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Platonic Friendships - Bunch of BS

135

Comments

  • #62
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,424 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    stupidusername wrote: »
    the thing is there's two issues in the OP so... can m/f friendships be platonic, AND can m/f friendships last if one likes the other.

    From reading the OP there's only one thing that really stands out to me:
    creeper1 wrote: »

    She is either already boneing him or has him as a plan B.

    It seems to me to be more so a matter of trust, less so about the limitations of what a relationship can be between a man and a woman.


  • #63
    Logical Fallacy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    Dravokivich wrote: »
    From reading the OP there's only one thing that really stands out to me:



    It seems to me to be more so a matter of trust, less so about the limitations of what a relationship can be between a man and a woman.

    Well, my first assumption was that the OP has a girlfriend who spends a lot of time on the phone to a bloke and he thinks something is up.

    But my second assumption was that the OP can't get a girlfriend.


  • #64
    Frank Black
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,296 ✭✭✭Frank Black


    Is it possible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex - yes.

    Is it possible to be friends with a member of the opposite sex that you find sexually attractive - yes.

    Is it possible to be friends with someone you had a relationship with and still find sexually attractive - yes, as long as you're getting regular sex from someone else.

    Is it possible to sneeze while keeping your eyes open - no.


  • #65
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    black francis wrote: »
    Is it possible to be friends with someone you had a relationship with and still find sexually attractive - yes, as long as you're getting regular sex from someone else.

    Why do you have to be getting regular sex for it to be ok?


  • #66
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 24,867 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Can anyone tell me how long this 'platonic friendships are bs' thing has been going on?

    Can I backdate it a few years and collect all that sex now, retrospectively?

    If so I'd better clear my calendar...


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  • #67
    Kasabian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,688 ✭✭✭Kasabian


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Ye must all be meeting a load of the wrong kinda people. All but one of my friends is male,my best friend is my ex,i've had sex with one of them and moved on,some of the others I know like me like that,but I know they're friends with me because they want to be friends. I wouldn't be friends with someone who only wanted to know me for sex.they'd make it pretty obvious they weren't really a friend after a short time. So yeah of course it's possible. Slept with a friend at the weekend actually with no fallout :D

    I could never be your friend. :pac:


  • #68
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Eek I meant I slept with a friend at the weekend,not sex.

    K we could never be friends anyway


  • #69
    Joe10000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,295 ✭✭✭Joe10000


    Misticles wrote: »
    I go out with my then "platonic" friend...

    So do I


  • #70
    Paddy Cow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,576 ✭✭✭Paddy Cow


    creeper1 wrote: »
    I dont see how a man and a woman can be just friends especially if they are of a similar age.

    I mean as in calling each other up and spending time talking on the phone on a regular basis. Or meeting each other and spending time together.

    If you have a girl and she is on the phone to a male voice on a regular basis that isn't her family/boss etc then it is unlikely he is "just a friend"

    She is either already boneing him or has him as a plan B.
    Do you even understand what platonic means? In case you don't, it's "free from sexual desire". If you don't find someone sexually attractive then of course you can have a friendship with them. If you are emotionally immature and think that every woman is just a potential shag, then no, you will never be able to be just friends with a girl.

    Your mother/grandmother/sisters/female cousins are all women that you have learned to have platonic relationships with. You don't see them as sexual objects, so you don't desire them and the thought of having sex with them makes you want to vomit. Revulsion at the thought of a sexual relationship with a family member isn't something that you are born with, it's something you learn. C4 did a documentary about siblings who weren't raised together and who met as adults and fell in love. It was strange to watch. They knew that they were siblings, yet their sexual desire for each other overrode societies disgust at incest.

    Your question seems simple but I'm not sure I can accept it as black and white as "men and women can't be friends without sex getting in the way". I have had one male friend that I had to stop being friends with because he wanted to go further and I didn't. On the other hand, I have friendships with males who have never tried to make a move. Are they suppressing thier urges or do they only see me as a friend?

    What about from a gay perspective? Is it possible for a gay (male or female) to have a platonice relationship with another gay person, or should their sexual orientation dictate that because society tells them that they are attracted to that orientation, they will never be able to have a simple friendship with another gay person without the complications of sex?

    Does this belief that women and men cannot be frieneds because of the latent sexual conotations explain why homophobia is so rampant? If some people truely believe that straight men and women cannot be friends without sex being an issue, they a straight man must always be threatened by a gay man in case he tries to come on to him? (or the same with women).

    Anyways maybe I'm over thinking the issue. AH answer - of course you can't be "friends" with a woman and if she tries, she's just being a pr!ck tease and you should blast her with piss or he's trying to get into your pants.


  • #71
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    I have to wonder why people feel you can't be friends with members of the opposite sex. I always view it as a positive in a person. I know I have female friends that think likewise and would view a guy that can't talk to a girl unless sex is involved as being a no-go.

    I work with all women, most of my college class was women and I grew up with 2 sisters. I have been surrounded by women all my life and I find it easy to get on with them. I have plenty of really good female friends.

    Edit: Plus as always a lot of people don't understand what platonic means (no sexual desire). I have platonic friendships. I also have friends that are attractive but I've no interest in them romantically (but I would have sex with them if no further consequences could be guaranteed).


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  • #72
    Davidius
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,893 ✭✭✭Davidius


    If I've been following this thread correctly then we've concluded that bisexuals are incapable of platonic friendships.


  • #73
    Frank Black
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,296 ✭✭✭Frank Black


    Davidius wrote: »
    If I've been following this thread correctly then we've concluded that bisexuals are incapable of platonic friendships.

    I understood it was a well established scientific fact that bisexuals are incapable of friendship, platonic or otherwise.


  • #74
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Davidius wrote: »
    If I've been following this thread correctly then we've concluded that bisexuals are incapable of platonic friendships.

    If I've been following this thread correctly then I've concluded that people are idiots. :pac:


  • #75
    Terry
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,073 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    I once had a girl take me to my bed. Stuck it in and then she told me to stop because she didn't want to ruin the friendship.
    Telling me to stop ruined the friendship.
    Quite sad really, because I did enjoy her company as a friend. I still don't believe a drunken one night stand would have ruined it.
    However, blue-balling a man will always ruin a platonic friendship.


  • #76
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    If she got that far I dunno that ruining the friendship is what changed her mind.


  • #77
    Terry
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,073 ✭✭✭✭Terry


    Ok, it may have been my small dick, but I prefer to believe that it was because she wanted to save the friendship.


  • #78
    cournioni
    Moderators, Regional North East Moderators Posts: 12,744 Mod ✭✭✭✭cournioni


    stupidusername wrote: »
    I'll be friends with whoever I want to be. I'll remain best friends with my ex as long as it suits the two of us, and definitely won't be told I can't be friends with someone just because I've had sex with them.
    I never said you shouldn't be friends with whoever ya want to be friends with. What I was saying was it will be some craic if you are still friends with them when you are in a proper and serious relationship. You will probably end up having to lose either your boyfriend or your ex as a friend.

    It's all your own choice at the end of the day, but don't be surprised if you find it tough relationship wise when your ex is still hanging about.


  • #79
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    cournioni wrote: »
    I never said you shouldn't be friends with whoever ya want to be friends with. What I was saying was it will be some craic if you are still friends with them when you are in a proper and serious relationship. You will probably end up having to lose either your boyfriend or your ex as a friend

    It's hardly something unusual for two people to be friends after they break up. So a large amount of people would not find it that unusual. Not enough to call it "some craic" any way.


  • #80
    cournioni
    Moderators, Regional North East Moderators Posts: 12,744 Mod ✭✭✭✭cournioni


    parker kent wrote: »
    It's hardly something unusual for two people to be friends after they break up. So a large amount of people would not find it that unusual. Not enough to call it "some craic" any way.
    Not unusual by any means, but it would strain any future relationships at some point for sure.


  • #81
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    cournioni wrote: »
    Not unusual by any means, but it would strain any future relationships at some point for sure.

    We're now getting closer to a realistic view of the situation. The whole "some craic" line made it sound like something you'd see the Beverley Hillbillies doing as opposed to something that is very common.

    But I wouldn't say "any" relationship. Sure it'll strain some relationships, but not all.


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  • #82
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    Ah yeah sure I ride all of my male friends. Sometimes simultaneously! Isn't that why they're my friends? :confused:


  • #83
    Sinfonia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,854 ✭✭✭Sinfonia


    stupidusername wrote: »
    but what I'm saying is you can be friends without more happening. I slept with a female friend on holidays too, so why is sleeping with a male friend at the weekend making it not platonic?
    Please, go on...


  • #84
    davemc180
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 286 ✭✭davemc180


    Sinfonia wrote: »
    Please, go on...

    the rate shes sleeping with people half of dublin must be her friends:rolleyes:


  • #85
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    cournioni wrote: »
    I never said you shouldn't be friends with whoever ya want to be friends with. What I was saying was it will be some craic if you are still friends with them when you are in a proper and serious relationship. You will probably end up having to lose either your boyfriend or your ex as a friend.

    It's all your own choice at the end of the day, but don't be surprised if you find it tough relationship wise when your ex is still hanging about.

    I know what you were saying, I was responding as I would to a person that told me it was crazy to be friends with my ex. I would be surprised if someone found it tough me being friends with him. He doesn't live anywhere near me, we don't talk every day, and no we don't talk about each others love lives. So...why would it make it tough?
    Sinfonia wrote: »
    Please, go on...

    It was a mix up, we were meant to get a twin room, but got a double.
    davemc180 wrote: »
    the rate shes sleeping with people half of dublin must be her friends:rolleyes:

    If you look back over the things I've said, I use 'sex' when I mean i've had sex with someone, and 'slept with' when I mean I've slept with someone. Quite simple really.

    but even if I had had sex with half of dublin, so what? maybe I like sex. something wrong with that?


  • #86
    BBDBB
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,899 ✭✭✭✭BBDBB


    only for those who dont live in Dublin :p


  • #87
    cournioni
    Moderators, Regional North East Moderators Posts: 12,744 Mod ✭✭✭✭cournioni


    stupidusername wrote: »
    I know what you were saying, I was responding as I would to a person that told me it was crazy to be friends with my ex. I would be surprised if someone found it tough me being friends with him. He doesn't live anywhere near me, we don't talk every day, and no we don't talk about each others love lives. So...why would it make it tough?
    All you have to do is put yourself in their shoes, how you would feel about them being best buds with one of their ex's. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong being friends with your ex, but you have to realise that it will put a future relationship under strain in some way shape or form just having your ex there. You may not be doing anything wrong sure, but the ex's prescence may drive the other person away for any number of reasons.

    There are reasons why people cut all ties with their ex's.


  • #88
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Jaxxy wrote: »
    Ah yeah sure I ride all of my male friends. Sometimes simultaneously! Isn't that why they're my friends? :confused:

    Exactly


  • #89
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    cournioni wrote: »
    All you have to do is put yourself in their shoes, how you would feel about them being best buds with one of their ex's. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong being friends with your ex, but you have to realise that it will put a future relationship under strain in some way shape or form just having your ex there. You may not be doing anything wrong sure, but the ex's prescence may drive the other person away for any number of reasons.

    There are reasons why people cut all ties with their ex's.

    Yeah,the reason usually being they don't get on well enough to stay in contact. If issues did arise i'd of course talk things through,but I wouldn't cpsted someone would have a problem with it,and it's very very very unlikely i'd cut ties with a friend over a boyfriend.


  • #90
    Kya1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,879 ✭✭✭Kya1976


    stupidusername wrote: »

    It was a mix up, we were meant to get a twin room, but got a double.

    That's what she said;)


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  • #91
    Truley
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭Truley


    minidazzler wrote: »
    That issue only arises if one is attracted to the other, which to be fair, in most cases of platonic friendships is the case, with the guy sticking around just in case and the girl pretending to be oblivious.

    Yep I'm afraid that sums up about 90% of platonic friendships I know of. A lot of my girl friends will claim to have loads of male friends or to be just 'one of the lads' but there's nearly always some sort of a past between herself and the guy or a very obvious intent on the guy's part that the girl would rather pretend to be oblivious to. I'm a girl and I do have a lot of male friends but it's more within a wider mixed group, within work or through my boyfriend.


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