Are kids really worth all the hassle

crixos30 · 01-09-2012 06:59AM

when i was in my teens and early twenties i drank the crap out of it Friday Saturday Sunday and some times Monday,bringing home different girls every night and not really giving a sh!t about any thing really ..when i was 20 i met my soon to be wife and totally fell for her at 24 we had our first child and 26 our second,looking back at the way i was ..for ever hungover and genuinely bored with life i wouldn't change the way things turned out for a second,and as for missing the social life and being broke i couldn't care less ..i would give up any thing to see them happy and until you experience this your self you won't know what its like.

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 07:33AM

I don't believe they are, no, and believe that many have them simply because they've nothing else in life to look forward to.

Life isn't all about drinking, going to clubs,etc. so when you're tired of that, it doesn't mean the only thing left to do is have a kid...or maybe for some that's just how life is?

I don't drink much and I certainly don't go to clubs much, but I want more out of life than the monotonous getting up early to get the kids ready, going to work from 9-6, coming home and dealing with the kids for a few hours, maybe having an hour or two to yourself and then repeat every day for at least the first 15 years of their life. Have a few and you won't be getting out of that cycle until you're well on in life.

I want to keep my life with lots of open doors and having kids just does not fit in with that at all. I want to work hard, earn well and enjoy the rewards. Not work my arse off to support some ingrates who, lets be honest, aren't offering anything substantial to my life.

People say "oh but what about when you're older?Who will support you then?", lets be honest folks, I've seen lots of people "supporting" their elderly parents and it amounts to choosing a home for them, in a lot of cases the home that will put the least dent into the inheritance, and visiting them once a week. I'm not spending a good chunk of life giving my all to some kids in order to receive such "support", thank you very much.

Kids take away any chance of you living your life to any great degree until you're too late to enjoy most of it. Feck that.

SomeGuyCalledMi · 01-09-2012 07:41AM

People with kids feel sorry for people without kids and people without kids feel sorry for people with kids. It's the way of the world.

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 07:43AM

ermahgerd wrote: »

I don't believe they are, no, and believe that many have them simply because they've nothing else in life to look forward to.

Life isn't all about drinking, going to clubs,etc. so when you're tired of that, it doesn't mean the only thing left to do is have a kid...or maybe for some that's just how life is?

I don't drink much and I certainly don't go to clubs much, but I want more out of life than the monotonous getting up early to get the kids ready, going to work from 9-6, coming home and dealing with the kids for a few hours, maybe having an hour or two to yourself and then repeat every day for at least the first 15 years of their life. Have a few and you won't be getting out of that cycle until you're well on in life.

I want to keep my life with lots of open doors and having kids just does not fit in with that at all. I want to work hard, earn well and enjoy the rewards. Not work my arse off to support some ingrates who, lets be honest, aren't offering anything substantial to my life.

People say "oh but what about when you're older?Who will support you then?", lets be honest folks, I've seen lots of people "supporting" their elderly parents and it amounts to choosing a home for them, in a lot of cases the home that will put the least dent into the inheritance, and visiting them once a week. I'm not spending a good chunk of life giving my all to some kids in order to receive such "support", thank you very much.

Kids take away any chance of you living your life to any great degree until you're too late to enjoy most of it. Feck that.

What about people who have kids in their early twenties, they're not past it at forty so long as you take care of your health.

af_thefragile · 01-09-2012 07:52AM

I guess it'ld cool to have kids and u can relive ur childhood and do everything u wanted to as a kid with them. U can go camping, fishing, go karting etc. and you'll have a great time.

I agree life isn't about getting wasted every weekend and scoring all the young girls in the country...

John_Rambo · 01-09-2012 07:54AM

Some people should have kids and ad to the gene pool.

Some people probably shouldn't, but do.

Some people here obviously know they shouldn't and don't.

Fair play to them.

rob w · 01-09-2012 08:14AM

Oh, the irony!!

:D

xoxyx · 01-09-2012 09:48AM

When I was a kid myself (13 or so), there was one of our mates who said she never wanted children. We thought she was weird because, sure that's what you do. You grow up, get a job (as an astronaut or pop singer obviously), get married, and have kids.

Now I'm moving through the twenties and the thought of having a child scares me into my bones. I can see the pros - I have friends who have children and I hear all the stories of what they get up to, and it does sound like they get a lot of fulfillment from them. Certainly, it's another person in life that you are going to love unconditionally and they'll feel the same way about you (apart from the teenage years), and that's always welcome. But, on the flip side, you have to dedicate yourself to them, change your priority in life from an individual to a parent, and put up with them not realising how much you do for them - not to mention the lack of sleep.

I'm too happy with how life is now to even contemplate having children. And, as for the responsibility and dread that something would happen to them - I don't need that thanks very much!!

I think lots of us are programmed from an early age that kids are one of the inevitable steps in life, whereas, in reality, not everybody needs to be a parent.

floggg · 01-09-2012 10:04AM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What's with so many people thinking we need fewer babies being born, correct me if I'm wrongful but isn't there a problem approaching in that we don't have enough young people to support the growing number of elderly in the first world, we need more kids not less.

Well given that we are about to kill the planet through over population, I'm sure immigration old solve our problems. - if we didn't hate poor people so much.

smcelhinney · 01-09-2012 11:23AM

floggg wrote: »

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Bad Panda · 01-09-2012 11:37AM

crixos30 wrote: »

when i was in my teens and early twenties i drank the crap out of it Friday Saturday Sunday and some times Monday,bringing home different girls every night and not really giving a sh!t about any thing really ..when i was 20 i met my soon to be wife and totally fell for her at 24 we had our first child and 26 our second,looking back at the way i was ..for ever hungover and genuinely bored with life i wouldn't change the way things turned out for a second,and as for missing the social life and being broke i couldn't care less ..i would give up any thing to see them happy and until you experience this your self you won't know what its like.

So no kids = a life of booze binges, hangovers and never finding someone you really love!?!

For you maybe!

I know how to enjoy my life without being a total p1sshead thanks! It's worrying you needed a child for you to stop. Not a great example really when you think about it.

Alfred123 · 01-09-2012 11:42AM

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They **** you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Me - I'm a Larkinist

crazy cabbage · 01-09-2012 11:53AM

I dont see myself having kids, not becouse i dont think that i would be able to good parent but becosue i dont think that people should have kids for the sake of it or becouse that is where they are in life ect.

In my experience most people who have kids have them plus/minus a year after getting married, which i also dont see the benifits of but that is different debate. I think that there is a social expatation to have kids after getting married. Some people even have the cheak to being it up in convo after people get married.

I dont see peoples arguments that not having babys = geting drunk and clubing till your 60 (insert age as appropate). That seems very nieve imo. There is more to life than that.

yes if a cuple want to have kids then that is brilent and all but i dont think people really consider not have kids after geting married.

I dont think i know anyone who hasen't had kids after being married for say 2 years.

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 11:53AM

floggg wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What's with so many people thinking we need fewer babies being born, correct me if I'm wrongful but isn't there a problem approaching in that we don't have enough young people to support the growing number of elderly in the first world, we need more kids not less.

Well given that we are about to kill the planet through over population, I'm sure immigration old solve our problems. - if we didn't hate poor people so much.

In what way will more babies kill the planet?

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 11:56AM

SomeGuyCalledMi wrote: »

People with kids feel sorry for people without kids and people without kids feel sorry for people with kids. It's the way of the world.

No, people with kids "feel sorry" for people without kids and people without kids feel sorry for people with kids.

The general feeling from young parents is jealousy and/or a wish that other people had children so they had others to suffer with.

People naturally do not feel sorry for people with more freedom than themselves.

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What about people who have kids in their early twenties, they're not past it at forty so long as you take care of your health.

So go to school from 4-18, college from 18-21/22, start your career at 22 and then what, find someone you wish to have a child with and have a child pretty much immediately, then spend the next 18 years being responsible for that, going to work to support that and finally feel freedom at 43-45ish, when most of the people you know who waited until their 30s are in the middle of rearing theirs?

Does not sound very nice to me, not one bit.

crazy cabbage · 01-09-2012 11:59AM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What's with so many people thinking we need fewer babies being born, correct me if I'm wrongful but isn't there a problem approaching in that we don't have enough young people to support the growing number of elderly in the first world, we need more kids not less.

We need young people to have more babies to support ageing population

That is the silliest reason i have ever heard to have kids

Lets take your argument for a second though. All young people have more babies to support growing population. Then there will be a bigger number of young people who will get old. Then the generation after will need to have even more babies to support this generation of older people ect ect. You see where this is going.

People shouldn't have kids just so that you can get your welfare when your older. That is fundemantly flawed imo

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 12:03PM

crazy cabbage wrote: »

I dont see peoples arguments that not having babys = geting drunk and clubing till your 60 (insert age as appropate). That seems very nieve imo. There is more to life than that.

Absolutely. I've seen the implication made a few times in this thread that NOT settling down early and having children = some sleazy lifestyle of going to clubs where you're much older than everyone else and being drunk all the time.

It *sounds* like the kind of bull**** those who've been forced into the former make themselves believe in order to make their life more tolerable.

There's a whole world out there to enjoy and there is just so, so much things you cannot do with children in tow.

What I will say is the following, and I believe that it applies to the majority:
To the unambitious, kids provide a reason to life. To the ambitious, kids stand in the way of your reasons for life.

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 12:08PM

crazy cabbage wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What's with so many people thinking we need fewer babies being born, correct me if I'm wrongful but isn't there a problem approaching in that we don't have enough young people to support the growing number of elderly in the first world, we need more kids not less.

We need young people to have more babies to support ageing population
That is the silliest reason i have ever heard to have kids

Lets take your argument for a second though. All young people have more babies to support growing population. Then there will be a bigger number of young people who will get old. Then the generation after will need to have even more babies to support this generation of older people ect ect. You see where this is going.

People shouldn't have kids just so that you can get your welfare when your older. That is fundemantly flawed imo

I never said that was a reason to have kids, merely refuting the idea that we need less babies.

shopaholic01 · 01-09-2012 12:09PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What's with so many people thinking we need fewer babies being born, correct me if I'm wrongful but isn't there a problem approaching in that we don't have enough young people to support the growing number of elderly in the first world, we need more kids not less.

Look at the other side of that arguement too - a lot of parents are now helping their adult children financially, helping to pay mortgages, letting them move home so they can rent out their house to pay the mortgage etc. I don't know any good parent who stops being a parent when their children are adults. Great if you really want to be a parent, pretty miserable if you don't.

It's as normal not to want children as it is to want them. We're conditioned to think that the purpose of life is school, college, job, marriage and children. I did the first three by choice and have no intention of doing the last two. A lot of people assume I'm somehow odd, those who don't know me assume I never had the opportunity and look at me with pity.

Do I worry about dying alone? No, essentially we all die alone. Do I worry about not having children standing beside my hospital bed? No, if they were there if would mean I had children I never wanted. Also, a lot of children are not there for their parents, or are there out of a sense of duty/guilt. Not all, but some.

If you want children and can be a good parent great, but a lot of people know it's not for them.

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 12:11PM

ermahgerd wrote: »

SomeGuyCalledMi wrote: »

People with kids feel sorry for people without kids and people without kids feel sorry for people with kids. It's the way of the world.

No, people with kids "feel sorry" for people without kids and people without kids feel sorry for people with kids.

The general feeling from young parents is jealousy and/or a wish that other people had children so they had others to suffer with.

People naturally do not feel sorry for people with more freedom than themselves.

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What about people who have kids in their early twenties, they're not past it at forty so long as you take care of your health.

So go to school from 4-18, college from 18-21/22, start your career at 22 and then what, find someone you wish to have a child with and have a child pretty much immediately, then spend the next 18 years being responsible for that, going to work to support that and finally feel freedom at 43-45ish, when most of the people you know who waited until their 30s are in the middle of rearing theirs?

Does not sound very nice to me, not one bit.

Not everyone goes to college, it doesn't sound good to you but it does to others. Some people have their kids young, then have their 40's to go travelling etc when they can afford to travel in more luxury. For many people the thoughts of changing nappies and having no sleep in your thirties or early forties doesn't sound too good.

ArtSmart · 01-09-2012 12:11PM

furiousox wrote: »

I used to be into "hard drugs" at the weekends, now it's more "soft furnishings"

Difficult to say which is the sadder....

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 12:19PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Not everyone goes to college, it doesn't sound good to you but it does to others. Some people have their kids young, then have their 40's to go travelling etc when they can afford to travel in more luxury. For many people the thoughts of changing nappies and having no sleep in your thirties or early forties doesn't sound too good.

How could they afford to travel in more luxury?

Their careers would undoubtedly be stunted by early parenthood (i.e the guy/girl who sticks around the office longer, has less distractions etc. gets promoted/quicker.), their money earned would be going towards paying for their child/children very directly for at least 18 years. On top of that, they would have to buy or rent somewhere sizable enough to accommodate a family. They also have to worry about their pension.

Then, when their child is old enough to look after itself, it is going to college. College kids will need fees paid for, books bought, perhaps rent etc etc.

Realistically, if luxury travel is what appeals to them then they should absolutely not be having children in their twenties, enjoy all the disposable income they have and THEN have children.

Having children early suits people who never had much of a direction in mind in their life. They got through school, did something like business, graduate and don't know what else to do so hey, what's looked at as an accomplishment? Marriage and children.

Same applies for those who didn't do well academically either and didn't go to college. Managed to get an entry level job?What next? Marriage and children, sure what else is there.

If you've career or personal ambitions then having children young is going to delay or put a halt to those ambitions. Your ability to "achieve" in both your career and hobbies or other personal aspirations is extremely stunted or even halted when you've a mouth to feed, cloth and educate.

scoob70 · 01-09-2012 12:20PM

CJC999 wrote: »

Do you really want to be that sad 40 something still out every night at the weekend trying to pretend your 10yrs younger while all your friends are at home with their families?

Mmmmm - that sad 40 year old travelling the world - meeting more friends in a night than you do in a year

.

Scanlas The 2nd · 01-09-2012 12:36PM

ermahgerd wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Not everyone goes to college, it doesn't sound good to you but it does to others. Some people have their kids young, then have their 40's to go travelling etc when they can afford to travel in more luxury. For many people the thoughts of changing nappies and having no sleep in your thirties or early forties doesn't sound too good.

How could they afford to travel in more luxury?

Their careers would undoubtedly be stunted by early parenthood (i.e the guy/girl who sticks around the office longer, has less distractions etc. gets promoted/quicker.), their money earned would be going towards paying for their child/children very directly for at least 18 years. On top of that, they would have to buy or rent somewhere sizable enough to accommodate a family. They also have to worry about their pension.

Then, when their child is old enough to look after itself, it is going to college. College kids will need fees paid for, books bought, perhaps rent etc etc.

Realistically, if luxury travel is what appeals to them then they should absolutely not be having children in their twenties, enjoy all the disposable income they have and THEN have children.

Having children early suits people who never had much of a direction in mind in their life. They got through school, did something like business, graduate and don't know what else to do so hey, what's looked at as an accomplishment? Marriage and children.

Same applies for those who didn't do well academically either and didn't go to college. Managed to get an entry level job?What next? Marriage and children, sure what else is there.

If you've career or personal ambitions then having children young is going to delay or put a halt to those ambitions. Your ability to "achieve" in both your career and hobbies or other personal aspirations is extremely stunted or even halted when you've a mouth to feed, cloth and educate.

People in their forties generally make more money than those in their twenties so chances are you would have more money to allow yourself to enjoy travelling more. The kids would be adults do they wouldn't be coming along.

I would much prefer to have children in my early twenties than in my thirties, I think the closer you are in age to your children the closer your relationship all things equal. I think I'd prefer not to have children at all than to have them past 36 ish. At that age I'd prefer to be able to do activities together with my kids rather than than changing their nappies.

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 12:44PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

People in their forties generally make more money than those in their twenties so chances are you would have more money to allow yourself to enjoy travelling more. The kids would be adults do they wouldn't be coming along.

I would much prefer to have children in my early twenties than in my thirties, I think the closer you are in age to your children the closer your relationship all things equal. I think I'd prefer not to have children at all than to have them past 36 ish. At that age I'd prefer to be able to do activities together with my kids rather than than changing their nappies.

Do you have children and if so, at what age did you have them?

crazy cabbage · 01-09-2012 12:49PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

People in their forties generally make more money than those in their twenties so chances are you would have more money to allow yourself to enjoy travelling more. The kids would be adults do they wouldn't be coming along.

Possible but at that stage you and your partner are also in fulltime employment. How many holidays do ye get. Lets say 20days during the year. You and your partner have to try and get these 20 days off at the same time in order to travel and even then there is no jeting off to america for a year or spending 6 months on mainland europe simply becouse of time restrictions
Or you could quit your job in which case the argument about more money is fruitless

And you comment says 'more money to allow yourself to enjoy travelling more'. That is not the case for most people i know atleast and defently not the case for me. I dont want vasts amount of money traveling. I am more likly to enjoy a trip if i land in a country with not much more than the clothes i am standing in.

More money doesn't equle more enjoyable. This is flawed.

ermahgerd · 01-09-2012 12:55PM

shopaholic01 wrote: »

A lot of people assume I'm somehow odd, those who don't know me assume I never had the opportunity and look at me with pity.

I'm the same, I don't want children and have no interest in getting married. I'm also in a long term relationship with a partner who is the same.

What really gets my back up is when people, always parents, turn around when they ask me about kids and are told I don't want them and tell me how "everyone goes through that, you'll change in a few years"...despite me being 26 and with a very good idea of what I do/don't want in life.

It's always fathers though, it has to be said. The same guys who were enjoying life to the max, found out their girlfriend was pregnant with a child they either never wanted or didn't want for years and now suddenly wanted all along

Alfred123 · 01-09-2012 01:14PM

can everyone just shut the fcuk up ! ye sound like a bunch of unhappily marrieds. Those married, go feed yer kids and those not, well, get out there and play a game of footie or something .. just stop it NOW !!!

crazy cabbage · 01-09-2012 01:15PM

Alfred123 wrote: »

can everyone just shut the fcuk up ! ye sound like a bunch of unhappily marrieds. Those married, go feed yer kids and those not, well, get out there and play a game of footie or something .. just stop it NOW !!!

I dont think you get the point of a discussion board :pac:

CathyMoran · 01-09-2012 01:22PM

My husband and I have always wanted children but when we were getting married it looked like we would not be able to have them (it also was unlikely that I would be alive 5 years later due to severe health issues), the fact that my husband gave up the chance (he is adopted) is amazing. I became pregnant but then had a series of hertbreaking miscarriages - I remember going into Boots and buying birth control and a pregnancy test and getting odd looks (my husband could not bear seeing us loose another child) - he is 2 years and 5 months tomorrow and we were lucky enough to have a little girl just under 14 months afterwards.

We love them and treasure them - we love seeing them smile and they mean everything to us, helping someone grow up is wonderful.

Are kids really worth all the hassle

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