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Best jokes from Primary school.

24

Comments

  • #32
    du Maurier
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,198 ✭✭✭du Maurier


    Fremen wrote: »
    Not really a joke, but bumping your index fingers together was the hand gesture for being gay, as if gay men have sex by poking their knobs at one another.

    That's hilarious.

    Well it's hardly a straight thing to be doing.


  • #33
    BOHtox
    Registered Users Posts: 4,314 ✭✭✭BOHtox


    Would you lick a knacker's arse for an apple?
    No
    What would you do it for?
    nothing

    bahahahahahahaha


  • #34
    mackg
    Registered Users Posts: 3,938 ✭✭✭mackg


    Fremen wrote: »
    Not really a joke, but bumping your index fingers together was the hand gesture for being gay, as if gay men have sex by poking their knobs at one another.

    That's hilarious.

    you: how many legs are there between two cows, two chickens and a cockfor

    other kid: what's a cockfor

    you: ahh you don't know what a cocks for!!!

    As for the gay tied to a pole joke I heard that in 2nd or 3rd class I'm 24 now


  • #35
    pdbhp
    Registered Users Posts: 2,041 ✭✭✭pdbhp


    Were you ever caught eating shít?

    No!

    You must be good at it then!!


  • #36
    pdbhp
    Registered Users Posts: 2,041 ✭✭✭pdbhp


    Matthew Mark Luke and John went to bed with nothing on
    In the middle of the night Matthew had to have a shíte
    Gotta be done gotta be done
    Out the window with his bum
    holy Moses walking by heard a rumble in the sky
    looked up to see the cause and got it right between the jaws.




    Thought that was gas back in the 80's


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  • #37
    Samich
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,949 ✭✭✭Samich


    Have another gem.

    "What's red and hairy?"

    "What?"

    "Fanny rash, do ya get it?"

    "Ya"

    "ahhhh you have fanny rash!!"


  • #38
    OneArt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,910 ✭✭✭OneArt


    Does your granny have a fanny does it smell?
    *sniff sniff*
    Does your granny have a fanny does it smell?
    *sniff sniff*
    F*cking hell
    *sniff sniff*
    Golly gosh
    *sniff sniff*
    It needs a wash!


  • #39
    mcw92
    Registered Users Posts: 1,477 ✭✭✭mcw92


    'Here will you tie my laces?'
    'No'
    'Im not your friend anymore so'
    'Ok ok, il tie them'

    Back in 1st/2nd class.


  • #40
    Sir Gallagher
    Registered Users Posts: 6,836 ✭✭✭Sir Gallagher


    Anybody remember this rhyme

    Hey Pakistani has your Nanny got a fanny,
    fcking hell *sniff sniff*
    what a smell *sniff sniff*

    I saw her at the bus stop i thought she was a ride
    but when she got closer
    I nearly fcking died
    fcking hell *sniff sniff*
    what a smell *sniff sniff*

    Jesus we were filthy little racists back in the day. :pac:


  • #41
    AnamGlas
    Registered Users Posts: 593 ✭✭✭AnamGlas


    pdbhp wrote: »
    Were you ever caught shagging sheep?

    No!

    You must be good at it then!!

    Our version :D


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  • #42
    Samich
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,949 ✭✭✭Samich


    Sir Gallagher wrote: »
    Anybody remember this rhyme

    Hey Pakistani has your Nanny got a fanny,
    fcking hell *sniff sniff*
    what a smell *sniff sniff*

    I saw her at the bus stop i thought she was a ride
    but when she got closer
    I nearly fcking died
    fcking hell *sniff sniff*
    what a smell *sniff sniff*

    Jesus we were filthy little racists back in the day. :pac:

    eenie meenie minie moe, catch a .......


  • #43
    StevieNicksFan
    Registered Users Posts: 217 ✭✭StevieNicksFan


    Not really jokes but funny nonetheless:

    Ching Chong China man went to milk a cow
    Ching Chong China man didn't know how
    Ching Chong China man pulled the wrong tit
    Ching Chong China man covered in sh!t

    Stuck to my leg like a hard boiled egg, Diarrhea, Diarrhea

    Beans Beans good for your heart, the more you eat the more you fart
    The more you fart, the more you eat,
    The more you sit on the toilet seat

    There were loads more but can't remember!


  • #44
    AnamGlas
    Registered Users Posts: 593 ✭✭✭AnamGlas


    You couldn't beat a round of "I wish all the ladies..." on any school tour :D


  • #45
    Sir Gallagher
    Registered Users Posts: 6,836 ✭✭✭Sir Gallagher


    Samich wrote: »
    eenie meenie minie moe, catch a .......

    I know jesus, crazy how casual the racism was back then.


  • #46
    Fremen
    Registered Users Posts: 2,481 ✭✭✭Fremen


    Jesus Christ, superstar,
    Flying down the road in his motor car.
    Pulls a skid,
    Kills a kid,
    Recks his head on a dustbin lid.


  • #47
    Fremen
    Registered Users Posts: 2,481 ✭✭✭Fremen


    Sir Gallagher wrote: »
    I know jesus, crazy how casual the racism was back then.

    It had changed to "tiger" by the time I was growing up.


  • #48
    qwertyuiopa
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭qwertyuiopa


    What's the definition of sour milk?

    Yer granny's boobies


  • #49
    Kxiii
    Registered Users Posts: 864 ✭✭✭Kxiii


    What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and blue?



    A nun falling down a stairs.


  • #50
    StevieNicksFan
    Registered Users Posts: 217 ✭✭StevieNicksFan


    Just remembered another one:

    Hitler..only had one ball
    The other..is in the Albert Hall
    His mother..the dirty fúcker,
    Chopped it off when he was small



    :)


  • #51
    Sir Gallagher
    Registered Users Posts: 6,836 ✭✭✭Sir Gallagher


    Fremen wrote: »
    It had changed to "tiger" by the time I was growing up.

    PC gone mad :eek::pac:


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  • #52
    Coeurdepirate
    Registered Users Posts: 2,576 ✭✭✭Coeurdepirate


    Fremen wrote: »
    It had changed to "tiger" by the time I was growing up.

    I think I was in primary school right in the middle of the change to tiger because we used to say 'catch a tigger by the toe'.


  • #53
    dan185
    Registered Users Posts: 769 ✭✭✭dan185


    Boy: can you touch your elbows together behind your back?
    Girl tries. Laughter ensues.

    I did it to my girlfriend a while back, me in tears laughing as she tried for a few minutes. She still trys the odd time:D


  • #54
    RhubarbCrumble
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,174 ✭✭✭RhubarbCrumble


    AnamGlas wrote: »
    You couldn't beat a round of "I wish all the ladies..." on any school tour :D

    Not to mention "Oh roe the rattling bog". Remember one of the teachers losing her temper after about half an hour of it on the 4th class school tour. Kids eh :D


  • #55
    soyawhatsup
    Registered Users Posts: 92 ✭✭soyawhatsup


    Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? TEQUILA!!


  • #56
    GY A1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,246 ✭✭✭GY A1


    ya stupid fool, i'll break this bottle (plastic coke bottle)
    over your head


  • #57
    robman60
    Registered Users Posts: 2,222 ✭✭✭robman60


    Would you ride a man for silver? No


    Would you ride a man for gold? No


    What would you ride a man for? Nothing

    Haha you'd ride a man for nothing. That means you're GAY


  • #58
    drumlover22
    Registered Users Posts: 372 ✭✭drumlover22


    pdbhp wrote: »
    Were you ever caught eating shít?

    No!

    You must be good at it then!!

    Had one like that in my school, but it was were you ever caught shagging a sheep? :pac:


  • #59
    Flincher
    Registered Users Posts: 686 ✭✭✭Flincher


    In about 4th or 5th class, at the school masses, we used to have a "last man standing competition". So after a standing up part, when everyone would go to sit down, half the lads in our class would stay standing. Cue half the teachers and the nerdy kids telling us to sit down. 2 of the lads made it most of the way through the sermon at one mass. Epic stuff, the tension would be unbearable.

    Another favourite was:
    Do you have updoc?
    - What's updoc?


  • #60
    Goldenegg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 352 ✭✭Goldenegg


    Fat and skinny went to bed,
    Fat rolled over and skinny is dead

    (our 6th class teacher was a fat weapon and her husband was really skinny!)


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  • #61
    rainbowdrop
    Registered Users Posts: 1,294 ✭✭✭rainbowdrop


    I grew up in Yorkshire, UK and this has to be said in a Yorkshire accent:

    Eeee by gum
    Does your belly touch your bum?
    Do your tits hang low?
    Can you tie 'em in a bow?
    Do your balls hang flat?
    Can you tie 'em in a plait?
    Eeee by gum
    Can you say that?

    When we were playing a game and trying to decide who was 'out' we used to say:

    Ip dip dog shit
    Fuckin bastard
    Dirty git
    You are not IT

    We were always careful not to use that kind of language in front of our Mum's though, we would have been battered for swearing like that:cool:


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