Meeting guys in your late twenties?

kiwi2012 · 04-08-2012 11:05AM #1

Hi im a single 28 year old living in dublin. Iv been single for a while now and im starting to lose hope. Iv had a few relationships but nothing longterm. Iv done the going out thing every weekend but im getting bored of it now and feel like theres so much competition from younger girls. Iv tried doing a few outdoor activities and sports to meet guys but nothing has really come out of that. My friends have all started to settle down and Im feeling lost. Their boyfriends dont seem to have many single guy friends either.

Has anyone met their boyfriend/husband after 28 and if so,how did you meet them?

Thanks.

OU812 · 04-08-2012 11:13AM

Of course it's possible, it may just mean you have to re-adjust your standardsz

My sister is 36 & single (says she's happy), she's still holding out for "The One", but her standards haven't changed since her 20s.

"must be tall, dark, good looking, good job/independently wealthy, confident, own car & house, fit & looks after himself, most importantly - no baggage"

We all know it's a wish list & if she got half it shed be doing great, but she's adamant that she wants it all.

I've one mate who ticks most of the boxes, apart from the blonde hair, glasses & being a little on the shy side, he's everything else on that list. She won't go near him.

Lower the standards a little, (adapt them), take a chance & ask a couple of guys out -worst they can do is say no & it's an insane ego massage for them. Most importantly, stop looking, it's only then you'll find him

mrsnewbie · 04-08-2012 11:21AM

I thought it was an old wives tale that when you don't look you'll meet them but that is what happened to me..
If I were you still get out and about every weekend.. they won't walk into your living room

28 is very young!!! I met mine one night (in my thirties) I didn't bother with all the make up and tan.. had given up on men and just fancied a drink!!! Good luck.. don't get fed up.. be happy in yourself.. don't join things just to meet men.. join them because you want to yourself.. people sense if your being yourself and it will give you loads to talk about if you are out and about, travelling etc. I don't see why someone younger would be competition.. you probably have done more with yourself and more interesting as a result!!

Ellsbells · 04-08-2012 10:03PM

mrsnewbie wrote: »

I thought it was an old wives tale that when you don't look you'll meet them but that is what happened to me..
If I were you still get out and about every weekend.. they won't walk into your living room
28 is very young!!! I met mine one night (in my thirties) I didn't bother with all the make up and tan.. had given up on men and just fancied a drink!!! Good luck.. don't get fed up.. be happy in yourself.. don't join things just to meet men.. join them because you want to yourself.. people sense if your being yourself and it will give you loads to talk about if you are out and about, travelling etc. I don't see why someone younger would be competition.. you probably have done more with yourself and more interesting as a result!!

This is great advice... forget about meeting someone but be open to it. enjoy every night out for the sake of it and not only when you meet someone. you have loads of time.

Birdster · 04-08-2012 10:15PM

kiwi2012 wrote: »

Hi im a single 28 year old living in dublin. Iv been single for a while now and im starting to lose hope. Iv had a few relationships but nothing longterm. Iv done the going out thing every weekend but im getting bored of it now and feel like theres so much competition from younger girls. Iv tried doing a few outdoor activities and sports to meet guys but nothing has really come out of that. My friends have all started to settle down and Im feeling lost. Their boyfriends dont seem to have many single guy friends either.

Has anyone met their boyfriend/husband after 28 and if so,how did you meet them?

Thanks.

I'm 34, single and living in Dublin. I still hope to meet someone decent that I'm attracted to before I pop my clogs

For me, it's mostly married men or younger men that come my way and neither of those groups are looking for an emotional connection

As I waited on Leeson street for a taxi around 4am with my male friend, he turned to me and said, after getting female #6 phone number that night, "it's like shooting fish in a barrel".....and it's true! So who's moving to West Clare?

ash23 · 05-08-2012 10:03AM

29 almost 30 and met the man I am pretty sure I am going to marry a few months ago. Well.actually I first met him 2 years ago but I was too busy chasing the young, loud, suave men in their 20s yo.notice the quiet, sensible guy in his 30s. I made the decision to change what I was looking for in a guy and one night I got talking to him properly, gave him a chance and am now blissfully happy.
On paper he is everything I don't want. His occupation, his age.... Are all things I would have ruled out a couple of years ago. But I sat down and thought about what I really want in my future and he wants the same. So the stupid small things don't matter as much as I thought.
My advice, stop looking at the players. The obvious, in your face kind of men. Look at the ones in the background.

Snoopy1 · 05-08-2012 02:50PM

im 33, and i met my latest boyfriend through online dating

beks101 · 05-08-2012 05:55PM

Yeah throw out the laundry list and just make a concerted effort to make a few new male friends. Genuinely, not a contrived effort to expand your social circle while secretely doing check lists in your head and internally evaluating every guy who crosses your path's 'dateability'.

Any guy I've ever had anything meaningful with didn't measure up to some fairytale list, but was so much more than that as a person and as a boyfriend.

And don't revolve your life around the effort to meet someone. Of course it's important to be open about being single and not to hide the fact that you're looking to meet someone, but agonizing about it tends to be counter-productive and results in you giving off unfavourable vibes.

Are you happy as a person? Just you right now, leaving aside the desire to meet someone - do you like your job, do you have solid friendships, a decent social life, an array of interesting hobbies that challenge you and allow you to grow as a person? Those are the things you need to focus on and those are the things within your control. And those are the things that will attract the right person into your life eventually.

lazygal · 05-08-2012 07:55PM

I met my now husband at 27. I never had a real proper relationship and didn't have a 'type', so I didn't really know what I was looking for in a partner, beyond the usual nice guy I could get on with stuff. When I met himself, we chatted for the evening, he went to great lengths to get my number, called me up, we went out and that was that. Its been smooth sailing for the most part, no big dramas, no 'why hasn't he called/texted/emailed', no 'where is this going'. From an early stage we talked about the future, we both wanted to get married and have a family, so there was no point either of us getting into something if the other didn't want that.

I met him at an event I went to on my tod. I knew one or two people, but not well enough to hang out with them, so I was free to mingle and talk to whoever I wanted to. I'd made a resolution just before meeting him that I would go to whatever event I was asked to, even if i had to go alone, because I wasn't going to meet anyone sitting home alone. As an adult, you sometimes have to bite the bullet and fly solo, it worked a treat for me and I'm now happily married with a baby three years after our first date. He was at the event alone too, having made a similar resolution to me.

riveratom · 05-08-2012 08:33PM

One thing I've learnt recently is that if you want something, you've got to go out and get it. We've been conditioned as a society to believe that someone we like is going to just drop out of the sky.

We all know and recognise that you have to invest time in getting what you want and to where you want to be when it comes to everything else (e.g. career, fitness, friendships, etc) - if you think about it, why should and would it be any different when it comes to relationships?

Oh and OP, speaking as a guy, you should defo ask a guy out if there is flirting going on!

Neyite · 05-08-2012 09:13PM

mrsnewbie wrote: »

I thought it was an old wives tale that when you don't look you'll meet them but that is what happened to me..

This happened me too. I clung onto a train wreck of a relationship at age 27 because I was too scared I was "over the hill". Domestic abuse made the decision for me, and I left, not caring if I met another man ever again. I took time out from dating for counselling to work on the self esteem that had been shaky to begin with, but totally eroded from said relationship, so I was 29 (and a half!) and most definately not looking when I met my current partner.

We had known each other from a workplace years before but never thought of each other in that way, and he also was smarting from a train wreck of his own, so hanging out suited us down to the ground. It was a very slow paced relationship and still is. We decided to start a family when we were together 4 years, and after a little difficulty, have a newborn baby and me now 37. We are 8 years together this month, and I knew from the first year it was a keeper relationship.

I dont know why the whole "if your not looking etc" theory sometimes works sometimes, like it did in my case. If I was to guess, I think its because we attract like to like - when I was at my most insecure, was when I ended up with boyfriends who had jealousy issues. When I was unhappily single, I suspect I was too eager to make a budding relationship work and thats not attractive either becoming a bit of a doormat, and the guys themselves in hindsight were uncomfortable with singledom, having lined up the replacement girlfriend before dumping me. It was only when I had finally become comfortable in my own skin and assertive enough and loved and respected me first that I landed into the perfect relationship with someone who is also comfortable in his own skin and who loves and respects me as well as himself.

(I am not for a moment suggesting that you have any of the issues I had OP, just explaining what changes happened for me around my late twenties.:))

daenerysstormborn3 · 05-08-2012 09:25PM

One of my aunts went through an awful period of dating when she lived in America. She worked as a nanny over there for 17 years and during that time met some god awful assholes and some lovely guys. She held onto this belief (forced upon her by a large family and a mother of the Catholic persuasion) that she shouldn't have kids until she was happily married. Unfortunately none of the men she dated in America were long-term. She returned to Ireland about 7 years ago and 4 years ago met her current boyfriend, she is now 42 and he is 52. Unfortunately the most heartbreaking part of it for her is that it now appears too late for her to have children. They are lucky enough that they have the money to explore all avenues and have had no success so far. After 17 years working as a nanny, all she ever wanted was her own kids. She just takes comfort in the fact that at least she now has a boyfriend who loves her and treats her with respect, even though it breaks her heart that she can't conceive.

My aunt met her boyfriend after being set up by friends but she wasn't on a desperate search prior to that. She just kind of sat back and told herself, if it happens, it happens and it did.

Birdster · 05-08-2012 10:29PM

Anyone else getting messages from guys trolling this thread??? FFS!! :eek:

daenerysstormborn3 · 05-08-2012 11:10PM

lol, no way! I'd say report them, don't think that was the intention of the OP

Birdster · 05-08-2012 11:20PM

pixiebean22 wrote: »

lol, no way! I'd say report them, don't think that was the intention of the OP

I don't think I need to report it, there's been nothing since I posted that

Honestly can't believe that!!

05-08-2012 11:24PM

Birdster wrote: »

I don't think I need to report it, there's been nothing since I posted that Honestly can't believe that!!

Report them, the PM system is not something to be abused

Ellsbells · 06-08-2012 11:40AM

Another thing is that a good relationship is never serious mind-bending hassle. I always think if there is a smooth start and no games that it bodes better for it long term

Sea Filly · 06-08-2012 02:49PM

OP, I met my BF six months before my 28th birthday, nearly a year ago now. I hadn't had a BF for years before that. I have never been one to get into a relationship for the sake of it. I dunno, I just always felt it was important to be ok on your own, because one never knows when they'll be left alone in this world. But, I digress. Basically, I just wanted to say, DON'T FRET!

06-08-2012 05:29PM

I have posted this a few time when this subject comes up ...my cousin got married in his mid forties for the first time he married a woman of similar age, they met in a pub ( how ordinary ).. someone I work with met her husband at 37 and got married to him at 38 had her first child at 39 and her second at 41, they met on a night out.

Crann na Beatha · 06-08-2012 05:32PM

This post has been deleted.

Penny Dreadful · 07-08-2012 03:03PM

kiwi2012 wrote: »

Hi im a single 28 year old living in dublin. Iv been single for a while now and im starting to lose hope. Iv had a few relationships but nothing longterm. Iv done the going out thing every weekend but im getting bored of it now and feel like theres so much competition from younger girls. Iv tried doing a few outdoor activities and sports to meet guys but nothing has really come out of that. My friends have all started to settle down and Im feeling lost. Their boyfriends dont seem to have many single guy friends either.

Has anyone met their boyfriend/husband after 28 and if so,how did you meet them?

Thanks.

I'm 35, recently married and met my husband 2 years ago at work. He is 36.

seachto7 · 07-08-2012 03:29PM

I think it's probably easier for women? More single guys around than women in the late 20s/early 30s. Try mid 30s...!

Siuin · 07-08-2012 04:34PM

I'm going into my final year of my degree and my mom gave me a lecture recently about how 'everyone' finds their future in husband in college (I decided not to point out that she never went to college and met my dad through her job...) -- people's standards of what age is 'too late' has become ridiculous. I'm 21 ffs!

Madam_X · 07-08-2012 05:14PM

It's not a case of what it has become, I don't think. It was way worse before. But some of those remnants still remain.

riveratom · 07-08-2012 05:25PM

Tis a funny one. I've been on 8 dates with 5 different women in the past 6-8 weeks or so, met all 5 through online dating or a dating event and still single

All went well, but nothing 'real' there tbh. A breakdown:

Girl 1: Perfectly nice, attractive, we got chatting at an event. Met up, didn't fancy her as much, also no spark - it was just like meeting a friend or something.

Girl 2: looked wayyy different to her profile photo, had put on a few pounds, looked quite different but I went along with it and did fancy her. Went on 3 dates, she told me she liked me and not to hurt her, but was having issues in her own life and after the 3 dates, wanted to leave it at that.

Girl 3: Nice enough but didn't fancy her. Again, profile pic considerably different to real life!!

Girl 4: Nice but no attraction there (profile pic very small and not very visible, took a chance!). Coffee date, so all good.

Girl 5: Absolute stunner, as in could be a model, easily. But no real spark and nothing there in terms of the personality side of things.

So it sure ain't easy, but it's really a number game, like anything else. Get yourself out there and meet people, do stuff in the evenings and at weekends, get to the 'date' stage asap if you're meeting online first. Those are my tips anyway!

cantdecide · 07-08-2012 05:30PM

The freewheelin' way society works these days can be a double edged sword but one of the principles I live my life by is you must ignore the trends and focus on your own story. Kind of like 'wherever you go, there you are'. You must pay attention to details, however. You must apply energy to get the things you desire but there's no point in dwelling on things that should have happened by now or then or wherever...

leahyl · 07-08-2012 06:20PM

Hi OP I'm in the same boat - would really like to meet someone but I find it really difficult. I've never been in a relationship and I'm 27, you'd think I wasn't bothered about it at all but I am!! Lately I'm at my wits end cos I don't have any previous relationship experience to go on if I do meet someone. All I really want is a good guy that treats me right and is a family man and works hard - your typical "traditional" husband I guess! I'm told I'm very attractive (not very confident in myself) and I think I'm a nice person and I like to have a laugh but at the same time the only time I go out socially would be the odd Saturday night. My friends don't go out that often so it's hard. Even if I do go out though nothing would happen unless someone came up to me and talked to me cos I'd never go up to a guy myself!

I hear people all the time saying to get involved in things but like a previous poster said I don't believe you should get involved in something if you have no interest in the subject just on the off chance that you might meet a guy!

I don't know, I think something is gonna have to change over the next while cos a good few of my friends are moving away with work so won't have too many people to head out with at weekends anymore :-(

You're not alone OP! It's hard for people who are shy when it comes to the opposite sex - like me!!

magneticimpulse · 07-08-2012 08:21PM

riveratom wrote: »

Tis a funny one. I've been on 8 dates with 5 different women in the past 6-8 weeks or so, met all 5 through online dating or a dating event and still single All went well, but nothing 'real' there tbh. A breakdown:

Girl 1: Perfectly nice, attractive, we got chatting at an event. Met up, didn't fancy her as much, also no spark - it was just like meeting a friend or something.

Girl 2: looked wayyy different to her profile photo, had put on a few pounds, looked quite different but I went along with it and did fancy her. Went on 3 dates, she told me she liked me and not to hurt her, but was having issues in her own life and after the 3 dates, wanted to leave it at that.

Girl 3: Nice enough but didn't fancy her. Again, profile pic considerably different to real life!!

Girl 4: Nice but no attraction there (profile pic very small and not very visible, took a chance!). Coffee date, so all good.

Girl 5: Absolute stunner, as in could be a model, easily. But no real spark and nothing there in terms of the personality side of things.

So it sure ain't easy, but it's really a number game, like anything else. Get yourself out there and meet people, do stuff in the evenings and at weekends, get to the 'date' stage asap if you're meeting online first. Those are my tips anyway!

That is your problem right there!!! You do not give anybody a chance to get to know someone. Online dating can be successful if you have the right attitude. Going from one date to another however is not going to result in success....you obviously need to spend time to get to know somebody.

Birdster · 07-08-2012 09:58PM

seachto7 wrote: »

I think it's probably easier for women? More single guys around than women in the late 20s/early 30s. Try mid 30s...!

What?!?! You can't be living in Dublin then because there is hands down more single women living in Dublin than in any other part of the country.

IME Two hours outside Dublin in any direction and it's a sausage fest!

riveratom · 07-08-2012 10:00PM

magneticimpulse wrote: »

That is your problem right there!!! You do not give anybody a chance to get to know someone. Online dating can be successful if you have the right attitude. Going from one date to another however is not going to result in success....you obviously need to spend time to get to know somebody.

Well it might read that way, but not quite.

I was up for meeting girl 1 again to give it another run and see how we went, she texted to say she thought there was no spark, so that was that. She wanted to be friends instead.

Girl 2 - we had 3 dates, all was going well until she just stopped texting and then said she wanted to leave it, personal issues...

Girl 3 - I thought she was ok...but the attraction wasn't really there.

Girl 4 - Just didn't fancy her, seemed lovely though

Girl 5 - I was on for a third date, but she texted to say no spark!

And I defo would prefer to just find one girl and date her and see where it goes, than be dating lots of women

riveratom · 07-08-2012 10:08PM

Birdster wrote: »

What?!?! You can't be living in Dublin then because there is hands down more single women living in Dublin than in any other part of the country.

IME Two hours outside Dublin in any direction and it's a sausage fest!

This is what I hear alright, the only thing is I'm not out much these days, much more focused on training and clean living of late, so online dating is filling the gap!

Meeting guys in your late twenties?

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