedback would be that while I think the mods do an excellent job, I do think sometimes there could be a bit more scope given to humour on the forum. I don't think that every topic must be a 'serious' one but that might just be me.


  • #48
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Great feedback so far, thanks everyone.

    If you don't like something in the forum or think it needs to be brought to a mods attention then report or PM a mod, if you report a mod, that mod doesn't deal with that report/complaint so don't ever be put off reporting, or even pming if you aren't comfortable reporting. It doesn't matter who it's about or what it's about if you think something is going on which is affecting your enjoyment of the forum or you think could be acted on differently and improve the forum then please just shout.

    For the mothers Vs non-mothers thing, as a poster I don't have an issue with parenting threads in tLL. Given what a huge chunk of time mothering can take in a woman's life or the numerous issues affecting women which relate to motherhood it seems bonkers not to have those kind of threads in a forum dedicated to female perspectives. What I would say though is those posting parenting related threads can choose to phrase their threads acknowledging that not all posters are going to be/want to be parents or post assuming all posters ARE parents, which just gets backs up. So for me it's less about the topic and more about how the topic is being portrayed/brought up for discussion that is causing issues...that's just my personal view on it, mind.

    All in all I'm more of a "if you don't like it, don't read it" type poster - I really like that there is a mix of serious and non-serious topics and I can dip in and out depending on mood. I would ask if there is a better way of modding those threads tho? Should they be modded so that the OP is respected absolutely? I've noticed a couple of times when OP's are coming back to their own threads and stating that wasn't what their thread was for/about - should the OP be able to set out their thread and it is modded to that effect?
    Sharrow wrote: »
    What about an events thread?

    The march thread got closed which I think was ashame esp as it was a few days before the event, I had people pming me trying to sort out meeting up
    when that sort of discussion could have happened in the thread.

    Is there room in TLL for a event thread, or political action threads?

    Good question - what do you think folks? Do you think tLL should have a noticeboard type facility for events which specifically are of interest to/relating to women? Sticky for a while kind of thing - or rather than discussion, an info thread? Would posters be okay with having both sides represented because we'd have to be fair, if the pro-side gets their thread/sticky, so would the anti-...


  • #49
    Lucyfur
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,513 ✭✭✭✭Lucyfur


    I think a notice board is a great idea:)

    I would be concerned that people supporting X might get offended when people supporting Y come along and advertise something, but if that can be taken care of in a mod note, I don't see why we shouldn't have one:)


  • #50
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 53,068 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Lucyfur wrote: »
    I would be concerned that people supporting X might get offended when people supporting Y come along and advertise something, but if that can be taken care of in a mod note, I don't see why we shouldn't have one:)

    That'll be just tough luck tbh. If it's there, it's there for everyone.

    I'm not sure I like the idea. I'll have to think about it a bit more.
    Who do we allow to use this thread? regular posters? First time posters?
    Do we allow discussion or just one post with the event and link to the details?


  • #51
    meeeeh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,612 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    Ickle Magoo wrote: »
    Great feedback so far, thanks everyone.
    Good question - what do you think folks? Do you think tLL should have a noticeboard type facility for events which specifically are of interest to/relating to women? Sticky for a while kind of thing - or rather than discussion, an info thread? Would posters be okay with having both sides represented because we'd have to be fair, if the pro-side gets their thread/sticky, so would the anti-...

    Couldn't there be just one notice board for events, regardless of the subject or which side is being represented and where discussion would be limited to logistics of the event. And if somebody wants to discuss the subject they can open a separate thread. It's confusing when details about the event get lost in the flood of pro et contra posts.


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  • #52
    x Purple Pawprints x
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,401 ✭✭✭✭x Purple Pawprints x


    The events thread is a great idea I think.


  • #53
    hdowney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,921 ✭✭✭✭hdowney


    I'm fifty/fifty on the noticeboard. I would have the same questions as Whoopsa tbh. So I shall leave it to the mods to see if the sitch can be ironed out enough for there to be go-ahead given.

    As to my feedback, I have also noticed the 'pickyness' of some posters, and it is far from confined the the parent V non-parent groups. Some people just seem to believe (so it seems to me) that their opinion is and SHOULD be the only one, the right one, the one that matters, and therefore they attack anyone who has the 'cheek' to hold a different view. I also notice sometimes an OP will ask for advice on a subject but already have a pre-concieved notion of what answers they want/expect from people and when someone gives them advice that doesn't tally with this notion, they attack them and tell them if they can't be 'constructive' not to post. Who is to say that they are not being constructive. (I know this issue isn't confined to tLL, but since this is where we are and the feedback is for here then I am referring to when it happens here). So as to the question on letting the OP dictate how the thread should go, I do not necessarily think that is the best idea, or you could find more and more people being attacked for their opinions, and becoming less inclined to post in tLL at all.

    Thanks


  • #54
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    hdowney wrote: »
    they attack them and tell them if they can't be 'constructive' not to post.

    Are you reporting these? ^^

    While I appreciate some people ( :o ) enjoy a good debate/discussion and I have seen posters complain that they aren't being allowed to just profess whatever sweeping statement/generalisation they want without being questioned on it, there's more to it than that and if someone is being disruptive - and I know that can be hard to nail down specifically - flag it. Posters can be actioned for general disruption, not just for one specific post....but we need posters to flag/report - both in order to get a better picture of who is doing what, when, where and what the scale of irritation at that is and to moderate fairly for the good of the majority.


  • #55
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,384 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    Mainly a lurker, regularly stick the foot in the mouth, sometimes the odd witty remark, but enough about me. :D

    Just a brief comment on how people can perceive the events/noticeboard. It'll depend greatly regarding what type of events for it to be of any benefit.

    From my understanding, "The March" thread got closed out, because it became more of an advertisement for the march, as opposed to a discussion point on the item for the event. Thinking of the type of event itself, it is one of political motivation. Presenting event notices of such could give people the impression that this forum has a political agenda, if most of the events relate to an individual/similar viewpoint. This in turn can make people think it's bias towards that ideal and unwelcoming of others. As women could easily hold opposing ideals.


  • #56
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    There is an interest, if there wasn't there'd not be much point posting about such events and discussion them. And there have been threads on march and the like before.
    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=62043476

    If people wanted to post about the event the RC Church is having for their Month for Life then that would be fair.

    I think an activism/events thread would be a good idea, but then again I would say that :P


  • #57
    LeeHoffmann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    I regularly post and read a wide variety of topics in tll - atm several times a day! If I hadn´t popped into this feedback thread, I would have been unaware that there was any mothers Vs single women issue, or at least that it was any more of an issue than it would be irl. I don´t know if that´s a comment on my observation skills or whether it points to my higher than average tolerance of arguments and heated debate.
    My take on tll is that it´s a safe supportive forum with lots of interesting topics. I think sometimes it can be a bit too nannyish at times, and I wouldn´t want to see it become too heavily moderated - what I mean is, I don´t think there should be a prescribed set of topics we can talk about in here.


  • #58
    LittleBook
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,716 ✭✭✭LittleBook


    LeeHoffmann wrote: »
    If I hadn´t popped into this feedback thread, I would have been unaware that there was any mothers Vs single women issue, or at least that it was any more of an issue than it would be irl.

    I have to agree with you there Lee.

    I read here a lot more than I post and I can only think of one thread where posting about being a mother in The Ladies Lounge (as opposed to Parenting) was an actual issue.

    Any other threads have been aimed at discussing the expectation/assumption that most women want to have children or attitudes to women who choose not to have children or "society's" attitude yadda yadda ... and these are clearly open to parents and non-parents.

    For what it's worth, I think there should be no topic that is out of bounds for discussion in The Ladies Lounge*.

    * Assuming it's in the spirit of the forum and within the charter of course.


  • #59
    LizT
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,089 ✭✭✭✭LizT


    Deleted User wrote: »
    That'll be just tough luck tbh. If it's there, it's there for everyone.

    I'm not sure I like the idea. I'll have to think about it a bit more.
    Who do we allow to use this thread? regular posters? First time posters?
    Do we allow discussion or just one post with the event and link to the details?

    I think it's a good idea but if discussion is allowed it needs to be clear that the discussion should only concern details of the event, not if posters support/ oppose the cause, is it right/wrong etc.

    As far who should be allowed to post, my view on it is that it could be a magnet for spammers etc and would probably need heavy moderation - is this fair to ask of the mods?

    Just throwing some ideas out here - maybe it could be a locked sticky that people have to PM the mods with the details of the event to get it posted (again, that's probably a lot of work for the mods). Maybe a better idea would be for people just to create their own thread for the event and put a warning that posts should only refer to the event and not the subject of the event (if that makes any sense :o)


  • #60
    hdowney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,921 ✭✭✭✭hdowney


    Ickle Magoo wrote: »
    Are you reporting these? ^^

    How do, yup when I see these things in any of the forums I will report them, if they seem to be to be attacking a particular poster. Sometimes I can't tell for certain so I don't but then someone else does as I see infractions and stuff so... Will continue to report where I see problems and mods can decide if I am right or wrong.

    Generally love tLL though


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  • #61
    panda100
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,551 ✭✭✭panda100


    hdowney wrote: »
    I also notice sometimes an OP will ask for advice on a subject but already have a pre-concieved notion of what answers they want/expect from people and when someone gives them advice that doesn't tally with this notion, they attack them and tell them if they can't be 'constructive' not to post.

    I know I am 100% guilty of this :o

    I think on the whole TLL is a wicked forum, and is without a doubt my favourite on boards. I would just mention one thing though. I find that many quite good new threads get pushed down off the first page never to be commented on or seen again. The' Loungers on the run', 'things you'd like to say to to your boyfriend' and 'who makes you drool' threads tend to clog up the first page. I find sometimes TLL looks likes its stuck in a time warp with these three same threads appearing. If they get so much traffic, shouldn't they be sticked?


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