Disaster dates?

Evie90 · 30-01-2012 11:11pm #1

I'm in desperate need of a laugh so please out with your best bad date stories. My worst was a on the second date a fella decided to bring me home to mam and dad and announce that I was his girlfriend then over a very awkward cup of tea with his parents and little brothers and sisters coming in and out ta have a gawk at me he tells me that he loves me. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. He was 22 and i was 19 by the way.

Ghandee · 30-01-2012 11:21pm

First time one out my exes brought me home, (very first time in her house) I got so drunk I wondered into her patents room in the middle of the night, stark Bollock naked looking for 'da bleedin jacks'.

Sunday dinner was awkward, felt weird knowing my meat and two veg had been seen by mum and dad, and I don't mean the one that was sitting on my plate!

ihsb · 30-01-2012 11:24pm

Second date. Back at his house. Making out naked and he gets a nosebleed. He then fails to be able to get it up. Really don't know how they are connected but Hey Ho.

RichieC · 30-01-2012 11:24pm

Evie90 wrote: »

I'm in desperate need of a laugh so please out with your best bad date stories. My worst was a on the second date a fella decided to bring me home to mam and dad and announce that I was his girlfriend then over a very awkward cup of tea with his parents and little brothers and sisters coming in and out ta have a gawk at me he tells me that he loves me. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. He was 22 and i was 19 by the way.

Ah god :-((

af_thefragile · 30-01-2012 11:26pm

Reading the tread title I thought this was going to be about that awful movie with Nicholas Cage about the world going to end and aliens taking his kid and all... "Knowing" I think it was called...

Pissmire · 30-01-2012 11:26pm

ihsb wrote: »

Second date. Back at his house. Making out naked and he gets a nosebleed. He then fails to be able to get it up. Really don't know how they are connected but Hey Ho.

Second date? Obviously not a nurse then.

idunnoshur · 30-01-2012 11:26pm

Scored this girl in a pub one night, she was friends with a girl that I'm friends with and my friend had told her that I was a farmer. She said she really liked tractors as her grandfather had a farm but he had passed away and the farm was sold so I told her she could come drawing silage with me in a couple of days. I didn't expect her to say yes but she did.

Anyway she drove down to where we were drawing from and sat up in the tractor with me. Everything was going swimmingly until I went over a speed ramp going nearly flat out (anyone that's driven a tractor over a speedramp will know how rough this is) and she hit her head off the windscreen and her nose started bleeding. She went home straight after that and didn't ring me again.

Johro · 30-01-2012 11:27pm

Ghandee wrote: »

First time one out my exes brought me home, (very first time in her house) I got so drunk I wondered into her patents room, stark Bollock naked looking for 'da bleedin jacks'.

Sunday dinner was awkward, felt weird knowing my meat and two veg had been seen by mum and dad, and I don't mean the one that was sitting on my plate!

You got dinner after that?

ihsb · 30-01-2012 11:30pm

Pissmire wrote: »

Second date? Obviously not a nurse then.

No... much classier than that... well slightly

cloptrop · 31-01-2012 12:23am

This post is so un PC look away now.
I was younger once out with a girl . I was having a laugh with her saying that ginger fella over there was eyeing her up. He was ginger and I was still abit immature and he was a bit handicapped.
So I spent a while saying the ginger spastic was gonna steel her on me,
I was a bit drunk and probably kept the joke going for too long , she eventually stood up and said my brother has red hair and hes handicapped, Its not funny anymore.
She obviously didnt see the funny side , Oh what a steep learning curve sensitivity is .
She didnt want dessert either, funny that , do all relatives of gingers storm out without having dessert or calling again?

TeddyTedson · 31-01-2012 12:25am

Evie90 wrote: »

I'm in desperate need of a laugh so please out with your best bad date stories. My worst was a on the second date a fella decided to bring me home to mam and dad and announce that I was his girlfriend then over a very awkward cup of tea with his parents and little brothers and sisters coming in and out ta have a gawk at me he tells me that he loves me. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. He was 22 and i was 19 by the way.

OMG you're on boards you bitch????:eek:

im invisible · 31-01-2012 12:33am

11th September 2001

Capt'n Midnight · 31-01-2012 12:37am

ihsb wrote: »

Second date. Back at his house. Making out naked and he gets a nosebleed. He then fails to be able to get it up. Really don't know how they are connected but Hey Ho.

He must have lost a lot of blood

cloptrop · 31-01-2012 12:39am

ihsb wrote: »

Second date. Back at his house. Making out naked and he gets a nosebleed. He then fails to be able to get it up. Really don't know how they are connected but Hey Ho.

He cant get it up , its his fault , you arnt aroused its his fault,
so much pressure on the man itd almost cause a nosebleed.

Sindri · 31-01-2012 12:41am

im invisible wrote: »

11th September 2001

Khalid al-Mihdhar stand ye up?

ihsb · 31-01-2012 12:44am

cloptrop wrote: »

He cant get it up , its his fault , you arnt aroused its his fault,
so much pressure on the man itd almost cause a nosebleed.

And obviously he buckled under the pressure... cannot have been much of the player he professed to be!

cloptrop · 31-01-2012 12:44am

Sindri wrote: »

Khalid al-Mihdhar stand ye up?

+1

You do some great work man Im a big fan.

Martyn1989 · 31-01-2012 12:54am

cloptrop wrote: »

He cant get it up , its his fault , you arnt aroused its his fault,
so much pressure on the man itd almost cause a nosebleed.

I just think its hilarious that a woman would think its the mans fault he cant get it up.

Where To · 31-01-2012 12:57am

All my exes say me

cloptrop · 31-01-2012 12:59am

ihsb wrote: »

And obviously he buckled under the pressure... cannot have been much of the player he professed to be!

Maybe hes such a player you just didnt turn him on,

John Doe1 · 31-01-2012 1:05am

The one and only time I used the internet to meet a girl was a disaster, she was about 5 stone more than what she seemed in the photo

At the end of the date she suggested we go back to hers, I do cos it was close and what the hell i hadnt had it in a while. She gets naked , sees a look of slight disgust on my face and start crying and crying. I make a run for it. :cool:

Sindri · 31-01-2012 1:07am

This thread really shows us that men are bastards.

joshrogan · 31-01-2012 1:14am

I have a story to share with you. I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) - small white, petite thang, cooks for me, always been good to me.

I go away on holiday for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right. I asked my Father if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.

So fast forward to 3 weeks later... I'm coming home from work when BAM clear as day, right in my Kitchen I catch my Father red handed with his meat in my GF.

I was pissed, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.

Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my Father had the audacity to ask my how my GF has been, when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.

Should I get off the computer and start swinging at him?

OR

Pack my stuff and be on my way.

Here's pics of my GF for you guys as I know you'll ask. http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/219/51y4bi2g2ylaa280jy0.jpg/

stupidusername · 31-01-2012 1:15am

Sindri wrote: »

This thread really shows us that men are bastards.

its not even two full pages yet. i'd say most online now are lads, so wait till tomorrow, and we'll hear some of the horrors from the girls.

Sindri · 31-01-2012 1:17am

^^^LIES^^^

EDIT

Not you stupidusername.

Sindri · 31-01-2012 1:19am

stupidusername wrote: »

its not even two full pages yet. i'd say most online now are lads, so wait till tomorrow, and we'll hear some of the horrors from the girls.

Yes but are girls 'bitches' to men in the same manner that men are bastards.

Men just seem really insecure.

stupidusername · 31-01-2012 1:20am

Sindri wrote: »

Yes but are girls 'bitches' to men in the same manner that men are bastards.

Men just seem really insecure.

i've no idea. i'm lovely after all

RichieC · 31-01-2012 1:20am

One time my "date" kept stealing my drink when i left the room or turned away.. Total dipso.. Tried to bang my mate too. Mad as a brush...mad as a brush.

Gerty · 31-01-2012 1:21am

Sindri wrote: »

^^^LIES^^^

EDIT

Not you stupidusername.

I think you should look at the picture.

John Doe1 · 31-01-2012 1:24am

Sindri wrote: »

This thread really shows us that men are bastards.

I agree:D

Sindri · 31-01-2012 1:25am

Gerty wrote: »

I think you should look at the picture.

I did?

strobe · 31-01-2012 1:34am

This has marvellous potential. I feel a 'Legendary Thread' coming on. Subbed.

TEMPLAR KNIGHT · 31-01-2012 1:38am

worst date ever? this one time me and my companion were walking through a forest when suddenly I took an arrow to the knee......true story

Senna · 31-01-2012 1:56am

One date of mine ended badly when i was driving her home, she got a little frisky, i lost concentration and ran my mums car into a hedge. Got the car out of the hedge, drove her home in complete silence and never heard from her again.

cloptrop · 31-01-2012 2:04am

you arnt arton senna the racing driver are you?
How did you fit her in the F1 car

joshrogan · 31-01-2012 2:05am

Senna wrote: »

One date of mine ended badly when i was driving her home, she got a little frisky, i lost concentration and ran my mums car into a hedge. Got the car out of the hedge, drove her home in complete silence and never heard from her again.

Apt username for a car crash.

LH Pathe · 31-01-2012 2:23am

Evie90 wrote: »

I'm in desperate need of a laugh so please out with your best bad date stories. My worst was a on the second date a fella decided to bring me home to mam and dad and ...

so yer in desperate need of a laugh, why does it have to be speciifically about yer dates..

girls uh. do you even know what a good laugh is?!!

John Doe1 · 31-01-2012 2:26am

Senna wrote: »

One date of mine ended badly when i was driving her home, she got a little frisky, i lost concentration and ran my mums car into a hedge. Got the car out of the hedge, drove her home in complete silence and never heard from her again.

was this pre or post death?

ihsb · 31-01-2012 7:54am

Martyn1989 wrote: »

I just think its hilarious that a woman would think its the mans fault he cant get it up.

Maybe I shouldn't have punched him in the nose... It went down hill from then

LH Pathe · 31-01-2012 8:06am

Kate & leo's put me off relationships, the way they tried to keep that thing afloat n it still went tits up

Immaculate Pasta · 31-01-2012 8:11am

stupidusername wrote: »

its not even two full pages yet. i'd say most online now are lads, so wait till tomorrow, and we'll hear some of the horrors from the girls.

That's true. Only true lads stay up past 10pm. I'm an early riser and also a night owl :cool:

Jen Pigs Fly · 31-01-2012 9:28am

When 10 mins into meeting up with someone and I'm asked if I spit or swallow, I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere.

At least buy me a drink first :pac:

ixoy · 31-01-2012 9:38am

A first date: Met in a pub, had a drink and then he went upstairs to the toilet. I waited, and waited (assuming it was a longer call of nature) and then noticed what seemed a small commotion at the bottom of the stairs.

Turned out that he was lying there unconscious, bleeding, after toppling down the stairs. The "date" then continued in an ambulance to St James where I got to enjoy trying to assist filling out a patient form for someone I barely knew (couldn't even give their surname). It ended with a "So ehh... see ya" and leaving him slightly dazed on a hospital bed because I couldn't really do anything else. It was all rather awkward.

Duggy747 · 31-01-2012 9:58am

Went on a blind date with a girl who wasn't my type at all, personality or looks-wise. Did the date and decided I'd let her know a little while later that I wasn't looking for anything at the time.

Cue months of bizzare, extremely long written out texts from her in the middle of the night going on about how special our night was and how much she thought about me

Months & months later on the day I graduated from college, I went up and grabbed my degree, sat back down and got a text from her. She said I looked hot..............she was in the crowd somewhere...........watching me..............undressing me with those tiny eyes of hers.

TheZohanS · 31-01-2012 11:46am

Duggy747 wrote: »

Went on a blind date with a girl who wasn't my type at all, personality or looks-wise. Did the date and decided I'd let her know a little while later that I wasn't looking for anything at the time.

Cue months of bizzare, extremely long written out texts from her in the middle of the night going on about how special our night was and how much she thought about me

Months & months later on the day I graduated from college, I went up and grabbed my degree, sat back down and got a text from her. She said I looked hot..............she was in the crowd somewhere...........watching me..............undressing me with those tiny eyes of hers.

Everything I wrote was true...

Stiffler2 · 31-01-2012 12:11pm

ihsb wrote: »

Second date. Back at his house. Making out naked and he gets a nosebleed. He then fails to be able to get it up. Really don't know how they are connected but Hey Ho.

sounds to me like his blood was on his way from his brain to fill up his willy and made a quick exit out the nose instead.

You're to blame here.

Duggy747 · 31-01-2012 12:21pm

TheZohan wrote: »

Everything I wrote was true...

"I can't believe this happened, therefore I conclude it is entirely made up on the basis of absolutely nothing!"

AlmightyCushion can back me up on her crazy antics.

EDIT: Joke flew competely over my head. Face red and all that.

highgiant1985 · 31-01-2012 12:25pm

I'd a first date with a lovely girl which ended with her getting arrested... good night

!

TheZohanS · 31-01-2012 12:27pm

Duggy747 wrote: »

"I can't believe this happened, therefore I conclude it is entirely made up on the basis of absolutely nothing!"

AlmightyCushion can back me up on her crazy antics.

Whoosh!

Duggy747 · 31-01-2012 1:03pm

TheZohan wrote: »

Whoosh!

What the hell was that?

*looks up*

Oh, it was Zohan's post flying over my head.

Sorry

Derp-dee-derp, my favourite colour is chicken, derp-dee-derp

dancesatnight · 31-01-2012 1:21pm

went out on a date with a girl i was working with at the time we went to the pub and in our normal style got total broken drunk stumbled back to hers for a few more end up doing the bold thing i go up went to the bath room came back got in to her house mates bed who was also mangled and thought i was her boyfriend getting in to bed with her half way though lets call her julie gets up go out to the bathroom to look for me and on coming back the light from the living room lights up the room just enough for her to realise i was on niamh and niamh realises im not her boyfriend. meanless to say it didnt end well lots of screaming and shouting and me being chucked out starkers. had to get dressd in the front garden and a garda walks past and asks me what im doing. i examplained what happened still pretty drunk he called me an idot and walked off. to added to call of that i had to go back in to work and explain why julie wasnt coming back.

when i was 21 i brought a girl come from 92 and while fouling around in the living room there comes a noise of my parents going at it. turns out the thing not to say well their at it wanna have a go ??

Disaster dates?

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