Best Man Paying For His Own Suit????

GastroBoy · 01-02-2012 1:04pm #1

Hi.

I got asked to be best man to a close friend recently, which of course is a huge
honor.
Now that its coming closer to the wedding, however, he has asked all the groomsmen & myself for the money to hire the suit, around 110 euros.
Personally i don't feel that is right, and i know the other groomsmen feel a bit
awkward about it too.

Is this normal?? As best man should i speak up for the other groomsmen and tell him he is going about it the wrong way?
After all, I am already down a few hundred euros planning the stag, and I would never dream of asking him for his hotel fee etc...

The guy isn't short of a few pound so i know its not a budget thing.
I just thought the tradition was that the wedding party pay for such things.

Thanks, GB.

stargazer 68 · 01-02-2012 1:06pm

Sorry but thats just being a tight a**e!! I have never heard of any of the bridal party paying for their suits!

Sleepy · 01-02-2012 1:09pm

Never heard of that one before, can understand being asked to wear your own shoes or just to wear your own suit cos they're not bothering with rentals for any of the bridal party but asking you to pay for the suit hire is a bit much tbh!

no1beemerfan · 01-02-2012 1:12pm

I got married last July and I paid for the suit hire, though did ask the two fellas to get their own shoes if they didn't have good black ones they could have used. Wouldn't ask them to pay for the suits to be honest.

abouttobebanned · 01-02-2012 1:14pm

Unheard of.

GastroBoy · 01-02-2012 1:15pm

no1beemerfan wrote: »

I got married last July and I paid for the suit hire, though did ask the two fellas to get their own shoes if they didn't have good black ones they could have used. Wouldn't ask them to pay for the suits to be honest.

Of course, shoes & belts are no problem, i would expect to have that much myself.
Im talking about the suit hire.

stargazer 68 · 01-02-2012 1:25pm

GastroBoy wrote: »

Of course, shoes & belts are no problem, i would expect to have that much myself.
Im talking about the suit hire.

Never heard of it OP. You will have to speak to the other groomsmen and then to the groom. Make sure one of them doesnt cave in though and pay him!

D3PO · 01-02-2012 1:29pm

what a cheeky f**k . Hes being beyond tight.

Id tell him to find a new best man.

Zulu · 01-02-2012 1:30pm

Never heard the likes. Scab.

Staplor · 01-02-2012 1:30pm

Nope never heard of it either, and you just slap a tenner on the cost of the stag to everyone that goes on it to cover the Groom. If everyone has booked in already and paid up just say it on arrival to everyone, or have one of the groomsmen to it, they are your henchmen after all.

clint_silver · 01-02-2012 1:30pm

GastroBoy wrote: »

Of course, shoes & belts are no problem, i would expect to have that much myself.
Im talking about the suit hire.

Completely unheard of. If budget is a problem for him tell him you'll wear your own suit but will not be renting one at your cost.

Anything that is a cost that they are imposing on you would be borne by the couple. for the bridesmaids this would usually be hair, makeup, dresses, flowers, maybe shoes if they dont have any of their own to match.

for the gents this is usually just suit hire. With a dress suit you wouldnt normally have a belt.

the B&G can pay for some other things if they wish like rooms for the night for the bridal party, but this is at their discretion there is no rules about this.

If it was black tie and the rental was around the 100e mark, this is not far off the cost of a new tux, maybe more economical to buy one.

But asking you for the rental cost? Absolutely not!

Zulu · 01-02-2012 1:31pm

I'd make the groom pay his own way on the stag, the scabby git.

hoodwinked · 01-02-2012 1:32pm

with ours, we are paying for all of the groomsmen's suits, if we want them to wear a certain suit then we will pay for it, if they were allowed wear their own we wouldn't simple.

stargazer 68 · 01-02-2012 1:33pm

Maybe hes just chancing his arm in the hope that if one pays up then the others will. Tight git!

silly · 01-02-2012 1:37pm

Totally unheard of. Someone does need to tell him this...

I hope the bridesmaids aren't being asked to pay for their own dresses! :0

Mossess · 01-02-2012 1:41pm

That's just Cheap. How much is he asking each guest to handover for the meal?

GastroBoy · 01-02-2012 1:43pm

Mossess wrote: »

That's just Cheap. How much is he asking each guest to handover for the meal?

Haha, thats what i was thinking, why not charge at the door for the meal!

SirIrish · 01-02-2012 2:32pm

Getting married in 3 months. Wouldn't even think about asking the groomsmen to get or pay for their own suits. Give him a slap and tell him to cop on and tell him not to forget he has to get the groomsmen and bridesmaids gifts too

Clare Bear · 01-02-2012 5:29pm

Wow that's cheeky!! Never heard of that in my life, don't dare even consider paying for your suits! What a cheapskate!

GastroBoy · 01-02-2012 5:37pm

Clare Bear wrote: »

Wow that's cheeky!! Never heard of that in my life, don't dare even consider paying for your suits! What a cheapskate!

I know!! At the end of the day, it is their wedding and they can go about it anyway they please, and we have been friends for years which is why its difficult to bring up the topic. But I didnt ask to be best man, so why should I pay.

Thanks to all for the replies, I think I may have to say something to him about all this

Daisy M · 01-02-2012 6:09pm

If your not comfortable refusing tell him you consider the suit hire to be your wedding gift to him.

Clare Bear · 01-02-2012 6:11pm

GastroBoy wrote: »

I know!! At the end of the day, it is their wedding and they can go about it anyway they please, and we have been friends for years which is why its difficult to bring up the topic. But I didnt ask to be best man, so why should I pay.

Thanks to all for the replies, I think I may have to say something to him about all this

Show him this thread!

No I understand that it's an awkward situation but it really sounds like he's either chancing his arm or doesn't have a clue that this is how it's done. Either way he needs to know, best of luck!

professore · 01-02-2012 6:15pm

Tell him either he pays for it or he can find another best man. What an a**hole.

3DataModem · 01-02-2012 10:48pm

Ridiculous.

Tell him you'll wear your best suit. If he wants you to wear something of his choice (or something that matches) tell him he can pick up the tab.

Moonbeam · 01-02-2012 11:20pm

Are the bridesmaids being asked to the bill for their dresses?
At that price it sounds like it might be black tie?
Are the bride and groom really hard up for money?Are they expecting you to pay for your rooms in hotel etc too?
Personally I think it is a bit much and if they can't afford it ask you all to wear a suit that you own and maybe buy you matching shirts and ties.

i71jskz5xu42pb · 01-02-2012 11:29pm

Tell him you have a wedding suit, you don't need to rent one.

You know, the hand-me-down your Dad gave you from the sixties, brown velour will never go out of fashion.

frag420 · 01-02-2012 11:36pm

Rent on of these, that will teach him!!

Hope link works as on phone!!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YwERUL-RzBg/TaxHTCqlcAI/AAAAAAAACb4/bEBYVWuyjQw/s1600/dumb+3.jpg

Cellygirl · 01-02-2012 11:42pm

Is the groom Irish?

Just I know in America, the bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their own attire. Dress/suit, shoes, hair, flowers, the works.

So just wondering if the groom is not Irish and doesn't know that that's not the tradition here?

We paid for everything for our bridal party - didn't want them to be out of pocket when they were the ones doing us a favour!

We paid for dresses and suits, hair, make-up, flowers. We bought our bridal party gifts (silly trinket and a voucher for their fave restaurant) and we paid for their hotel room for the night of the wedding. Wouldn't have dreamt of doing it any other way.

If the groom IS Irish - maybe he's never been to another wedding, or doesn't have older brothers or sisters so doesn't know how it works? I just remember a mate of mine getting married and absolutely RAVING about the cake they were getting and keeping it a secret what flavour it was as 'you've never heard of or tasted anything like this' and then it turned out to be chocolate biscuit cake. My mate had never been to a wedding and had no siblings so had no idea that chocolate biscuit cake is a staple of wedding cakes now! They thought it was still the bog standard fruit cake and thought they were being so exotic and different with their chocolate biscuit cake.

So there's every chance the groom might not realise he has to pay. Deffo say it to him!

Balmed Out · 02-02-2012 12:00am

Ive never heard of that.
To be honest ive never heard of paying for the groom to be's stag either. Ive been to a dozen and everyone including the groom has paid their own way. Since a lot of the lads want to go to euro 2012 and my stag would be more of a drain then normal im having a very local stag and going to euro 2012 with the bulk of the group. Should I ask them to pay........

jomc · 02-02-2012 11:28am

Thats insane op. If he expects you to pay for your own attire then i would politely tell him you don't need to get a suit as you already have one. Talk to the groomsmen and see if you're all on the same page. If he wants you to get the suit hire, then he pays, if he doesn't want to pay then you can all wear your own suits.

How many grromsmen and bridesmaids are there? I wonder did they get carried away asking people and then realised they couldn't afford them? Do you know if the bridesmaids are being asked to pay?

Also you shouldn't be paying for the stag! Are you paying for everyone or just the groom? For my stag the lads each gave a contribution to cover my costs. I didn't ask them to do that nor did i expect it. I got them a lot of drinks as a bit of a thank you but when my bm was organising my stag i fully expected to pay for my share plus a bit more to get the lads a few drinks.

wolfpawnat · 02-02-2012 11:32am

My partner is a grooms man at a wedding this year and he was told the same. At first we were thinking "Oh well, things must be tight"......... until they went and rented a gorgeous big car for the day and are after booking a beautiful expensive hotel for the wedding reception, now the OH is a bit annoyed, especially as this is his best friend and the friend knows that he is in college and that we are pretty broke.

jomc · 02-02-2012 11:38am

wolfpawnat wrote: »

My partner is a grooms man at a wedding this year and he was told the same. At first we were thinking "Oh well, things must be tight"......... until they went and rented a gorgeous big car for the day and are after booking a beautiful expensive hotel for the wedding reception, now the OH is a bit annoyed, especially as this is his best friend and the friend knows that he is in college and that we are pretty broke.

You really should say the same thing, that he doesn't need a new suit, he already has a smart one that he can wear and can't afford the suit hire at the moment.

I think there should be a sticky on this because theres a lot of questions on what the bride and groom should and should not pay for lately!

EveT · 02-02-2012 1:57pm

tell him you'll wear a suit you already have! if he wants ye matching, his cost!

Chocoholic84 · 03-02-2012 11:21am

OP, definitely speak up for yourself and the groomsmen...this guy is completely taking the p!ss. If he has asked you to be best man, then he pays for the costs of the attire he wants you to wear - simple as that.
I will be paying for my BM's dresses, hair & make up, and have bought them the jewellery as gifts. H2B will be paying for the Best man/groomsmen attire and will also give them a gift.
Someone else posted here about paying for the bridal party's rooms, which I don't really get. I mean, if they weren't part of the bridal party, they would still be coming to the wedding anyway as normal guests?

Gatica · 03-02-2012 11:53am

as someone already mentioned, maybe he doesn't get that it's not the done thing...
Either way, it's their wedding, their choice, their expense. If they're on a tight budget, then they should plan accordingly and let the party wear what they have rather than expecting them to foot the bill for the fancies that they desire themselves.

justsomebloke · 03-02-2012 12:47pm

If you do end up paying for your own suit make sure to mention it in the best man's speech.

seamus · 03-02-2012 1:13pm

Speak to his fiancé saying that you've chatted to the lads and with the cost of the stag and the wedding, none of you can afford to shell out €110 to rent a suit when you already have perfectly good suits that you can wear. So you're all just going to wear your own suits to the wedding.

She'll hit the roof and you'll get your suits paid for.

stargazer 68 · 03-02-2012 1:14pm

Come on OP update us!

Ironman76 · 03-02-2012 1:24pm

Is your mate a politician?

Seriously though do NOT pay for your suit. I have been to enough of weddings and have been best man before. What you should do if youre uncomfortable bringing it up just say "Somebody brought it to my attention that the groomsmen dont pay for their own suit hire". Then suggest it as a wedding gift and that "its all down to affordability at the end of the day".

Diddler1977 · 03-02-2012 2:15pm

My first thought was that the groom must be American as it is the norm in the States for bridesmaids and bestmen to pay for their own clothes.

It is not the norm to do this in Ireland.

Tell him that you will wear your own suit or he can pay for suit hire.

Diddler1977 · 03-02-2012 2:16pm

Possibly the first time I've seen a thread on this forum with practically all posters saying the same thing!

GastroBoy · 07-02-2012 5:41pm

Thanks for all your advice.
Well ive decided to let him know I'm not impressed
Im just going to tell him in more of a friendly advice way
rather than confrontational.
Hopefully he'll be mature enough to accept the advice,
otherwise he can stick his suit.

saa · 07-02-2012 6:17pm

I don't see the problem in saying wear a suit but not asking for money, he should pay if he wants matching but let you pay for your own, most guys already own a decent suit, I mean its not that strange to assume someone will take care of their own outfit for the day, I think its defiantly an Irish tradition, I'm sure there is a reason lets hope the talk goes okay and all the tension dissipates.

Bride2012 · 07-02-2012 7:07pm

I worked for a suit hire company for a few years during college and through all of the weddings I dealt with only one wasn't paid for by the couple and that one was in the UK (used our branch for one groomsman). Not the norm!!! The general guideline is, if the couple impose it i.e. matching or specific, they pay for it.

stargazer 68 · 08-02-2012 10:42am

Come on Op - fill us in! What happened?

GastroBoy · 30-05-2012 11:39am

Just FYI.

I ended up not paying for it!!
Figured i was out of pocket enough with stag etc..
I didnt bring it up with him as i thought its his choice at the end of the day.
But if he were to mention the fact now or in the future i most certainly will give him my views on the matter.

Gatica · 30-05-2012 11:59am

you mean you just didn't give him the money or you decided not to hire it out?
If you just didn't hand over the money, then maybe he won't ask for it again himself, realising how stupid it was to ask for it in the first place. If he does ask for it, then, looks like you know how to handle it anyway.
Otherwise, I would just offer to wear own suit, assuming you have one.

GastroBoy · 30-05-2012 12:11pm

Gatica wrote: »

you mean you just didn't give him the money or you decided not to hire it out?

They hired the suits as normal, but I didnt give them the money they asked for a few months ago.
If they dont bring it up then i assume they feel embarassed by it so theyll leave it.

clint_silver · 30-05-2012 12:15pm

GastroBoy wrote: »

They hired the suits as normal, but I didnt give them the money they asked for a few months ago.
If they dont bring it up then i assume they feel embarassed by it so theyll leave it.

ooo I foresee trouble ahead. wait til something of yours come round. I dunno, a birthday, a christening, anything where they would be expected to give you a present of some sort. Youll know their thinking at that point.

listermint · 30-05-2012 12:17pm

you dropped your balls here, its quite simple to say 'look man thats not the done thing ask around' 'maybe you didnt know but you have to cover the groomsmen' 'just letting you know so you dont look like a tool'

conversation end.

GastroBoy · 30-05-2012 12:22pm

clint_silver wrote: »

ooo I foresee trouble ahead. wait til something of yours come round. I dunno, a birthday, a christening, anything where they would be expected to give you a present of some sort. Youll know their thinking at that point.

I was more then generous with a wedding gift of money to the couple, paid for a lot of the stag stuff for the stag himself also.
My paying for the suit was not meant as a gift in their eyes, but as if it was my duty to pay for the suit, full stop!
That is why i had/have a problem with it, because from the replies on this thread, and my own opinion, it clearly is not anyone else's duty to pay for the groomsmen suits other then the bride & groom themselves!

Best Man Paying For His Own Suit????

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