Terminally Single

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Some people just don't meet partners, I'd say it would be a far greater number if people didn't settle for a relationship they're not really happy with.
I've kind of thrown in the towel at 32, but it's not the end of the world is it? You seem to be doing fine, you sound like a good person, I'd be pretty sure you'll meet someone sooner or later but not everyone does unfortunately.

I've seen you and your a good looking dude(no homo)

OP your like me I've never been with anybody and I don't see it happening anytime soon!

OP I see traces of myself in you through your posts... you've mentioned you're a problem solver and you've mentioned that you do fix things for your family. You don't come across to me as really that there's anything wrong with you, the only thing probably I picked up is that possibly that some people might see that you're too good for them; you are successful, accomplished, kind and caring, you look after those you care about, you look after yourself and are independent, you come across as a general well rounded individual who is confident and can get on with anyone and can hold conversations with men as people and not men (if you know what I mean, you like me could probably talk about sci fi or astronomy or whatever topic of conversation with a guy for hours on a platonic level as a person, rather than feel you need to present yourself as a girl talking to a boy). Perhaps too, maybe because you're easy for men to get on with that you're overlooked for being female as you're accepted in general by them without having to be validated as being female?

But going back to you being a problem solver... I think that's part of it, you want to solve this and it frustrates you that you can't. I think it's a case of having to realise you can't solve this one alone, not without outside help like being set up or talking about it with family. I can and have solved others problems and general problems for other people in life, I can never solve my own problems and issues (but often find a half solution in helping someone else) for myself, because half the time I don't know where to start as I can see better from the outside in solving problems others have, I can see things that they can't because they're too close to the situation and the issue, but myself I'm too close to the issue I try to solve for myself and get nowhere. Maybe it's the same for yourself?

While the issue is a big one for you, how high a priority do you give to resolving the issue itself? Maybe it is worth literally taking the time out to dedicate to it for a while so that you're actually proactive about it with a plan and treat it as priority?

....and I wouldn't write off asking randomers either and it may be that is something worth trying if not to find a connection, even if it does not last, but to inspire your confidence to not give up while actively trying to find meaning in your life on that scale?

It's a cliche of course, but my experience of meeting someone has been that it happens when you have really, honestly, genuinely put it to the back of your brain and bottom of your priorities list.

I'm in my late 20s and spent most of my life single until recently - single and obsessed with it. I made excuses for it, I felt shame for it, I felt I had to cover it up, I felt it meant people would think there was something wrong with me, I felt I wasn't 'relationship material', Jesus, I remember a few times I invented 'exes' just to fit in with everyone else. I felt I'd end up alone forever, yadda yadda yadda. It's a long list and comprised 100% of negative, self-destructive thoughts about myself and my life and you can just imagine the kind of vibes I must have been giving to the people around me. I didn't feel 'enough' by myself. And I wondered then why the singledom persisted :rolleyes:

It's Dating 101 stuff that people are attracted to confident, outgoing, happy people. OK, we all know that. What is so easy to lose awareness of when you're long-term single though is the fact that that feeling of 'lacking' in you, translates to a shaky, nervous, insecure, self-conscious, unapproachable sometimes aloof, sometimes miserable demeanour. I am none of those things; never have been - always had lots of friends, well-liked by people. But looking back on my interactions with men, social occasions when people typically meet someone like talking to strangers in the pub, meeting male friends of friends etc...that's the image I projected. Because it was always on my radar. 'Oh here we go again, last woman standing again tonight' or 'loads of men...all any of them will want is sex because I'm not 'relationship material''.

About a year ago I got seriously sick of my own negative inner dialogue and decided, fcuk it, if I'm gonna be on my own forever I may as well drop the men stress and enjoy myself, and the male attention escalated. Because I was being me, not some poor desperate girl who obsesses over who's looking at her in any room she walks into or cares about whether or not she 'scores' at any given social event. Just me. Meeting new people. Making new friends.

Now, you don't sound like a miserable person. You sound like you've a lot going for yourself. But take a look at the negative thoughts that you're feeding yourself. Even the thread title, 'terminally single.' Is it a disease now? A horrible affliction that you'll suffer through for the rest of your days? No. It's the state you came into this world in and to this point in your life, it's the more natural state for you than being in a relationship. Embrace yourself. Look within yourself, not outside of yourself. There's too much to you to undersell yourself because you don't have a man walking beside you.

I've never ever been on a date before, at this rate I think they are maybe something that only exists in the movies?